A/N: This story has been percolating in my head since I first watched TWS. It's evolved a few times into what I now hope is acceptable, to me, if not the reader. Over at AO3 this story will be a part of a series entitled "Fallout." The story is mostly about what happens to Maria over the years after TWS, but, of course, does not include anything in AOU because I'm not even willing to venture a guess as to what is happening during that film yet. :)

This is, surprise again, not immediately a Captain Hill ship. It will morph into that eventually in the last segment of the series. I had intended to make it a "surprise ending." But then I remembered just how much I hate the writers of HIMYM and decided to come clean at the beginning. :D

The series will be four parts plus one one-shot. This particular story takes place immediately following events of TWS. The next is the one-shot and will be from Tony's POV. The third through fifth are longer stories. This part of the series should be completely posted before my NaNoWriMo break next month.

Until AOU is released, this story is within MCU canon as far as I can recall. It is entirely Maria-centric. I plan to run my poor muse through the ringer in order that, as Kurt Vonnegut said, the reader may see what she is made of.

The first chapter is me explaining away my favorite deleted scene from TWS, the one between Sitwell and Hill. *sigh* I torture myself almost as much as my characters and readers. ;) The title is from a quote by W.M. Lewis that I found while looking for something else. :)

I think that's all. Please enjoy and R&R.

I knew life was never meant to be easy...
But I never thought it would be this hard.
W.M. Lewis

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Maria Hill, former Deputy Director of the former organization known as SHIELD, pushed open the hospital room door. Her attention was immediately drawn to the man lying in the bed. Steve Rogers commanded notice, even in his weakened state, though he appeared to be feeling far better than the first time she had visited him after the battle at the Triskelion.

Her gaze turned to Steve's friend, Sam Wilson, as he stood from his chair next to Rogers' bed and she gave him a nod and a slight smile in acknowledgement to his greeting. Steve stirred as he heard the two and he opened his eyes.

"Hill," he said and she was relieved that his voice sounded strong.

She had kept regular contact with Wilson for updates on Rogers' recovery which could only be described as miraculous. She could see for herself now that he truly was on the mend, and it felt as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders.

"Rogers," she replied.

"I'll just step out for some coffee," Wilson said.

Maria nodded to him again as he passed on his way out the door. Tentatively, she stepped closer to Steve's bedside. She hadn't seen him conscious since he left her in the control room at the Triskelion. The last time she'd visited had been directly following his surgery to remove the slugs the Winter Soldier had put in him.

"Sam tells me you're recovering nicely," she said.

He nodded his head, but was silent. Neither had ever been good at small talk, but the added weight of guilt Maria carried with her now made it even more difficult.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I need to apologize," he said at the same time.

Maria gave him a confused look.

"What would you apologize for?" she asked.

"For being so hard on you before," he replied.

Maria paused before responding. He had certainly been hard on her the last time they'd seen each other before Nick was attacked, but he'd had his reasons, and Maria understood. Steve was a soldier, a man of action. Her inaction when he thought she should have done more than formally express her disagreement was inexcusable to him.

So she shook her head.

"You had your reasons," she assured him. "Most of them were valid."

"No," he immediately replied. "I should have accepted that you were putting your job on the line for me, and that should have been enough."

"Don't be ridiculous Captain," she said, and noted his unusual reaction.

"I thought I was 'Steve' now," he told her with that affable half grin of his.

Maria expertly hid her reaction.

When she didn't respond, they remained in silence for some time until he did something entirely unusual and reached over to take her hand in his.

Maria looked at their clasped hands and wondered what point he was trying to make.

"When we were in the bunker," Steve began, "I was so surprised that you immediately agreed with my plan to take all of SHIELD down."

She looked back at his face and hoped the look she gave him conveyed her own surprise.

"It was what needed to be done," she told him. "After we realized how deeply HYDRA had embedded itself in the organization, there was no alternative."

"I know, but," he stopped and appeared to be gathering his thoughts.

Maria waited quietly. She had nowhere to be and she owed him this, after what had nearly happened.

After several minutes, he went on.

"I didn't trust you to do that," he explained. "To be on my side, to, well, to have my back in that meeting."

He paused again and closed his eyes. When he opened them he gave her a remorseful look that Maria felt was entirely unnecessary.

"I assumed you'd side with Fury," he told her. "SHIELD is, was, pretty much your life, like it was his, and I thought you'd be opposed."

Maria said nothing in response, she'd already explained herself once and there was no need for her to repeat her earlier statement. This wasn't a Senate inquiry.

"But I've been thinking about it since then," he continued. "And I realized I was wrong about you all this time. I used to think you didn't do enough, because you would voice objections when I felt you should do more."

He sighed and shook his head.

"I was being selfish," he confessed. "I didn't consider the consequences of what I expected you to do."

Maria chuckled softly and surprised herself by squeezing his hand which still held hers.

"Rogers, there's not a selfish bone in your body," she argued. "And I never expected you to understand. It's a different world than the one you knew, the one that made you who you are. You're up front and honest, most of the modern world hides behind some sort of mask."

He only shook his head at her.

"You're not going to get me to let myself off easily," he informed her. "So either accept my apology or don't."

He gave her a full smile now and she couldn't help but return one herself.

"Alright," she said. "But you have to tell me what you think you're apologizing for."

"For not trusting you," he told her as his smile faded into a more serious look.

Maria looked at him for a moment before she squeezed his hand again and nodded.

"Apology accepted," she said.