Title: Illusions

Warnings: denial, major character death, cliches

Summary: Rin sees Yukio. No one else does.

A/N: Like whaaat... Okay this is a really bad time to write this since I just woke up from a really nice afternoon nap and my thoughts are all jumbled and strange. Apologies.

He thrashed around in his blankets, his eyes closed, his mind locked in the iron grip of a nightmare that he saw every time he fell asleep.

He was running through a meadow. He didn't know where the meadow came from, but as soon as he bent down to sniff the flowers, they burst into flame.

Blue flame.

The sky, once blue with white clouds, would turn purple, an awful mix of crimson and azure. The scenery changed, and he was standing at the edge of the Gehenna Gate.

The old man was slowly sinking into it again, and his eyes wept tears of blood as he stared with pride at Rin.

"Give me back my old man!"

Then the old man's features flickered, changed, shifted. The glasses stretched out, becoming rectangular, the hair changed color from grey to black, the goatee disappeared, and two small moles appeared on the left side of the face.

And the eyes. The stubborn, unyielding, loving red eyes changed to a calm, collected, still loving green-blue.

"Yukio! No, not Yukio! Shit, let go of him! He's my brother! Let him go!"

But then the face would slowly sink under the grinning skulls, and even his outstretched hand would slowly slip away.

"Yukio! Yukio! YUKIO!"

No matter how loudly he shouted or how hard he punched the eye, Yukio never came back.

He woke up, icy sweat trickling down his back. He looked around the room, his eyes falling on the prone figure of his brother.

He sighed with relief.

He got out of bed and quietly padded over. The moonlight shone through the window bars, making the shadow of a cross at the head of Yukio's bed.

He stood there, gazing at his precious brother.

"Another bad dream, nii-san?" Yukio asked.

"Yukio! I didn't know you were awake."

Yukio chuckled. "Well, I am now. Here, nii-san, you can share with me tonight."

It was a childhood ritual. Whenever Rin had a nightmare, he'd always go to Yukio's room and end up sleeping in the same bed as his brother by morning. Shiro always used that as a photo opportunity.

It was endearing and nostalgic, remnants of a past that was destroyed the night the old man died.

Rin fell asleep, breathing in the clean, sharp scent that was Yukio.

When he woke up again, it was morning and Yukio was moving around the room.

"Nii-san, if we're late it's all your fault."

Rin let out a mumbled sentence.

"What was that?"

"Five more minutes, Yukio… just five…"

"Nii-san, it's 8:20."

8:20… 8:20… he was missing something here.

School.

School started at 8:30.

It was 8:20.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier, Yukio!" Rin cried as he dashed around the room at high speed. "Where did I leave my uniform?"

Yukio sighed. Some things never changed.

"Hey, Okumura, are you okay?" Bon asked.

Rin snorted awake. "Ah… is it break already?"

"It's lunch." Yukio deadpanned. Sometimes his brother really could sleep.

"I'm hungry! Let's go eat!"

As they walked down the corridor, Yukio and Rin and Bon, they spotted Shiemi and Izumo talking together in the corner. Both smiled and waved at the group, before elbowing their way through the crowd and joining the three.

"Good afternoon, Bon-kun, Rin-kun, –"

"Is that melon bread I spy?" Shima asked, slinging one arm over Bon's shoulders.

"Don't go stealing it again. I bought this for 200 yen!"

Rin chuckled.

"Don't you have a lunch today, Rin?" Shiemi asked, a hint of concern coloring her voice.

"Nah, I woke up late and forgot to make it."

"That's a bad habit! Skipping lunch is never good. If you don't make yourself a lunch tomorrow I'll make it for you, peasant." Izumo said. "It's not like I have anything better to do, anyways."

"Thanks, Izumo-chan!"

"Don't address me so familiarly, you big-headed peasant!"

Yukio chuckled as well. "Nii-san's popular."

"No, I'm not!" Rin protested.

"Yes, you are a big-headed peasant!"

Their good-natured bantering continued as the group made its way outside.

"Rin, you bastard, you're slacking again!" Shura shouted as she barged into the dorm room the Okumura twins shared.

"No, I'm not!" Rin protested. "I'm even doing my homework right now, like Yukio said!"

Shura's mouth set in a grim line at the mention of Yukio. Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked almost… sad?

This was Shura. Shura. She never got sad.

"Rin, how long have you been like this?"

"Like what?"

"Nii-san, she's probably talking about you slacking off from training."

"I haven't been slacking off!" he protested.

"Not that, idiot! How long have you been talking to thin air like that?"

Rin froze. Yukio froze.

"Thin air?"

Shura sighed grimly. This was worse than what she had imagined.

"Rin," she began, voice gentle and calm, "Yukio's not here. Not anymore."

Rin clapped his hands over his ears.

"Yukio's right there! Can't you see him? He's right there. Don't talk about my brother like he's missing or anything!"

"Rin."

Rin shook his head from side to side.

"Rin! Listen to me!"

He saw grief and loss in her eyes. That made his hands slide down until they hung limply at his sides.

"Rin. He's gone. Stop running from reality."

The Yukio-image (because that's all he was, really, nothing but an illusion) wavered.

"No, it can't be. No. He woke me up today morning, really, he did!"

His own voice sounded unsure and unsteady.

"Nii-san, don't make that face…"

"No, shut up, shut up, go away!"

"He's dead."

"Shut up!"

"There's nothing you can do about it."

"Go away, shut up, leave me alone, he's not dead! He's not, dammit!"

"Fine. I'll go. I'll leave you here with whatever illusion of your brother you've conjured up."

She walked to the doorway without looking back. She paused for a moment and sighed, her shoulder suddenly slumping forward. She looked as if she had aged, and she seemed so weak and fragile.

"Don't forget to keep training."

That night, Rin was wide awake, his eyes peering into the darkness that gathered in the corners of the room.

"Nii-san?"

He jumped.

"Yukio? You're still awake?"

"I could say the same about you, nii-san. Why are you still awake?"

"I… just can't sleep. That's all."

There was an awkward silence after that.

"Say, about what Shura said today…"

"That woman's lying, nii-san! Even you can tell!"

Rin sat up, startled by his brother's harsh reaction.

"Yukio?"

"She always hides the important things until it's too late!"

"Oi, Yukio! Calm down!"

Deep breaths.

"I'm sorry, nii-san, I lost myself for a moment there."

"It's okay. Since you said that it was a lie, then I'll believe you."

"Thank you, nii-san."

"It's what brothers are for, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Rin went back to sleep.

"Rin, I've signed you up for a session with the local therapist."

"Therapist? I don't need therapy, ya old hag."

"It's for your own good, you fool!" Shura shouted as she slapped his head (not too gently, but not that hard. She never hit like that. Ever.)

"..."

"Just... promise me you'll go, at least once?"

Damn. When she pleaded like that, even he couldn't do anything except agree.

"Fine."

"Ah, so you're the famous Rin Okumura I've been hearing about from some of my other regulars."

"Nice to meet you...?"

"My name is Yamanami. Nice to meet you too, Okumura-kun."

"Yeah, same, Yamanami-san."

"So what caused you to come here today?"

"The old hag, Shura, made me come here. Said that she was worried over something or another."

"Nii-san! You're saying too much!" Yukio protested.

Yamanami's eyes didn't even flicker toward the third person in the room.

"Thank you for telling me, Okumura-kun. Now, can you tell me more about your family?"

When Rin stared suspiciously at him, he smiled. "If you do, I'll tell you about mine."

Rin nodded slowly.

Yukio kept protesting. "Nii-san, we don't know if he's trustworthy or not. You can't just tell him about your family. What happens if he learns about Father's death? What then? He'll report you for sure, and who knows what the higher ups would do then. Don't trust him, nii-san."

"Where do I start?" Rin sighed, searching for the right words to begin. "I have a brother, a twin brother, named Yukio Okumura. I think you've heard of him?"

This was directed at the doctor, who nodded and smiled, encouraging him to go on.

"Nii-san! Stop!"

"Well, right now he's standing over there," and here Rin pointed to a spot about two feet from the door, "and telling me to stop telling you this since he thinks you'll be nosy."

"Nii-san! Really! We don't know if he's dangerous or not! He could be a spy for all you know!"

Yamanami looked over where Rin was pointing and furrowed his brow.

For some reason, there was a tense silence in the room.

"Okumura-kun, where?"

Something inside of Rin froze and shattered.

"You mean, you can't see him? He's right there. Right there. He's getting mad right about now, I can tell."

"... Okumura-kun."

"He's there. He's there, I know he's there. Why?"

"Okumura-kun."

"Why can't you see him? He's right in front of your eyes!"

"Nii-san, I told you he wasn't trustworthy. I told you! Did you listen? No."

"I think that you should tell me more about this brother of yours, Okumura-kun."

"Don't, nii-san. He says he can't even see me."

"Please?"

Yukio's voice was harsh with anger. "Stop bothering my nii-san! He's perfectly fine!"

Perfectly fine. Yes, that's how it was. He was perfectly fine.

"I'm sorry, Yamanami-san, but I think I'm good. Thanks anyways."

"Wait, Okumura-kun - "

The door slammed shut with a little more force than necessary.

It was evening, and Rin lounged lazily on his bed in his dorm.

"Nii-san, don't you have homework?"

"Done it."

"Studying?"

"Finished."

"Cleaning?"

"Of course I cleaned!"

"..."

"Ha, got you!" Rin crowed triumphantly. "I've finished everything you've been nagging me to do, so now I'm free to do whatever I want!"

There was a knock on the door before Yukio could say anything in response, and Rin got up to open it. Shiemi, Izumo and Shima stood on the other side.

"We heard voices when I was walking this way. Am we disturbing something?" Shiemi asked.

"No, it's fine. Yukio was just nagging me about my homework yet again."

"Yuki-chan? But Rin-kun, Yuki-chan's -"

"Where are my manners? Come on in, please." Rin interrupted.

When they were all situated around the small table in the center of the room, Shiemi tried again.

"Rin-kun. How long have you been seeing Yuki-chan like that?"

"Like what? He's always been around. We're brothers!"

"Shut up, you peasant, and let Shiemi talk."

"Yuki-chan... Yuki-chan... Rin-kun, do you even remember what Yuki-chan did for you? Do you even try to remember?"

"Nii-san, it's okay. Don't listen to her. She's mistaken. They're all mistaken. I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Shiemi-chan, I don't see what's wrong. Yukio's right there, isn't he?"

When none of them replied, he asked again. "He's right there, right? Why aren't you guys looking at him? What's gotten into you guys today?"

Shiemi buried her face in her hands, and though she tried to keep it in, a quiet sob still escaped.

"Rin-kun, Yuki-chan's gone. Don't you remember?"

A Gehenna Gate, opening wide for passage of one person... and his old man morphing into Yukio...

He shook his head violently from side to side, as if that would dispel his old nightmares.

"Should I remember something?"

His smile was so wide it hurt.

"Rin, you bastard!" Shima, the carefree one, the happy one, looked angry and desperate and horrified. Why horrified?

"Nii-san, thank you. You've realized. You're the only one to do so."

"No problem, Yukio."

"There you go again! Always Yukio this and Yukio that, when Okumura-sensei was killed! Killed three months ago now, by none other than his own dear brother! And you call yourselves brothers? Fuck you, you uncaring bastard!"

Yukio put his hands over Rin's ears. "Don't listen to them, nii-san. They're all mistaken."

Rin's eyes were cold. "Please, all of you, out."

"It didn't work."

"Haa, seriously? That brat is getting really troublesome." Shura sighed into her phone.

"I'm sorry, Shura-san."

"It's okay, Shiemi-chan and friends, I know you tried your best."

"Yes, thank you."

"See you later."

She closed her phone and stuffed it back into her pocket.

"What am I supposed to do now, Yukio? You never told me your brother could react in this way."

The sun slowly set, painting the sky bloody red.

Every few nights, he would get the nightmare again.

The sky was purple. The Gehenna Gate opened wide before him, the mass of wriggling skulls all trying to reach him. In the center, too far for him to reach, was a sinking figure.

First it was the old man. Then it was Yukio.

"Yukio, come back, please!"

"Nii-san..."

"Give me back my brother!" he shouted, punching the eye of the gate as hard as he could.

His brother always disappeared into the black mass.

Always.

"Yukio... Yukio... Yukio Yukio Yukio Yukio YukioYukioYukioYukioYukio"

Someone kept repeating his brother's name over and over again.

It took him a while to realize that it was his voice saying it.

"Yukio!"

He woke up gasping.

"Yes, nii-san? Another nightmare?" Yukio asked.

A nod. Then he flung himself at Yukio, sobbing.

"Don't leave me, Yukio. Don't ever leave me."

"I won't, nii-san. I never have, and I never will."

Rin's sobs quieted, and soon he was snoring away.

(there is a time skip of a few years here... Rin works now)

"... mura."

Something was chasing him, he had to run, he had to get away, he had to buy time to get Kakikura out of its sheath...!

"... in... ku...ra"

He was almost there... just a little bit more...

"Rin... mura..."

And... yes! Here was the sword, and he turned, blue flames ablaze, jabbing his sword into the one chasing him

"Rin Okumura."

And bright red blood dripped down and down and down... and blue-green eyes stared into his

"Rin Okumura! Get up, for the seventh time!"

"Mh? Wha' time 's 't?"

"It's eleven forty."

"Holy sh*t what? Eleven forty?" Rin nearly shrieked. "Yukio, you know I have work at 10! Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"Because you wouldn't wake up, baka nii-san."

Rin scrambled around, grabbing his tie and a slice of toast for breakfast, before running out the door of the two room apartment he shared with Yukio.

Yukio waved as Rin hopped onto his bike and sped off.

"Hey, did you hear?"

"Yeah, apparently, if you go to that house and knock on the door, the nice man in there will greet you with treats!"

"The door on the second floor? I hear he has a ghost living in his house!"

"Eh? No way, Maa-chan."

"It's true! My mother's friends with the landlady, and she says that she hears him calling for someone named 'Yukio' all the time. And he's the only one in the apartment!"

"That's creepy."

"Yeah, it is."

"Nii-san, they're talking about you again."

"I know, Yukio. I know. I think it's almost time to move again."

"Yep. Especially since you haven't aged much since you moved in a few years ago."

"Mhm."

"Long after the end of the advent of Satan, True Cross Academy has been disbanded."

"We have received reports of a ghostly blue flame appearing..."

"There have been no signs of a return of exorcists..."

"I am reporting live from the scene. This afternoon, when a young girl was walking home, she noticed blue flames shooting out of the roof of this house. Firefighters are currently working to put out the blaze, but nothing seems to be working."

"Thirty casualties resulted from the freak fire earlier this afternoon, before a mysterious man stopped by and dropped off a package of holy water at the nearest firefighting station..."

"The cause of the fire is said to be one man named Rin Okumura, a former student of True Cross Academy. Here we have an old acquaintance of his from his school days, a famous exorcist, Suguro-san."

"Bah." Rin said, turning off the TV. "They're accusing me again, and this time it really wasn't me."

"I know, nii-san, I know."

Rin smiled at his twin (who still had the same uniform on, and still had the same exact face, as the night, twenty years ago, when they left True Cross for good.)

He knew. He definitely knew. Yukio was gone.

But he also knew that if he told "Yukio" his suspicions, "Yukio" would disappear.

He didn't want to lose Yukio again.

So he kept silent.