It's been a month since she gained the courage to talk to me about her feelings. As I heard her I drank every word, I let her words fill my mind and warm my heart. The way she spoke made me believe that it was real, she loved me with all her heart and all she wanted was to be with me, forever. I was so happy but then my mind, as always, fought against my heart's desires.
I let my reasoning win over my feelings; I pulled back up all my walls and closed my heart to her despite the fact that I was deeply in love with her too. So I gave her the cold shoulder, I broke her heart in a matter of seconds. I told her she should keep her silly feelings to herself and forget that I even existed. I told her that I wasn't worthy of her time or love and that she should've known better than to let herself fall in love for the Evil Queen.
Inside I was dying, she was all I wanted, my opportunity of a happy ending, but did I stop even though I knew all that deep inside of me? No, I didn't stop so I broke her heart and stepped on it, leaving behind me a broken Sheriff with tears staining her beautiful features.
When I finally made my way home on that sordid day I completely broke down, I looked like a dead woman walking, I shattered my soul into a million pieces the moment I dared to break her heart. Why couldn't I let her make us happy? I finally reached my room and without removing my clothes I went to the shower and opened the cold water tap. The coldness of the water sipping through my suit and numbing my pain, I let the water wash away my tears and conceal my sobs with its sound.
That night I barely slept and when I did I had the most horrific nightmares, where I really lose her to someone else who makes her happy and as the privilege of kissing her lips, the lips that should belong to me but they don't because of my stupidity, because of my fears.
And all that brings us to the present day. I've been avoiding her like the plague, I can't stand the way she looks at me, with so much hurt in her eyes and I can't blame her after all I did to her. It's like she's dying from a wound that I inflicted upon her and as she dies I die with her.
So, when I saw her today because of our son my heart shattered even more, I couldn't avoid her anymore, not when our son was the topic of her worries. So we talked, she kept her expressions closed, making it impossible for me to be able to read what was going on inside her mind. She was cold and distant, every disdainful word that left her mouth was another nail in my heart but I deserved it, so I let her stab me, I let her stab my heart and my soul.
When she left my office I gathered my things and made my way to The Rabbit Hole I needed a drink. When I got there I sat on a stool and placed my hands on the bar's counter, the barman immediately noticed me.
"Madame Mayor…" he said somewhat surprised to see me there "…can I get you something?"
I looked at him and simply said "Whiskey…neat." He simply nodded and when he turned his back I added "Make it a double." He gave me a quick look but said nothing.
He placed the drink in front of me. I grabbed it, swirled it around for a couple of seconds and drank it in one shot. Hitting the counter with the now empty glass I caught his attention "Another one." He shook his head but prepared me another one.
This one I drank in two separate gulps, closing my eyes, hoping that the sting of the drink would numb my heart and make it stop hurting so much. I looked at the bartender once again and simply pointed to the empty glass, he understood my request and served me another. I could see his disapproving look but I was glad that he didn't say anything.
When I got there I thought that a few drinks would help me forget her, but after my third glass of double doses of whiskey I knew that I would never be able to forget her. So even knowing that I'm drunk I grabbed my purse and took my cell phone out. I dialed her number and while it rang I kept thinking I will say the words and she will, this time, listen to my entire confession.
"What do you want Regina?" she said as soon as she answered the phone.
"Emma… I'm in love with you…" there I told her "I'm so sorry for hurting you, I was so scared, I still am scared…"
Emma could hear the noise in the background and she noticed Regina's slurred words, she had to admit that she was hoping, wishing to hear those words from the brunette for so long that she was finding it hard to believe that this conversation was even happening "Regina where you? Have you been drinking?"
"Yes I've been drinking Miss Swan, I was trying to forget you but I couldn't, I can't forget you, I love you so god damn much that it hurts…"
"Where are you? I'll come and get you."
"No." it was the last thing I said before hanging up the phone. I left a couple of bills on the counter and stumbled out of the bar. The cold air of the night helped me a little but I was still very drunk.
I looked at the sky and I knew that I had to see her, I had to tell her face to face what I felt so every drunk step I take leads me closer to her door, maybe if she sees how much I'm hurting she'll forgive me and receive my love.
I finally made my way to her door and knocked. After a few seconds there she was, beautiful, with pajama bottoms and a white tank top. "Emma…" I say with tears in my eyes as I reach for her face with my right hand, I'm amazed that she lets me touch her.
"Regina what are you doing here?" she said surprised.
"I just…I just need to tell you that I'm sorry for breaking your heart, I'm so sorry." The tears are now running down my face "I just want you to know that I love you and I regret pushing you away like I did when you told me how you felt but I was so scared I just let my head win over my heart but I want you to know that I love you with all that I am, can you please forgive me?"
"Regina you're only doing this because you're drunk, tomorrow you will be your old self and probably won't even remember this conversation. Come on." She pulled me inside her apartment and led me to the couch "You can sleep here tonight." She helped me lay down and covered me with a blanket. She turned off the lights "Good night Regina."
"I love you Emma." I said one last time before I fell asleep.
It was 6:30am when I woke up, my head felt like it was going to explode, it took me a minute to get my bearings and then all I said and done the past night came crashing down on me. I got up from the couch and went to the bathroom, after freshening up a little I made my way up the stairs towards Emma's room.
Without knocking I went inside. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, I came closer to her and kneeled on the floor besides her bed. I slowly removed a lock of blonde hair from her face and placed it behind her ear. I caressed her cheek and slowly leaned closer and kissed her forehead.
"I know that you can't forgive me for what I did to you but you were wrong last night I do remember everything and I don't regret anything, well maybe I just regret drinking so much, my head is killing me now." I sighed "I know I can never have you but I do love you beautiful girl and I am so sorry. I only wish for you to be happy even if it's not with me. I just wish that someday you can forgive me." I lean down once again and softly kiss her cheek and the tear that escaped my eye lands on her skin, I kiss it away and begin to make my way over to the door.
"That's it? You're leaving me again?" her voice hits my ears and I just stop in the middle of her room.
Emma sits on her bed and keeps talking "First you need to get drunk to tell me that you love me then you walk into my room say all those things while I'm sleeping and you just dare to leave me again?"
"If you heard me you definitely weren't sleeping." I say without turning to her.
"You know what I mean Regina. Why didn't you wake me?"
"Because I remember your face from last night, what's point on make us suffer more than we need to? You won't forgive me and I will do exactly what you want I'll go back to being my old self, just like you said last night."
At those words Emma jumped out of her bed and embraced Regina from behind, holding her tight against her "I forgive you…" Regina's body trembled at hearing those words "…and I love you too. I don't want you to leave me, I want you to stay with me and you don't need to be scared, I will love forever." She said kissing Regina's neck.
My heart melted with her words, she was all that I wanted so I turned, never breaking free from her embrace. We stared at each other our eyes shining with love, her hand was on my neck and slowly she pulled me closer to her, our lips grazing each other, she claimed my lower lip, she nipped it and savored it. She then kissed me with all her heart it was a passionate and tender kiss.
"I want you Regina, I've been waiting for you for so long." She whispered in my ear and slowly she placed me in her bed, her hands caressed my body, making me shiver in anticipation. She kissed me again, with more intensity, demanding more, she claimed my lips, my tongue, my whole mouth and I let myself get lost in her because she was all I wanted, she made me happy and there was no other place on earth I rather be then in her arms. She was my home.