Note: So this came from my needing to work through all those premiere emotions and wondering what was going through Felicity's head this episode… She certainly went through a gamut of emotions in a very short amount of time. The scene where Oliver and Diggle are arguing in the Foundry with Felicity in the foreground holding back tears particularly struck me, and sort of inspired this.

Just as an FYI, I skipped prompt #7 and used prompt #8 'Nothing to Hide'. I do have a piece for #7 but it's not finished and this has been screaming at me for days to be written. Hopefully I can concentrate on other things now that it's out of my system.

Went a bit over the hour with editing time, but I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer - Some dialogue borrowed directly from the show.

Felicity sits at her desk in the Foundry, staring at the screens in front of her without really seeing them. She's freshly showered and dressed in bright purple to combat her terrible mood.

Today has been the ultimate in ups and downs.

She'd spent far too long getting ready for her date Oliver, changing outfits and hairstyles multiple times, and although they'd both been nervous, it had been going really well. The look on his face when their eyes had met across the restaurant had sent tingles from her chest to her toes and then his arms had gently come around her, sending her heart racing. He'd been so genuine, no Oliver Queen mask or facade. Just Oliver. Her Oliver.

He'd remembered that the pen she'd been chewing on when they'd first met had been red, for goodness sake. Who did that? And then, because it's their life and not a fairytale, the restaurant had exploded before they'd even gotten a menu.

She remembers Oliver leaping from his chair, sweeping the table onto its side. Her heart had leapt into her throat at the look on his face.

Determination. Fear.

Oliver rarely showed his fear. She could recall on one hand the number of times he'd looked genuinely afraid. But in that moment, their eyes had met and with his lovely words still ringing in her ears she'd reached for him because she trusted him to keep her safe.

He somehow knew what was coming seconds before everyone else, and it had been those seconds that had probably saved her life. Their lives. Because people had died, but Oliver had saved her, again.

She had awoken with his name on her lips, gasping for air, and he'd been there, whispered assurances on his lips. She'd stared at him, frantically searching his eyes for answers, and while she'd found them, because they always understood each other even without words, they hadn't been the answers she'd been hoping for.

And then he'd taken off, mission on the forefront of his mind, and Felicity had been left to shower off the dirt and debris, grey water swirling down the drain as she'd stood underneath the spray of water in her tiny shower for much longer than necessary. She wasn't generally a wallower, but she'd just had another near-death experience on the heels of one of the happiest moments in her recent memory, so she decided that she would give herself this time, while she's alone and in the shower and no one can hear her, to let go, before she bottles it all back up again.

Obviously, things couldn't just go right for once in her life. She and Oliver couldn't have feelings for each other and be together, because that would just be too much.

Too much what, she wasn't sure.

She knew Oliver believed he didn't deserve anything good in his life, that he was being punished for whatever terrible things he had to do while he was on the island. And she really does believe that he had to do the things he did. Oliver isn't a bad person. He has a big heart and genuinely cares more than he probably realizes. But for him to decide that she doesn't get her happy ending, to punish her right alongside himself, made angry tears spring to her eyes.

Felicity swallowed them, allowing herself until the water turned cool to wallow in her misery and frustration, before pushing it down, into that tiny compartment where hope used to live. Hope that Oliver would one day return her feelings. Hope that they would be able to love each other, hope for lazy mornings in bed, easy kisses and late night conversations, toothbrushes and high heels and shiny dress shoes living side by side. A future. Together.

She had been fine with that hope shoved down, when it had taken up only a tiny part of her. But after Slade and Lian Yu it had gradually spread, tiny tendrils sneaking into other aspects of her life as Oliver ingrained himself firmly into her heart with easy grins and thoughtful gestures.

A towel wrapped around herself, Felicity moved into her bedroom, the lights dim to match her mood. She doesn't know how, but after being blown up she barely has a scratch on her. She inspected herself in the floor length mirror, critically looking from head to toe, before dressing in a bright purple dress, the colour the complete opposite of how she felt at the moment. There are bruises running up her side, a tiny cut just above the scar on her temple from Sladegate, but that's all.

She's lucky, she thought, remembering the news stories. The number of dead and severely injured patrons at the restaurant was high. Too many innocents hurt by one vengeful person.

When she arrived back at the Foundry, Roy swallowed a look of surprise.

"Felicity. I, uh- I didn't expect you back so soon," he said, eyes tracking up and down her body. Probably because an hour ago she'd looked like an extra in a horror movie.

John walked up to her, placed his hand gently on her arm. "You okay?" He gazed intently into her eyes, mouth twisting when she averted hers.

"I'm fine." She shook off his hand, settling herself in her chair. Her home. "The world doesn't stop just because Oliver and I nearly got blown up."

She heard John sigh, but he let her be. Roy too.

And now it's been over an hour. She thinks. She's been staring at her screens, forcing herself to focus on the work in front of her, but honestly, she has no idea what she's accomplished. She calls the ambulance that Oliver requests for Lance and steels herself for his return.

Too soon, the door at the top of the stairs is clanging open, followed by heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Felicity doesn't look up at first. She takes a deep breath. Pretends she didn't see the end of everything she'd hoped for in his eyes earlier, as the cold metal from the table had seeped into her skin. She'll wait. Let him be the one to say the words, because it's his choice, not hers.

"Are you okay?" she asks when he comes into view, because he's back in his suit and looks fine to the naked eye, but she knows him better than that.

Oliver doesn't look at her at first, brushes off her concern and asks about Lance, and she falters, biting her lip and watching him cautiously. She answers his brusque question, because what else can she do, but then he's focusing on her,like he's realized she's actually in front of him and no longer bloody and broken, asking her gently if she's okay and she can't help the offhand comment that falls from her mouth.

His lips purse and he looks away. Her smile slides off her face like it was never there in the first place. She wants to shake him, to make him realize that this wasn't his fault, but then he's moving, onto the next thing and she forces herself to focus on their task at hand.

But then, soon enough, he's wanting to talk and she just can't.

She can't do that now when there's still an explosion ringing in her ears and they have a board meeting to go to and a company to win, because even though it's not her job anymore, she will sit beside Oliver as he tries to convince the board that he should be in charge of Queen Consolidated.

She forces her voice to be bright and positive, like she doesn't know what he's going to say if they talk. Pats him on the chest, ignoring the way she can feel his heart jump against her hand like it wants to be held in her palm, and leads him out of the Foundry.

And when they fail, it's like it's another tick in the con column for Oliver. Just another thing that hasn't gone his way in the last twenty four hours. She can see him categorizing in his head, watches the shift in his eyes as he talks about Oliver Queen and the Arrow, like either one isn't completely him.

They're both him. They're all him. Oliver, Oliver Queen, the Arrow, even Ollie to a certain degree. They all make up the man in front of her, for better or worse, and she wants to tell him that, but then he's explaining that the Count showed him that his worst fear is himself, is letting himself be happy, and even though her heart is sinking, she can't help but ask if he really believes what he's telling her. The look in his eyes tells her enough.

It's not until they're back at the Foundry, and Oliver has told Roy to suit up and Diggle is asking where Oliver wants him situated, that she really sees how much today has shaken him.

Oliver insists that Diggle not go out into the field and when Diggle asks what's changed, Felicity waits for his response, hardly breathing. She can hear the challenge in Digg's voice, the barely restrained frustration and anger. Apparently she isn't the only one that Oliver thinks he can make unilateral decisions for.

"I have." Oliver's voice is determined and Felicity's eyes fall shut as she listens to the conversation play out behind her.

"My risks can't be your risks. That- Diggle, you have a life. You have a new life. It's…" Oliver's voice trails off, as though he's thinking, choosing his words carefully because he knows she's sitting here, unable to not overhear their conversation. "It's a life I can't have."

Felicity listens to him say it and although she's trying to push all these feelings down, they're all battling for dominance, to be let out and expressed because she's always been the type of person to wear her heart on her sleeve. But today is not the day for that. Still, she can see her dreams of happiness and togetherness and family fading away like wisps of fog in sunlight.

So she takes a deep breath. She presses trembling lips together, forcing her eyes to stay on her screens as Oliver and Diggle argue behind her. She can see their reflections in the glass and she can tell Oliver is looking in her general direction, even as Diggle gets in his face. Diggle mentions her name and she shifts uncomfortably in her chair, biting her lip in an attempt to hold herself together.

The words hurt. They do.

Because although they didn't even make it through a single date, there was an undercurrent that this was important. This thing between them, this connection that's been growing over the last two years, is a big deal. So to hear Oliver say that he's never going to let himself go down that path, that he doesn't deserve it, nearly breaks her.

There's a sharp pain in her chest and she can't help the tears that well in her eyes. Her screens blur in front of her, and Diggle stalks past the tables, not even stopping to say goodbye. The tension in the room is palpable and she sniffs miserably and presses a hand to her mouth.

She can feel Oliver shifting his weight behind her. Can hear the rasp of his fingers rubbing together - a nervous habit he doesn't even know he has. He hasn't moved otherwise and neither has she. She can't look at him right now. One look and she'll lose it, this tenuous grip she has on her emotions, and with Roy suited up and Oliver about to, she needs to keep it together. For the team.

She takes another shaky breath, moving the mouse with her hand to keep the screen active as she hears Oliver blow out an angry breath.

He pounds a fist into the med table, just once, and Felicity jumps. Then before she can say anything he's striding to the case that houses his suit, grabbing it and heading to the bathroom to change and catch up to Roy so they can take this guy down.

She swallows her tears, brushing at her eyes now that she's alone.

She doesn't want to be the reason Diggle and Oliver fight. Even though she knows she's not really, it seems to her like she's in the middle of it anyways. John knows how she feels, probably knows how Oliver feels too, and after seeing them so happy not even a day ago, the reason for the sudden change in Oliver's behaviour is clearly obvious.

Soon enough Oliver is dressed in green, grabbing his bow and heading out of the Foundry. He doesn't seem inclined to stop and say anything to her and before she can think better of it, she's standing up, calling out his name.

He stops. Stills like a statue, muscles tense and on alert.

She's only meters away from him, but it feels like miles. Thousands of miles. But she needs to reach him, get through to him before he's out on the streets, risking his life to keep his city safe.

"Felicity. What is it?" Her name on his lips has always made her feel a hundred different things and today is no different. He has a kind of reverence in the tone of his voice when he says it, like it's the most precious word.

She swallows. "Just… It's not- I mean, you… Ugh. Of all the times for my brain to leave me with nothing to say!" Felicity can't seem to make the right words come out of her mouth. She can't seem to find any words to make Oliver feel better, to repair this chasm that's been created by an RPG sailing into the restaurant all those hours ago.

Oliver turns and looks at her. Just looks, but she swears there's a small smile playing around the corners of his mouth and she can't see his eyes, so she halfheartedly raises her arms and lets them fall.

"Just be careful out there. Please. No unnecessary risks tonight, Oliver." Her voice is stern and she's pretty impressed it came out without even a slight waver. "Today has been a long day and I would very much like our entire team to come home safe and sound."

He gives her a small nod. He opens his mouth like he's going to say something, to reassure her or to promise her, but then he turns and climbs the stairs, and she's alone with her thoughts once again.

She goes back to her computers, pulls up their trackers, puts her comm into her ear. She asks Roy his status and watches Oliver's green dot get closer to the arena. She sends Digg a text, asking if he's okay and how Lyla is doing. After the day she's had, she just needs to know that her team is safe. It's the only thing she can do right now.

She listens to Oliver trade blows with the new Count and hears Sara in the background. She navigates Roy through plans A and B and when the bomb is frozen she finally lets the fear and tension flow out of her in one fell swoop, pushing her glasses up to scrape a hand over her face.

She listens to them all leaving the scene and packs up her belongings, leaving the Foundry before the boys make it back.

She can almost hear her shower is calling her name as she climbs into her tiny car and buckles her seatbelt.

But then her phone buzzes and it's Diggle, sending her a message filled with too many exclamation points, and she swings her car in the direction of the hospital because some things are just more important.

Thank you for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are always welcomed, as are conversations and random thoughts about Olicity, Season 3, and Arrow in general :)