A Will of Namazu

Project : A Will of Namazu is a SasuHina story I have been thinking about a week or something. Why 'Namazu' in my title, well...the symbol of the cat-fish in the Japanese legends is very interesting and definitely attractive to me. Hehe, you'll understand. Maybe. In case you're wondering, this is rated M. I think it will be Hurt/Comfort and Romance for the themes of this fan-fiction.

My idea of this SasuHina : It came after the Fourth Shinobi War was won and the deaths of so many shinobi from all Hidden Villages. Especially Hyuuga Neji who sacrificed himself to save his cousin. It really shook me up to write something about her ; mourning her beloved cousin first, then moving on to become stronger. Such death of someone really close – in her case family – could leave her as an emotional wreck. A Will of Namazu will essentially tell the tale of the Hyuuga heiress and the future encounter with Uchiha Sasuke in her adventures. It won't be pretty and all, since there will be an aftermath after the Fourth Shinobi War.

Summary : Even the most gentle, mourning souls can fade to blackness. Hyuuga Hinata is no exception.

Disclaimer : I certainly do not own Naruto. The plot only is actually mine.

So, on with the story !

Chapter One : Leaving Everything Behind

She was swift and silent when she leapt from branch to branch. Ever graceful, the young kunoichi wasn't abrupt in her gestures and almost moved like a cat ; focused on her destination, her white and very unique eyes didn't miss anything as she easily avoided small and big obstacles. It has been hours since she got back on the road and the more she forgot about everything back in Konoha, the more she felt relaxed.

At peace.

Hyuuga Hinata craved peace more than anything now. It was becoming too much in the Hidden Village of the Leaf and she just couldn't take it anymore. She just couldn't. The Fourth Great Shinobi War had scarred everyone in more ways possible, more mentally than physically for many of them – the losses were great and painful. Talented ninjas and kunoichi died in the terrible battle opposing Uchiha Madara and Obito, the tenth-tailed beast had done horrible damages that not everyone could bear. She had shed tears and was still mourning Neji's loss, even though Hyuuga usually conceal their emotions behind this mask of neutrality she couldn't stand. But she was no idiot : Hanabi may be their father's little clone, but Hinata was able to hear the cries she tried to muffle in her pillow late at night. Hyuuga Hanabi was still human after all and a young child who wasn't completely heartless. Hearing her beloved little sister cry was something Hinata couldn't bear and as much as she tried to comfort her, she just couldn't hide her own tears.

This was one of the reasons she left the Hidden Village of the Leaf. There were too many memories, all bad and good. After all the pressure of the war and the mourning, those smiles emerging on the faces of children and mothers who hadn't lost a family member were starting to sting. To hurt. Those smiles, those laughs...Hyuuga Hinata would have gone insane if she hadn't seriously thought about leaving this place behind. Sometimes, inner strenght couldn't erase an overwhelming sadness and that she understood ; it left an extremely bitter taste in her mouth and she would feel her heart ache at the mere thought of Neji's lifeless eyes. How could she move on ? How could they – the Hyuuga – move on so quickly without actually showing their emotions ?

'Yes. How could they ?'

Her thoughts shifted towards a boy with blond hair and bright blue eyes shining like the clear sky. Naruto. Hinata almost scowled, which didn't really match with her soft, beautiful features. She had always seen this young man as her role model to get above herself, to get stronger. The Uzumaki was this figure of courage and determination in which she found the will to prove her skills, to surpass herself and see beyond her eyes could observe. Even as an outcast shunned by almost everyone in the village, he still managed to become the hero they had needed. Worshipped and loved. Loved. Hinata wanted to scoff at that. How long had she loved him and admired him until she realized he couldn't return her feelings ? How long had she...

She stopped and paused, eyes downcast. Had she not get over the fact that the blond Jinchuuriki already another woman ? It seemed that forgetting him was proving to be harder than she actually thought, even if they were all suddenly assigned to bring her back to Konohagakure after she vanished. Intense feelings such as real love would take time to fade, Hinata knew it. But she had to try. She had to. She wanted to. That was part of the reasons that ushered her to leave the village and she will stick to it no matter what – even if it meant being added into their Bingo book.

Sighing, she actived her Byakugan and scanned the zone. The forest she had been journeying for hours was alive and full of noises of all kind – birds, chipmunks and others. She was really proud to have extended the sight of her kekkei genkai, it proved to be helpful to locate potential threats like thugs and shinobis. Satisfied, Hinata deactivated her Byakugan and leapt towards the lake to make lunch.

Some time later, a delicious smell of cooked fish floated in the air that could make the most cold-hearted man a hungry animal. Hinata, sitting on the ground, was sharpening her kunai while keeping an eye on her meal albeit she looked a bit thoughtful. There were things and memories she couldn't block out that easily, this kind of things attached to her like a part of her permanently and will never go away.

''Never,'' Hinata murmured gently as she took a fish.

She blew on it.

When was the last time she had ever cared about the death of someone so close to her ? It hurt deeply like salt on a wound and this wound...would it heal properly in time ? Hyuuga Hinata was in a state of pure heartache, something that would cause her fearful reactions : it was early in the morning when the first anxiety attack happened about three weeks ago, she found herself unable to breathe.

Her heart beat so hard, it was so hard to breathe... fingers digging in her busty chest, the heiress fought back the urge to call for someone. Even without using the Byakugan she knew that everyone was still asleep, meaning she had to go through this phase alone. Just as alone as she was now without Neji around. He would have known what to do, he would have stayed with her until she calmed down, his white eyes shining with the constant worry he held towards ever since he stopped blaming and hating the Main House. He would have known...

Hinata reminded herself to breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. She closed her eyes in order to concentrate on the most cheerful and beautiful moments she had with her old teammates ; Kiba and Shino training with her and reminding her to be patient with her improving skills, Kiba playing the idiot to make her laugh while Shino just shook his head at him, Akamaru jumping onto her to lick her face happily and she giggling uncontrollably until her stomach hurt.

''Smile, Hinata. You're more gorgeous when you smile.''

Kiba's words had previously made her blush and ever modest, she had called him silly and he had laughed. His fanged smile had always been a little creepy at first but after some time passed with him and Akamaru, Hinata had learned not to be afraid of him anymore. It even made her feel safe along with Shino. When her breathing started to shift and her heartbeat slowed down a little a small smile appeared. It was working – Kiba's words and smile worked.

''Kiba-kun...''

She imagined his face and his smile. His friendly smile she liked so much...

''Thank you. You've helped me.''

But it could have been Neji. She had hoped it could have been him.

A fairly loud 'Crac' alerted her and she quickly drew a kunai out of her jacket, Byakugan swirling and ready to strike anyone who has come to disturb her peace. There was no sign of someone nearby or further, no chakra signature, nothing. She was all alone so what could have made...

She looked down at her meal. The chopstick that she has been sucking on to collect the fish flavor was broken in half while the other was still hanging between her gritted teeth. Oh, so she was letting her bitterness take over her emotions and reason without realizing it. This wasn't good. Sighing, Hinata clenched and unclenched her fist. Calm down, she admonished herself lightly. Getting ticked off when that sort of memory came to her wouldn't help her in any case and if she didn't learn to control herself, things could go badly for her whenever she steps into a town or crowded by people. If this memory managed to elicit such reaction from her then what could an insult bring out from her the next time she enters a town ?

These reactions are beginning to prove hard to hold back. Getting back on the road, Hinata willed herself to stop thinking about Konohagakure and its memories to concentrate on the goals she decided to accomplish. What had been the other motives that steeled her resolution to leave her village were also the fact that she decided to create her own path, to follow it until its very end and gain new forms of jutsus – the Hyuuga training has been getting on her nerves after the second anxiety attack, it forced her to call out the training with Hanabi. What was more surprising and terrifying was when Hinata yelled at her sister in frustration, Byakugan still active. She had never raised her voice, never. Yet the shocked and hurt look she received from Hanabi had confirmed her fears.

Hinata hated seeing her little sister afraid for her.

The beautiful kunoichi had avoided the desert and Sunagakure like the plague. Even if she was now good friends with the Kazekage, she couldn't afford getting spotted in a village ruled by someone so close to Naruto – Gaara would surely look to warn the new Hokage about her and soon enough she would be cornered by Konoha ninjas, dragged by force back to their village. No, she couldn't afford to get caught now, not after the huge efforts she put on to get away from her friends and family. It pained her deeply to leave and make her friends and family worry about her state but this time, Hyuuga Hinata thought about herself for the first time and didn't care about the other's opinion about her decision.

Everyone should be selfish sometimes, Hinata-sama. Everyone. Even you.

Neji had talked with experience when he told her this. Selfishness comes when you feel hopelessly alone and helpless to the point you just want to disappear from the surface of the world and never come back, it was a bitter feeling that no one would really like to experience. For the first time, Hinata wanted to be selfish and think about herself. There certainly was harm made as she must have broken and hurt Shino and Kiba by leaving but who would she be fooling ? She couldn't fool anyone and especially not herself. Neji was dead and he wasn't the only one who had given his life in this bloody war.

'Did you finally acknowledge me in your final moments, Father ?'

No one would really answer her. Not anymore.

By sunset, Hinata chose to keep running for a little while. Where was the point in resting when her mind wouldn't listen to her ? She was still thinking about the horrors of the Fourth Shinobi War and the lives it had taken in the worst ways possible – and her late father. Somehow, Hinata couldn't stop thinking about those white, lifeless eyes that belonged to both Neji and her father. It made her cry her heart out late at nights the first and the more she thought about it, the more an unknown anger growing inside took over and made her snap. Sometimes she would get out of the Hyuuga estate and fly over the rooftops to rest somewhere, finding herself unable to get any sleep. Tired and restless, Hinata would hide her frustration under those smile she set on her beautiful face to cover all this...but she knew better. Shino and Kiba knew her more than anybody else ; there were signs about Hinata that couldn't fool them and sadly, she wouldn't tell them what was wrong. She couldn't bring herself to tell them, she just couldn't. Hinata being Hinata, she wouldn't try bothering her teammates about her 'problems'. So she decided for herself and packed anything she could need until then. Then she left. And she knew she has hurt anyone who cared about her.

This time...this time, she didn't care.

''What do you mean by 'Hinata has left' ?!'' Uzumaki Naruto exclaimed loudly, eyes wide in his sockets as he stared unbelievingly at the Godaime Hokage. ''Tsunade... a-are you sure you're not mistaken ?''

The atmosphere in the office was tense and electric as Tsunade was the object of many stares, mainly from Hinata's teammates. She had summoned Aburame Shino and Inuzuka Kiba only half an hour ago to tell them about their friend's departure and the reactions had been immediate : she had tolerated Kiba's cries of anguish and desolation, she had seen his face falling apart as if the world was crumbling again despite the rage of the last Shinobi War. Shino had been a little more composed but his body talked for him ; the clenching of his jaws, the harsh frown on his face and the way he had jerked forward as if he wanted to grab the Hokage and shake her couldn't have lied. Her brown eyes downcast and thoughtful as she ignored the panicked rambling of Naruto, Tsunade recalled the Hyuuga's words with a clenched heart.

''Tsunade-sama, I have a request I would like you to hear and grant.''

No stuttering. And this cold, assured voice when she had always heard it as soft-spoken and so kind...it was strange and disturbing. More disturbing : Hyuuga Hinata was standing before her high and proud, as still as a statue. Her eyes, which always displayed her emotions, were now hardened and had lost their kindness. It took Tsunade more than five minutes to assess what the younger kunoichi has just said as she stared at her with a penetrating gaze.

Strange. For all the times the Godaime Hokage had summoned Hinata, Kiba and Shino, she had described the Hyuuga heiress as a very kind and sweet woman with the purest personality. She distinguished herself from her clan – and her cousin as well – and proved to be someone who couldn't judge anyone else, a quality that very few shinobi now had. It could make her weak to many but to Tsunade, it was a strenght that no one should understimate.

But now, this coldness emanating from her was...

''Granny Tsunade, are you listening to me ? We've got to—''

''Naruto. Shut up.'' the older blonde woman said sternly.

This didn't stop the Jinchuuriki as he violently slammed his fists upon the desk, blue eyes blazing with anger. ''No ! You listen to me, let me lead—''

There was an echoed gasp from most of all people summoned here as Tsunade all but completely smashed Naruto on her desk with her foot – how she had risen from her chair with so much fluidity and speed was beyond them but again, it was expected from such a powerful Sannin. Lady Tsunade, now standing before a bewildered crowd, looked down at an enraged Naruto with a harsh scowl on her pretty face and one of the coldest looks they have ever seen. Her foot still pinning him down with all her strenght by his head, she looked beyond pissed. Haruno Sakura, who had seen her master's wrath more than one time for her sake, was torn between lunging forward to help her comrade and letting Tsunade give a piece of her mind until she calms down – which would certainly take a while and empty a bottle of sake. She couldn't help but tremble slightly as she observed the scene, frozen in place. The atmosphere was already tense and heavy at the beginning but it suddenly became almost unbearable when Lady Tsunade snapped rather violently. Even Hatake Kakashi was smart enough to back away very slowly and Nara Shikamaru didn't feel lazy anymore as they shuddered under the dark aura their leader was emitting.

Her voice was cold and harsh. ''Didn't you hear me, boy ? I said : shut up. Now, all of you listen very carefully.'' Her head rose slowly and her brown eyes stared coldly at everyone else who stood still and waiting for more.

Her penetrating and hardened gaze found Kiba and Shino first as the two of them must be on the edge of storming out of the room and leaving Konoha to look for their missing teammate.

''No one is going anywhere,'' Tsunade hissed harshly. ''No one is thinking about going anywhere. Especially you three.'' She emphasized her words by applying strenght in her leg upon her hold on Naruto, who let out a grunt of pain under the Hokage's foot pinning him to the shattering ground, and glaring murderously at Kiba and Shino. ''Hyuuga Hinata hasn't betrayed the village and run off in search of power like Uchiha Sasuke did in the past if you want to know. She left on her free will.''

Those informations should relieve them but Tsunade knew better ; it was the calm before the storm. And she didn't have to wait that long before the loudmouth under her began to exclaim.

''You think we will stand here like good dogs and wait until she decides to come back ?'' His fingers clawed at the ground. ''You're wrong, Granny Tsunade !''

''Naruto, do you think I'm actually giving you a choice ?'' she growled menacingly, eyes glowering with barely controlled anger. ''The last thing I want to hear from your uncontrolled mouth of yours is that you want to go after Hyuuga Hinata and bring her back without knowing why she has left, as you did for the traitor Uchiha Sasuke.'' The Jinchuuriki flinched at her words but she ignored it. ''You won't leave this village to chase after her, I hereby forbid it.''

''But... but why ?'' Yamanaka Ino stammered, at a loss. ''It's not like Hinata-chan to suddenly do something like that, something must have happened !''

Yes. Something has happened.

''You...want to leave the village ?'' Tsunade was astonished.

Hyuuga Hinata merely nodded, as cold as Hyuuga Neji had always been back when he was still alive. She didn't speak the reasons that were urging her to storm out of this office, out of this village. Out of the Hidden Leaf. Silent as a shadow, the Hyuuga heiress just stood there waiting for the Hokage to come out of her state of shock. Her lavender eyes didn't display any emotion at all – which was starting to seriously creep Tsunade out – and her plump lips were set in a grim line. 'Emotionless' and 'deadly silent' were adjectives that didn't match with the young kunoichi and the Sannin couldn't help but wonder why the Hyuuga acted so out of character.

It hurt. Seeing so much kindness and brightness thoroughly erased from her face made Tsunade's heart skip a beat. It hurt. It was a coldness she couldn't bear seeing on this particular kunoichi – on Hinata nonetheless. She looked like she had...shut down. She was emitting a kind of coldness that didn't suit her and ate her usual warmth, leaving nothing but this harsh and terrifying stoic demeanor.

Was it the Fourth Shinobi War ? Did it finally get to her ?

''Can I ask you why, Hinata ?'' Tsunade rested her elbows on the desk and propped her chin on her hands, watching the kunoichi very carefully.

She didn't even twitch. ''What do you think, Lady Tsunade ?''

Her voice was so cold, so...Hyuuga. The Sannin took a huge breath and resisted the urge of shooting out of her chair to grab Hinata and shake her out of her state.

''Alright, I think...this is completely unexpected from you.'' A long silence settled between them before the older kunoichi continued grimly, her brown eyes suddenly sad. ''There are no words possible and strong enough to describe the horrors of this Fourth Shinobi War and I, myself, wonder how we could have fallen into such state of madness. Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Sasuke...we have lost so many and so much. We have destroyed each other by going at war and the results are terrifying. Hinata,'' Tsunade frowned lightly, staring at the Hyuuga. ''We may have won the war, but the world remains dangerous and unknown since this madmen brought this upon us. If you decide to leave, you will be exposed to chaos. If you decide to leave, Naruto will do everything to bring you back here in Konoha.''

To her utter surprise, Hinata remained stoic. Whenever Uzumaki Naruto was brought, she would do this cute blushing thing and she would stutter like any girl having a serious crush on someone. This time, she was neutral.

''Yes. I know that more than anything, Lady Tsunade.'' There was some sarcasm laced in her voice. ''Naruto always keeps his promises like the good shinobi he is, am I right ? That's his nindo. Admirable, stupidly admirable...'' No reaction. ''But he won't chase after me like he did with Uchiha Sasuke.''

''Oh ? How can you be so sure of that ?'' Tsunade raised a defiant brow at Hinata.

''Because,'' Veins started to appear on Hinata's temples as she fixed the Hokage with a hard stare. ''you're a woman of honor. You will stay true to your word.''

Naruto wouldn't have understood. Or maybe he would have. The death of Jiraya had also been painful to him and everyone who was close to the late perverted Sannin, but Hyuuga Hinata had much more to endure ; experiencing her cousin's sacrifice to save her life when she was ready to give up hers to protect Naruto from the deadly spikes that would have pierced her like butter must have impregnated her mind. Such a horrible sight must have left damages, damages surely beyond repair.

No. He couldn't have understood. Jiraya wasn't Neji. Jiraya was just another Sannin to Hinata and that was it.

'You will stay true to your word.'

''Uchiha Sasuke had a purpose when he left and betrayed you,'' Tsunade said. ''But Hyuuga Hinata isn't Uchiha Sasuke and the reasons of her departure from Konoha aren't about revenge or anything like that. She didn't betray you, she left because she needed to. Unfortunately, I won't reveal those reasons she told me before her departure and no one – and I say no one – is going to go against my orders. This will be your one and only warning.'' Her gaze turned dark. ''The first one to disobey my orders will be imprisoned until I decide to let him go.''

''Lady Tsunade, you can't be serious !'' Sakura chortled, astounded.

Kakashi went over the Hokage, brow furrowed in surprise. ''Lady Tsunade,'' he began, wary. ''Don't you think this is a little too harsh ? Surely no one would go against your orders but—''

Kiba had enough of this. He was about to stalk forward when Shino put a hand on his shoulder, holding from leaping at the Hokage. He didn't fight his friend as he gave the older woman a piece of his mind. ''Are you kidding, Kakashi-sensei ?'' he snarled angrily. ''This isn't about this piece of shit of Uchiha, this is Hinata we're talking about !'' He was indifferent to Sakura's and Ino's glare as he stared at Tsunade with unmasked worry and anger. ''She must be in a state that requires mine and Shino's help, we must go at once and bring her back to Konoha !''

I will stay true to my word.

''And what will you do once you find her, Inuzuka ?'' Tsunade demanded, her voice rising as her temper flared. What will you do if you force her to come back with you against her wishes ? Will you against her wishes because she finally decided to be selfish for the first time and for her own good ? If she has left you behind it was for her sanity ! If she has left everything behind it was for recovery !''

That seemed to stun Kiba a little. And almost everyone else. ''R-recovery...?''

I will stay true to my word. I'm a woman of honor.

Recovery. It was something that Uchiha Itachi had wished for his little brother before he could leave this earth in peace but Sasuke had yet to recover. There was something holding him back from opening himself to the idiot and the pink-haired kunoichi and he couldn't know what – it wasn't that he had become a shinobi of Konohagakure again even if it seriously pained him to the point of killing mercilessly, he still hated the village with passion, but the fact that he didn't know what to do.

I've killed Itachi. I've killed Madara and Obito.

But was he satisfied ? He didn't feel peace at all. He felt empty, cold and lonely. Not that he missed that idiotic fan-girl of Karin and her bickering with Suigetsu, but there was that annoying sense of unsatisfaction growing inside of his chest each time he thought about Itachi's last words.

Live ? How could he live when everything he held dear had either been removed from or absolutely destroyed ? This was pure irony. He had snorted at that. Karin would be sliced in half if she ever talked to him about proposing to rebuild his clan with her, so it was completely out of question. It had been his purpose when he was still a shinobi of Konoha but it somewhat changed during the years. Besides rebuilding the Uchiha name, there was the vow of destroying the village and the elders responsible for the Uchiha massacre – their ugly manipulations finally discovered, Sasuke had never once tasted such bloodlust. For him, Konoha had to pay for what they had done. But Uzumaki Naruto would always spoil his plans ; like how he had practically forced him back in the dreaded Konoha with that revolting goofy smile Sasuke had grown to hate.

'Everything will not go back to normal, idiot. Never. Don't be mistaken, my hatred for this village won't ever fade until I die.'

''True enough, dobe,'' Sasuke muttered darkly.

True enough.