The Jim and Bones Show

Jim Kirk is the host of TV's newest hit cooking show. Dr. Leonard McCoy is pretty sure that having to appear on the show to talk about nutrition is some sort of punishment for mouthing off in the last staff meeting. It's the start of a beautiful friendship. Modern AU.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Star Trek characters and the Food Network belong to their rightful owners. My apologies to Humphrey Bogart and Casablanca for stealing a line.

Author's note: I have no idea where this story came from. One night a few weeks ago I was washing the dinner dishes, and suddenly this popped into my head. There must have been cheese involved.

Warnings: A couple of mild swears here and there. You know, for an educated Southern gentleman, McCoy sure has a dirty mouth.

"Just like mom used to make! Remember, it's required by law that the meringue has to be taller than lemon in the pie," Jim Kirk said brightly, revealing his fresh-out-of-the-oven lemon meringue pie. The tips of the meringue were perfectly browned, and he knew there was no way he and the other crew members wouldn't obliterate this pie once filming was done.

"Next week, we'll have some fancy-pants doctor on to tell us why we shouldn't be eating anything that actually tastes good," he announced. The crowd laughed.

Jim signed off as the show's theme tune started playing and the audience began the long, drawn-out applause until Spock, the show's director, signaled the all-clear. Jim quickly handed off the pie to the show's producer, Nyota Uhura, forcing her to pledge to defend it with her life until he could have a slice. Rolling her eyes, she headed toward the staff break room while quite a few audience members, most of whom happened to be female, made their way to the front of the studio to ask for photos and autographs. Jim was happy to oblige them. This whole fame thing was new to him, and he kept promising himself that he would not take it for granted.

Nearly an hour later, Spock shooed the last of Jim's adoring fans out of the studio in his no-nonsense way.

"Thanks, Spock," Jim said, slumping back and heaving a sigh of relief as the doors of the studio closed and the director clicked the locks into place. The last of the lights instantly dimmed, and moments later Scotty made his way out of the sound booth.

"What's today's tally, then?" he asked Jim as the three of them went in search of pie.

Jim pulled a handful of paper scraps out of his pocket and slapped them onto the table. "Thanks, Nyota," he said as she served him a large slice of lemon meringue. It was amazing, even if he did say so himself.

Scotty went through the slips as he ate. "Six telephone numbers, nineteen e-mail addresses and one request to become a baby-daddy," he announced.

Everyone but Spock burst into laughter, although Spock did manage to look somewhat amused – for him.

"Just another typical day at the office," Jim said, sounding cocky.

Nyota snorted. "God, it's like your life is a reality show, not a cooking show," she said.

Jim shuddered. As much as he loved cooking and being in front of the camera, he was actually quite a private person. While he had enjoyed moderate success as a television host, he could usually go to the grocery store or a coffee shop without being recognized. Besides, there was enough dark stuff in his past that he didn't fancy people delving into all aspects of his history. Having his life broadcast as a reality show would be hell.

"Come on, you know I don't actually take them up on their offers," he told Nyota.

She smiled and nodded. When they had first met, Nyota had labelled Jim an overconfident pretty-boy, but now she knew better. Whatever people might think of Jim Kirk because of his good looks and charisma, underneath it all he was actually a good guy.

They were interrupted as Jim's agent Hikaru Sulu burst into the room. "Good show? Oh! Pie!"

"Sulu, glad you could make it," Jim said sarcastically, pushing the pie plate across the table to Sulu.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I was stuck on the phone for two hours. Uhura, I've made our reservations for Japan. We're good to go."

Nyota smiled and thanked him. The two were heading over in a few weeks' time to try to sell the show to a Japanese television station. Jim, with his blonde hair and blue eyes, would hopefully be a hit there. Unlike Nyota and Sulu, Jim didn't speak Japanese (yet, he reminded them), but the show could always be subtitled.

"So … next week," Jim said. "Who's the lucky guest?"

Nyota shook her head. "The hospital hasn't given me a name yet, but they promised that someone will be here. I assume it will be one of their dieticians."

"Oh joy," Jim muttered. "Do you really think this is going to help us at all?" While Jim's show was popular, everyone felt that there was something missing that kept it from reaching its full potential. All season they had been trying segments on various topics, trying to strike a chord with viewers, but so far nothing had quite worked. Each week they remained hopeful, but Jim just wasn't feeling this one.

They all stood, cleaning up their dishes. Jim still needed to check in with Gaila at his restaurant and then write a magazine column tonight. However, he was grateful for the break they had. Although he never really said it to their faces, the people involved in his career had become his family. He always had time for them.

With a cheerful wave to Scotty, Jim got on his motorcycle. Nyota and Spock thought they were being subtle about their relationship by delaying their departure until everyone else had left, but no one was fooled. With a chuckle, Jim started up the engine.

~o~O~o~

Sometimes Leonard McCoy couldn't believe the terrible luck in his life. He was pretty sure that he was being punished by the hospital administrators for being outspoken about their idiocy at the last staff meeting. He was being asked – no, more like ordered – to talk about nutrition and healthy living on some stupid cooking show that was filmed in town. Damn it, he was a trauma surgeon, not a dietician. If they really cared about public health, they would have sent an actual nutrition specialist to appear on this goddamn cooking show of all things. That way, the people with actual M.D.s could get back to the business of taking care of patients.

Pike and Puri didn't try very hard to contain their laughter when Leonard glared at them as he locked his office and headed to the parking lot to drive to the studio for the taping. "Have fun!" someone shouted behind him. The only reason Leonard didn't flip them off was that there were patients and their families in the hallways and he was a goddamn professional.

Leonard clenched his jaw for the entire drive. Pulling into the staff parking lot as instructed, he parked next to a shiny motorcycle. Leonard hated the damn 'donor-cycles' because motorcycle accidents provided the hospital with most of its organ donations.

Inside, Leonard found himself in a plain hallway with a couple of small offices and what looked like a staff break room. He was surprised – he thought a television studio would be fancier. "Hello?" he called out.

A moment later a head with reddish hair popped out of a door farther down. "Oh, hiya! You must be from the hospital. Come on in," the man said in a Scottish accent.

Leonard frowned and followed him through the doorway into what turned out to be the backstage area of the studio.

"Nyota, love, your guest is here!" Scotty called out.

A moment later, a beautiful woman with a long ponytail walked up, introducing herself and giving Leonard a firm handshake. "We're glad to have you here today, Doctor," she told him, handing him some forms to sign.

Leonard bit back the 'at least one of us is happy about me being here' perched on his lips, but only because his mother had taught him to be polite to strangers.

After signing, Leonard took a look around the studio. It was smaller than he'd expected. He'd given lectures in larger auditoriums, so he didn't feel intimidated. Already the seats were beginning to fill, and a couple of security guards stood at the front to remind audience members that they couldn't walk up onto the set now.

Nyota walked over to a blonde man who was talking and gesturing wildly, causing one of the men in front of him to throw his head back in laughter. The other man only flicked an eyebrow slightly. Quickly she got the blonde's attention and led him back to Leonard.

"Dr. Leonard McCoy," she said in introduction. "This is the man you have the misfortune of working with: Jim Kirk."

Leonard grinned, liking Nyota more with each passing minute. He shook hands with Jim, hoping the kid would lose a bit of the manic energy.

"So, are you excited or what?" Jim asked, slinging an arm over Leonard's shoulders and leading him over to the food preparation area.

Leonard turned, shrugging the arm off. "Look, I don't want to be here any more than you probably want me here, so let's just get this over with."

Usually Leonard's acerbic attitude made people shy away and leave him alone, but apparently this Kirk guy was too stupid to figure it out. He just slapped Leonard on the shoulder once more and said, "There, that's the spirit! We're gonna have fun!"

"Is he always like this?" Leonard asked the director with the severe bowl haircut after Jim bounced away.

"No," the man said with a straight face. "He is usually much worse." Leonard could only roll his eyes and mutter unflattering things under his breath.

~o~O~o~

To his surprise, filming the nutrition segment wasn't as bad as he had feared it would be. Kirk had an energetic yet controlled presence in front of the cameras and audience.

"So, can we eat things that actually taste good, or should we all be gnawing on tree bark?" he asked Leonard.

Leonard couldn't help but roll his eyes. The kid just brought it out in him. "No, eat what you want, but just be sensible. Don't be a moron about it and make sure you eat enough of the good stuff to offset the treats." He could say 'moron' on television, right?

Jim and the audience were laughing and the director wasn't trying to get their attention or anything, so he figured he hadn't screwed up too badly.

Once they had finished filming that segment, Leonard took a seat off to the side in case they needed him again while Jim began his cooking demonstration. Today he was going to cook chicken. He started out by showing how to deconstruct the bird.

Jim was quite happily talking and chopping away when the knife slipped. Instantly he knew he had sliced his left index finger. Blood was already welling from the cut, so Jim shook out his hand and instinctively went to put the offending digit in his mouth when a hand clamped down on his wrist and dragged him over to the sink.

"You've just been handling raw meat. Don't go sticking your fingers in your mouth, you idiot," Leonard grumbled as he shoved Jim's hand under the running water. While Jim washed his hands, Leonard accepted the first-aid kit that Nyota passed him. Within moments, Jim found his finger covered in gauze.

"Here, keep pressure on it to stop the bleeding," Leonard said, practically shoving Jim's arm back at him. "You're lucky it's not deep enough to require stitches."

Leonard said a couple of things to the audience about when stitches were necessary and when they weren't as he dug through the first-aid box. Jim half-listened to the doctor's spiel, thinking that it was useful information, while also mentally calculating how he was going to finish cutting up the chicken with a big wad of gauze on his hand. When Leonard turned around with the medical supplies in hand, Jim opened his mouth to tell him that they wouldn't be necessary. However, one look at the scowl on the doctor's face and Jim's mouth snapped shut.

Within moments, Leonard had finished wrapping Jim's hand. "Good thing you decided to quit bleeding all over the place. The food's still safe," he said, pulling off the rubber gloves that Jim hadn't even noticed him put on.

"That's great. How am I supposed to cut chicken with my hand like this?" he asked.

"You're not. I am. You know, surgeon and all. Besides, you weren't doing it right," Leonard said as he washed his hands. Jim cocked an eyebrow at the crowd. They seemed to love their banter.

Minutes later, Leonard had finished deboning the chicken with – what Jim had to admit – was a very steady hand. The doctor had talked the crowd through what he was doing without a hint of self-consciousness. It was probably from years of coaching patients and interns and leading surgeries, Jim thought absently as he watched.

"Should I be worried about how easily you can dismember an animal?" Jim joked as Leonard put the knife in the sink and washed his hands again.

"Should I be worried that someone thought it was a good idea to give you a knife and your own T.V. show?" Leonard shot back without missing a beat. The audience again laughed, egging on the two men.

"Alright," Jim said, clapping the doctor on the shoulder, much to the doctor's dismay. "When we get back, we'll look at a few different ways to prepare chicken, including frying it Southern style."

Leonard waited until the director signaled a cut in filming, then muttered so only Jim could hear him, "You Yanks wouldn't know fried chicken if it came up and pecked you in the ass."

Jim threw back his head and laughed. Today was the best.

~o~O~o~

Leonard stomped back into his office. Filming was done and it was now after 6 p.m. He was relieved, to say the least. Part of him wanted to go home, but another part of his mind reminded him that his work was never finished.

Picking up a patient chart, he heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" he called.

Puri stuck his head around the door to take in Leonard sitting behind a pile of files and medical books. "How was it?" he asked.

"Hell. Thank God it's over so I can actually get back to real work," Leonard replied. Okay, so the easy back-and-forth with Jim had been fun, but damn it, he was a doctor and needed to act like it.

"Leonard, it's late. You should go home. The hospital told you to go on that show, so don't feel like you have to make up the hours," Puri said.

Leonard sighed. Going home sounded nice, but frankly he didn't really know how to turn off any more. "I don't have a life so that other people can," he said matter-of-factly, opening the chart to begin reading.

Puri took that as his cue to leave. McCoy's attitude toward life made him sad. True, many doctors were workaholics, but everyone needed to have fun sometimes. Life seemed to have beaten it out of McCoy.

~o~O~o~

Nyota and Spock stared at each other solemnly, having a silent conversation, as Jim glad-handed the audience. He smirked as several of the women asked where 'Dr. Hottie' had gone.

Leonard had apologized to Nyota for his snarkiness on his way out before taping ended, hoping that it hadn't ruined the show. Nyota had assured him that Jim had that effect on people. Now, she and Spock would have to take a run through the footage again to see whether it was salvageable.

Spock had no sooner locked the door behind the last departing audience member than Scotty came bouncing out of the control booth. "I liked this show! It was exciting!" he told them as he headed to the back of the studio in search of the day's leftovers.

Nyota sighed. "Maybe it won't be so bad," she said to Spock as they walked. "The audience certainly seemed to like the interaction between the two of them."

"That guy was awesome! We've got to have him back," Jim said to them excitedly, waving around his bandaged hand, as soon as they entered the break room.

"I am not sure that he thought of the experience as 'awesome'," Spock said. "In fact, your mere presence seemed to aggravate him."

"That's what makes it all so fun!" Jim said.

"Besides," Nyota added. "He already has a job. I'm sure he is plenty busy as a doctor."

"You know, I'll bet Dr. Hottie did better than me this week," Jim said, pretending to sulk while taking all of the scraps of paper out of his pocket and tossing them down on the table.

After the final tally, Jim remained in the lead – but only until the episode aired.

~o~O~o~

"I heard you made quite the splash on that cooking show," Pike said, leaning against the wall just inside the doorway of Leonard's office. He sounded amused. Leonard hadn't bothered to watch the program when it aired yesterday afternoon.

Even now, Leonard couldn't care less. "Well, that'll teach you never to make me do something like that again."

Pike chuckled. "Oh, no. Actually, you're going back next week."

Leonard's head shot up so quickly that he gave himself whiplash. "WHAT?" he shouted. "No!"

By now Pike was trying hard to control his laughter. "Apparently that episode was the funniest thing ever to hit the Food Network. Clips have been going viral on the internet and everything. The people have spoken, and they want more Leonard McCoy and Jim Kirk."

Leonard dropped his head to bang it against his desk. "I have things to do, like, I don't know, save people's lives," he argued, but he could already see that it was a lost cause. Of course the hospital would be in search of good publicity at the expense of actual medical care. "Besides, I thought they would edit out all of that."

Leonard stood up and immediately made for the door, intent on going straight to the hospital's PR department so he could make someone cry and get himself out of this mess.

Unfortunately, he didn't make it that far. As he passed by one of the nursing stations, he distinctly heard Jim Kirk's voice and the laughter of a studio audience over tinny speakers. That was quickly followed by the real-life laughter of several of the nurses.

"This is not happening to me," Leonard muttered to himself. Quietly he crossed over to the desk to loom over the monitor. As predicted, one nurse eventually raised her eyes to notice him standing there. The others quickly cleared their throats and tried to look innocent, but Leonard could still hear the clip quietly playing through the speakers.

"Don't any of you have work to do? Did we suddenly run out of patients?" he asked in a menacing tone. The nurses quickly scattered, trying to avoid catching his eye.

All except Christine. Having worked at this hospital far longer than Leonard, she was one of the few to realize that his bark was worse than his bite. What really endeared her to McCoy, though, was that she kept that fact to herself and didn't try to mess with his reputation for being a grump.

"You two were absolutely hilarious, not to mention that Jim Kirk is pretty easy on the eyes," she told him frankly. "Can I get individual episodes on DVD? If I can, would you sign it?"

Leonard could only roll his eyes and retreat back to his office with Christine's laughter following him. Why did these things happen to him? "Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a TV side-kick," he grumbled to himself.

~o~O~o~

In retrospect, Leonard was really glad he was forced to go to the second taping.

~o~O~o~

"Bones, you're back!" Jim said, bouncing over to McCoy as he entered the staff room of the studio the following week.

"No thanks to you," McCoy grumbled. "And what's Bones?"

"You can debone a chicken like no one else. Thus, Bones," Jim said. "Plus, you're a sawbones. It's a winner either way."

"No," McCoy replied.

"Yep," Jim said happily. "Besides, don't you think it's better than Doctor Hottie? That's what the fans are calling you."

Leonard couldn't help but roll his eyes. It was time to change the subject. "How's the finger, kid?"

Jim shoved his finger in Leonard's face. There was nothing more than a pink line now. "As good as new thanks to your magic touch," Jim said with a grin.

At that moment, Nyota walked into the room. "Leonard, it's good to see you again," she said..

"Nyota, always a pleasure, darlin'," Leonard said, playing up his Georgian accent. Nyota had to admit to herself that it made her stomach flutter a bit.

Jim just rolled his eyes. "He just can't get enough of us."

Leonard threw up his hands. "I'm here under orders. Apparently people like us. I have no idea why."

At that moment, Scotty came bustling into the room. "Have you given him his totals yet?" he asked Nyota. Leonard looked on, confused.

Scotty and Nyota grinned. "Every week Jim gets a pile of phone numbers and propositions from his adoring fans," Nyota explained, stopping to give Jim a smug smile. "We've taken to counting them up. Usually the guests don't give him much competition, but you gave him a good run for his money."

"Sorry, Jim. Once we calculated the totals from the pile you collected and the message boards once the episode aired, the good doctor surpassed your numbers," Scotty said apologetically. Jim groaned theatrically while Leonard banged his head against the table. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately in relation to this cooking show.

"Leonard, you received a grant total of 34 phone numbers, 86 e-mail addresses, five offers of marriage, and another eight offers to personally play doctor with you," Scotty said gleefully.

"Damn it, I'm a doctor, not a piece of meat," Leonard growled, although the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that he was still banging his head against the table.

Jim conceded defeat gracefully. Slapping Leonard on the back, he said, "Bones, you've still got it!"

Leonard looked up to find the entire crew laughing at his predicament. How was this his life?

~o~O~o~

After the events of the previous show, Leonard did a short segment on kitchen first-aid. It wasn't exactly neurosurgery, but this was more his territory than nutrition. Once again he insulted Jim as often as possible while Jim gleefully antagonized him back. They didn't have to try very hard to fall back into their roles from last time – it seemed that the dynamic came naturally between them.

Afterward, he again sat off to the side. Nyota had handed him the first-aid kit, biting her lower lip to keep from laughing at the inside joke. Leonard smiled at her and settled in for the demonstration.

The kid was talking about making various kinds of quiche, and he deftly worked his way through all of the bowls of prepared ingredients sitting on the counter. At one point, he hefted up a bowl of grape tomatoes and chopped onions. "I've had these soaking in olive oil for a little while along with a bit of fresh coriander for flavor," he explained, dumping the contents of the bowl into a larger one. There was a single tomato stuck to the bottom of the small bowl, so Jim pulled it out with his fingers and popped it into his mouth. "Remember," he told the audience with a wink, "as the great Julia Child once sort-of said, if no one else is in the kitchen to see you do it, it didn't happen."

The audience members chuckled and Jim moved on to the next ingredient. However, he suddenly stopped just before his hand touched the bowl.

Leonard knew instantly that something was wrong. A moment later, Jim's free hand went up to his throat. His face was getting red, and he suddenly seemed unaware of the audience.

"Jim!" Leonard called, racing onto the set and managing to reach Jim in time to help lower him to the floor. It was clear that Jim was having trouble breathing and his face was beginning to swell.

"Call an ambulance, NOW!" he shouted at Nyota as she hurried onto the set.

Snapping open the small first-aid kit, Leonard looked desperately for an epi-pen, finally finding one at the bottom of the case. Grabbing it, he stabbed it into Jim's thigh. Everyone held their breath as they waited to see whether it would work. After a moment, Jim began coughing and inhaling in large gasps. Leonard hadn't even noticed that Jim had clamped on to one of his wrists until the grip began to loosen.

Leonard took a moment to raise himself enough to pop his head over the counter. "We could use a second epi-pen, just in case. See if anyone here has one," he called to Spock. "And turn off the damn cameras!"

Spock immediately turned to the audience and immediately noticed a young woman halfway up the stairs digging frantically through her handbag. Apparently not able to find what she was looking for, she unselfconsciously dumped the contents of her bag onto the stairs. Grabbing what she was looking for, she raced down to the front of the studio.

Scotty had turned off the displays that the audience could see as soon as it was clear that something was wrong. While Jim had collapsed behind the counter, the overhead cameras were catching part of the action. He couldn't help but stand up behind the controls, watching desperately to make sure his friend was okay.

The young woman ran up onto the set, offering up her epi-pen. Thankfully, it didn't look like it would be needed this time. "Thanks," Leonard told the girl as everyone sighed in relief. Spock led her back to the audience, conveying his gratitude to her as they walked.

"The ambulance is on its way," Nyota said, cell phone up to her ear.

"How you doin', Jim?" Leonard asked, keeping on hand on Jim's wrist to take his pulse and using the other to tip Jim's head toward him to check pupil reaction.

"Been better," Jim said quietly. The fact that the normally-energetic man was content to lie on the floor without moving said a lot about his condition.

"Your vitals are returning to normal. Just sit tight and we'll get you to the hospital," Leonard told him.

Jim couldn't suppress a shudder and closed his eyes. "Hate hospitals," he murmured.

Leonard squeezed Jim's wrist for a moment to let him know he was there. "I'll go with you, kid. You won't be there alone."

"Y'u're bein' nice. 'm I dyin'?" Jim asked. Despite his weak voice, he was obviously feeling better.

"No way, kid. Not on my watch," the doctor told him.

Leonard turned to Nyota. "Any idea what caused this?"

She shook her head. "Everyone here knows he's allergic to nuts, so we don't even store ingredients with them in here."

"I suppose we could be looking at a new allergy, but I don't know what he ingested that he wouldn't have eaten before," Leonard said, puzzled.

Nyota sat back on her heels, one hand on Jim's shoulder and the other holding the still-connected phone, considering.

At that moment, the ambulance crew burst through the doors from backstage. Leonard didn't even notice as Nyota and Spock apologized to the audience and quietly saw them out the doors, or Scotty as he shut down the stage, leaving on the stage lights over Jim. Instead, the doctor kept one hand on Jim's arm and the other taking his pulse as he traded medical jargon with the medics.

"You guys have room for a passenger?" he asked as Jim was loaded onto the stretcher.

"Of course, Dr. McCoy," one of them said.

"Aww, Bones, you've got fans," Jim said weakly from where he lay with an oxygen mask on his face.

"Shut up and let these nice people do their jobs, Jim," he told his patient, but there was no heat in his words.

Tossing his car keys to Nyota as they headed to the back door, the group rushed toward the waiting ambulance.

~o~O~o~

Leonard hadn't seen an allergy list that long since med school. "Unbelievable," he said, rolling his eyes and looking over at his dozing patient.

Thankfully the evening had been quiet so far. He walked out to the waiting room where Jim's crew was waiting.

"He'll be fine. We just want to keep him in overnight to make sure everything's alright," he told the group, watching them relax in relief. "You can come back to his room if you want."

Like a well-oiled machine, they got up and followed Leonard to Jim's room. Nyota pulled Leonard aside just before they entered. "In case you hadn't noticed yet, Jim hates hospitals and he's a terrible patient. Be prepared for escape attempts," she said.

Leonard had picked up on that a bit, and figured it was a testament to how bad Jim was feeling that he was quiet for now. "I'll keep an eye on him," he promised.

"Hey guys," Jim said softly as they entered.

"You look much improved from two hours ago," Spock told him.

"Yeah, lying on the studio floor really isn't my best look," Jim said a bit regretfully.

Nyota took the hand not sporting an IV and smiled down at Jim. "Don't worry about it. We'll film the demonstration again when you're feeling better. We could do it without an audience."

Jim agreed, then looked at the clock on the wall. "Don't you guys have a flight to catch?" he asked Nyota and Sulu. They had been planning to go straight from taping to the airport for their flight to Japan.

Sulu shifted. "Well, yeah, but we can reschedule," he said.

"No way," Jim said instantly. He knew it had taken months to arrange all of the business meetings in Tokyo. That ship might sail without them if they didn't make this trip. "You guys go. Sell the show. Eat crazy food. I'll be fine."

Both looked reluctant, then Sulu looked at his watch. "If we leave right now, we'll make it."

Nyota looked at him, then glanced at Spock. With that, she gave a quick nod and turned to Jim to give him a kiss on the forehead. "Be good for Leonard and the other doctors," she told him.

"What are you talking about? I'm always good," Jim said.

Nyota smiled fondly and rolled her eyes. "Good-bye," she said pointedly, walking out the door.

"I am afraid I must drive them to the airport," Spock said apologetically.

"Spock, it's fine. Go," Jim said quietly.

The director gave a short bow and wished Jim well before heading out the door.

"Did anyone figure out happened?" he asked Scotty, the last crew member remaining.

Scotty sighed. "That intern – Gary Mitchell. He decided to impress us with his creativity by using walnut oil instead of olive oil on the onion and tomatoes," he said with disgust in his voice.

"But he knew that I have a nut allergy," Jim said, confused.

"Aye, but apparently the lad isn't very smart. He thought you just couldn't eat peanuts and that walnut oil was somehow okay," Scotty said.

Leonard snorted. "And this idiot wants to be a chef?"

Scotty grinned. "Well, not after Nyota finished with him. I think she's demoted him to assistant toilet scrubber. She may have castrated him, too. I'll have to ask."

The other two laughed and then Jim yawned. "Sorry," he muttered. "Still kinda tired."

"Ach, no need to apologize," Scotty said. "I'd best be going. Take care, Jim."

Jim waved as his studio engineer left.

"Bones, you don't have to stay here," Jim said sleepily as he watched the doctor page through his chart.

"They're paying me to be here – I've been drafted for the night. One of the doctors who was supposed to be on shift had a flight cancelled and is stuck in Detroit, so you're stuck with me, kid," Leonard told him.

"Could be worse," Jim mumbled as he drifted to sleep.

~o~O~o~

Much to Leonard's delight, the night had been a quiet one and he had managed to get a couple of power naps.

Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Jim. "Mr. Kirk had a restless night," one of the overnight nurses reported. Leonard sighed.

It was around 7 a.m. when he wandered into Jim's room to check on him. One glance and he could see that the kid looked terrible – absolutely exhausted.

Before he could say anything, one of the orderlies came bouncing in with a tray for Jim. "Good morning, Mr. Kirk!" he said with enthusiasm that was entirely inappropriate for the time of day. "Here's your breakfast, sir!"

Jim looked at him and smiled blearily.

"Thank you, Mr. Chekov," Leonard said, amused. At least he'd already had a cup of coffee this morning.

Jim watched the orderly leave, then said, "He makes me tired just watching him."

Leonard snorted. "I know what you mean. Try working with him. To be fair, he's incredibly smart and plans to go to med school next year."

Jim looked back at the door. "Isn't he a little young for that?"

"He's seventeen, but like I said, he's smart," Leonard said with a shrug.

Jim turned back to him. "So, Bones, not that it hasn't been fun, but when are you going to spring me from this joint?"

Leonard glanced down at Jim's chart. He wasn't particularly happy with what he found there, but it wasn't enough to keep Jim in the hospital. "Are you going to start taking better care of yourself?"

Jim cringed. He knew that he hadn't been taking care of himself like he should lately. It was just that his career was finally taking off. There was the prep and filming of the TV show, interviews and guest spots, a couple of weekly columns, two or three blogs, and of course his own restaurant that he had to look after.

"I know. I've been a bit busy lately," he admitted to Leonard.

"Look, I'm happy to release you today, but I'd like it if someone stayed with you for a day or two and you just relaxed. Is there anyone I can call for you?" He flipped to Jim's contact information. His emergency contact was Sulu, who was currently somewhere over the Pacific Ocean with Nyota.

"What about Spock?" he asked when Jim paused.

Jim shook his head. "He's spending the next week at his dad's."

"Yeah, but couldn't he..."

"Bones, his mom died in an accident not long ago. He needs to spend time with his dad," Jim said.

"Okay, how about Scotty?" Leonard asked.

Jim snorted. "He's great as a drinking buddy, but not so much as a nurse."

Leonard was running out of options. "Do you have any family around? Your parents?"

This time Jim's face had a look of distaste. "I doubt Mom would come running. We don't exactly get along."

Leonard sighed. "Okay, then what do you want to do?"

"Look, I'll just take a cab home. It's no big deal. If you need me to sign a waiver or something, let me know," Jim said resolutely.

"No, that's okay," Leonard said, feeling a bit sad for the man in front of him. "I'm off in an hour. If you can wait that long, I'll give you a ride home."

Jim smiled at him and Leonard left to check on other patients. However, as soon as he was out in the hallway he stopped and groaned. Jim really was a pain-in-the-ass who got under a person's skin.

"Damn it," he muttered, turning around and marching back into Jim's room, where the patient was poking curiously at the hospital's excuse for scrambled eggs. "Fine, you can come stay in my spare room for the weekend, you brat."

Jim's face lit up. "Really? Thanks, Bones!"

"Yeah, well, I can't leave you here looking all pathetic," Leonard said as he strode to the small closet where Jim's clothes were in a plastic bag. Tossing the bag on the chair next to the bed, he ordered, "Be ready by 8. I don't wait to be here any longer than you do."

With that, he left to do his damn job.

~o~O~o~

After a quick stop at Jim's apartment to pick up clothing and his laptop for the weekend, Leonard was thrilled to pull into his own driveway. Within minutes he had deposited Jim in the room Joanna usually used and had crashed fully clothed on top of the covers of his own bed.

A few hours later he was awakened by the sound of someone rummaging through his kitchen. Groaning, he levered himself off the bed and wandered toward the racket, making only minimal effort to straighten his hair or clothing.

"Bones, you have no food," Jim said in greeting as he entered the kitchen.

"There's food here … somewhere," Leonard said, gesturing vaguely but choosing to ignore the brat rifling through his cabinets in favor of making a bee-line for the coffee machine. He stood next to the counter rubbing his eyes for a moment before he realized that the coffee machine was, in fact, not on.

Jim poked at a couple of frozen pizzas before withdrawing from the freezer. "This stuff isn't food, Bones. What happened to healthy eating and all that?"

"Sorry, some of us have jobs that don't involve five-course dinners," he snapped half-heartedly. He was too tired for this debate right now.

"Do as I say, not as I do, huh?" Jim said with gentle humor as he sat down at the counter. "Look, I'm perfectly happy to cook for you, but we have to run to the grocery store first."

"You're supposed to be resting, kid," Leonard told him.

Jim shrugged. "What can I say? I like making food for people. It's the least I can do for you."

"Fine," Leonard said with a sigh, "but I need coffee first."

Thankfully Jim left him to drink his coffee in peace while he went to take a shower. A small part of Leonard's mind couldn't help but accuse him of taking advantage of an invalid, but he had to admit that he hadn't had a proper meal in far too long.

"You know, I wasn't sure if you were just grumpy about being forced to be on the show, but you're really always this grumpy, aren't you?" Jim observed as they headed to Leonard's car after both of them had been properly showered and caffeinated.

"It's all a part of my charm," Leonard said as he unlocked the doors. "I'm amazed they didn't scrap the episodes I was on."

"Aww, Bones, of course they kept them. You were awesome. Besides, it's so obvious that underneath the grump you're just a big, squishy teddy bear."

Leonard's eyebrow crept up at that remark. That was a new one. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said.

Jim quirked a smile and turned to watch the passing streets.

~o~O~o~

Grocery shopping with a professional chef had been an experience. Jim had insisted that they had to go to one of the higher-end grocery stores, not the basic, money-saving local one. When Leonard grumbled, Jim told him to appreciate the fact that he wasn't forcing him to run all over town for the freshest ingredients. While Leonard tended to grab a few things and go, Jim took his time sniffing and poking the produce and picking out foods that Leonard had never heard of before. Jim moved through the aisles with grace and confidence, almost in a happy world of his own, and Leonard was happy to sit back and simply follow behind with the cart.

Back at home, Jim got ready to start cooking breakfast for dinner ("The best kind of meal ever!" he told Leonard). There was a fair bit of banging pots and slamming cupboards while Jim found the tools he needed for the meal, but finally he was ready.

"I need to go call my daughter Joanna before it gets too late in Georgia," Leonard said once Jim was done asking where everything was. "Today's her birthday."

Leonard's having a daughter was news to Jim. "Go for it. I can hold off on the cooking so you don't have to rush," he said.

The doctor nodded, then looked sheepish for a moment. "I don't suppose you'd mind sayin' 'hi' to her, would ya? After she saw us on TV, she told me that she thinks you're cute. I have no idea why."

Jim seemed to regain some of the swagger that had been missing since his allergic reaction as they walked down the hallway toward the office. "That's because I am cute, Bones!"

"Humble, too," Leonard muttered, remembering the cute giggles Joanna had tried to hide behind her hands when she had gushed about his television appearance. Apparently that had given her quite the bragging rights at school.

Leonard sat down in front of his computer and logged into Skype. Within moments, a sweet-faced brunette girl answered with an enthusiastic, "DADDY!"

"Happy birthday, Sweetheart!" Leonard said, showing the first real smile that Jim had ever seen out of the man. "I can't believe my baby girl is in the double-digits now."

After chatting for a few moments, Leonard said, "There's someone here to say hi to you, darlin'."

With that, Jim leaned in from where he had been standing off to the side. "Hi there, Joanna! Happy birthday!"

There was a high-pitched shriek and a giggle before Joanna exclaimed, "You're Jim!"

"Yep!" Jim said. "It's nice to meet you."

At that moment, Leonard's cellphone rang. He looked at the caller ID: M'Benga. "I really need to take this," Leonard told both of them. "Think you can hold the line for me?"

Jim waved him off and slid into the chair Leonard had just vacated. "So, Joanna, tell me all about you."

~o~O~o~

As soon as Joanna saw her dad walk out of the room over Jim's shoulder, she leaned toward the monitor. Jim automatically leaned in, too.

"Jim, are you a friend of daddy's?" Joanna asked him.

"Yeah, I think so," he nodded. "I had a bad allergic reaction while we were filming yesterday. Your dad is looking after me this weekend to make sure I'm all right."

Joanna nodded seriously. "That's good. He always acts happy when he talks to me, but I think he gets lonely when I'm not around. He works too much but he's really good at taking care of people."

Jim grinned. "Well, I was just about to cook a meal for him as a thank-you. I'll keep an eye on him."

Joanna returned his smile with an angelic one of her own. "Good," she said, nodding her approval. "He needs someone to look after him, too."

Leonard walked in a minute later after a quick discussion with Geoff about one of their patients. Jim and Joanna were chatting away, already thick as thieves.

"Solve all of the world's problems yet?" he asked. By the way both of them were grinning, it was more likely that they were planning on world domination.

"I'll go start the food," Jim said, slapping Leonard's shoulder as he said his good-byes to Joanna and rose from the chair.

"So, how's school goin', darlin'?" Leonard asked Joanna, content to sit back and let her chatter flow around him.

Today things were different when Joanna finally had to end the call. Usually Leonard felt quite subdued and empty after these chats with his daughter as the distance between them suddenly felt almost too much to handle. Today he was grateful for Jim's noisy presence in his home as he shut down his computer, hoping it would keep at bay the guilt and depressed acknowledgement of not being there for yet another birthday.

"Hey, Bones," Jim said as he stood at the stove cooking something containing eggs in a skillet. "Everything will be ready in a minute. I figured you could always use leftovers."

"It's great," Leonard stammered, amazed at the wonderful smells and delicious-looking food before him.

"It's not a problem," Jim said, shrugging, as he brought over the last of the dishes. "Go ahead and sit down."

They quickly filled their plates and began eating. Leonard couldn't help but close his eyes and make sounds of enjoyment as he ate. He had to admit that the limited amount of time he had seen Jim cook on set hadn't prepared him for the reality of the man's culinary talents. Jim grinned and Leonard quickly frowned. "What? I've never had a professional chef cook for me in my own kitchen before."

"Glad you approve," Jim said smugly.

"Brat," Leonard muttered, falling back into their usual banter. "By the way, is this the first time you've ever managed to cook a meal without hurting yourself?"

"Ye of little faith!" Jim said, rolling his eyes. "Bones, I'm a professional."

"Huh," Leonard said as though this was news to him.

They both ate quietly for a few minutes, simply savoring the meal.

"You know, Bones," Jim said, breaking the silence with an almost reverent tone. "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

Leonard sighed and rolled his eyes at the cliche. He hated to admit it, but the kid was probably right. Could be worse, he thought.

FIN