I haven't forgotten this fic! I SWEAR! I just haven't been able to figure out where to go from here to connect to the rest I've written long beyond this. So, life's been interesting and I'm into new fandoms and yet haven't completed long fics there either in a while and I'm making excuses now. It's hard to get back into something when you've taken very long breaks. Still, for future reference, I have written Lloyd's escape, what happens when the tree attacks for him, and the last time yiggy beats him up. WOrking on the rest. Really I am.

I just don't know how to continue from this chapter. more details on that after. enjoy!

21 – Let It Go, and Get Back Up

Metal clashed against metal, reverberating against the stone halls around them. The noise hurt Lloyd's head a little, jarring his already bruised body, but he did his best to take it. Kratos wasn't kidding about training while in his wounded and exhausted state. They started sparring almost immediately after entering the tower proper, giving him no quarter. He even slipped in tricks the boy never saw before, tripping him up. His teacher didn't give him a moment to recover from the falls, forcing Lloyd to roll and get back on his feet instantaneously.

He had to keep fighting, keep moving, keep going. Thoughts of what Kratos really wanted to do flew into frustration and out of his mind, easily replaced by the mindless violence he engaged in now. Lloyd's actions became reflex, just lashing out as images flashed through him. Yggdrasil's face sneering down on him. The loathing he felt when he shouted insults at him. Each blow to his body and spirit. The memory of his fallen comrades. Iselia in flames. The human ranches.

The nightmare of his mother turned monster striking at him.

Lloyd roared as he brought both practice swords down on Kratos' shield, shattering them against the superior metal. Though the blades were goners, he continued his attack wildly, tears and sweat starting to blind him. His teacher did everything short of talking to regain control of the fight but when a teen's mental state and emotions went wild, it was near impossible.

Kratos silently sidestepped an attack at just the right moment to trip him up, forcing the lad to toss aside his broken sword to not be impaled on it. The man grabbed his other arm before he made full contact with the ground and disarmed him before letting him drop to his knees to rest. Lloyd gasped for air, not seeing the rubble and destruction around him, instead lost in his memories he could not defeat. So much destruction, so much pain. And all because of one being who terrified him with a single look! His fist pounded against the ground in frustration, a grudging sob escaping his lips. How could he be so weak!

A sharp smack collided with his rear, jerking him to attention. "HEY!"

"Sobbing and feeling sorry for yourself will only cripple you further," Kratos stated simply, his sword swinging casually to his side. Did he have to spank him with that thing? "I didn't bring you down here to wallow in self-pity."

"Then why did you?!" Ticked off, Lloyd pushed his sore body off the ground and grabbed what was left of his swords tightly. "You haven't said a word since telling me to fight you! No explanations, no nothing! What was the point of bringing me here if –"

"Both your father and I broke when we lost you and your mother. No other time. And to this day I regret it." He pointed his sword straight at the lad's nose, making his point clear. "We didn't stop our battles when captured or tortured or when we couldn't find a solution to our problems. We kept on. You can at least meet this standard. You've moved beyond Iselia and Dorr. You were resolved in trying to save Chocolat. You can and will move on from Yggdrasil's wrath. You don't have a choice if you're ever going to truly leave here.

"Learn from the mistakes of the past, but don't let them control you. Especially when they are the mistakes of others." Sword back at the ready, Kratos' eyes narrowed on him in challenge. "Attack, and prove to me your resolve."

Lloyd was ready to retort that he wasn't able to, but both pride and reason got in the way. Instead he poised his ruined blades for another attack and darted forward. He'd show him. He'd show everyone he wasn't a weakling. He was going to save everyone!

"Let's stop here for now."

Kratos' command couldn't have come sooner. Panting heavily, Lloyd finally let go of his swords and hunched over to regain his breath. The armor Kratos had him wear was heavy and damaged, and the practice blades were no more than hunks of metal now from all their fighting. The angel himself looked no worse for wear though maybe winded. He just had to look cool no matter what didn't he. Frustrated and tired, the teen flopped himself onto the ground, waiting for it to swallow him up.

"Lloyden get up. Your muscles will cramp if you stay like that." Why did the man have to be so reasonable?

"I'm tired and I'm injured," he whined in response. Kratos stepped next to him, giving him a chilling teacher glare from the heavens. Very scary yet without the malice you'd expect. Groaning, the teen gave in. "Fine. Killjoy."

The man smirked slightly, extending a hand to him to help him up. Back on his feet, Lloyd's head swam briefly before they let go and he started to walk around. Despite his earlier anger and confusion, along with emotional turmoil from Yggdrasil's last visit, his head had cleared a good deal during the fight. And it was just a fight. Training came with instructions; this one was strictly 'fight me', resulting in this. There was a lot Lloyd couldn't fight straight on at that moment, making him doubt himself and what little he knew. Fighting something, even if he didn't win, somehow helped.

"Thanks."

Kratos nodded, neither looking at the other yet understanding what the other meant. It was kind of embarrassing.

"I'll pick up a new set of practice swords next time I'm in Tethe'alla." Lloyd jerked his head around, startled. What? The man picked up one of them and compared it to his shield in thought. "You've grown quite strong to manage this, but it will not be enough. We'll have to fine tune your techniques until they're instinct."

"You're leaving again?" It was hard not to panic. Did he really think it was such a good idea to leave now? It probably hadn't been two weeks between Yiggy's attacks, and he wanted to leave?

"Not quite yet," Kratos promised, "but soon. I need to gather as much as I can for my plan to work."

"What's so important that you're leaving again?" Wasn't he going to tell him something important? Something vital? Or did he just drag him down to the tower to let him go all out?

"You haven't really reached it in your studies yet," the man stated, "but you're close. Elf involvement in the First Great War changed the scope of it and the understanding of life as we know it."

"They just discovered exspheres," Lloyd butted in, trying to find the point. The First Great War? There was more than one? "That's what the 'mystical orbs' are right? Exspheres?"

Kratos nodded. "They have many names, but that is their current title. Humanity was barely getting an understanding of mana at this time."

"They hadn't learned about the legendary tree yet, had they?" He couldn't remember reading anything regarding the tree as of yet, but it was the main source of conflict in the great war when the first chosen appeared and Mithos the hero saved everyone. Hey, they hadn't even brought up the Goddess Martel! Wasn't she apart of this world too?

His teacher looked away, grimacing to himself for some reason. "No, they hadn't. Everyone would be better off if it were just a legend.

"Here." Kratos handed him a wrapped sandwich like he often did, but kept his hand extended after it was taken, waiting for something. After a moment Lloyd realized he just wanted the armor back and quickly shrugged it off, letting him have it. Distractions away, the man changed subjects. "Would you like to know what your friends have been up to lately?"

"Are you kidding?!" Not waiting for another invitation, the lad sat himself down, opened up the wrapped sandwich, and took a large bite, eager to hear what they were up to. He stopped partway through chewing before glaring into the sandwich, spotting a large slice of tomato. His eyes turned back upwards to his attempted poisoner. "Seriously? You can't make a single sandwich without a tomato in it?"

"They were very quick to recover from their battle with Rodyle's dragons and landed not too far from Gnome's seal from what I've read." As eager as Lloyd was in hearing what was going on with his friends, it was really annoying for Kratos to ignore his question about the offensive fruit. Typical.

Lloyd wasn't exactly eager to crawl into bed after returning to his cell; in all actuality, he wasn't really eager to return to that cell either. And for good reason.

It couldn't have been any more than an hour before he woke up shaking in pure terror, a scream trapped in his throat. What woke him or what he saw when his eyes closed eluded his racing heart and mind, but the insane laughter in his head kept them running away from the nightmare. His ringing ears did not make it any better.

Forcing himself to breathe, Lloyd pushed himself up and sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands. Focusing on his breathing, he did the best to calm his heartbeat. Voices reached his ears, almost drowning out the laughter.

"Do you think he's alright?" Ava. She sounded concerned. What about?

"He'll survive." Marcus. Always a joy to hear. "It's only natural for him to have trouble sleeping after that."

"So you say."

"So I know."

Whatever they were talking about faded into the background hum of the metal around him, taking away the only distraction Lloyd had at that moment. Taking a breath, the boy tried to lay down and sleep once again. If this was normal, he really hoped something unusual would happen soon.

A/N: yeah... how do I connect between Gnome and Celsius? I need to replay that part of the game or read a walkthrough to remember what Kratos did during that part. Then figure out what I had planned for Lloyd's learning of the place's history. Refresher on research I guess. *sigh* I'm so lazy.

So for personal reasons of why I disappeared: went into the sailor moon fandom briefly, Skip beat here and there, and currently running with Miraculous. I feel like there was another fandom, but I forget. Also moved three times since I last posted, worked a lot, changed jobs (looking for a new one frankly because everything kinda sucks) and went back to writing another book or two. Anyone know what language was spoken in 9th/10th century France near Paris? research is HARD! Harder than fight scenes! Main reason I haven't been posting: WRITER'S BLOCK. Funnily, I rewrote this chapter twice, took my hiatus, and fixed what was broken within one day when I had no internet (by choice). So much fun. XP

FYI, I now have a youtube channel. I infrequently post, so don't get your hopes up for a lot of updates there. Same name as here. If I make any big announcements, for fics or for anything, it'll be there. I'm also working on projects for there, including a 'how to write fanfiction' series. COurse I think I only wrote 4 episodes then stopped... story of my life.

Until next time! but seriously, send me links/summaries to help me through this writing block. I need my mojo back!

EDIT: Okay, I was about to post this like normal, then I took a look and realized I already posted this chapter, then ended up editing it recently and voila! I still have writer's block! Kill me.