Chapter 19: Surviving isn't Living

Perviously...
A net. I let out a shaky breath and laugh. Thea is on my chest looking around someone pulls the net and I roll to the edge, using my forearms to keep from crushing Thea. I laugh at the blue eyes that sparkle with life. Hands cup me under my arms and haul me up right. I adjust Thea on my hip and look up at the man who pull me out of the net.

Thea has his eyes. And his hair color. And his smile.

"Tobias..."

My voice cracks and my eyes well up. It's been almost two years since we last saw each other...when he was up on the platform of the Hub, saying good by to me. The morning after I had given him me. My heart squeezed in pain and my hand shot out to his face. A loud smack echoed through the dense hallways.

I slapped him.

My eyes widened and I gasped, bringing my stinging hand up to cover my mouth. Then his eyes widen with shock and he has a small red handprint on his face. He has only been looking into my eyes that when he finds Thea, he pales. Someone clears their throat loudly, breaking the silence.

"Four? The announcement," a deep female voice calls.

"Um..." he regroups himself and finishes, "First Jumper—Tris." there's a slow clap afterwards. Everyone seems to still be staring at Tobias's cheek. "Lauren, take over, thank you," he grabs my upper arm and tugs me away from the group around the net.

A shriek fills the air as someone else plunges into the entrance. I don't get to see who comes next because Tobias turns a corner and drags me up a few staircases and whips round hallways—all without talking—before stopping in front of a black door. After shoving his key into the lock he pressed me into the apartment. It's simple with blacks, whites, and greys. The are a few words tattooed on the wall but I can't read them from this angle. I stop to listen. His breathing is harsh and uneven. I take a deep breath an turn to face him.

"What the hell is this, Tris?" he glances over at Thea. My face contours with anger. He is the one who got me pregnant and left. He is the one who didn't know what a fucking condom was. I have hit my limit today.

"This is your daughter, Tobias," I almost shout at him. "Yeah, the night you told me you were going to leave me, well we screwed up big time and this is the result." Tears leave me blind to his expression. My voice cracks, "So many time I wanted to know if you were okay...if you had made it...but you know the rules, no outsiders." Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath to calm my ragged panting. My shoulder start to shake from holding back a sob.

"Why? Why didn't you write to me?" I choked out.

"Tris...if I had known...things..." he stopped. Frustrated, I push the tears back and see his face contoured in confusion. He sighs loudly. After a long pause he speaks up, "What is her name?"

"Thea...Theadora Raven...Eaton," I whisper because I don't trust my voice.

"You gave her my last name?" he asks with shock clearly embedded in his husky voice.

"You gave me her, I thought it was only fair," I respond shakily.

"Tris, I loved you—I still love you. You were my best friend, the only one who knew the true me. And I'm scared. I don't know the first thing about being a dad. You know what Marcus did to me...and yet, here you are, with my daughter." He chokes. I never realized until the moment I saw him again...I love him too.

I've been in love with him since that day in school. When we started training together. When we first kissed. And the day I found out I was pregnant with Thea. I've always loved him, even when I thought I hated him. I wanted to hate him for everything he was. But my love for him wouldn't let me.

"Tobias...I—I love you too," my heart has been broken for so long, I don't know when I'll be able to trust him again.

"I know you must think very low of me," he steps closer and I can feel his body heat seep into my skin, "but I want to be with you. I want us to raise Thea together. I want you to want me."

"I do want to be with you, but you broke—no shattered my heart. You left because you found a way out. I was so young, and I still am, but to wake up to the fact that I was going to be a mother at fifteen and you had left me alone...Tobias, I missed you every second of everyday. I know you were trying to better yourself, but you made me feel used. Unwanted." All my emotions are running high. I still want to be mad at him but his eyes persuade me to understand him.

"I missed you too, Tris. During my initiation, all I could think about was making it through this, hoping one day you would come back to me. And you did. Just with a little extra person with you," he cracked a smile.

I smiled back.

"How old is she?" he asks.

"A little over eight months."

"Were you okay. I mean, did the kids at school mess with you?" his expression turned lethal.

"Well, what do you expect? I am the only un-married, underage, Abnegation girl who has gotten pregnant ever. Of course there were stares, comments, and rumors. I kept it hide for quite sometime, but I really couldn't hide the bump." He stares at me in disbelief.

"And after she was born?" he softens. A little.

"I rarely got to do the schooling part of my life. My mother helped exponentially, but I didn't want Thea being raised by her Grandma. She needs a mother...and a father." I look at him. Then I look down at my daughter. Our daughter. She's fast asleep, and my arms are sore from her weight, so I place her on the bed in the corner and surround her with pillows just in case she rolls. I turn back to Tobias. He's closer now. A few feet away. He step again and reaches for me. He's hand glides around my waist and tugs me forward. I fall into his embrace. Just like that, I forget all my heartache. All my resentment. And just love him again. He kisses my forehead, temples, and nose before his lips briefly touch mine. He's testing me. Seeing how far I'm willing to go.

Right now, I'm ready for all he has to give. He goes in foremother kiss, but I meet him halfway and crush my lips onto his. One second we're stand and next, we are stumbling onto the sofa. He sits and pulls me on top of him, forcing me to straddle his hips. Our kisses are heated, passionate. All our tension is spilling out of us like never before. My hands wonder from his neck to the hem if his shirt, pulling it up to showcase perfectly sculpted abs, chest, and broad shoulders. All way bigger than when I first saw them. My heart racks up speed. He's so much more powerful than me. He squeezes my hips so hard, I know I will have bruises later.

His hands pull on my shirt. I momentarily release my grip on his shoulders to yank it off. Using one hand, he unclasps my bra, leaving me bare. He brakes our kiss to stare down at me. Thea still nurses, so my breasts are large and round. For once I'm glad to now have a woman's body.

"God, you are so beautiful," he whispers in a husky voice that sends a thrill through me, striking me to the core. I can feel him beneath me. Long and hard. I gentle grind my hips on his. He groans a tightens his grasp on me. "If you keep doing that, I might cum in my pants."

His words make my face hot. I feel like he's more confided in his body than before. Almost as if...no. I will not go there right now. I just focus on how he make me feel. I do it again and he flips us. My back hits the soft fabric of the couch and I let out a gasp. His lips are back on mine suddenly.

"I've missed you so much," he breathes. One hand trails down my chest, between the valley of my breasts, and hits the waistband of my slacks. He unbuttons them quickly. Sliding both my pants and underwear down at the same time. I reach for the buckle on his pants. Right when I'm pulling the leather out of the loops, there is a soft knock on the door. We groan and pull apart.

"Who's that?" I ask. I swiftly pull a shirt off the ground, but it happens to be Tobias' instead of mine. I shrug it on and he goes to the door with his pants still hanging loosely around his waist. He sighs and unlocks the door, looking at me with a hungered look.

"What is it?" he grumbles, but when he looks at the person in the doorway, his entire aura changes. He's suddenly tense and I can tell he's uncomfortable.

"Four, what's wrong, honey?" a sad female voice says beyond the door. Then she steps into the apartment. We lock eyes immediately, then she eyes me with a look of disgust.

"Who the hell is she?" she seethes. Her face is red with anger, while mine is from embarrassment. And then...Thea starts to wail.

A/N: I know you guys...it's been a month again...and this is a really weird time to update but what the hell, I'm gonna do it. I'm really sorry, it's just my life has been so crazy. I had a cousin graduate college in Cali, then mothers day, and finales are here. Ugh, I'm sorry again. I wish I had more time to write. Lucky, I'm not taking summer classes this year, so I'll try to have more time. OMFG thank you guys so much for all the support an amazing reviews. 300 reviews! Thank you guys so so so much. I hope everyone had an amazing mothers day and spent it with them. They are truly wonderful people. I'll try to update soon but no promises. I know Tris was really weird this chapter, but we've got to remember she is a hormonal teenaged girl who's tired and what's to feel loved again. Sorry for confusion while reading. Until next time...

Live Long & Prosper