Title: Kissing in the Rain
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Tags: Angst, Romance, Drama, Light Dom/sub
Summary: Adam's boyfriend broke up with him a few weeks ago, but for good reason: Adam's heart already belonged to another - Tommy Joe Ratliff. Fast forward to a night out at a local dance club, and Adam can't take it anymore, he has to get away, has to stop thinking about a relationship Adam believes will never happen. Adam, Tommy, Rain and Kissing lie within.
BETA: Pendrogon AO3
"It's over, I'm sorry, Adam," the voice told Adam softly. "You're really a great guy, but your heart is distracted."
Adam's voice stuck in his throat; break ups were hard enough, but he could never be the type to just give rote responses because he always invested himself in everything he did.
He had to be honest and open with the man; he would expect no less from himself, or his (ex)lover. Adam valued open and honest relationships when it came to his friends and lovers.
This time, however, he couldn't respond because deep inside, he felt guilty.
"I think you know who I'm talking about," the man held Adam's hands in his own, reassuring Adam it wasn't really anybody's fault this time. "Whatever happens on stage, none of that matters. I've seen the way you look at him. I recognize it. I... didn't want to admit to myself what it meant but then, on our date, I saw the look in your eyes and…"
Adam knew who he had been talking about. They had been on a double date last week with a friend and her partner. Adam himself didn't notice it at the time, but this man beside him had. Had seen the love and absolute adoration in the couple's eyes. The love Adam seemed to have been holding onto with a longing he couldn't shake.
Even if it were an impossible love, even if nothing would ever come of it - Adam hadn't realized until now that he had never let it go. Refused to, even if he thought he had moved on. Made peace with something he could never have, couldn't even try to obtain if he wanted because that wasn't him. To push someone who wasn't even interested in men, that wasn't his style. Yeah, Adam could be possessive and controlling in a relationship, but never with someone uncomfortable or unwilling.
Which is where he found himself now, outside the dance club in the middle of the night. A small public garden/park wait across the street - owned by the large restaurant next door, which kept it open 24 hours a day (thanks mainly to perimeter surveillance via monitored cameras and security guards).
It hadn't started raining, but wouldn't be long until a downpour. The air smelled salty, a touch of ocean air, which calmed him, even minutely. Despite the fact it served as an early warning system for the potential storm, Adam welcomed it. Couldn't help it, because it had been almost a month since the breakup and nothing seemed to have changed. He felt alone, separated from everyone; distant. Unable to confess to the one person to whom it really mattered.
Adam nodded as one of the security guards walked by. He couldn't imagine the things the guard had seen, probably everything from a sleeping homeless person, late night rendezvous and even a few sketchy "meetings" where "things" were exchanged for large briefcases. Typically, Adam couldn't imagine many shady dealings with security guards so nearby, when there were other, more private, and abandoned, places a few blocks over. Plus, the small area was lit up various garden lamps running along the paved paths. Adam was glad the security guard knows to keep to himself, probably knows by now that anyone who comes here this late at night probably has issues best kept private, personal.
Not even twenty minutes later the rain fell heavy onto the ground. The guard had long since left, leaving Adam alone to his thoughts, which he was more than grateful for.
Adam should have been wearing something more than the skin-tight shirt and skinny leather pants and boots when going outside. Should have, but he hadn't wanted to go find his coat he checked in at the front desk. Hadn't wanted to make a scene of "I'm not leaving, just going out for a short walk, no need to follow me - please, stop following me, I'm fine" because he knew that probably is what would have happened. Plus, he really didn't want to deal with any pictures or fans either; so, sneaking out the back door it was.
It didn't take long for Tommy to realize Adam had disappeared somewhere amongst the crowd, which wasn't unusual – except Adam had been gone for over an hour and no one had seen him. It wasn't like Adam to pick up a trick and have a quickie in the bathroom either, because those were things Tommy did, not Adam. Not that Tommy had gotten any for a few months - not for lack of trying or access to people interested. God knows there were plenty of people wanting to fuck, many often coming up to him, trying to get laid.
Tommy had agreed only once in the past few months, but his heart (and his dick) hadn't been in it. He had to apologize mid-blow job because it just wasn't working. Not what he wanted. There had been someone else on his mind now almost as long, someone he couldn't get out of his mind and it wanted to drive him up the wall. All the sexual drive, but little interest in expressing it beyond his hand and a few "well placed" dildos.
Almost two hours and Tommy had checked everywhere for Adam, but he just wasn't turning up in the club. Luckily, he managed to talk to one of the cleaning staff (many of the staff, actually, as it was his last-ditch measure to find Adam, since he wasn't answering his phone).
"Yeah, I remember him," one of the male cleaning staff told him. "Kind of hard to miss, he left through the back door almost an hour and a half ago - two hours now, I guess - without his coat. I tell you, I've had to take the trash out a few times today out back, and last I saw it was raining pretty heavily outside."
Fuck. This was bad, Tommy knew it. Adam wasn't stupid enough to leave the building without his jacket or some form of protection against the weather. Uncomfortable wetness from the rain aside, the last thing the singer wanted to do was get sick. His radio promotional mini-tour would be starting in less than a week for the new album, and Adam wouldn't normally chance being stupid, not when it mattered.
If something were wrong, Adam would have wanted time alone, more than just an empty bathroom stall. He would want to go somewhere calming, peaceful - and that's when Tommy knew exactly where Adam would be. After all, Adam wasn't the only one who knew about that little garden park with a large centerpiece fountain across the street.
"I thought I'd find you here."
Tommy's voice startled Adam, almost made him jump in surprise. He turned around to find Tommy standing at the entrance to the path, umbrella in hand. It didn't escape Adam's notice that Tommy was wearing Adam's jacket.
Tommy shrugged as he walked closer, the wool trench coat almost too long for him and definitely too big. "I found your ticket in my pocket. Was surprised when the clerk handed me your coat. You really gotta remember where your tickets float off to."
Adam stared at Tommy for a few moments, before turning down one of the paths leading away from the street. A small, wet bench sat against the wall that bordered one side of the garden. He sat down, drenched already, so sitting on a wet bench was the least of his worries. Tommy walked up to him, took one look at the bench, down at Adam's trench coat and decided it would be best to keep standing. This coat, it was expensive. Very, very expensive. So many zeroes had been on the price tag when Adam bought it, it made Tommy's head want to explode just a little bit inside his skull. Then again, with how much money Adam was probably making - the price wouldn't be the same as it would for Tommy. He wasn't making as much as Adam, but he didn't particularly care, either. As long as he made money doing what he loved, things were all right with him.
Adam couldn't face Tommy, couldn't look him in the eyes. Eyeliner and shadow blended down his cheeks from the rain, but underneath it was still Adam. Tommy always tried to see the beauty inside of Adam, wanted to see the man for who he was instead of just a beautiful face and strong body... not that Tommy didn't take notice. Adam was hot, tall, confident (dominant, some would say) and beautiful everywhere.
Most days, Adam's eyes reflected that. As a man who was comfortable with himself, who never wanted to hide or conform just to fit in. Now, all Tommy could see were sad, conflicted blue eyes trying to avoid him.
Tommy carefully pulled the coat around him as he sat back on his haunches, careful not to drag the edges of Adam's coaton the ground. It took him a few tries to settle down correctly, but eventually he was able to balance enough so that he was in Adam's line of sight. Umbrella tucked behind him, but still providing some measure of protection from the rain.
Recently, Adam seemed to have forced himself to look Tommy in the eyes. They could never avoid each other for too long, and if Adam had been so affected by whatever it was to stay out in the rain for over two hours, Tommy wanted to know what it was. "How long have your eyes been blue?" Tommy asked quietly, not sure if he had been heard over the pounding of the rain against the umbrella.
Adam's normal eye color was alternating gold for his right eye and a blue-grey for his left. Extreme emotional highs, like happiness or elation to a deep, self-depreciating depression caused both eyes to turn blue. Adam's dominate, more controlling side cause the change to a full, golden color.
"A few weeks." Adam didn't even try to hide the pain he felt. The hopeless depression radiating from him in waves. "You know we broke up, a few weeks ago."
Tommy nodded. Adam had mentioned that and figured that was part of the reason for the situation they remain in now. He still waited for Adam to continue, though, because something was telling Tommy that it was more than a simple break-up.
The rain finally let up to a small sprinkling, so Tommy folded the umbrella and placed it near his feet. Adam's voice resounded in the quiet garden. "What I haven't told you was why."
A smile graced Adam's lips as he brushed his hand through Tommy's hair. "I found myself realizing for the first time that day, that... that I wanted something I couldn't have."
Tommy tilted his head to the side, confused. The expression on his face made Adam chuckle. "My pretty kitty, if you could purr..."
Tommy tried to return Adam's smile, but neither knew their hearts weren't quite in it. Still, it broke the mood a little, Tommy relieved to see Adam's humor in the midst of the heavy mood that surrounded them.
"I don't need to have a tail for you to read my emotions, you already do that just fine." He couldn't help lean into Adam's touch when the hand slide down from his hair to the cheek, a light caress following Adam's gentle touch.
"I don't know everything about you." Adam's sigh was so soft, Tommy wasn't sure he heard it at all. "There are some things... I'll never get to know."
"Are you afraid?" Tommy asked.
Adam shrugged, a brief smile flickering across his face. "We are all afraid, Tommy. Of the unknown, of what might be, or of what could be."
"Why?" They both knew Tommy wasn't referring to what Adam had just said. He wanted to know what Adam was afraid of, because if it were just situational, it wouldn't be Adam to just dwell on it like this. There had to be something more.
Adam huffed, his breath starting to appear in front of them. It was getting much colder now, though Tommy couldn't really feel it thanks to Adam's coat. Tommy was jealous; even the jacket he brought wasn't this warm - and that had been a winter jacket (obviously not a very good one, Tommy muses).
"There's this blonde I know, who's straight, I think. Someone who knows me in every way, who loves me in every way that matters, but I can't stop myself from wanting more."
Adam was tracing Tommy's features now, pausing long enough to drag the lighter man onto his lap; wet, soaked pants and nice coat be damned.
Tommy placed his head between Adam's neck and shoulder, pressing in close to the wet body before him. He needed to get closer, had to, wished Adam would possess him and never let him go.
"There's a man I fell for too," he admitted. "I don't like men; I look at them, and I don't feel anything other than a sense of physical beauty or handsome features. But... but there is this one person who breaks all the rules. Someone who is the exception to everything I know, everything I have ever believed in."
Adam tightened his hold on Tommy, face pressed possessively against blonde hair. Tommy couldn't help but feel safe in Adam's arms, a sense of security and love that this dark haired man never showed him before. Adam was open, vulnerable, but resigned at the same time.
"Maybe you still have a chance?" Tommy whispered against Adam's neck, a breath of cool air brushing across wet skin. "Maybe that person you're talking about, maybe they've fallen in love, too, after seeing the beauty of his heart shine through everything that man does?"
If any tears escaped Adam's control, rolling slowly down his cheek, Tommy would never know because the wind picked up right before letting out another downpour. This time Tommy didn't try to keep the coat dry, because it was only a coat; Adam could probably afford another one to replace it if needed.
When Tommy looked up into Adam's eyes, they were back to normal, gold seeming to shine brighter thanks to the water glistening and highlighting the colors.
"Do you think you could love me, Tommy Joe?" Adam's voice was so quiet, Tommy had to strain to hear it over the pouring rain. "You know I'll be possessive, demanding, and controlling, and I'll expect you to take it."
Tommy grinned, the rain washing down his hair that covered half his face. Adam pushed it to the side, uncovering Tommy's warm brown eyes. "But I know the real you, too. You're loving, kind and gentle when I'll need it."
"Will you be mine? Belong to me, please, baby." A strong, gentle hand found its way underneath Tommy's chin, tilting it slightly so they were face to face. "I've wanted this for so long; wanted you for so long... God, you drive me so crazy, Tommy, baby. The things I want to do to you..."
Tommy leaned forward, tilted his head to the side. "I never could say no to you." He brushed his lips against Adam's, not yet touching, waiting for permission. "I've wanted you, too, you know. I wasn't sure at first, what that feeling was, but when I did I... I had no idea how to tell you how special you are."
"Tommy..." Adam responded softly. "Baby..."
"I'm still not interested in other men, I don't think I ever will be but... Fuck, you turn me on, Adam. God, I can't stop thinking about you. I want to know what it's like, I want to feel you everywhere, inside me, all over."
Adam grabbed Tommy's throat roughly, jerking him back, giving them space for Adam to look at the blonde properly. Adam's right eye, his blue one, had flecks of gold fading in and out. "Submit to me, my pretty kitty. Please, submit to me."
The look in Adam's eyes was fierce, demanding, and pure gold. Tommy needed to accept all sides of Adam, needed to prove he could handle the taller man, because if Adam could be described in one word, then intense would probably cover it. Tommy knew that this had been the source of many of Adam's breakups, even if his gold eyes never fully entered the relationship.
But Tommy didn't want just one part of Adam. He was needy, wanted anything, everything Adam would be willing to give him. Tommy has always understood Adam, but now, now he finally gets why he knows such small details of Adam's personality that even most lovers wouldn't notice.
"Submit to me," Adam repeated, voice forceful; Tommy could hear the unsaid plea, could read between the lines. Just like how Adam always seemed to know instinctually what Tommy was thinking and feeling.
Tommy didn't strictly need to say anything, because the moment Tommy's eyes refocused on Adam's, Adam just knew everything Tommy wanted to say. He had to say it anyways, felt it important to verbalize his thoughts just in case Adam misread him.
"I think I love you, Adam Lambert. Give me a chance to really find out. I need you..."
And it was "sealed with a kiss" seemed like such a cliché thing to say, but Tommy couldn't help but smile at the thought, inadvertently laughing, breaking the kiss. Confusion filtered through Adam's eyes, so Tommy laughed, smiling, happy.
"Sealed with a kiss," Tommy said, thought it fitted the situation too well.
"Yeah," Adam's voice was deep, sexual; entrancing Tommy, almost like falling under a spell.
Rain be dammed, because Adam's kissing was epic, and if he weren't already sitting, probably would have fallen. Tommy roamed his hands over Adam's "shirt" which was, thanks to the rain, soaked and currently translucent.
Adam had always held a certain power over him; the man was just that kind of person to begin with, but it was different now. Adam wouldn't be holding back anymore, and Tommy couldn't be more excited. Gold was always one of his favorite colors. The second color? All he had to do was look into Adam's eyes to find out.
+END+
Inspiration: From the fabled scene in one of the Spider-man movies. The upside down kiss in the rain between Peter Parker and Mary Jane. Don't forget Mary Jane's infamous "translucent waterlogged white skin-tight shirt". Kind of hard to miss; I think the camera liked that shirt too. Mouth, chest... close enough. xD
Ah, so, the upside down kiss was the main inspiration. Just, you know, without the upside bit. Because yeah, that's just weird. All that blood rushing to his head while trying to mack on a guy will, eventually, become more important then said kissing. Cause of that distracting buzz, and probably an odd sort of numb pain. Distracting, highly distract and not good for long, tongue-throat kissing. Anyways...
I really just wrote this story because I wanted more angsty-Dominant-Adam stories, because I notice that when many angst/hurt/comfort fanfics are centered around Adam Lambert (and I really have trouble finding hurt/comfort or sick!Adam because most are hurt/sick!Tommy) but when I do find them, Adam usually ends up kinda... submissive, with Tommy seeming to have suddenly gained a giant Dominant streak. Basically, Tommy and Adam switch roles, and it annoys me because I sometimes I'm just in the mood for a angst/hurt/comfort or sick!Adam fic where Adam is still Dominant, and Tommy submissive but Tommy still has to take care of Adam (without being all controlling and domineering).