Chapter 69

…

6:37am. And while the strong spray of hot water felt incredible to the aches in her body, she was physically and mentally exhausted. In a week's time, she'd gotten news of Abernathy's arrest on top of already worrying about Harlan and the child she was carrying, then giving birth to that child and now feeling so much guilt over having not wanted him for so long. Even after confessing her feelings to Elliot. When she had to watch Fin go through not breathing, all she wanted was to give her life if it meant that he'd breathe. When he finally took that first breath and they put him in her arms...she'd known then that this was her baby and she'd love and protect him always. But still, the guilt didn't seem to let go.

She rinsed the shampoo suds out of her hair and absently applied a generous amount of conditioner. After, she poured shower gel onto her puff and began scrubbing her body.

So far, she'd heard nothing. Not about Abernathy or his source; all she did know- and she had to nearly drag it out of Elliot was that he was at the federal holding facility here in Manhattan, until his trial came up. But still, she knew that there was something that he wasn't telling her. It's not as if she would break; if that were going to happen at all, it would have happened when Rafael first told her about Abernathy's arrest. And yes, she went through a rough time upon first finding out; anybody would have. But she told herself that night in hospital that she wouldn't give into those feelings again. That she wouldn't allow herself to be pulled back into the despair because of some asshole, but it was proving to be an uphill battle. She was thankful that she had her husband, children and friends to bring her through, but often, the thoughts crept into her mind. This man sold videos of her being raped. Videos that no one outside of law enforcement was supposed to ever have a look at - and she'd had an astronomically hard time with that. But now, this person, this sick man had seen them. He'd sold them; was still selling them when they'd arrested him and she didn't know how to deal with that.

She had Dr. Lindstrom refer her to a therapist who deals specifically in rape trauma. He'd recommended her when she'd first come back from Harlan, but Olivia couldn't deal with someone new. Not then. Now however, she thought that she might just give Dr. Davis a call. But it was silly. Could the capture of Samuel Abernathy really be enough to make her go back to her state of mind two and a half years ago?

Get a grip, Olivia. You're stronger than this! She thought, as another dull cramp came and blood flowed, running down her legs with small clots and mixed with the soap suds that were swirling down the drain.

"Mommy…MOMMMYYYY!" Serena whined as Olivia shook her thoughts away and looked down to see her baby girl standing outside the shower, but with her hands and her little face pressed against the glass. Olivia sighed a tired sigh as she looked at her daughter. She loved her, but lately she wished that she could blink her eyes and none of this would be here. No Serena, no Fin. Honestly, she even wished Elliot would disappear. When she thought about the big ball of insecurities that she was now, she just wanted to be anyone else; anyWHERE else.

"Serena…"

"Good morning." She said in her still sleep-laden voice, standing there in her little nightgown with her long wavy hair all loose and wild.

"Good morning, love. Where's daddy?" Olivia asked as she rinsed the conditioner from her hair.

"Changing Fin, he's stinky. Mommy do we have another brother in your tummy?"

Olivia looked down at her belly. Serena asked her several times; and yes, it was still big enough to house a baby. She was huge after Serena too, but back then she didn't have a curious toddler asking her every day if she was still pregnant.

"No baby, remember? Momma told you, I'm not- there's no baby," she said simply as she rinsed the soap from her body.

Serena thought about it for a moment and quickly decided that she didn't care. Instead, she dismissed the topic and got to the reason she'd come. "Oh... Mommy, I'm hungry."

God if she could just have a few moments alone. "...how about I call daddy to get you breakfast?"

"I milk first mommy. Come out," the toddler said, beckoning with her hand. She had miraculously decided that she needed to breastfeed again the day she first came to the hospital. Sure, Olivia knew it started as just a jealousy thing with her brother but was happy regardless as she hadn't been prepared when Serena suddenly stopped three months ago.

A damn milk machine is what I am. Was what went through her mind right now. She'd just finished nursing Fin not 10 minutes ago and hoped she would have at least another hour before Serena was up.

"Can you give momma five minutes?" Olivia asked. All she wanted was time for a nice relaxing shower and was saddened with the thought that she almost made it.

"Three...hurry mommy I'm very hungry!" Now Serena was leaning against the shower, faking as she held her stomach as both she and Olivia sighed for different reasons.

Olivia was thankful when Elliot came into the bathroom, Fin in the crook of his arm who was half dressed.

"Princess, hey, I thought we agreed to let mommy shower in peace?" He said as he picked her up.

"Elliot, please, I just need 5 minutes."

"Three mommy, not five. Three." Serena said, holding up three fingers as Elliot carried her out of the bathroom. "...mommy, why are you bleeding out your-"

Another day begins.

…

Over at Amanda's apartment, Fin reached out and caressed her arm as he woke up in her bed, kissing her shoulder as she opened her eyes and smiled.

"Hey" He smiled.

"I like this, waking up to you."

"Maybe we should do it more often."

She was quiet for a moment as she traced the outline of his face with her finger. "I never did get a chance to tell you…"

"Tell me what?" He asked as she sat up and ran her hands through her hair. It was then that he could see that there was something serious on her mind. "Hey, what is it?"

She was just about to speak when the sound of Trey crying came over the monitor.

"Mamaaaa!"

She was already up, putting her robe on. "I'd better before he wakes his sister; be right back. She said and kissed him, then left the room. He got up and began looking for his clothes when he heard her over the monitor.

"It's okay, Tre, mama's here!"

He laughed and continued to put on his underwear and Jean's, then grabbed his shirt, slipping it on over his head and exited the room just as Amanda entered the hall with her son in her arms.

"Hey man, what's up?" He said to Trey, tickling his stomach. But Trey wasn't much up for socializing, instead waving shyly at Fin and nuzzling his head against Amanda's chest sleepily. Amanda grinned as she walked towards the living room with Fin following. He took a seat in the armchair while Amanda made herself comfortable on the couch. He watched her for a moment while she looked down at Trey and ran her fingers through his soft, thick curls.

"What?" She smiled at Fin when she noticed him staring.

"You're just beauti-" but he suddenly froze, realizing what he'd just said. Fin didn't say things like this, and he certainly didn't say them to women he used to be partners with. Even if it was how he felt. She was absolutely beautiful, sitting there feeding her son. She, like he wondered just when the hell they went from friends to- more? He had been there with her through her pregnancy, but so had Nick and Olivia. She guessed that it started to change though when the babies were born and Fin was there. It was nothing that they would have put a name on right then, but there had definitely been a shift in their relationship; they just didn't know what it was. And over the course of the last year…

"...you think I'm beautiful?" She said, a smile playing at her lips. Fin, ever determined to keep cool simply mused, joking as he looked at her.

"You aight!" He grinned.

She smiled at him, then bowed her head to look down at her son who had found his way into her robe and now sat feeding. And imagining her life if it were… different.

"I wish sometimes that we could stay like this, you and me."

"...are you saying you want to speed this up? Because I'm ready if you are."

"I…" she said and looked at Tre for a moment before she looked back up to Fin and spoke quietly and with thought. She knew that regardless of what she actually wanted, the fact was, she was going away to D.C. for possibly a year and they hadn't told anyone about this aspect of their relationship. It couldn't possibly work now...could it? "It's not that I don't want to, it's just...I don't know if the-"

"Amanda it's okay," he said, more to assure her than being about how he really felt. The truth was - and he never even thought it remotely possible. But the truth of the matter was that he was beginning to fall hard for her. "So what was it you wanted to tell me?"

"It…" She couldn't lay this on him now. To tell him that she had decided to leave and go to D.C.. She couldn't do it, not yet. Not here like this. "...just that I really have a great time with you." ...REALLY Amanda?

"I do too. I'd better get going though, "he said as he got up. "See you later lil man." He held out his fist for Tre and laughed when he bumped it with his own. Then kissed Amanda's cheek, grabbed his coat and walked out the door.

…

"...will you stop it?" Carolyn laughed as she snuggled against Nick to shield from the cold. "...I'm not even close to showing."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Amaro babies, they pop pretty early." He smiled then brought her hands to his lips and kissed them. "I can't wait until we can start telling people." He said as he opened her car door so she could get inside the warmth of her car.

"Thank you my love." She said and fastened her seat belt. "...and we will, we just have to tell my parents first."

"Tu padre me va a matar,"

"¡No lo hará, engendraste a mi bebé!" She laughed then kissed him as he bent modern to the window. "I gotta get to the office, thanks for breakfast."

"I am feeding two of you now. I just wish that we could've spent this Sunday under the covers,"

"We can, I'll be back as soon as the meeting's done." She said and kissed him again. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too." He said as he watched her drive off, then quickly hurried back inside.

…

"...I'll be gone just a couple of hours, three at most…" Olivia said as she leaned over to kiss Fin who was already falling asleep in Elliot's arms, milk drunk. "Are you sure you're okay alone with him?"

"Liv, I got this. You just have fun with Grandma JoJo." He grinned, making Olivia scowl.

"As if anyone could. Anyway, it's only brunch, and hopefully we'll get through it quickly. I'll just be glad when Serena's older and won't need us to accompany her on these little outings."

"I could take her…"

"Nice try, but you are gonna be right here putting that crib together while I'm gone. Besides, I haven't been out with Serena in so long." she said and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you." He said before she went out the side door into the garage where Serena was already in the SUV.

"Bye Bye, Daddy."the child happily yelled to Elliot from the back seat of the car.

"See you soon, Princess!" He said, waving to her then shut the door and locked it when Fin gave what sounded remarkably like a little snicker. "No hate, I tried!"

...

A little later at the house, Elliot was in the baby's room, finally assembling the crib and talking to Agent Brock on the phone while he did.

"Yeah," Elliot said, trying to screw the pieces together. "I couldn't get anything either. Any word on where the kids came from?"

"It's like they appeared out of thin air. DNA tests confirmed that they ain't his," he said referring to Abernathy. "...so who are the parents? The girls have been with him so long, they don't have memories of anything before him."

"I'll get it out of him. I'm going to the prison tomorrow-"

"Good luck man. Meantime, if I hear anything, I'll let you know." And after a few more exchanges, Elliot hung up the phone just as the doorbell rang. Grateful to have a break five minutes into putting the crib together, he quickly got up from where he sat on the floor and sprinted downstairs, happy to see Fin and Nick when he opened the door and he stood there smiling. Fin, ever the suspicious one, asked.

"What?"

…

"Grandma!" Serena squealed as she ran into Joanie's arms and got a big hug from her.

"Hello my sweet girl." She said to Serena. "...how are you, Olivia?" Joanie said, looking smug as the three of them sat down at the table.

Olivia simply gave her a fake smile. My tits are sore and swollen, I'm still having aches and pains from giving birth a week ago, and I'm exhausted and would rather be home in my pajamas with my babies instead of here with you when you just saw her two weeks ago and could have just facetimed. But I digress. "...I'm fine, thank you."

"Grandma, we have a new baby at home. His name is Fin and he's soooooooo cute!"

"Do, you? That's so exciting my darling!" Joanie faked her enthusiasm. She could really care less about another man's child. The only one that mattered was the one here.

"Uh huh, he's at home with daddy…."

Looking across the restaurant, Olivia was shaken when she saw a man coming their way who looked just like…

"Who am I?" He took a seat beside her on the bed, his face now in clear view, smiling that same toothy, creepy smile that she had become entirely too familiar with, only on a face that was 20 years older and cold fear gripped her. "That's right, where are my manners? Harlan Lewis and as for why you're here, well, it's simple; you killed my Billy…my only son and I want him back!"

He had his height, his smile, even his eyes. His cold, dead eyes… Olivia tensed. She could feel the absolute terror inside as she reminded herself that ...it's not him, it's not him, it's not him…

Joanie on the other hand was incensed that Serena still referred to Elliot as Daddy. Let his own children call him daddy. It's not as if he doesn't have enough of them, including the newest one. She thought to herself.

"You might want to save that strength, sweetheart," he said, ironically trying to calm her down after she so viciously tried to fight them. "You have no idea how thoroughly you're about to get fucked!"

Before she knew it, hours had gone by. She had been viciously raped, repeatedly by every man in that room, at least twelve of them, and in groups. All night in groups and she could remember looking over in the corner and seeing Harlan there with that camera when he wasn't joining in…

It's not him...

"Olivia," Joanie said, trying to sound nice in front of Serena. But Olivia was in a state of panic, especially now that the man looked at her and smiled politely. At this point, a cold sheen had broken out on her brow.

"...Good girl. Already on your knees for Daddy!" he grinned as Olivia looked up at him, fear and disgust in her eyes. He quickly snatched her by the hair and began forcing her down onto the floor, she tried fighting him but he only grew enraged and began beating her for her attempt fend him off. Now ten minutes later, Harlan stood above her as she lay on the bathroom floor curled up and in pain from the beating he was still in the process of giving her. After he pulled her up and threw her into a wall, she scurried backwards away from him and tucked herself into a corner, screaming the only thing she could think of while clutching her stomach.

"PLEASE…YOU'LL HURT THE BABY!" she sobbed, and wiped the blood from her nose with the back of her trembling hand.

It's not him, it's not him, it's not him…

"Olivia!" Joanie said with more force, making Olivia snap out of her reverie and look at Joanie. She was disoriented for a second but quickly regained herself.

"I'm sorry?" She said, flustered.

Joanie didn't even notice that Olivia was in obvious distress, not that she cared anyway. "I thought we talked about this, that man is not her-"

Olivia kept her eye on the man. It's not him! But still, she couldn't stop herself from staring, from remembering…although the man was now conversing with his friends at his own table but she couldn't stop...

"I can't do this right now." she said and got up from the table, grabbing Serena's coat.

"What are you doing?"

"We're leaving!" She said quite matter-of-factly. "Hey, sweetie we're going to the park to play."

"Olivia…" Joanie said as Olivia put Serena's coat and hat on.

"Oh boy, bye grandma!" The toddler said excitedly as she carefully climbed down from her chair.

Olivia had Serena and was out the door without saying another word to Joanie. She tried hard not to cry as she walked down the street towards her car, but tears flooded her eyes anyway as she quickly wiped them away.

...

A half hour later, Elliot, Nick and Fin were in the nursery putting the crib together and talking as they drank beer.

"Remind me," Nick said as he stared at the instructions. "was it really two years ago that we did this for Serena, cuz it seems so foreign to me now."

"Man, how is it possible that you've forgotten?" Fin laughed as he took a sip from the beer bottle.

"I don't know, I've had a lot on my mind lately."

"Wanna share?" Elliot asked.

"Yes...but I can't. "Nick said. "...not yet at least."

"Well when you can, we'd love to know," Elliot said and it got quiet for a moment. Then Elliot looked at Fin and Nick got antsy.

"...what?" Nick asked, hella uncomfortable.

"What do you mean 'what?' We didn't say anything." Fin laughed. Nick tried hard to fight the urge even though he wanted to scream it from the rooftops that Carolyn was having his baby.

"You guys have to promise not to mention anything," he was saying as his phone rang. He took it out of his pocket to see that it was Carolyn. Speak of the devil! He thought. "Hey baby, is the meeting over alrea ...Carolyn, cálmate bebé, qué-" What she said made his heart sank as he jumped to attention. "Carolyn… Carolyn, I'm on my way baby."

"Nick..." Fin said, alarmed.

"I gotta go,"

"You need me to-" but Nick was already out the door and down the stairs. "What the hell was that about?"

…

Olivia tried for her daughter's sake to enjoy the park. It had been literal months since she'd been out with Serena, just the two of them and she wanted to enjoy it, but those memories were coming back to her , hitting her hard and for all her might, she couldn't fight them. Why did she have to see that man? She knew that he was probably a very nice person with no idea that he sported the face of someone who was a sick and twisted man.

They had gone for hot chocolate and croissants after they played, but Serena was now sleepy and at Olivia's breast, drinking as she fell asleep and Olivia sat still finishing her croissant and cocoa.

She looked at her daughter and she thanked god that Serena won't ever have to remember the time she'd spent in that hell that was his house. As she involuntarily shed tears as she searched on the iPad for some information about Samuel Abernathy but she couldn't find much, just what Rafael had already told her.

God, everything that Harlan had done to her, the absolute hell he'd put her through was now just out there for the world to see. That was the thing that bothered her most. Yes, she'd told Elliot that she would try not to let it get to her. She's got other, more important things to think about. But now, how can she now?

Once again she found herself screaming and fighting to throw him off but only caused herself more pain the more she resisted. She might as well have been trying to buck a car off her back for all the good it did but this time she wouldn't stop and the harder she fought, the rougher he got until instead of screams, sobs ripped from her throat at the searing pain that sliced through her with each and every unforgiving thrust until he came…

She shook away the memory and signaled the waitress, who was also the owner and she came as soon as she rung out another customer.

"Can I get anything else for you?

"I probably shouldn't, but a half dozen chocolate croissants to go and the check, please?" She smiled, although she didn't feel a smile inside.

"I'll be right back." The waitress smiled, primarily at Serena who was now fast asleep. The shop hadn't had very many customers when Olivia first got there and so the owner played peek-a-boo with Serena from the counter while she went on about how beautiful she was.

Olivia put the iPad in her bag and finished off her now room temperature hot chocolate before she unlatched Serena and adjusted herself.

…

At the hospital, Nick rushed through the doors of the emergency room. The whole way there, he'd been going crazy wondering, hoping and praying that the baby was okay. He needed the baby to be okay. Standing nervously in front of the nurses desk, he asked for Carolyn, quickly being taken back to the exam area where he found her curled up in bed and inconsolable. He got his answer.

Standing there in front of her room, tears fell from his eyes as he immediately tried to collect himself. He had to be strong for Carolyn, and that was his mindset as he wiped his face and went to her.

"Caro…" He called to her softly, trying to hold his tears in as he lay his hand on her shoulder. But when she turned over and looked at him, his eyes met hers and sobbing, she told him without saying a word that their baby was gone.

Standing there for a moment, he felt so empty as he took her in her arms and held her while she cried.

…

Elliot heard footsteps, but it was just Olivia coming in, carrying a sleeping Serena up the stairs from the basement. She was in a mood, he could tell just looking at her.

"Uh oh!" He said, coming from his office with a grin on his face, thinking that it was just Joanie but Olivia gave him a look that said 'not today' before she went into what used to be her bedroom and she put Serena down. She then went to the adjoining bathroom to wash her hands before she left the room, leaving the door ajar.

"Where's my baby?"

Okay, it's definitely not Joanie. "In my office. Are you okay?" He asked, following Liv into the room where she stopped at the bassinet on the side of the desk. She was disappointed to see that Fin was still sleeping.

"No, I'm very much not okay!" She said with tears in her eyes as she slumped onto the couch in his office.

"He'll be up in twenty minutes for his feeding…"

"It's not that…El, I'm losing my mind."

Elliot wasn't sure just what she was talking about and decided to listen. "Honey, what are you-"

But she got up and stepped into the livingroom so that they wouldn't wake the baby.

"I saw a man at the restaurant and he looked exactly like Harlan...for a second I thought it actually was him."

"Liv, honey you know that Harlan's dead. He can't hurt you,"

"What you know and what you believe in the moment…" she started to cry. "I took Serena to the park, trying to calm my thoughts but nothing helped and then I started thinking about Abernathy…I googled him."

"You what?" He felt genuine anger at that thought. Olivia didn't need to know the face behind the horrible shit this man has done. Not just to her, but to… "why would you do that?"

"Because I needed to. I thought about him and how those recordings, my recordings are out there. And I have no idea where they are or who's seen them… who's seen ME! How can a man that's been dead for two years still cause such devastation?"

…

"...HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP!" He screamed, banging frantically on the thick plexiglass wall of the cell. "HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!" Tired, he slumped against the glass, down to the floor and clicked off the timer. Five minutes and thirteen seconds. He had been banging and screaming at the top of his lungs for five minutes and thirteen seconds. Satisfied, he stood and looked around the room before he went out the double doors into the hall and picked up the recorder he'd sat on the floor and stopped it.

Quickly, he hit the playback button and listened for noise. Nothing. The recording played back nothing but a long silence. No trace of the cacophony of disturbing sounds that he had created.

It had been long and hard work, but at last, he was finished. Finally, at long last finished. He stood in the middle of his work and sighed a contented sigh. A year of hard work, of digging, of building and he had to take a look at his work.

"My god!" He exclaimed to no one in particular. "You crafty son a bitch; you did it!" He grinned, so proud of himself. "This is so much better than even you could have dreamed." He said as he began walking the finished hall of the newly built expansion- although hidden expansion of his home.

Hidden thirty feet underground was his own little world of torture. Three thick, double plexiglass chambers, chambers where he'd do what Harlan did, but he'd do it on a bigger scale than he had. Everything he'd need was equipped within the cells. Cameras, eight of them, embedded in the walls and ceiling and all to grab everything that went on in the cell. Chains, restraints. He even put mattresses in for the lucky bitches, because hey, he wasn't totally heartless!

"Stanley Phillips, you are a genius!" He proudly said out loud to himself as he shut off the recorder. "...and Stabler, you are going to be one sorry bastard for ever fucking with me!"

He still remembered that fight from two years ago. How Stabler not only jumped him, but then used his position to take it to the bosses. He could remember when he spoke to the director...

"...oh you have no idea what I'm thinking, but you will! I want you in my office yesterday and don't make the mistake of keeping me waiting!" And just that fast, he hung up leaving Phillips in a state of sheer terror….

He'd had his title stripped, been demoted, and it took him two long years of hard work and ass kissing to get it back. Ironically, after that whole fiasco was when he'd decided that he'd make Stabler pay. He didn't need Harlan. Hell, all he really needed was stealth, a building plan and the desire to see justice carried out for a great man. First he released those videos so people could know the greatness that was Harlan Lewis. And now, he'd completed this monument to that man. He'd do so much more to the whores; whores that he hadn't raped or killed in the two years since he took on this project.

"Oh yes, Stabler. You are going to be so sorry that you ever crossed me!"

...

What is Stanley planning? Please feel free to drop a review in the meantime.