Hey guys, this is my first suicide fan fiction about fem hiccup!,sounds terrible I know, but I hope you guys enjoy it! also feel free to show some love to my other stories! Warning this story contains self harm and suicide attempts, you have been warned.

You Belong To Me now

Escaping From Harms way

Created Through Love

Forever Mine

The Mistakes of our Lives

Thank you, please give me feed back and comment!

So I have been reading a few suicide fan fics about hiccup and I noticed that no one has written one about a fem hiccup, so why not be the first to write one then!

Dead Inside

Chapter One

I Own Nothing

Hiccup's P.O.V

I was lying in my bed staring up at the ceiling, my face was stained with tears as I wiped them away with my long sleeve, I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to lie there and never get up, what's the point of getting up any way? the only thing that happens to me is.

Getting beaten up.

Get yelled at by my father.

And everyone else hating me for being a useless runt.

It's been like this ever since I was seven years old, my cousin was growing up fasted then me and started beating me to a pulp because of my weakness, I was so tiny compared to him, me being so small and vulnerable just made things worse,but he wasn't the only one that would tease me or beat me up, the twins Ruffnut and Tuffnut loved beating the crap out of me, even if I am a girl it still doesn't matter. They would still beat me to a bloody pulp.

And theirs my father, I feel like an accident to him, no chief wants a daughter for an heir, especially me for the stupid stuff that I've done, one day my dad is going to marry me off to some tribe and never see me again, hell the village would probably throw a party as soon as I left, Snotlout would become chief of Berk, that's probably the best choice.

I'm so scrawny and little, I'm not what my dad wanted, he wanted a strong healthy boy who would one day take over Berk and make him a proud father. I couldn't fight if my life depended on it, I will never be tough and brave like the other teens, they're all strong and brave just like their parents, and theirs me.

But it wasn't always like this, me and Astrid us to be best friends, nothing could tear us apart, she never use to hate me, but now she does I guess. I don't know what drove us apart.

Maybe because I was so weird and un-viking like.

I remember one time when were six, we use to run around the beach and play dragon chasers, one us would play the dragon as the other would play the as the dragon slayer, one us would have a wooden sword. I wish we could go back to those days as little girls with big imaginations.

But it wasn't, she stopped talking me and completely ignore me, once she knew I was different.

Flashback...

I was running along the sand with my long brown hair wishing in the wind, my heart was pounding as I looked behind me to see Astrid behind me.

"I'm gonna get you!." she yelled, giving me a devilish smirk.

"No your not!." I shouted, almost tripping on my own two feet.

After almost of five minutes of chasing each other, we both stopped for a breath, but as soon as I stopped I was tackled to the ground with the wooden sword pointed at me, pressed against my neck.

"I got you!." Pressing the wooden sword to my throat even harder, she was always the one to play rough with me, no matter what.

"Alright alright, you got me." I said with my arms stretched out, surrendering myself to her.

She held out her hand to pull me up on my feet, my tiny hand grasped hers as me.

After that I pulled her into friendly hug and whispered into her ear.

"Were going to be best friends for ever." I squeaked at her with my high pitch voice.

"Yeah, we are." she said back, hugging me a little tighter."Together till the end."

End of flashback.

I tossed to my side, facing the wall, I sighed.

Why can't I just be like everybody else?

I'm nothing, I'm useless like everyone says I am. I'm unlovable, no man is going to want something ugly like me for a wife, let alone a girlfriend.

suddenly a knock on my door.

"Hiccup." It was my father."It's time to get up." He said sternly, never in a soft tone.

I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to lay in bed and die, no one would notice, no one would care.

As I took my shirt off, I gazed at my arms. There were cuts all over, with some old and some new scars, some had just healed from the bleeding the other day, after me and my got dad into an argument, he told me I would never become a viking like my mother, so basically he's telling me I'm useless.

I sighed and got undressed, I walked to my drawer and picked out my outfit for the day, green shirt with a brown vest,brown leggings, and brown shoes. I walked out my bedroom door, heading down stairs towards the kitchen.

The stairs creaked a little as I tip toed on each step, as my hand slid against the rail.

I looked down to see my father down in the kitchen, his back was turned towards me, I guess he didn't want to look at me, or maybe he didn't hear me.

"Hi dad." I said quietly.

No answer, just bitter silence. No hey sweetheart I haven't talk to ya in a while, nothing, just nothing.

After a few moments of standing there, he finally turned around and faced me, I tried to smile at him, but I got nothing in return, just a mean scowl like always. I'm probably in trouble, again, But who knows what it is this time.

My father cleared his throat and walked up to me.

"I'm going to a meeting, I need you stay at the forge." he said sternly."Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

I nodded, trying to obey and be a good girl, but as soon as I step out side I will get beaten down by the other teens, I wanted to beg my dad to let me stay inside, but last time I did I almost set the house on fire.

Before I could say goodbye he said."And don't screw anything up." he slammed the door, leaving me sadden.

My dad doesn't want me anymore, he won't look at me because he always see's me as a screw up, a mistake, a weakling. I'm better off dead, no one will miss me. I need to do everyone here a huge favor and just die and leave this world, I was never meant to be here. I'm pathetic. Everytime I try to stand up for myself or try to impress my dad, it always ends up in smoke.

Why am I still here? no one is going to miss me, no one will care if I die.

I walked over to the front door and opened it, the bright sun shined in my face as I entered the cold fall air, winter was almost here.

I started to make my way to the forge, until my eyes caught on something.

My cousin Snotlout, and the twin Ruffnut and Tuffnut, great another beating.

"Hey twiggy where you going?" Snotlout mocked as he pushed me to the ground, while the twins were waiting for their turn, they snickered and laughed as they watched me in helplessness as I tried to stand back up.

"Leave me alone." I squeaked, trying to get up, but Tuffnut kicked me in the ribs.

"After were done kicking the hell out of you first." Tuffnut said as he grabbed my hair, making me cry out in pain, as I landed on the muddy ground, Feeling the fresh blood coming from my nose.

I knew no one would help me, no one cared if I got beaten and if anyone asked I would just tell them I fell, but no one seemed to notice anymore.

After a five minute beating, they were done, I was covered in mud,blood and sweat,my hair was all messed up as my nose was bleeding, the trio walked away, making a few cruel remarks, but I ignored them, I got up and wiped the dirt off me and headed straight to the forge, wiping some of the blood of my nose and mouth.

When I entered, Gobber was already working on something, I put my apron on and did my usual thing like always, keep quiet and do my job.

Then he finally noticed me."You're late." he said.

I sighed." I know." picking up a sword, getting ready to sharpen it."Just got caught up in something that's all."

He didn't say anything else, he knew I got beaten up again by the others, but there really wasn't much he could do for me.

Later that day...

I was at the forge almost all day, the sun was starting to set.

It was time for me to go home.

But I didn't want to, I didn't want to go to sleep and have the entire day repeat in self over and over aging.

Why should I go on in life if no one wants me? maybe tonight in the night I end it all, no more pain, no more being picked on, no more being a disappointment to my father.

My dad deserves better than me.

He never wanted a daughter, especially a weak one.

I left the forge without saying a word, until I was stopped by Gobber."You going home lass?" he asked.

I nodded, I didn't want to say anything to him.

"Alright I'll see you tomorrow then." he turned back around." and try not to be late."

"Oh I'll be late alright." I thought. "I'll be dead by tonight, so you might as well look for someone else to take my place." I walked away towards my house, I could tell my dad was already their, great.

I opened the front door and saw my father sitting in his chair by the fire, I started to walk to my room, but I was stopped by my fathers voice."Hiccup." he said sternly.

I jumped."Dad..uh." not know what to say. oh gods what did I do now?

"Are you going to bed?" he asked, not moving from his chair.

"Yeah, I'm heading to bed." I said quietly.

"Alright, good night." he said looking into the fire, avoiding me, at least he said good night, that was a first in like I don't know three years?! Three years it finally took to say good night? Wow isn't that special coming from him? Not.

I walked up stairs to my room, I felt strange but yet I felt kind of happy at the same time.

I was going to end my life once and for all.

But how?

I started to look around in my room, I walked over to my desk and pulled out my small dagger, it was small, but it always got the job done when I cut myself, I rolled up my sleeve and started to slice, I winced at first but the pain went numb after a few minutes, I was used to the pain of cutting, blood was oozing out of wrist soaking my sleeve, I've been doing it since I was ten, but I still get a little grossed out by the blood.

I sighed "The hell with it.", I pulled the small knife out and began to roll up sleeve up to my elbow, exposing all my old and new cuts, each of them had a different reason and story for each of them. I pressed the blade on my pale skin, running it across my scared up wrist, watching the crimson liquid leave my veins, filling my up with adrenalin.

Worthless

Weak

Runt

Cowarde

I made the last few slits on my wrist, watching the red blood spill on the hard wooden floor. I was growing inpatient, this is taking to long.

This wasn't going fast enough, I can't wait five hours to bleed to death!, Waht if my dad or somebody finds me up here? Oh god that would be bad, I can't just sit here on my ass and bleed, that would take way too long, I have to think of another plan, I sat my knife down and headed to my closet, I looked down on the floor and saw a thing of rope. Perfect.

I forgot I still had this in here, then I remember it was from a previous attempt, one I will never forget.

I bent over and pick it up and threw it on my bed.

But I had to do one more thing before I could complete this act.

I had to write my final goodbyes to my dad, I sat down on my stool and started to write. My hands were shaking like crazy as I started writing, blood was running down onto the paper, smearing a little as I wrote the letters down on the page.

Dear Dad.

I'm sorry for ending my life so fast, but I can't keep going on like this. I'm a poor excuse for a daughter of a chief, you deserve so much better then me. No one cares about me anymore and I'm better off dead, I wish things could have been different, But I'm not good enough for this world, I never was. I can't do anything right, the only thing I do is screw everything up and make matters worse for everyone around me. I decided to take matters into my own hands and end my life. I'm sorry dad, I love you.

Hiccup.

This is finally it, I was going to die.

I started to tie the rope into a noose, then I saw the beam above my bed. I got on top of my bed and threw one end of the rope over on the beam, tie it tight around it.

I looked up a the ceiling, this was really happening.

I stand on the tip of toes at the end of bed, with the noose around my neck, I could feel myself shaking.

But without warning I jumped.

I could feel all the pressure on my neck, as I took my last breaths of life, my legs were kicking violently in the air, I let out one last cry before I completely black out. My body felt numb, I stopped struggling after a few minutes as the oxygen was cut off from my brain, darkness was starting to surround me.

Then I heard a voice.

"HICCUP!"

Then everything went black.

Okay guys that's chapter one! so what do you guys think so far? Love it? Hate it? let me know if you want me to continue! leave me some nice comments please!