Hey Lovelies! I have been inspired recently (probably because I have precisely a shit-tonne of other stuff I'm supposed to be doing) and have forced out this little ditty that had been floating around in the abyss that is unfinished Scorose pieces that are filling up my laptop. This is going to be a four-parter (I think) going through the different stages of Rose and Scorpius's relationship. Kinda the same as what the deal was with Excuses but a very different (hopefully funnier) take on it all. And more hanky panky ;)

On that note, this one's going to be a bit backwards in that the bulk of the smut (of what little there is) will be at the start and then it will move into fluff. So If smut isn't your thing that's fine, stick with it and you won't have as much to deal with. But there will be a little bit of smut. Sorrynotsorry :)

As always I apologise in advance for sporadic updating. I'm getting a bit better so should hopefully be able to write more, but we'll see how it all goes. Positivity is the key! This tory at least has an established framework and I've written bits of every part so hopefully it won't take me years (*cough* the birthday present, *cough*) to get it out to you.

Forgive the title. I struggled mega time with what to call this one. It started as 'Accidents' then progressed to 'The Thing' and is now 'The Thing (that is by no means a relationship)'. It's long winded, I know, but as it develops I think it'll make more sense than just calling it 'The Thing'. Summary (and possibly title) also subject to change once more has been uploaded so I don't give too much away :)

As always, your reviews are treasured and keep me inspired, so feel free to let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: The characters are not of my own creation, the situations they find themselves in, however, are.

Part 1: Friends with Benefits

Otherwise known as: The pleasant surprises of accidentally shagging your cousin's best mate

"If there was a Sex Olympics, we would win gold."

The first time it happens is an accident. Honestly.

Scorpius is helping her move into her new place after Albus had to cancel, having met some 'super-babe' who apparently wasn't very bright, because she was convinced when Albus told her he too was a 'super-babe' and therefore they should go an do 'super-babe stuff' which apparently consisted of a very respectable lunch at a very classy restaurant on Saturday afternoon. And the only day they could do said super-babe stuff was the day that Albus had promised he would help Rose move in.

How convenient.

So he had sent Scorpius in his place, which honestly hadn't bothered Rose – they were quite close, although, admittedly, since leaving Hogwarts five years ago they hadn't managed to catch up as frequently as they probably should have. Still, Scorpius had this way of being able to make conversation so easy that it was as if they had only seen each other yesterday. He was an incredibly laid back guy; rarely getting angry or raising his voice at all really. He smiled a lot and had this casual sort of innate elegance that made him always seem effortlessly dapper. That was probably why all the ladies seemed to love him. The fact that he looked like he belonged on Mount Olympus probably didn't hinder his ability 'to pull' either.

But that wasn't the point. The point was Rose found herself lugging boxes through her new house (because it was an actual house not just an apartment. She felt ridiculously grown up) followed by her grumbling, rather (read: very) attractive companion.

"Remind me again why we have to do all of this without magic?" he said from behind her, carrying what appeared to be a box of kitchen appliances. She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see her face and placed her own box of kitchen 'stuff' on a spare patch of bench space.

"Because," she stressed as she began to unpack glasses into a cupboard, "This is a muggle neighbourhood – I can't risk someone seeing me levitating all my shit into the house."

"Which then begs the question," Scorpius asked, placing his box down on another available patch of bench-top, leaning against it as he watched her unpack. Someone shouldn't be able to look so sexy just by leaning against a bench, "Why a muggle neighbourhood?"

"Because I love this house," she answered simply, completely missing the way her guest's gaze was focused squarely on her arse as she reached to place a glass on a higher shelf.

Scorpius nodded vaguely and managed to divert his gaze just as she smiled at him over her shoulder and threw the now empty box into the corner with other empty boxes. She turned to face him fully, still smiling as she wiped her hands on her (tiny) shorts.

"Break?" she asked.

He smiled and pushed himself off the bench-top, "Sounds great."

"Drink?"

"Even better."

It was probably a little bit sad that as soon as she had her fridge up and running the first, and only, thing to be placed inside was alcohol. Grandma Weasley would have a fit. She passed Scorpius a bottle of whatever was coldest and opened one for herself. She watched as he turned to look at the table, which had no chairs and was covered in boxes and random potion bottles. He raised an eyebrow at her over his shoulder (Ok, that shouldn't be legal). She cringed and bit her lip.

"I think we brought the couch in?"

Scorpius smiled and gestured towards the archway that led to the lounge room, insisting she went first. She smiled and obliged, walking into her slightly-less-chaotic-then-the-kitchen lounge room. Rose fell back onto the couch with a heavy sigh of relief, taking a large swig of her drink as she did. She didn't realize how much her bones and muscles ached until she stopped moving. She would be taking the world's longest shower after they were done. Scorpius paused half way between the kitchen and the couch, setting his drink down on a precariously balanced stack of boxes to free his hands and take off his shirt.

Great. Because she wasn't distracted enough already.

He walked over to the couch, drinking his beer as he did, not seeing her eyebrow raised in his direction. He let out a sigh of relief as he sat down and turned to say something to her before catching the look in her eye.

"What?" he asked, confused by the eyebrow.

"Was that really necessary?" she asked with a smile. Scorpius, for his part, feigned confusion very well.

"Was what necessary?"

"Getting shirtless."

"It's hot!"

"Oh yes, its so hot that you just could not bare to be in such a restricting article of clothing any longer right?" sarcasm dripped from her words as she smiled at him, "You're not at all trying to send a message to the neighbours."

(Rose had discovered that she had a group of very attractive young girls a few years younger than herself living across the road in a share-house. She had only discovered this once Scorpius had shown up and they had miraculously materialized in their front lawn, apparently remembering all the outdoor hobbies they needed to get done for the day.)

Scorpius looked sideways at her (another look that shouldn't be legal) and said before taking another large sip of his drink, "Oh like you can talk Miss 'Underwear-Masquerading-As-Shorts'."

Rose attempted to look convincingly affronted. She failed, "These are shorts."

One golden eyebrow shot up, "They're hot pants."

"They are not!" she tried to keep the laughter out of her voice but didn't succeed.

"Are too," he smirked at her sideways, "I saw cheek."

"When?"

"Only every time you bend over."

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him reproachfully, a smile still making its way across her features, "You were looking?"

He shrugged defensively, "I am male."

"I can see," he looked sideways at her to see how she looked him up and down dramatically. He leant a little closer, a look of satisfied amusement spreading across is face.

"You were looking?"

She raised an eyebrow and took a swig of her drink, purposefully not looking at him, "I am female."

Scorpius mirrored her actions, facing away from her to take a long drink, "Don't have to tell me."

"You are as horny as a school boy, Scorpius Malfoy."

"Oh you have no idea Rose Weasley."

And he smiled at her and she laughed at him and it was all completely innocent until…

BAM! Sex on the couch.

She really wasn't sure how it had happened.

Honestly.

One minute she was fully clothed, smiling at him and his gorgeous face, then he mentioned his pants being mighty restricting and hot as well, and she said the same about her shorts and her shirt, and then she was very naked and so was he and she probably should have closed the curtains. Oh well. Howdy neighbours, I haven't any shame! Get used to it!

Rose had found herself very naked and very sticky as she slumped against Scorpius, still sitting on his lap. Despite being incredibly satiated, she couldn't fight the feeling of worry and guilt slipping into her mind. What would happen to their friendship now? Would Albus have a problem with this? What was this? What was she supposed to do right now? Was there an elegant, classy way to un-straddle someone? If there was, Rose didn't think she'd been informed. Also, considering the fact that she was pretty sure she had licked him at some stage during their little tryst, perhaps doing anything 'classy and elegantly' was a little too optimistic.

Just as she was starting to feel her level of panic threaten to outweigh the sort of happiness that only came after being tremendously satisfied, Scorpius let out a contented sigh.

"Wow," he said with a smile she couldn't see with her forehead resting against his shoulder, "We are really good at that."

Rose smiled against his collarbone before sitting back and smiling at him. This wasn't awkward. He wasn't being awkward. This was amazing. Not to mention he was right.

"We are, aren't we?" she felt herself beaming from both relief and just having had really phenomenal sex, "We are amazing!"

"Un-fucking-believable!" his smile was so broad and relaxed that she couldn't help but match it. It was as if they were talking about a Quidditch match and, for some reason, that didn't bother Rose in the slightest.

"Yeah!" she said in confirmation, "If there was a Sex Olympics, we would win gold."

"In the couch category."

"Pfft!" Rose rolled her eyes dramatically, "Please, we're clearly all-rounders."

Scorpius smirked at her and raised a playful eyebrow, his hands coming to rest on her ass.

"You mean couch and bed?"

"And bench-top."

"And desk?"

"And pool."

"Oh, water-sports as well?" his eyes shone with a child-like excitement that was kind of adorable.

"I told you – we're all-rounders," Rose was surprised at her ability to sound so ridiculously diplomatic when discussing sex, resting her elbow against the back of the couch, "That's soft surfaces, hard surfaces, water, the whole nine yards."

A devilish smile spread across his face that Rose was sure had probably broken many hearts. His eyes were lit with challenge and excitement, "Words are worthless, Weasley – I think we'll need hard evidence to prove it."

Rose looked towards her bedroom and bit her lip.

"I don't think we've unpacked my bed yet."

He let out a sigh before tilting his head to the side in a contemplative manner. A smile lit his face as he looked into the kitchen.

"There are some really comfy-looking bench-tops in the kitchen though," he whispered in her ear before kissing her ear lobe and Rose considered it a great feat of self-control that she didn't moan in response, "And, considering we're yet to test the waters (his puns were terrible), I'm sure you have a shower that needs christening."

And damn that sounded like a great idea. Probably the best idea there had ever been in the history of the universe. But there were boxes to unpack, and honestly, if they did this again then it might get weird, and she didn't want things getting weird. She also didn't want him getting the entirely wrong impression that she was after any sort of relationship – relationships were tricky and Rose found people annoying to deal with for long periods of time. No, it was probably best that they just leave it here – one fan-freaking-tastic shag on her couch – and call it a day.

"Not so fast Mister," she pulled herself off him with some difficulty – if her legs hurt before they were about to fall off now, "You came round to help me unpack, and we haven't finished yet."

He opened his mouth to retort but she beat him to it, "And don't even think about making that dirty."

He laughed heartily and began reaching for his pants. When they were both dressed and looking somewhat normal again, he turned to face her with a smile.

"So, what else is there to unpack?"

The next time they sleep together is about two months later. And that's an accident too.

Rose decides to host a house-warming party once she has finally unpacked (most of) the boxes. If she's completely honest with herself, Rose knows that the only reason she's hosting this shindig is so that she has an excuse to invite Gideon, a ridiculously attractive brown-haired, stubble-chinned, 'I-was-born-to-be-a-Rock-Star' barista from the coffee shop she likes to frequent on her way to work each morning. She doesn't like coffee, much preferring tea, but there's something in the way that Gideon makes it (and possibly the way they flirt relentlessly with each other about what pattern he's going to draw in the milk today, which simply cannot be done with tea) that makes it taste oh so good. So after one or two not-really-dates, where they hang out during his lunch break or he comes and drops off a coffee at her work on his way home, Rose decides its high time he came to her house and they resolve all this unbridled sexual tension floating around.

So, 'booty-call-masquerading-as-house-warming-party' it is.

Things are going swimmingly – Albus has brought a ridiculous amount of Firewhiskey, Lily organized music, and James has brought several supplies from Uncle George's shop to make the inevitable drinking games 'more entertaining'. Scorpius arrives around 8 o'clock, a very attractive ebony-haired stick insect accompanying him. He introduces her to Rose as a 'hair style consultant and technician', Yvette. Seeing as Gideon chooses that moment to materialize beside her she introduces him as 'hot beverage engineer', Gideon (that earns her a look from Scorpius, although it seems to go right over the stick-insect's head, and Gideon remains silent also, too busy being polite to the dazed-looking invertebrate with poofy hair). They all make polite small talk for a while before Rose gets distracted by something exploding in the kitchen and excuses herself to deal with it. She doesn't speak to Scorpius or Yvette the rest of the night.

It's approximately 12:34am when things take a turn for the worse. Rose has James – because if you want anything said loudly James Potter is the man for the job – to announce that the party is officially wrapping up and that everyone should grab their coats and start heading home. She hasn't seen Gideon in at least an hour and wants to make sure none of her cousins (read: James) have convinced him to take part in a game of rigged exploding snap, or worse. She tries to make her way through the crowd, which is moving towards the door at the rate of a sleepy hippopotamus, but can't seem to locate him anywhere. She needs to find him soon, and possibly bend over and 'accidentally' slip him a look of her ridiculously sexy (and frighteningly uncomfortable) underwear she's wearing. Once he gets a look of her arse in these lacy things (that she thinks really shouldn't be called underwear as there really isn't a lot of 'wear' to them. A strap of lace doesn't really classify as clothing), he's sure to want to stay and sort out this overflowing sexual tension thing.

Just as Rose is making her way into the lounge room, Scorpius walks right into her, clearly more than a little buzzed on whatever concoction Albus has been handing out.

"Rosie!" he says with a wide smile and open arms, wrapping her up before she can protest, "Great house! Great party! This house is fun and the party was homey!"

She gets the feeling that he got those compliments mixed up, but considering how much she's had to drink too – just enough to lose inhibitions, not too much to be dancing on tables naked (it's a delicate balance) – she just wraps her arms around his waist and thanks him with a mumble into his chest.

He sets her down, his hands lingering a little too long on her hips considering they're friends and all. But then her hands probably linger a little too long on his chest considering she's designed this whole fiasco for the sole purpose of shagging Gideon.

Gideon! That's who she was looking for.

Rose removes her hands from Scorpius as he does the same from her, and he uses his additional foot or so of height to look around the people slowly making their way out of the party.

"Say, you haven't seen Yvette, have you?" he asks, eyes skimming over the crowd.

"No," Rose answers quietly, distracted in her search for Gideon, "Have you seen…"

She trails off when she sees it – Gideon, the dick, walking out her front door, his hand placed on the black-haired stick insect's ass as she murmurs something in his ear. There's something that shifts in the atmosphere that tells her that Scorpius has just seen it too.

They're both silent for the passing moments as the last of the partiers stumbled out into the night. The door closes behind the last stragglers, leaving Rose and Scorpius standing in silence, frowning at her front door as if it had to insulted them in the stupidest way possible.

Scorpius speaks first.

"Your hot beverage engineer stole my date."

Rose lets out a most unattractive snort and crosses her arms.

"Please – your hair stylist consultant and technician stole my booty call."

"Booty call?" he raises as eyebrow at her as they aimlessly walk back towards the kitchen, "He looked like more than that."

Rose fills two glasses with water and doesn't even bother to try and keep the venom from her voice, "Evidently he was a lot less."

Scorpius hums in agreement still frowning at the night's events as she passes him a glass. There's a few moments of silence as they drink their water. Once again, Scorpius breaks it.

"Barista Bastard."

"Hair Dresser Cow."

They smile at each other in a 'we both just got screwed so that makes us buddies and fuck them all' kind of a way. Rose takes his glass from him and puts it in the sink, officially classifying the glasses (as well as all other dishes scattered around her house) as 'shit that can be dealt with tomorrow'. She moves aimlessly into the lounge room and Scorpius, just as aimlessly, follows her. He catches sight of the clock on the mantle as they enter.

"Fuck, how did it get so late?" he rubbed a hand over his face and let out a groan, "And I don't think I should apparate – that home brew was lethal."

Rose cringed and apologized weakly.

"I'd offer you the couch but…" Rose gestured to the couch that was currently covered in bottles and what she thought may be Lily. The mass beneath the bottles let out an unattractive snore and muttered something about needing to set fire to her brother's hair. Yep, definitely Lily. Scorpius smirked at Rose as he reclined against the wall.

"What state's your bed in?"

Rose raised her eyebrow and smirked back at him, reclining against the doorframe across from him.

"Occupied."

"By whom?" he challenges, and she can see the spark lighting up his eyes.

She remains stoic, "Me."

"Ah but were you not planning to share with Gideon?" he's all out smiling now and its doing things to her insides that she doesn't think are wholly due to the Firewhiskey.

"Yes…"

"And seeing now, as he has made an early exit," he takes a step towards her and tries (and fails) to look innocent, "One could assume that there is a vacancy. That needs to be filled."

It's a bad idea. Like if bad ideas were pizzas, this would be the double-cheese, extra bacon and hot sauce, added sausage pizza from hell. It would taste mighty delicious whilst you were eating it, but would result in some horrible and honestly painful bodily functions come tomorrow morning.

On the other hand, Rose had gone to all the trouble of wearing her sexiest matching pair of underwear (despite its tendency to ride up into all sorts of uncomfortable places), had already taken a potion for birth control, and had not just shaved but waxed everywhere necessary for entertaining a male companion. And a girl just did not go through all of that for another lonely night in her great big bed.

Really, it would be a waste of time and resources to not sleep with anyone tonight.

(Ok, that sounded sluttier then she anticipated).

Rose stepped towards him and pointed a finger into his chest.

"One condition," she commanded, to which he simply raised an eyebrow and leant a little closer, "You are out of here by the time Lily's conscious."

"What's the matter Little Red?" his face was flushed from the alcohol and his pupils were dilated as his hair fell in his eyes. Basically, he looked like sex on a stick. Yep, this was happening, "Afraid of your cousin finding out you fancy the big, bad wolf?"

She had no idea why he was talking about fairytales at a time like this, but she wasn't going to say anything – her lady parts had associated his scent to the most phenomenal sex ever and wanted a repeat performance. Now.

"Not sure I agree with your nickname," she smirked and slowly started walking backwards towards where her bedroom was down the hall. He followed in an enticingly predatory manner, "Bad? Sure. But big? Hardly. Maybe you should be called 'The bad little puppy' instead?"

He scoffs and starts subtly untucking his shirt, "You didn't have any complaints last time."

She slips off her shoes and starts undoing the tie at the back of her dress, "Maybe I was being polite."

He makes quick work of the buttons on his shirt and moves onto his belt, "Or maybe you just don't remember how great we were."

"Hmmm…that's true," she turns and lets her dress fall off her frame and onto the floor of her hallway as she walks into her room, ass on display in her would-barely-pass-for-a-doily underwear, as she calls over her shoulder, "Care to remind me?"

She hears his pants hit the floor and door close behind him, "It would be my pleasure."

The third time it is 100% Virginia Franklin's fault. It's not so much an accident as the result of a very, very unfunny and tasteless prank.

It's Marina Merryweather's – a girl she shared her room with all through Hogwarts – hen's night. Being a muggle-born, Marina had relished the idea of taking the muggle tradition and spicing it up with some magic (courtesy of more than one or two of Uncle George's products). It had all been fun and games, shits and giggles.

Until some bright spark – named Virginia Franklin – came up with the hilarious plan to slip a little bit (read: whole bottle) of an uncontrollable lust potion into Rose's Firewhiskey.

Right. Like the Firewhiskey wasn't doing enough damage to her libido as it was.

So, approximately 20 minutes after Virginia had hatched her 'brilliant scheme', Rose finds herself just about ready to proposition the stool she is trying desperately hard to balance on top of. The room is hazy and there are men everywhere. Literally. The room is full of them. In fact, their hen's night brigade are the only ladies in the whole place. Why? Because, to add to the hilarity, they were at an establishment that was for young wizards who fancied other young wizards, as opposed to witches.

Yep. Rose was horny as hell and stuck in a gay bar.

The stool really was growing more attractive by the second.

The girls had abandoned her in favour of the floating dance floor when it became evident that Rose was too strong-willed (read: stubborn as a fucking mule) to go gyrating against some entirely uninterested young shirtless gentleman on the dance-floor. Not that she was far from it – the heat within her body was getting almost painful to deal with.

Enter her knight in shining pants, Scorpius Malfoy.

Wait.

He is literally wearing shiny pants. Shiny silver pants.

What the fuck was going on?

Merlin help her, she doesn't care – he still looks well and truly do-able.

His face is flushed – from alcohol or dancing or other activities? Oh she wishes it is alcohol; for some reason the possibility of him being gay is ridiculously devastating, when it really shouldn't be. Hell, she'll settle for bi, just as long as he was willing right now she doesn't care what his preferences are.

He spots her as she gracelessly vaults off her stool in his general direction, her legs luckily catching her to save herself any more embarrassment. Although, given what she is about to do, she really shouldn't be bothered with embarrassment at this stage.

"Rose?" he smirks at her as he yells over the music, coming to stand much too close but nowhere near close enough, "What are you doing here?"

She really couldn't stop herself. She couldn't. It was that damn potion. She was infected with lust. She was beyond control.

Before he had a chance to think or respond, Rose throws her arms around his neck and smashes her lips into his. Really smashes. She thinks she felt their teeth meet messily. He lets out some kind of a startled gasp which allows her exactly the access she was about to demand, forcing her tongue into his mouth in a manner that she is sure was most unbecoming but honestly doesn't care about. She just needs him to touch her.

When his hand rests on her hip to stop them both falling over Rose lets out an incredibly embarrassing moan that there is no way he missed, even with the music blaring (that tended to be the case when you had your tongue battling wildly against someone else's). Scorpius smirks against her lips and for some reason that makes it even hotter. He strums his fingers along her hip and she god damn keens, rubbing her knee against his leg just to be able to touch him more. The bastard probably would have laughed at her had she not ensured his mouth was occupied. After a few more moments of bliss that manages to simultaneous quell the ache and make it worse, Scorpius holds Rose back at a safe-ish distance that she is not at all happy about.

"Rose," he looks disheveled and she really wants to jump him right then and there, "What's all this about?"

"We have to have sex!" she exclaims loudly, her hands making their way under his shirt completely without her permission, "Right now."

"In the middle of a bar?" he asks incredulously, but doesn't seem too upset about the suggestion.

"Yeesss!" she moans, both in answer to his question and because she's managed to smash herself against his body again. Dear Lord it's glorious!

He laughs at her then takes a sudden intake of breath when one of her sneaky fingers manages to graze one of his nipples. He grabs a hold of her wrists and keeps them steady, much to Rose's disappointment. She scowls and him and whines in complaint.

"Not that I'm against the idea of having sex with you," he starts but gets a little distracted by how she's licking her lips whilst looking at his, "What, precisely, is with the…urgency?"

"Virginia Franklin!" Rose exclaims, damn close to tears from just how wound up her body is right now, "She was sneaky, and she put waaaaay too much uncontrollable lust potion in my drink and now it's everywhere and Merlin help me Scorpius I need this, I need you. Now. Please!"

Scorpius eyebrows rose up his forehead in understanding as he kept hold of Rose's hands to make sure he kept a bit of distance between them. He seemed oddly conflicted given that Rose was right here, literally begging him for sex.

"I don't know Rose," he said, no hint of mocking or humor in his voice at all, "It kinda feels like taking advanatage…"

"You're not taking advantage!" she was actually going to cry if he didn't let her touch him again – Virginia Franklin was going to wake up one day shoved down a well. This was fucking awful. "You really aren't! I'm asking – begging that you help me right now. You'll be doing me a favour."

"Oh well that sounds so much better," now he sounded oddly offended.

WHY COULDN'T THEY BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION WITH NO CLOTHES ON?!

"Scorpius please," she implores, feeling sweat breaking out on her forehead. Scorpius seems to have some kind of internal battle and does a brief scan of the dance floor before finally making up his mind.

"Well, I guess I could give a friend a hand…"

"Yes!" she squeals and manages to maneuver out of his grip to throw her arms around his neck and rub her body against his. Oh delicious friction, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Right now, let's go. God I need this!"

He lifts her up a little so he can walk them back towards the entranceway of the bar, her legs left to dangle freely as she continues kissing her way up and down his jaw.

"I'm not screwing you against the wall of a gay bar, Rose – we both deserve better than that."

That triggers something in her mind, "Why are you here anyway? You aren't gay are you? Coz I'm totally not against that its just that-"

"You should know – from first hand experience in fact – that I'm not."

"Then why are you here?"

"The guys come out to be wingmen for Tommy," Rose's hazy brain recognised the name; Tommy Braithshaw, a friend of Albus' and Scorpius' since Hogwarts. Rose had had her suspicions he might be that way inclined (the boy dressed better than half the girls in their year, herself included) but she'd never thought it proper to just come out and ask. More to the point it didn't make a lick of difference – Tommy was Tommy and he was lovely. End of story. Scorpius continued, "We all go out so he doesn't have to go by himself. Awkward as fuck but its bloody hilarious watching Albus trying to dance."

Had Rose not been about to internally combust from her hormones going batshit insane then she may have laughed. As it where she just wiggled against him again and moaned into his neck.

"Home. Now. Apparate."

Apparently formulating sentences was officially beyond her.

"You're in no position to apparate," he lets out a groan when Rose's leg accidentally brushes over his crotch, "And if you keep doing this then I won't be able to focus well enough."

"Then floo. Just hurry!"

"So bossy," he mumbled into her hair with a smile. It takes them a few minutes to convince the very burly man who may in fact be half troll that Scorpius hasn't drugged Rose and that she is consenting to going home with him. The troll-man finally lets them go when Rose insists that if he doesn't let them in the floo right now then she's just going to have to have sex against the wall over there. He all but pushes the pair into the first available fireplace when she unzips her dress and makes a move to shimmy out of it.

They tumble into Scorpius' lounge room in a tangle of groaning limbs, Rose having somehow managed to wrap her legs around his waist at some point in time. She's actually panting now and fears that if this whole thing isn't resolved soon she's actually going to die from not having sex.

It'd be an awful way to go.

Scorpius attaches his mouth to her neck as his hands squeeze her arse and she moans embarrassingly loudly.

"Oh God yes," Rose rolls her hips into his, causing him to stumble and trip over the coffee table, almost sending them ass backwards.

"Rosie," his voice is low and playful and does down right delicious things to her insides, "You best not do that again until we're horizontal."

She moves her lips to his ear and whispers with a smile, "Then you best get us horizontal."

Scorpius suddenly finds the strength and balance to get them into his room and on his bed in record timing. Rose flings off her clothing in perhaps the least sexy but fastest acrobatic display of her life (complete with a somersault in there somewhere), whilst Scorpius only manages to undo his pants, unbutton half his shirt and kick off his shoes before she drags him on top of her and demands they start getting down to business.

He settles beside her, kissing her softly as her hands run through his hair. She tries to get closer but he stops her when he slides his hand down the front of her undies and she damn well screams at the contact.

"Oh God!" she cries, hands gripping his shoulders and eyes closed tightly as his fingers begin to strum at her clit and her hips buck against him, "Oh God don't stop."

Scorpius is enjoying this in an entirely different way to Rose, finding the whole thing thoroughly amusing. Had Rose not been otherwise distracted she probably would have punched him. He freezes suddenly and Rose gasps loudly in distress.

"What's the magic word?" he teases, pulling his fingers just out of reach. Rose cracks an eye open to glare at him.

"If you don't make me come in the next two minutes I will castrate you with a blunt spork."

He laughs as he leans in to kiss her, "Got it in one."

It's an embarrassingly short amount of time before Rose is keening in delight and riding the waves of what was a truly phenomenal (and boarderline painful) orgasm. Seriously, we're talking less than 20 seconds here, and he only used his damn fingers.

She falls back into his abundance of pillows and lets out heavy breaths like she hasn't been able to flush her lungs in hours. Rose still whimpers now and then but can definitely tell that the effects of the potion have been mostly abated. Scorpius kisses her collarbone in a move that might be a bit too intimate considering the circumstances surrounding her being here in the first place, before lying back on the bed next to her.

"All better Rosie?" he asks, sounding a little out of breath but nowhere near as exhausted as Rose.

She can't manage words and only sighs happily in response. He smiles sideways at her and tries his damnedest to ignore the raging hard-on he's got after watching her come. He's seriously considering going to the bathroom and finishing himself off when Rose surprises him by throwing her leg over his waist and straddling him. His hands find their way to her hips without asking his permission, and he feels himself smiling up at the woman above him as she smiles down at him.

"Thanks," she says with a quick kiss to the right side of his jaw, "I owe you."

"I'm sure I'll think of a way for you to repay me," he feels her shifting as a sneaky smile settles over her features. Even in the very limited light he can tell it's a good sign of things to come (shameless pun for which he refuses to apologise). Rose kisses him slowly as her hips continue to shift down.

"I think I've already figured out payment," she disappears from his view but he can feel her hands (and dear Merlin her tongue) working their way down his chest, down round his belly button, then down further still. She pauses as she non-too-gently pulls his briefs down his legs.

And hell-o! Scorpius Junior springs up happily, finally free and reporting for duty.

"Of course, if there's something else you'd prefer…" she lowers her head to his crotch and gets acquainted with Scorpius Junior.

Sweet holy Merlin maybe some of that uncontrollable lust potion rubbed off on him because that felt incredible.

"No, what you're doing will be just fi- ah! -fine!"

Once Rose has thanked him (thoroughly) they fall asleep butt naked and kind of half-cuddling (how that happened neither of them know, so they just ignore it and pretend not to notice). Scorpius wakes up when Albus gets home round 3am, then gets out of bed to go to the loo and comes back to discover that Rose has woken and thinks that, to ensure all traces of the potion are gone, they should probably go another round. He can't help but agree. You know, to be safe. They're so responsible.

They fall asleep once more, this time proper cuddling with Rose resting her head on his chest while he strokes her hair.

Rose wakes up alone to the smell of coffee, crumpets, and sex in a bed that isn't her own. Once she remembers the events of last night (Virginia Franklin is going to die a very painful and humiliating death…although it did mean she got to have sex with Scorpius so it wasn't a complete loss she supposed) she smiles, pulls on her dress from last night and makes her way out to get some delicious breakfast into her hungover belly.

And it is then that she remembers why shagging Scorpius in the first place was probably a bad idea.

Because Albus, that's why.

She is reminded of this because she's currently staring at Albus where he sits opposite Scorpius at their breakfast table.

Fuck

Rose blushes brightly (thanks Weasley genes) and brushes her hair back, hoping to make it look slightly less like the sex-hair it was. Considering her hair was only about a half step away from sex hair on a daily basis she didn't like her chances. To his credit, Albus says nothing. He simply looks at Rose with a slight crease in his forehead and then to where is roommate and best friend sits reading a week-old copy of The Prophet at the dining table.

Rose suddenly doesn't feel much like crumpets. All she feels like is escaping this colossal cock-up as soon as possible. She pastes on a bright smile that is incredibly too fake and gives a small entirely forced wave to her cousin and Scorpius (who still looks half asleep and thus hasn't realized just how bad of a situation they've got themselves into here).

"Well, I'll be off!" Rose squeaks, knowing her voice is much too cheerful for this early in the morning. She is making things weird, she has to stop it being weird.

"See you cousin!"

That is not how to stop the weirdness.

"See you….friend."

You're making it worse! FUCK!

Rose runs from the room, slams the door behind her and apparates back to her apartment where she tries to think up a way to erase the past 20 minutes of her life.

Back at Scorpius and Albus' apartment, the two roommates sit in a companionable silence, the early morning radio playing softly behind them.

Albus pours himself a bowl of Coco Pops (with a dash of milk) and sits down opposite Scorpius, as he starts to casually eat his breakfast.

He doesn't look at his blonde-haired friend when he speaks, "You sleeping with Rose?"

"Yup."

"Is it serious?"

"Nope."

"Does she know that?"

"Yup."

"Righto."

They sit in silence while Albus finishes his first round of breakfast. As he stands to get himself his second round of breakfast (a crumpet with peanut butter, honey and banana – don't knock it till you've tried it) he makes a passing comment with completely no emotion behind it.

"If you break her heart, no one will ever find your body."

Scorpius nods as he sips his long black, "Roger that."

And Episode One 'Friends with Benefits', is complete. Episode Two 'Lovers' to come. Stay tuned folks!

Reviews make me happy, and a happy Grae is a Grae that updates. Just something for you all to ponder ;)

Until next time (and afterwards as well I'm sure),

Grae xo