A/N: This is a nice little parody of one of my favorite reality shows on TV, The Amazing Race. I noticed that some other fan fiction authors have written their own parodies of The Amazing Race based on their own favorite fandoms, as well as stories based on other reality shows like Survivor, so I thought, why not me too?

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: The Clone Wars or Star Wars Rebels. They both belong to Disney. And I don't own the rights to The Amazing Race, either; those go to the CBS station.

The Race Begins

"Coruscant, Naboo, Tatooine, Bespin, Kashyyyk, Endor, Utapau, Christophsis, and many other star systems in our galaxy," said Dexter Jettster, owner of Dex's Diner and highly intelligent informant. He was dressed in spacer's clothes that were a little tight on him due to his overweight body, instead of his usual kitchen uniform, and he was standing on a platform overlooking a runway where twelve couples were standing, waiting for their respective cue. "This galaxy of ours is such a fascinating place, whether we believe in the Republic or the Empire, but so many of us take it for granted. It must be a pleasure for anyone to see it for purposes besides those of war, not to mention a seeming impossibility, but starting now, we are giving twenty-four peoples from all walks and ages of life, grouped into teams of two with an existing relationship, the ability to explore the many planets this galaxy has to offer. But they are not only racing for the thrills. No sir, they are competing for a prize of one million Republic/Imperial credits. It will be given to the team that can overtake all the others in a race around numerous pre-chosen star systems and back here to Coruscant. This is…the Amazing Race! I'm your host…Dexter Jettster, owner of Dex's Diner in Coco Town District."

Applause rang from the crowd of galactic citizens gathered together to see the beginning of this momentous event.

"I am now standing on a landing platform for Imperial shuttles and cruisers," continued Dex, "We are presently outside a military compound for TIE Fighters and other Imperial and former Republic craft. The location of all of this is Galactic City, now known to Imperial citizens as Imperial Center, though I myself liked it better when it was called Coruscant, and we are within sight of the Imperial Senate Rotunda and the vacant Jedi Temple, the former home of the Jedi Order."

"On the ground below me now are the twelve teams, ready to win the big prize and use it for their own excellent purposes, whether it be related to the Old Republic, the Empire, the status of the decimated Jedi, the status of the Mandalorian warriors, or anything else that suits them. These teams are…"

The camera panned off Dex and showed the first of the twelve teams close-up.

Ahsoka Tano and Lux Bonteri

"Ahsoka Tano and Lux Bonteri. Close friends, possibly lovers, and freedom fighters. Ahsoka was once a Jedi, by the way. Being a Togruta, Ahsoka comes from Shili, while human Lux comes from Onderon."

Ahsoka was dressed in her tight Jedi outfit, despite no longer being a Jedi, though she also wore a dark cloak with a hood over it. Lux wore a dark shirt and jacket, dark pants, and black boots. He also wore black gloves.

Ahsoka blushed fiercely at her and Lux being called lovers. "We only get to see each other occasionally, and then usually on missions, so we're not exactly lovers," she said.

"As of yet," said Lux, grinning slightly, "But we thought that by working together, we can fund some freedom fighters to free Onderon from the Empire, because sadly, Steela and Saw Gerrera are not around anymore to fight it themselves. Besides, we thought it would be a nice, peaceful opportunity to get to know each other better."

"You don't have to rub it in, Lux!" said Ahsoka. "But yes, we do care about each other, and we intend to do something good that Jedi ordinarily can't do to help the galaxy."

Asajj Ventress and Barriss Offee

"Asajj Ventress and Barriss Offee. Two unofficial partners in dark side crime. Asajj is from either Rattatak or Dathomir, I forget which one, and Barriss is from Mirial."

Asajj was dressed in her lightweight armor she wore since leaving Count Dooku, and carried her mask and red, curved-hilted lightsabers. Barriss wore her Jedi clothes, mostly, and carried her straight, blue lightsaber.

"We can't seem to agree on what to do with the money if we win the race," said Asajj. "I want to use it to permanently clear my name, and to get a weapon that can destroy Darth Vader, or should I say, Anakin Skywalker."

"And I still say that it should be used to bring the last of the Jedi to justice and end all war within the universe," said Barriss, "What could be more important than that, Asajj?"

"Well, Barriss," replied Asajj, "It might make more sense if you stop pretending that you're still serving the light side of the Force."

"There is no 'light side' or 'dark side,'" argued Barriss, "The Force is simply what it is."

"I know that," said Asajj impatiently, "Dooku taught that to me. My point is your Order was raised and indoctrinated with the belief in the so-called good and dark sides."

"And I tell you, Mirialans practice serving the Force differently than that!" exclaimed Barriss.

"Uh, well, let's just leave them to their arguing for now, huh folks?" said Dex, noticing that some people were hissing at the two dark siders. "Let's get on with the teams."

Satine Kryze and Bo-Katan Kryze

"Satine Kryze and Bo-Katan Kryze. Sisters who disagree on anything, but nonetheless respect each other's existence. They are both Mandalorians, but Satine has always maintained a pacifist stance, while Bo-Katan, one of the leaders of the Nite Owls of Death Watch, is a warhawk and prefers using violence to solve problems."

Blond Satine was dressed in her tight, regal traveling clothes she usually wore when not sitting in her court. Redhead Bo-Katan was dressed in her Mandalorian armor, her helmet under one arm.

"I'm sorry to say that like Asajj and Barriss, we cannot agree on a use for the money, either. Bo-Katan wants to use it to hire some new Nite Owl warriors, while I want to use it to bring back the old, pacifistic Mandalore and get it back from the warriors that love to butcher the galaxy alongside the soulless stormtroopers of the Empire," said Satine.

"But we have agreed," said Bo-Katan, "to work as a team, us being of the same blood and all, in order to win this race, and then we'll discuss the finer points of its use after we win."

"Yes," said Satine, "And by the Force, I hope we both make the right decision."

Echo and Fives

"Clone troopers Echo and Fives. They both served as ARC troopers for the Republic, and together with their late cadet squadmates, Hevy, Droidbait, and Cutup, they have proved to be some of the finest, and smartest, of the clone troopers of the Grand Army of the Republic. They consider themselves to be brothers, and not just because they're cloned from the same template."

Echo and Fives were dressed in almost identical clone armor. The differences were that Echo's chest-plate had a black handprint on it, and his helmet had two vertical blue lines painted on it, while Fives had a Rishi Eel painted on his helmet and lacked unique markings on his chest-plate.

"We sure showed a thing of two to the Separatist clankers," said Echo, "And now we're going to win a million credits, so we can buy ourselves our own army of brothers to oust the brainless stormtrooper army."

"And no one can stop two enthusiastic brother clones from getting what they want, now, can they?" said Fives.

"No way, mate," said Echo, "We'll make Droidbait, Cutup, and Hevy even more proud of us yet, not to mention, 99."

Sugi and Embo

"Bounty hunters Sugi and Embo. They are of the more honorable variety of bounty hunters, from what I've heard. Zabrak Sugi is from Iridonia, and Kyuzo Embo is from Phatrong."

Sugi had a topknot of hair on her mostly bald head, and was dressed in a red tank top and dark, masculine trousers. Embo wore a hat that tripled as a shield and a snowboard, as well as light armor and loose brown pants.

"I must confess that Embo and I do not always fight for honorable causes," said Sugi, "But when we make deals, we don't break them, and we fulfill our end of the bargain. And that includes loyalty to each other in this race, where we wish to use the money for our own 'most excellent purposes.'"

Embo said something in his native language, the only language he ever spoke.

Sugi replied, "That's right. Even though we can't use our blasters in this race, except in an emergency self-defense, we already have our rivals outmatched by our skills as professional bounty hunters alone."

Katooni and Petro

"Former Jedi younglings, but still cute as a button, Katooni and Petro. Near-human Katooni comes from Tholoth, a spiritual world known for its dark-skinned beauties with matching headdresses, and human Petro is a Corellian."

Little Katooni and Petro wore traveling fatigues that were similar, but not identical, to their old Jedi uniforms.

"We're in this to help our friends," said Katooni, "Ganodi, Gungi, Byph, and Zatt. We live in a secret part of the galaxy right now, and we need the money to feed ourselves and make our home more comfortable and warm at nights."

"With this money," said Petro, "I'm gonna buy us a diner like Dex's Diner and lots and lots of cozy blankets to tuck the little ones in at night."

Katooni giggled. "Petro," she said, "Now don't start acting like a doting father right now. You're not even old enough to be a father yet."

"And you're not old enough to be a mother yet, Katooni," said Petro, "But that doesn't mean I can't make plans for our future." He winked.

Katooni playfully hit him. "You rascal, Petro! Don't start getting any ideas!"

Petro grinned. "Who, me?"

Lagos and Soniee

"Lagos and Soniee. Two former cadets at the Mandalorian Academy set up by Duchess Satine, who prefer peace, but aren't afraid to use violence to achieve a good end if necessary. And I must say, what lovely ladies they are!"

Lagos and Soniee were both dressed in tight Rebel-style clothing without sleeves. Their boots were tall, and they wore black gloves on their hands. They looked kind, but tough.

"If we can win," said Lagos, "We're going to use the money to get a new academy started on Mandalore for aspiring Mandalorians. And I think we can do it, because Soniee and I are such good friends we complement each other's style perfectly."

"And if there's any money leftover," said Soniee, "I want to buy myself a few new gadgets, like an updated holocam, or maybe a new laptop monitor."

Qutee and Wack

"Two droids known as QT-KT and WAC-47, or Qutee and Wack for short. Qutee's an astromech droid, like her friend, the famous R2-D2, and Wack's a pit droid modified to be a driver and a pilot as well."

Qutee was squat and dome-headed, like all astromech droids, or at least all R2 and R3 units (she was an R2 unit), and her color scheme was white, gray, and best of all, pink. Wack looked just like the DUM-series pit droid he was made to be, although his comical-looking droid body had a somewhat better paint finish than the average pit droid.

"Qutee and I are such great pals," said Wack, "We have been ever since we were part of D-Squad during the Clone Wars. Between her astromech appendages and my clever thinking, I think we already have this race pinched. And after we win, Qutee and I will start dating together."

Qutee beeped and whistled as if in alarm, and put herself one step away from Wack.

"Aw, come on, Qutee," said Wack, "It'll be fun. Just like taking out Separatists!" He pretended to shake his "fists" in the air like punches.

Qutee still looked a little uncertain.

"Oh well," said Wack, "Maybe you'll change your mind after we win."

Qutee's whir seemed to say, "In your dreams, wacky Wack!"

Cad Bane and Robonino

"Bounty hunters Cad Bane and Robonino. From what I've heard, these bounty hunters are shadier than Sugi and Embo. Cad Bane is a Duros from Duro, and Robonino is a Patrolian from Patrolia."

Like he usually did, Cad Bane wore his big, wide-brimmed hat, along with his long, brown bounty hunting fatigues. Fish-like Robonino wore his own hunting garb, which was a bit shabbier than Bane's.

"I can think of many imaginative ways this money can be used on the black market," said Bane, "I may even buy myself a little island on Glee Anselm, or Mon Calamari, maybe." He chuckled wickedly.

"And if he gets that island," said Robonino, "I'm gonna retire early and enjoy some swimming in those vast ocean waters."

"Just be sure that you cooperate with me on this race, and don't betray me, bubble brain," said Bane menacingly.

"Relax, blue man!" said Robonino, "Don't worry! We'll be drinking with the hot women in no time, and I'll make it happen just as much as you will."

Kanan and Hera

"Kanan Jarrus and Hera Syndulla. A Jedi Padawan who hides from the Empire these days, and his best friend, mechanic, and pilot. Kanan comes from this very planet we stand on, Coruscant, and Twi'lek Hera comes from Ryloth, of course."

Kanan dressed in green and dark gray spacer's clothes and carried a few items that looked like a blaster and a disassembled lightsaber. Hera wore a brown and gray mechanic's outfit and a traditional headdress for female Twi'leks, with goggles attached to the headdress.

"These times are too important to spend these one million credits on frivolities, or even things that would benefit other people," said Kanan, "We need to get the money to help the people of this suffering galaxy get what they need to survive, and to be free from tyranny, like that of the Empire."

"Absolutely," said Hera, "While I support the other contestants' desires to one degree or another, too, the best use for this money is a selfless one. That's why Kanan and I intend to work hard to win this great race ahead of everyone else."

"And Hera and I already make a good team as Rebels," said Kanan, "So I believe we stand a good chance of winning."

Ezra and Sabine

"Ezra Bridger and Sabine Wren. Two Rebel youths. One a Mandalorian warrior, and the other from the planet Lothal. One curious about the other, and the other smitten with the first."

Teenage Ezra was dressed in orange tights, and brown vest, and brown boots. Sabine, slightly older, wore short-sleeved Mandalorian armor spray-painted with several wild colors. Even her helmet and her hair were colored differently.

"Kanan is right about using the money for selfless reasons," said Sabine, "If we win, which I think we will," here she grinned at Ezra, "this money will go to charity to help heal the lives of broken families, like ours."

"Yeah," said Ezra, smiling back, "And I'd also like to use it to benefit the return of the Jedi, if it's all right to say so here."

"Not entirely," said Sabine, "But the Imperial authorities are bound not to interfere with the race, so we're safe for now."

"Man, I hope so!" said Ezra.

Zeb and Chopper

"And finally, Garazeb Orrelios, or 'Zeb' for short, and C1-10P, or Chopper. Zeb is a Rebel of the endangered sentient species, the Lasat, and Chopper, like Qutee, is an astromech droid, though he is of the R5 models rather than the R2's."

Zeb was a big alien wearing a mostly green space suit. He looked like the most physically tough of the contestants. Next to him was an orange and white mech droid with a flower pot-like head, like all R5 units had.

"This here race is gonna be a lot of fun," said Zeb, "Or it would be if I had a better partner than this lousy mech droid that only knows how to fly the Ghost, and how to insult people, especially me!"

Chopper extended one of his pinching appendages and pinched Zeb on the rear. Zeb howled. Chopper said something derisive to him.

"Fine, Chopper," Zeb said reluctantly, "I'll remember our deal. Sportsmanship-like. Well, you're gonna need it too if we're gonna win this race and hand the money over to somebody who needs it more than we do."

Chopper beeped a raspberry.

All twelve teams were standing at the starting line painted on the durasteel ground, ready to go on Dex's mark.

"You are all about to begin the race of a lifetime," Dex said. "However, there are a few extra rules you need to know."

"The race is divided into fourteen legs. At the end of each leg is a place where the leg ends called the Pit Stop. You must get to the Pit Stop as quickly as you can, because if you are the last team there, your team may be eliminated. On some of the legs, the losing team will not be eliminated, but on most of them, they will be." Some of the people in the crowd swallowed nervously.

"Before each leg of the race, you will receive a pre-determined amount of money. This amount will cover all of your funds except for starliner tickets. Those will be obtained with the special data cards that each of you were provided with. Any money you save can be used in future legs. If you run out, you may try and get some from the locals, although I cannot guarantee that they will have the kind of currency you presently need. And above all else regarding the money, don't break the law." Here he gave a warning look to Asajj and Barriss, Sugi and Embo, and Cad Bane and Robonino. "That includes stealing from them, as well as doing on-the-side assassinations for pay. Even you, Ezra, must remember this." He looked at the young scamp. "I know you made a living as a pickpocket for a long time. Well, pickpocketing is not allowed in this race, either."

Ezra swallowed. Sabine elbowed him. He nodded submissively.

"And this race isn't just about speed," Dex continued, "I hope you are all familiar with things like Route Markers & Information, Roadblocks, Detours, Fast Forwards, U-Turns, and the like."

The contestants all affirmed that they did.

"And many tasks will be held out that you will have to complete or suffer a penalty of a certain amount of time. The Roadblock activities are done by only one member of the team, while the others are done by both members of the team working together. All of them will require all the skills and talents you can use."

"When I give you the signal, you will all run down this track in a straight line until you reach its end. You will all jump off the edge and land in Lake Oa in Coruscant Park, one of the few parts of the planet where natural plant and animal life still exists. Only the mech droids, Chopper and Qutee, have permission to use rockets to slow their fall and avoid the water, and Wack has permission to take a ride on Qutee's back, so that the water doesn't short-circuit him. The use of jetpacks or rocket boots is not allowed." Here he glanced at Bo-Katan and Cad Bane. "The use of the Force in this case isn't allowed either, except in emergencies. Which reminds me, there are to be no mind tricks performed during this race, unless a Force-user must use one to escape an illegal confrontation with a troublemaker who doesn't respect the race or its rules."

"After you land in the water, or outside of it, you shall then swim to shore, and then run down the street or sidewalk to the Coruscant Starliner Spaceport. Your packs are outside of it by the Legacy of Imperial Heroes statues, and on top of them is your first clue you will receive for the first leg of the race. After reading them, you're on your own. You won't see me again until the end of the first leg of the race, where one team may be eliminated from the race."

"Now, get ready…" The contestants all looked alert and ready to run.

"…Travel safely…" Dex offered as a form of good luck. "…May the Force be with you…"

"…GO!" Dex shouted.

All the racers began to run at full force with their partners. They were all prepared to beat the competition and win the race.

A/N: I am strongly considering having some of the original trilogy characters make guest appearances in this story, such as Yoda, Obi-Wan (Old Ben), the Lars family, maybe Artoo and Threepio, and possibly Luke and Leia, so be prepared for some of the beloved familiar faces that started Star Wars.