5: Back to Date

2199, 50 days until Earth's extinction

I sob. Bitter tears run down my hands, staining the floor below. My hair is wet, reeking of sweat from stress.

From behind the cell bars, Kaoru tilts her glasses. Her eyes are pinned to the floor at my feet. More than likely, she's evaluating me; trying to determine how credible my story is.

Once I'm quiet, she puts a stray bang back in its place. Her eyes become visible behind her glasses; not a hint of judgment in her eyes. I'm not used to this side of her; when we were friends, I loved seeing how on-edge I could make her.

Of course, that was before the mutiny failed. On account of her usefulness to the crew, she was let out early.

I, on the other hand, was not to be trusted. I'm still here.

And I'm damn well glad to be.

"I'm sorry for your loss,"

My head snaps up at her.

"No one deserves to go through something like that." She pens a few more notes into her check list. "But I have one more question for you; do you believe this has anything to do with your decision to lead the mutiny of the Yamato?"

I want to be angry. I want her to snidely rebut my story as a hoax, a desperate attempt at earning time off. It would make me mad, furious. I'd have every excuse to jump at the bars separating us and demand she take it back. She would understand and expect this; because of that, I would feel justified.

Instead, she did her job perfectly. It's like we never knew each other.

That doesn't make me mad. Just dead.

"No,"

A cold, noninflected answer. She saw it coming, too. She marked off another category as if she'd been doing this from youth.

"If you want to stretch this, you could argue I blamed myself for her death, and that I vowed never to let anyone else suffer because of my failure to act. That would provide the perfect motive for me to support Project Izumo, an effort to colonize another planet in hopes of saving lives."

Once again, Kaoru knows what I'm talking. And yet again, she hides it perfectly.

"But that's not true?"

I ponder this for no more than a second. "It's not true in the least. Besides, if her death was so 'traumatizing', why would I act like my old, smart-ass self? If I was interested in helping people, I'd be more honest, and try to get people to tell me their feelings. I wouldn't be a snide security officer out to screw everyone over; I'd be a saint."

This time, she held back a chuckle. Nevertheless, she nodded. "If that's all, this concludes our session, Shinya Itou. However, on behalf of Captain Okita, I have one more question for you."

"'Ever the humanitarian," my lips curl into a familiar smile. "What'd he ask?"

"He wanted to know if you regretted what you did,"

Like before, I have to mull this over. After all, my motivations are nowhere near as complex as she made them out to be, but this question still troubles me. Is there anything about my actions I truly regret? I certainly don't regret them because of guilt. But, something about what I did just doesn't feel right . . .

"Yes,"

Her lips quirk. "Why?"

"That's simple," I lay my head back against the cold, hard floor. "I have to apologize for being out of sorts that day. In a fit of rage, I insinuated that simply being a woman made you a bother."

She levels a hooded glare at me. Fond of her gesture, I give her a small wave. "Do you forgive me?"

A small smirk crosses her face. That tiny expression may have made this whole thing worth it. Just as fast, her eyes close as she walks away from me.

"I will; after all, you have bigger things to worry about."

My former muse shuts the door behind her. Aside from a shake of his head, Hoshina completely ignores me. A shame; I quite enjoyed having him as an apprentice.

As I gaze up at the ceiling, a pleasant thought comes to mind. During my graduation ceremony from the Academy, the moment I saluted, Akemi was next to mom and dad with a left-handed salute.

I worked hard to get you this far; don't quit on me now, Shinya-kun.

Idiot. I chide myself. She didn't use that nickname at that point.

As I sit there quietly, I think once more to myself before drifting off to sleep.

It may not as good as getting the chief counselor to smile . . . But it's enough to get me to sleep at night.