A/N: I have been away for a long time but rest assured all your reviews and favoriting (is that even a word?) haven't escaped my attention and I'm glad people still find and enjoy the old stories. I started thinking about the Mentalist again after reviews by LouiseKurylo and this little idea popped in my head so you can thank her for this.

Chapter 1

The window frame was cool against his skin in the early morning as he was watching the first errant rays of sun appear over the horizon. Jane inhaled the silence and stillness of the night in the moments before the new day took over, enjoying the calm and advancing golden glow of the sun.

His tendency for insomnia hadn't got any better after all the years of not sleeping and even now when he had entered a new and happy chapter in his life, he still didn't require that much sleep. The nightmares still came but less frequently and they were now more muted and distant.

Lisbon was used to his wanderings and didn't even stir anymore when he left their bed. He always made sure to be back before she woke up as he didn't want her to feel upset by his absence and anyway he loved watching her facial expressions in that twilight zone just before waking up.

But she wouldn't be waking up for many hours yet as it was still very early. Jane turned his thoughts back to the stillness of the night and that deep humming of content he felt in his chest. After declaring his love for Lisbon, he seemed to have lost that tight, wound up coil in his chest and this deep feeling of warmth had taken residence instead.

He was still in awe of the feeling and took these moments of quiet to study it and let it roam free as his usual response to any emotions was still to contain it and throw away the key as he had done for many years and it took conscious effort of letting the feeling to diffuse through him.

Lisbon as usual was taking his struggles in her stride, giving him space when she thought he needed it and being loving and affectionate at other times. It spoke how well they knew each other as she seemed to always know what he needed.

And he was doing everything he could to make her happy, even keeping the most outrageous plans in check at work, although that always made Lisbon suspicious. However Abbott seemed to appreciate this new Jane and completely turned a blind eye to their relationship. Lisbon also had her rules about how they should behave at work and Jane respected them. Although if there was nobody around, he did let his mischievous side run rampant which had led to few interesting incidences including playing hide and seek with the cleaning crew. A smile spread over Jane's face as he was remembering that particular night.

Although now that he inspected the feeling of fuzzy contentment, it was unusually strong and infused with streaks of accomplishment. That was strange as nothing unusual had happened recently and he had now lived with Lisbon for several months.

Jane eventually shrugged his shoulders and filed the oddity into a drawer in his mind palace and turned around to return to the bed. The sight made the previous feelings return so strongly they almost took his breath away and he took a moment to admire his handiwork.

Lisbon was lying still on the bed with her throat cut but there wasn't a single drop of blood marring her white skin or the white sheets as he had been careful in lovingly collecting the blood. The shiny, smiling face on the wall above her contrasted nicely with her dull, serious expression.

XXX

Jane woke up with his heart hammering in his chest, the pressure building to a point that he thought he's going to have a heart attack. He couldn't move and had to lie still while in his head he was thrashing around. He faintly recognized this as sleep paralysis that he had encountered before when waking from a deep sleep as it took a while for the body to catch up that his brain was awake but he desperately needed to turn his head to make sure Lisbon was unharmed. After straining in panic inside his own head, his body finally awoke and he whipped around to find Lisbon calmly fast asleep next to him, the predawn gently lighting up her features.

Jane consciously went through his mental exercises to lower his pulse and respiratory rate before reaching out for Lisbon as he knew she would wake up if he was so agitated. Once he seemed outwardly calm, he scooted closer to Lisbon and gathered her gently in his arms and held her tightly nuzzling her hair and inhaling her scent, trying to surround himself with the sensation of Lisbon to convince himself that she was safe.

Lisbon stirred but after several months of living together she had become accustomed to Jane's sudden need to hold her, especially after his nightmares that she didn't wake up for which Jane was grateful. He couldn't face her after what he had done.

Yes, it had been a nightmare but he had been fully immersed and remembered every detail and thought that had crossed his mind. What was most disturbing, he still had the lingering feeling of accomplishment and it made him feel physically sick.

What the hell had that been about?

TBC