Disclaimer – I do not own Arrow.

~Winter~

"Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer could end in a downpour. Could end in lightning and thunder." ― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

The cold was back.

Seeping into every single fiber of his being until he felt numb, until he almost couldn't feel the lethal pain that was festering in his chest.

Almost.

Ever since he had stepped onto the Gambit his life hadn't been easy, from the five years of hell that he had endured to the rise of the Arrow he had never had a decent nights sleep. First the very thought of sleeping and not being able to protect himself while unaware prevented him from a peaceful slumber. Later it was the nightmares that plagued him in the cover of the night that made sleep unattainable.

That was until a blonde ray of sunshine forced herself into his haunted life and made him look at the world in another light. She had made him find another way. She had conquered his demons one by one until he was stripped bare in front of her, and even after everything, after having seen all of him, all that he had done and all that he was, she still loved him. Still looked at him as if he was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She was his angel of light.

And now the nightmares were back.

He was back to waking up screaming in his own bed, his sweat drenched body entangled in bed sheets that had managed to somehow both strangle him and comfort him with her lingering scent that still clung to the pale yellow linen of her bed.

Ten days.

It had taken him ten days to snap and give up. To leave all of the memories behind that had tormented him at every turn in Starling City. From every single surface of their home bringing him memories of the life that they had shared, to the foundry whose walls still held the presence of the genius hurricane. His car, the office, even the very sight of a cup of coffee or glass of wine brought back a tidal wave of recollections that made him want to curl up into a ball and have the living shit beat out of him so that even for a second the physical hurt could override the emotional turmoil he was feeling.

It had taken him ten days from the moment the bullet instilled itself in her heart to loose every single grasp on reality that he had been unrealistically clinging to.

Because he had to be insane.

His hollow steps carried with the echoes coming off the concrete walls that surrounded him.

It was ironic really that the place he had run to was his very own prison on his very own hell island.

"Kid".

The surprise was evident in the older man's voice but Oliver Queen was too far-gone to notice. The instincts that he had honed over years of training; losing blood, sweat and tears in the process, were all but failing him.

"Slade". His voice was ragged, choked from lack of use. Looking back he realized that this was probably the first time he had spoken in eighteen hours, and even then it was only to charter the plane that had brought him to his very own purgatory.

"I see that someone else succeed in destroying you, someone else won the privilege that I so desperately wanted. Shame it wasn't me".

Slade belatedly realized that his words fell on deaf ears; his taunts holding no meaning to the younger, but visibly broken, man in front of him. His whole body looked like it had capitulated, given up under the strain that was so visibly pulling him down. The ever-tense posture of the Arrow was gone. The ever-ready stance of Oliver Queen had all but vanished.

But it was the eyes that nearly took Slade's breath away.

Here stood a man, the very bane of his existence, the man who had stolen the love of his life right from under him and then sentenced her to die, but even Slade couldn't suppress that stab of something akin to pity that had coursed through his veins for the shattered man before him.

"How?"

The question was barely above a whisper but Slade still caught the word as it fell from Oliver's lips.

His only answer was a raised eyebrow in question. He needed clarification, needed to understand what had happened or what question the younger man needed an answer to.

"How do you live with it? With knowing she's gone?"

It clicked. The girl with the glasses. His Felicity. She was dead then? Slade needed more so he avoided the question.

"How did she die?"

The words caused the kid's whole body to flinch and his eyes snap shut, as if in an effort to prevent his mind from retrieving the images of her death.

"She…"

Slade waited for the man to clear his throat; a foolish attempt to collect himself.

"Bullet through the heart. It was an attempt to kidnap my son. She was picking him up from school. I've seen the footage a million times over. She tried to save him, tried to get him to run while she blocked their path. And they… they didn't even hesitate; didn't even think before they fired. One bullet".

Slade could relate to the haunted look that overwhelmed the younger man's face.

"And the boy?"

"He's fine. In all the commotion they had to bail on their plan. They just gave up after achieving nothing but completely destroying me by killing her". His voice grew stronger as he spoke, as if for the first time in his life he had a purpose. Slade thought that in a way, it was the only purpose Oliver Queen could see in his life.

"Which is why I'm here. You loved Shado, loved her with everything you had and then lost her. So tell me, how do you do it?"

And only now it dawned on Oliver Queen why he had come here.

Ten days ago this would have been the last place that he would have wanted to be. Ten days ago he had nothing in common with Slade Wilson. Ten days ago his life was whole. Ten days ago he would have gone to John Diggle, his partner, friend and brother, to talk over his issues. A man that he wanted to be like and make proud.

Today he had everything in common with Deathstroke.

The crazed laugh that reached Oliver's ears was bone chilling.

"You still haven't learned kid. Still haven't understood anything. You don't live without her; it's an existence. Your heart is beating but you're not alive, there is blood pumping through your veins but it will forever run cold. Your winter has come but there will be no more springs ever again".

God how he missed Shado, every time he closed his eyes his mind would conjure up images of her, the silk curtain that was her ebony hair, the tanned heaven that was her skin, the godly aroma that was her scent. He both loved and hated the fact that he could remember every single curve of her body, could still hear her angelic voice that had comforted him.

Time did not heal all wounds; his pain grew stronger with every passing minute.

And the kid would soon learn that too.

And he would finally have his revenge.

Oliver Queen will finally be destroyed.

.

So glad to finally put this on paper. This last chapter has been in my brain for over a year and the rest of the story kind of evolved from there.

Hope you enjoyed the ride! Would love to hear your thoughts.

Love to all! – Stace XOXOX