Divine Might

"So let me get this straight," Weiss said. "The gods saw that the mortal world was being invaded by demons and sent you to save us?"

Ruby nodded and gave Weiss the sunniest of smiles. "Fear not, tiny mortal. You're safe now."

There was a brief pause followed by Weiss's eye twitching. "Did you just call me tiny?"

"Well, you are kind of short for a mortal," Ruby replied. The goddess stood at least a head taller than Weiss, much to the mortal's displeasure. It could even have been more, but the goddess didn't exactly have perfect posture. "And you are also very petite, so you do qualify as tiny." She grinned and ruffled Weiss's hair, and the twitch in her eye grew more violent. "And don't forget that I can read your mind since I am a god. I'm pretty sure that fantasising about stabbing me is heresy, not that it would do much since, you know, I'm a god."

The twitch in Weiss's eye took on stroke-like proportions. "Anyway," she growled. "Going back to my original question. Why, of all the gods they could have sent, did the gods decide to send you, the Goddess of Cookies to save the mortal world from a demonic invasion?"

"Oh, ye of little faith." Ruby spread her arms wide and smiled beatifically. "They sent me because cookies are awesome and mighty, and they will totally beat the crap out of these demons."

"Cookies are going to beat the crap out of demons?" Weiss stared at her in disbelief. "That's it." She shook her head and threw up her hands. "We're doomed. I might as well throw myself into the middle of that demonic horde over there because at least that way I'll die quickly."

"I find your lack of faith amusing." Ruby struck a majestic pose, her crimson cloak billowing behind her in a wind only she seemed to feel as her silver, star-like eyes gazed out over the approaching horde of demons. "Have you ever wondered where stale cookies go?"

"What do stale cookies have to do with anything?" Weiss shrieked. "We're being attacked by demons, not hungry toddlers!"

The aforementioned demons unleashed a cacophony of howls, bellows, and screams while continuing their relentless advance. The earth shook beneath countless claws, talons, and hooves, and the skies were awash with verminous multitudes of twisted abominations.

"It has everything to do with it, tiny mortal." Ruby lifted one hand, and a cookie appeared in her palm. "If you leave a cookie for long enough, it gets stale and hard instead of staying soft and delicious. Leave a cookie for even longer, and it's not really a cookie anymore. It's just a cookie-shaped rock."

"That still doesn't explain what stale cookies have to do with anything!" Weiss could only gape in terrified awe as a vast, multi-headed demon rumbled to the front of the horde, so huge that its colossal form threatened to blot out the sun. Its seven heads unleashed piercing cries that would have struck absolute terror into her heart if she hadn't already maxed out her ability to feel fear. That was one big, angry demon.

"Have you ever dropped a rock on something?" Ruby asked.

"…" Weiss's mouth opened and closed. "I can't believe we're having this conversation. We're going to get overrun by demons, and you want to talk about stale cookies and dropping rocks on things? Are you serious? Are you my punishment for not sponsoring more temples?"

"I'm completely serious." Ruby dropped the stale cookie. "See that? That cookie is as hard as a rock, but dropping it didn't do anything. The trick to dropping rocks is that it's not just about how heavy the rock is or how hard it is. It's also about how high you drop it from."

Weiss covered her face with her hands. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. The last conversation of her life was about stale cookies and rocks. This had to be some form of divine punishment. "Can you please just get to the point."

"What do you think would happen if you put a whole bunch of stale cookies together – enough to weigh as much as a boulder – and then dropped them from the heavens?"

"…" Weiss's jaw dropped. "That's your plan? You're going to drop some stale cookies on the demons? There is no possible way that could work."

"Really? You don't think it'll work?"

"If it works," Weiss hissed. "I will build you the biggest, most stupidly amazing temple in the world."

"Oh, tiny mortal of little faith. You're going to regret saying that." Ruby stretched one hand out toward the sky, and the skies answered with an ominous rumble. "Believe in me and believe in the power of cookies. Behold! The power of stale cookies and gravity!"

X X X

The boulder-sized conglomerate of stale cookies weighed close to a thousand pounds. It appeared in the mortal world well above the clouds and promptly began its descent toward the demonic horde. By the time it hit its first demon – a winged monstrosity that it reduced to a cloud of blood and gore before continuing its descent – it was travelling well over a hundred miles an hour.

Of course, one cookie-boulder couldn't possibly hope to stop the endless ranks of angry, murderous demons from another dimension.

It was a good thing, then, that Ruby, Goddess of Cookies and soon-to-be owner of the world's biggest, most stupidly amazing temple, hadn't summoned just one cookie-boulder.

She'd summoned thousands of them.

And thousands more were appearing every second.

X X X

Gurthag, the Devourer of Adorable Puppies and Cuddly Kittens, unleashed seven mighty roars from his seven vicious heads and continued his merciless advance toward the foolish goddess and even more foolish mortal who dared to stand against the demonic invasion.

His stomach was already full of puppies and kittens, granting him nigh-limitless power although that one corgi had managed to escape him. Nothing could stop him now. Nothing in the world could possibly –

WHAM.

The first cookie-boulder that hit him shattered against his scaly hide, and he laughed. Was this the power of a goddess? A mere boulder was not going to slow him down. He had walked across worlds of ash and ruin. He had destroyed entire empires. He had slaughtered countless millions and –

And then the second cookie-boulder hit him, and then the third, and then the fourth, and then he lost count as an absolute deluge of cookie-boulders thundered down on him and the other demons. All around him, demons were being crushed under boulders made of stale cookies, and even his almost unbreakable scales were beginning to crack beneath the sheer weight of weaponised baked goods.

But things were about to get worse.

How?

What could possibly be worse than being pelted to death by stale cookies?

Being pelted to death by stale cookies filled with super-heated, molten chocolate.

As the first wave of chocolate-filled death slammed into his scales, Gurthag could only scream in hideous, unmatched agony as the molten chocolate spilled over his body. The sheer heat of it managed to penetrate through his scales, roasting his flesh as his scales finally began to crack under the seemingly endless deluge of cookie-boulders.

Impossible, he thought as his legs gave way and he slumped to the ground. He couldn't die like this, not crushed by cookies and burned by chocolate. He couldn't –

Any further thoughts he might have had were lost as a massive chocolate pudding descended, swallowing up the entire area in an ocean of impossibly hot pudding. This was it then. He was really going to die like this. To think a demon lord could be drowned in an ocean of chocolate pudding…

X X X

"This is… what… but…this… you… huh?"

"Ah." Ruby put one arm around Weiss in a friendly manner. "Worry not, tiny mortal. I can see that you're overcome by the sheer awesomeness of my power."

In front of them, the demonic attack had turned into a complete rout. Demons were fleeing in all directions in a desperate bid to escape the cookie-boulder downpour, but they weren't having much luck at all. Cookie-boulders were falling from everywhere, and at some point, chocolate-chip cookie-boulders had joined the fray, along with giant chocolate puddings, lava-like maple syrup, and what Weiss strongly suggested was some kind of deadly cake the size of a mountain.

"None of this makes any sense," Weiss wailed. "You're killing them with baked goods."

Ruby nodded sagely. "The power of baked goods is mighty, Weiss. Why do you think the gods sent me instead of someone else?"

"…" Weiss looked heavenward. She got the distinct impression that somewhere, up there, the gods were laughing at her. "You know what? I don't even care anymore. You're saving the mortal world, so I guess that's all that matters." She paused. "I don't suppose you have any baked goods we could eat, do you? We might as well eat something while watching this."

"I thought you'd never ask."

X X X

In later years, scholars would often look back on the firsthand account written by Her Imperial Majesty Weiss III and wonder if the legendary empress had been drunk at the time, and if so, where they could get booze that strong because clearly it was some really, really strong stuff.

All scholars agree that only the gods themselves could have turned back the demonic invasion that had unleashed untold misery on the mortal world before grinding to a bloody halt on the borders of the empire, but the thought of the demons being destroyed by weaponised baked goods is hardly one a sensible person can entertain. Either the empress had been extremely drunk, or the account itself is a joke or a metaphor. No serious scholar can believe that that cookies, of all things, could be used to kill demons, to say nothing of cake, pudding, or maple syrup.

Of course, there are some scholars who disagree. They point to the absolutely colossal temple to Ruby, Goddess of Cookies, that was built during the empress's reign. The statue in front of it clearly depicts a huge, multi-headed demon being killed by falling cookie-boulders. However, real scholars understand that the statue itself is likely a way of honouring the help the goddess provided during the empire's rebuilding phase. It is clearly a metaphor for how with the goddess's help, the empire overcame the challenges of rebuilding.

More puzzling, though, are the accounts of the empress insisting that cookies really were used to defeat the demons. Given the empress's awkward sense of humour, modern scholars believe she simply took the joke too far.

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I do not own RWBY. I'm not making any money off of this either.

And you thought Death!Ruby was mighty? Behold the power of CookieGoddess!Ruby, a being of incomprehensible might! She wields absolute power over all baked goods, and there is no force in Creation that can withstand the power of weaponised cookies, puddings, cakes, and other treats. Don't be like Gurthag. Acknowledge her awesomeness or face doom!

Setting aside CookieGoddess!Ruby, I'd like to say thank you to all of you for sticking with the story this far. It's been a long journey to two hundred chapters, but we got there. Along the way, the story has picked up 1.6 million hits, 3100 reviews, 1500 followers, and 1400 favourites. So, once again, thank you for reading, and I hope to be around for another two hundred chapters.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon and Audible under the name L. G. Estrella. If you like fun, humour, action, warmth, and adventure, I'm sure you'll enjoy my original stuff too.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.