Warnings: slow-moderate build, (explicit) shota later on because of the age gap, toxic co-dependency, dysfunctional family. There will be female on male abuse in this story, which I feel is a different form; and it will play as a recurring theme here among others. Sasuke and Naruto are not blood brothers, but that is information not obvious to the characters in the story. Sasuke is sixteen and Naruto's six, in this chapter.

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Chapter One

Leaving

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The office of good news, is the very prison cell of bad memories.

"Get straight to packing. Otherwise you'll miss the next bus," says the clipped voice of the Director. Her eyes seem narrowed permanently, as if always scrutinizing. "Once again congratulations on your scholarship. Now acknowledge it, and get—"

"No."

"What do you mean no? Sasuke?"

Her words ring clearly. Jolting even. Yet he bleeds in his mouth, honing and concentrating in the core. Discreetly he squeezes a rumpled piece of tablecloth in his pocket: a masterpiece Naruto's drawn, a present. For him.

"Young man, the semester's beginning tomorrow." She leans forward still perched behind her desk. "And there will be no more delaying."

A drawing of them together confronting the Director herself—he grips—the first human portrait ever. Never mind the stick figures because for a fleeting moment, for what it's worth, he's closing his eyes to see what Naruto sees. Turns out, the Director's a spitting copy of Naruto's drawings: a figure with wiry black hair, forced into a high bun, and her bespectacled eyes asymmetrical.

When silence reverberates, she unhappily folds her hands over her magnificent wooden desk.

"Listen closely. You've had enough time to digest. And either you leave tonight before the school semester launches off, or I will have to inform your benefactor—"

"Naruto," he cuts in, as if bolting awake. "I can take Naruto with me."

Her face contorts in scorn.

"Absolutely not. Naruto stays, you know better," she chews out, like rehashed spit, but quickly shifts to more persuasive tones. "However if you take this scholarship, develop financial stability, and perform well in all your classes…you may request to fill out an application for legal guardianship. In two years, that is. That is the minimum age for an adult."

"And no one else adopts him," adds Sasuke, as another indisputable caveat.

Again she scowls imperceptibly, and her tone drops like a stack of books—hard, cold, and sarcastic.

"Young man, that's beyond me ethically and professionally. How you even suggest stamping Naruto as off-limits astounds me as much as it's disappointing. Now, please do consider my early recommendations…"

Sasuke's eyes darken, and his heart's thumping a maddening melody.

"There's nobody else. No one. No one will take care of him like me."

"And what do you have to your name, Sasuke? You're nothing but a child." The Director tilts her head forward, angling her gaze even sharper, wedging in her speech like a hook, "Of course you two share a history, and I like to believe that creates a special connection. However, there are plenty of loving families that could foster Naruto. Give a young boy such as he, the environment and support necessary."

"But I can't—"

"But you cannot what? Continue speaking like a petty child undeserving of this prestigious scholarship and I might arrange you another foster home instead."

Sasuke stares at her, drained. Lost for speech and he swallows the swelling in his throat.

"Give up Naruto. For your sake, and for his," she tells him, you could see she was playing the saint now.

He doesn't even feel his fists clenching. "That's not possible."

"Well what's going on in that head of yours, then? Seriously explain to me what you really think. Because what hope is there in staying here stuck together in the Home?"

Every muscle tightens in anticipation. Needles in his breath, bones, when he fixes an unblinking gaze to her.

"Because…if Naruto stays and waits for me, I'll come for him. And you—you won't push it then."

Her bespectacled gaze flickers with softness. "I won't. Not because you asked, but as orphans here always state their opinions in refusing or accepting an offer. Understand however that having Naruto wait for you means he could lose years of a normal family life. Asking him to wait is as selfish as it is endearing."

"He won't be alone, he won't lose time. Because I'll be here every day. Until I can take him…" the word, a weighty heady word, "home."

"Well, as of now, you have no home to take him to," she asserts, "And believe me, you have absolutely only yourself to take care of at this point." She pushes up her glasses. "This scholarship is your only, best chance."

The only best chance to recreate the family he lost two years ago. In salvaging their future. He has to go. He's forced to leave Naruto behind. Heart's driving him mad.

Scarcely has he exited out of the Director's office, before he's running. Not that he feels himself run, but he is, like something's on his tail. And he catapults through these wretched halls, through the stale air, and the gray colors of the orphanage whirl past him. He's panting while this icy hand squeezes the life out of him. The pain's indescribable, like suffocating and drowning, and that very essential ingredient for life becomes at stake. Now he's losing the primary ingredient of his life. Hair's sticking to his face, and he's sweating.

When he nearly slams through the boys' sleeping dormitory, Sasuke stops and slows as if gravitationally forced to. No one's here. Dead empty, because everyone's out doing chores. Everyone's on a schedule. And Naruto too. He can pack now and not have to face anyone. Pack and leave tonight. Tonight—tonight. Not tonight, he never wanted to leave…

"Damn it!" Flings the hard suit cases at the furnace from across the room.

Badum!

"Just damn it!" He swipes all the cute toys off his nightstand. They're all Naruto's.

Tkrap, krap.

"Why?" Why does everyone he's ever had leave? If Itachi stayed, if Itachi's here. Sasuke's hands shake and he barely covers his clammy face, keeping one eye wide open just to see the mess he's created. For Itachi's never coming back.

He sinks to the floor like he's trapped in quicksand. But the cold tiles, lance up the chill through his pants. So he doesn't stay on the floor too long, even when the weight of all his thoughts push down.

Because now the one pillar of his life is toppling over like a sad monument, always tipped like the Pisa, never falling or crashing—just bent, like something's off or not right. Two years without Naruto? Of only visiting, but not living with. What he'll miss…all the moments Naruto will need him…yet split apart. For the fact is families don't want two, they want only one. Either one or neither. And that's unacceptable because he'd rather stay in the youth home together with Naruto than live in separate families.

Another burst of anger surges through his whole body, as Sasuke jolts up and makes way to his bed. He means to break something, anything, and just have a go with his fists. However, that's when he notices something. Something he should have seen from the get-go.

That is, he immediately notices twitching movements under his pillows. As if some animal's hiding underneath them. Of course, besides the sporadic jerky motions, the pillows rise and fall rhythmically and quickly.

That idiot!

Without another second, he rips the pillows away, tossing them to the side. And hiding underneath, is Naruto: small and lying on his back, blond hair matted over and around a concentrating expression. Sasuke feels his anger wane, you couldn't stay mad against an expression like Naruto's, and he's softening like a snowflake making contact with the warm surface. For Naruto this spying, hiding game's like a mission of intensity and adventure—Naruto doesn't understand anything he's listening or witnessing, only eavesdropping for the thrill of being caught.

Naruto blinks up at him, still curled into position. "Awh! You found me!"

"And what if I didn't?"

Wordlessly, Naruto rolls around on the bed, taking up Sasuke's scent. Until finally two round, enlarged blue eyes—ever optimistic—raises up and he asks, "Hey S'uke, why did you—why'd you throw everything?"

Instead of answering, Sasuke shakes his head and goes to pick up the said thrown objects. As soon as he starts, Naruto's by his side helping him. They together pick up all the little action figurines, and lay it back atop the nightstand. Naruto brags about how he's collected more, and grins. Without even looking at the other head-on, Sasuke feels the light of the smile reaching his peripherals. Dreadful silence grips Sasuke by the heart. Naruto's golden smile, eyes bright with innocence, and cherubic face.

I'm leaving him…

He floats over to his suit case. Opens the luggage and puts it on the bed. Minutes go by when he folds all his clothes, setting them neatly for eventual transport.

I'll be the brother that abandons him…the brother that he hates…

Confusion strikes Naruto at once. "What're you doing, Sas'kay?"

"Packing," he answers flatly.

"Why?"

Sasuke pulls out his bottom drawer. "I'm leaving, that's why."

"Why?"

Ignoring the inquiry, Sasuke loads his clothes into the suitcase. By now Naruto's hit the age of questioning, incessantly. And at this point, he's accustomed to the endless string of whys because they never end and there's no point in encouraging it.

"Where are you going?" begs Naruto, from behind, "Oi! Can I come? Please?"

Sasuke keeps himself turned away, practically leaning forward onto his dresser. For a brief second, some wetness smudges his eyes, and he rubs it quickly. He opens his last top drawer, gets ahold of as much as he can carry, before turning back to his open luggage on the bed.

And Naruto's sitting crouched in his luggage, pleading. "Please can I come? Pack me too!"

"Naruto," Sasuke breathes out, nearly dropping everything he's holding.

"Can be another mission. I'll hide in here. I promise to be quiet. Promise!" Naruto flexes his knees to his chest, and practically shakes as he snickers. "Ne, ne, when you open it, I'll pop out. Scare everyone!"

Before he can even think, Sasuke's voice works on its own, "No. Get up."

"But, but…"

"Now, Naruto. I don't have time."

Begrudgingly, Naruto wiggles out of the suitcase and sits right next to it. Indian style. Legs crossed, arms crossed, and nose wrinkling in defiance. So when Sasuke moves in to load his clothes, Naruto plays the role of supervisor—watches every move, leaning over at every interval. Until finally Sasuke snaps the luggage shut, and the metallic hinges make a sound that reverberates in the empty dormitory. The sound shocks Naruto, who jumps off the bed in that moment.

"I'm…I'm not coming?" chokes out Naruto, panic evident in his shaky voice.

At once, Sasuke looks down at the boy who scarcely reaches up to his thighs. "You have to stay."

"Why?" Naruto claws at the hems of his shirt. "No. No why do I have to stay?"

The tight fists Naruto makes over his pants, causes Sasuke to grimace. "I can't take you with me. They won't let me. Do you get it?"

"Then just pack me too! No one will notice—"

"They'll notice. They'll notice right away." And now he's feeling Naruto seize him wholly, embracing him by the knees. Sasuke swallows so he can speak firmly, "I'm not really leaving because you'll see me every day. Things won't change. I promise."

For a long moment they stay still since Naruto doesn't want to let go. Instead he buries his flushed, cherubic face deeper into the grooves of Sasuke's legs. Naruto mumbles something incoherent because his high-pitched voice gets muffled. Until, that is, he peels his face and snaps an open gaze up. Blue eyes wavering against Sasuke's steady ones.

"But why do you have to go?" he entreats, voice reaching a sharp crescendo of pain and confusion.

That's when Sasuke kneels down and grips both of Naruto's shoulders. A gesture which slows time, and blurs the rest of the world around them.

I'm not like Itachi. Leaving, but never coming back.

"For a mission," he says, to which Naruto's eyes brighten in excitement, "I'm going on a mission and I have to survive several trials. The prize at the end is that I get to take you with me to a nice place."

"Trials? What are those?"

"Tests. When I pass the tests, I win."

Determination passes over Naruto, and blond brows furrow. "Tch! I know you'll win, because you're the best. No one can beat you—wait—except for me!"

"But you have to wait for me," Sasuke threads in silkily because a deep part of him really believes that no one should have Naruto. A deep part of him claws from within and between his ribs, that this is only a sacrifice in the short-term. The Director has no idea, therefore she's both right and wrong.

"Okay. When's the mission gonna be over?"

Two years now felt two hundred, especially at the tip of his tongue. "Soon. Just promise me, you'll wait."

"I promise!" says Naruto, and he stomps his feet before snickering. "I only want you."

"Good."

And he doesn't ask Naruto why he's sneaking out of chores, because he knows already why. And he doesn't say much more because enough's been said. And he doesn't want to make this more of a big deal than it is. Infinite ands. In the end, Sasuke promises he'll be here everyday—and everyday he'll be here, with Naruto. Nothing will change, much.

Sasuke moves to kiss his brother's forehead. However in that instant Naruto tilts up and connects their lips. Naruto gets on his toes, screwing his eyes shut, in concentration or in joy—and Sasuke doesn't even blink. He's a wall while Naruto pecks him on the mouth. Shame fills him up, for letting the infantile habit persist, and now for certain Naruto's old enough to know better. Especially because the connection lingers on his mouth as some dessert, and he scowls.

When the inappropriate contact breaks, Sasuke coldly says, "Don't do that anymore."

Hurt flashes in the wide expression. Almost, Sasuke regrets. Because the intimate, yet chaste gesture reflects how mother used to show them affection, and perhaps the only vestiges of their old family life Naruto remembers. And for this very reason, Sasuke's tolerated Naruto's undying habits—even enjoys its warmth. But no one else would understand. Besides Naruto isn't some toddler anymore, and on the outside, it surely looks inappropriate.

The taxi arrives at the break of dusk. Five o'clock. The Director personally sees him off, congratulating him endlessly. While the whole time, Naruto stands next to her, bangs overcasting a shadow, but you can see him frowning dreadfully. They're all outside several paces away from the front of the Youth Home.

While still holding his baggage, Sasuke calls out, "Naruto. Come here."

Like a jolt of energy, Naruto shoots forward, and nearly knocks him out of balance. "I don't want you to go. Why do you have to go? Why can't we do the mission together like always?" he rambles out all the pent up feelings, hugging Sasuke's knees again.

"Do you trust me?" demands Sasuke, as stern and rugged as his voice can drop. He needs Naruto to believe him.

In that moment, he feels Naruto nod against him with such vigor. "Yeah. I…I just don't want you to go without me. I want to be on a mission too, with you…"

With his free hand, Sasuke strokes his kid brother's back.

"Listen." Their eyes meet in understanding. Naruto always knows when he's serious and when he's not. "When this mission is over, we will never have to worry about being separated. Ever again."

If only he could say the words, and they'd come true. No, things never work that way with him. Never again will life be simple. And time never slowed, time just blurred like he's being rocketed through space. Like the bus he gets into, with his luggage on his lap, he stares out the window. He watches the surroundings fade away, be replaced with new surroundings. Never-ending cycles of unseen territory. If Naruto'd be sitting next him, then the ride would be remotely pleasurable, asking all sorts of questions, wearing adorable naiveté like a gown at a ball.

Only takes a glance at the empty seat beside him, to confirm his loneliness. At that, life drains from him as vampires might have been feeding off him dry. Pale, weakening, uncomfortably numb, because he has to force himself to breathe. To actually think to breathe because a brick's not letting his body free. How is he going to really continue?

The bus stops a couple blocks from his University's dormitory. Drops him off in a town so different from his whole life, he's questioning if he's in another country. And in the moment he steps out, he freezes. The city air smacks him, like a hand to his face, waking him up from a dream.

This is his first time in the city. Alone. Sasuke gets the map from his pocket to confirm further directions. What would Itachi say? That the city's different, another culture, another kind of attitude. And while Itachi's excellent in both settings, he's not. He's not.

Carrying his luggage, Sasuke traverses several blocks. He's surprised at how many people are flocking the streets at this hour, and the bright lights, and the sheer luminosity of the dark sky overhead from the collective wakeness of the town. No stars. No lines and lines of trees and hills. But street lamps, and posts, and concrete filled the whole of his vision, swamping him down with unwanted excitement.

This place could actually…do him well.

The moment Sasuke finds his room in the dormitory, after getting the elevator five floors up, trudging through the head dean…was surreal.

He walks into his room, unsure. Very unsure, expecting to wake up again any second. Sasuke glances appraisingly at every corner of the dark space—much smaller than he imagined, but completely moderate. Setting down his suitcase and bag, he moves in and shuts the door behind. He's about to turn round and survey his new place of living until a voice cuts in.

"Hey, listen my roommate just came in. I'll call you back."

Darting out of what appears to be the bathroom, a peer of similar height and defined jaw, smirks at him. "Sasuke right?"

"Right."

"Name's Shikamaru," volleys back the other, lifting his chin up in consideration.

Sasuke has no appetite for small talk or big talk. But it seems Shikamaru hasn't the appetite either, when he drawls, "Alright Sasuke, I drew up a contract here. These are the terms I want to negotiate. Read it over, okay? Circle anything questionable and write in modifications, and then we'll talk."

The moment Sasuke bothers to peruse the long sheet paper, is the moment he almost rolls his eyes. Bathroom times, who's to shower first, who's to use the toilet: and the designated times for morning showers and evening showers. A paragraph summarizes the order of bringing guests over at certain times, which couldn't be any time except for Friday nights, and details expunging the use of marijuana, cigarettes, and alcohol in the room. Then shifting to lighter notes again, the contract lists laundry rules, mess intolerance, cleaning schedules, and a highlighted clause about bringing women over. Sasuke's about to toss the paper into the trash, when he realizes how perfect the very idea of a contract was.

Just like Shikamaru, Sasuke wants to avoid the intersection of their space as much as possible. And since Shikamaru's against guests, girls, mess, drugs, and infringement of privacy. So he signs it. No modifications needed because he feels exactly the same as Shikamaru.

He wants to be left alone.

Surprised at the nonchalance, Shikamaru momentarily falters. "Hm, just like that huh? Looks like for once, I'm paired with someone decent."

Without a word, or glance, Sasuke moves for his room. He sees which bedroom's his: the empty one. The one without any shred of life in it. And when his back connects with the hard mattress, he glares unto the ceiling before falling asleep.