The date? I can hardly remember anymore. All I know is that it's been more than a couple years since the day. The day? That's an easy one. It's the day that I realised I was in love.
I should formally introduce myself before jumping into a story of the past. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya. I am a boring, bland, barely visible office worker who helps people sort out their taxes. I did not start out that way, however. Believe it or not, way back when, I had a personality. I had hopes.
I suppose now is a good time to jump into my past. Please don't lose me on my train of thought. This story may be a long one.
I got off the subway at a stop three blocks down from the office. I didn't mind the walk, especially on that morning. It was so beautiful, you would expect it to be a great day. So, I walked with a lilt in my step, slightly bouncier than usual. Even as I pushed open the front door to the lobby I was bouncing along. One of my coworkers noticed and stopped me, asking if the day was some sort of special occasion.
My only reply was "There's something good about this day, I can feel it."
My coworkers and I were crammed into a small elevator as usual, but the ride to the top seemed longer. Maybe it was just suspense for the great day. That's when I realised the elevator was stopped, and he shoved himself in.
He was Kagami Taiga, the man who worked nearly ten floors below me. I would spot him at times in the cafeteria, picking up a large lunch that must cost him hundreds each week just to eat. The red hair was unmistakable as he somehow managed to fit inside the tight elevator.
We were glued together practically. Which I didn't mind; I knew about my feelings for him, had come to terms with them a while ago, and it sure as hell wasn't just a minor friendship between coworkers.
The awkward ride soon ended as the elevator came to a halt and quite a few workers got off the elevator to either go to their office or walk the few extra floors and escape the awkwardness that was the crammed elevator.
The elevator doors shut once more and it was only a few others along with Kagami and I. I cleared my throat, trying to think of something to say, but nothing left my lips and soon the elevator doors opened once more. It was my floor. I stepped out of the elevator regretfully, taking one last glance back as the doors shut once more.
Kagami seemed to have something on his mind. It made me regret even more that I hadn't said anything to the taller man.
However, the doors had closed on that opportunity. I faced forward and walked with less ecstasy than before towards my cubicle. Once I reached the bland area that matched my bland personality, I sat at my desk and began to work.
Every so often, I habitually glanced at the clock. Something seemed off about this day now, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
Then it came to me. I had gotten to work earlier than before. On a normal day, I would punch into work around ten and punch out at six, but I had been there since about eight thirty.
Maybe I was just still tired.
I decided to go to get myself a mug of coffee from the cafeteria. When I came back up, I don't recall what time it was by this point, I heard a shrill scream. It made me wince and my hand shake, causing me to spill some of the scalding hot drink onto my hand. Then something shook underneath me. I dropped the coffee before spilling any more of it and was lurched to the side.
The news channel was playing on each television screen. A sudden dread filled my stomach as I watched a plane crash into the side of the building-this building that I was in at this very moment-and I rushed towards the fire exit.
Everything became hazier. My vision was clouded by smoke from the flaming plane as I traveled down the stairs. Shrieks of pain and fear could be heard from my coworkers, the ones who had been with me in the elevator.
As if on instinct, I stopped by Kagami's floor. I opened the door and instantly spotted him on the ground, grasping his ankle. I rushed to his side, noticing several cuts from the glass windows splintering his arm. "Kagami kun," I called to him faintly.
"Hmm...Kuroko?" he said through gritted teeth. That was the only thing that could fill me with warmth. He knew my name. I wrapped his arm across my shoulders and helped him stand. He leaned on me for support as I rushed him out of the area, but I couldn't see too well. My lungs felt full of smoke and I doubled over coughing, nearly losing my grip on my childish crush.
"Just a few more steps..."
I stumbled to the door that was shown to me by the illuminated exit sign above it. I pushed open the door in a hurry. Turning back, I saw a few of my friends, my closest friends, jumping from the tower.
I cringed and turned around to face the stairways. Many of the workers were fleeing down the stairs as fast as they could, what with crushed limbs under the mini earthquake that the top floors faced. Reality hadn't set in my stomach until that moment.
I probably won't live.
This is probably my last day here.
I want to live. I want to live with Kagami.
"No," I said aloud, with determination, "I won't die today."
Kagami supported himself well enough on one limb, at least until the building began to shake again. I toppled over and he caught himself before completely falling on me, but his heavy body landed on my arm. I winced in pain, trying to stay strong. I would definitely not make it through this if one injured arm could knock me down.
I stood and looped Kagami's arm across my shoulder, trying to hurry down the stairs. Debris flooded down the fire exit and as if on instinct I ducked to the ground, pulling Kagami with me. Dust and smoke filled my lungs and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see.
That's when I gave up.
Hope was gone.
I couldn't do it.
Kagami coughed and sputtered somewhere near me and I blinked to desperately see that hair of his one more time, that beautiful face one more time, him just one more time...
"Kuroko..." he choked out.
"Kagami kun," I replied in my quiet voice.
"We're not...going to live..." and I could hear the tears in his voice. It made me want to cry.
So I did.
There was nothing to be done at this point.
"Kagami kun..." I sniffed and shifted so I laid closer to him. The debris was clearing a bit and I could almost make out his face; I could see his bright eyes and hair full of dust and it made me wonder just how ridiculous I looked.
"Yes, Kuroko?" Kagami shifted so he could look better at me.
"...I love you." I muttered. Today was our last day. I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. The tears stung my cheeks and the smoke stung my lungs and the truth stung my voice.
Kagami laid silent for a few moments and I was almost sure I had died, until I heard his shifting again. "I...can't breathe..." he gasped.
It heavied my heart to hear him so desperate for something he couldn't have. I almost let out a dry chuckle, since I had felt the same for years, but I couldn't bring myself to. We were running out of oxygen fast.
I heard it before I felt it. The sound of cracking tiles. Those heavy ceiling tiles had begun to fall, having lost the will to remain. I heard it fall, I heard it smash, and I heard Kagami yell.
It knocked the wind out of me. A full two foot by two foot ceiling tile had fallen on my chest. I couldn't breathe before then, but now it hurt to suck in mindless nothings in hopes that it would keep me alive just a while longer. No, this pain was too great. This pain made me doubt survival even further.
By that point and so forth, I couldn't feel the movements. I couldn't feel the building collapse and rip at the seams, I couldn't feel the debris coat my body like burying me alive in remnants of the past ten years, and I couldn't feel Kagami's breath on my cheek anymore.
I felt as though there was no reason for me to carry on. I closed my eyes and hoped for death to become me. However, underneath all the debris I found a smidge of hope. In my pocket I had my keychain. I pulled it out and in a last stitch effort I shook it and filled the fire exit with the noise of jingling keys.
Please, hear me.
Please, find Kagami.
Please.
I shook the keys until my arm couldn't physically move anymore. My eyes slid closed and I hoped to let the darkness embrace me. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. It hurt to hope of a future.
I didn't learn of Kagami's death until I was at the hospital. They had me on a breathing machine, as well as in a full-body cast. The tile had done more damage than I anticipated and had broken a few of my ribs, or at least that's what the doctors kept telling me.
Some told me that I was lucky to be alive. Others told me that I should have jumped like everyone else. But there was one voice that I was waiting for, to tell me that he was okay, to thank me for going to get him.
But that red hair didn't show itself.
Two days later, the doctors took me off the oxygen machine. They said my lungs were alright and that the oxygen had been a precautionary measure. When I tried to speak, my voice was raspy and almost tasted of the smoke. "Where's Kagami kun?"
A doctor held up a finger to signal 'just a second, we'll look' and grabbed his clipboard from the counter nearby. "Last name?"
"It's Taiga," I told him.
The longer he flipped through his charts, the more my heart sank. I was waiting for those words "he's in room so-and-so" or "he's been treated" or anything. Anything but what I heard.
"He was not accounted for."
The facade I had worked to build up for so many years came crumbling down in one feeble minute as I erupted into tears, screaming silent screams of pain.
Why?
Why had they found me?
How had they not found him?
The nurses hurried to inject medications into my blood to shut me up, to not disturb the sane patients, but they were too late. I had already done it. I had already woken their other patients to the trauma that was their life now.
This will never change. I still have not stopped dreaming about my Kagami kun, about his face in the elevator, about his face when I came for him, about his face just minutes before he passed. I still have not recovered. The doctors will tell me I'm okay, I'm free to go home, but home is where the heart is, and my heart is right by Kagami's side under a mass of rubble.
And maybe, somewhere, Kagami's heart is singing back. Whether it be from under the debris or from where the angels who stole him away live, I pray his heart is singing back.