When You Wasn't Famous

By: Sam Lincoln

Disclaimer: The characters from Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling and are used here without permission.

"When you're a famous boy/it's gets really easy to get girls/It's all so easy you get a bit spoiled/but when you try to pull a girl who is also famous too/It Feels Just Like When You Wasn't Famous

-When You Wasn't Famous, The Streets

Chapter 1: When You're a Famous Boy

Today was a good day to be Harry Potter. Of course most days for the Tutshill Tornado's star Seeker were. It was easy to have good days when you're rich, famous, and consistently voted the most eligible bachelor in the country. Today however was especially good because the day before harry had done his second most favourite thing in the world; catching the Snitch in a Quidditch match. Then later on that night he had indulged in his most favourite thing in the world; taking one of his many admirers to bed. So a good shag the night before, a no commitments ahead of him, it was definitely shaping up as a good day. A rumble from his stomach reminded Harry that as much as he wanted, he couldn't have a lie in all day. So after retrieving his glasses from the end table next to his enormous bed, and checking to make sure his companion from the night before was still asleep, he swung out of bed and padded into his bathroom.

After taking care of his morning business he paused at the sink to take stock of his image in the mirror in front of him. At age twenty-seven his face was still relatively unchanged. Still the spitting image of his father, with the oft-commented exception of his eyes. There were maybe a few care lines around those eyes, and he was convinced he'd found a grey hair last week. On the whole however, he remained the same fanceable bloke he'd always been.

Satisfied that his face was still his own, Harry quietly made his way out of his expansive bedroom and navigated the route down to his kitchen. If Harry was ever caught in a moment of honesty he would admit that his country manor was entirely too big for himself and his small group of assistants. The many empty rooms filled with old merchandise and fan mail were proof enough of that. However, like many things in Harry's life, the opportunity to buy the estate had presented itself unbidden. He could afford it, and shouldn't a professional Quidditch player have a flash house? If nothing else it allowed him all the privacy he could want, when he wanted it, and the space to have plenty of people around when he didn't.

Upon arriving in the kitchen Harry found that he was not the first one up. Seamus Finnegan, Harry's "Director of Operations", was frying up eggs and bacon at the stove while Dean Thomas, Harry's "Publicity Manager", was sipping on a cup of tea. Both titles were mostly ceremonial, but Harry liked to have people from before he was famous around him, and Seamus and Dean were members of his core group of friends from Hogwarts.

"So, good night then Harry?" Seamus asked as Harry poured himself a cup of tea.

"No complaints," Harry said. "Where's Nev?"

"He already went back to Hogwarts, said something about Sprout needing him to do prep work on Mandrakes," Dead said to Harry. Neville Longbottom, the fourth member of Harry's entourage, had recently started working as an assistant professor of Herbology at Hogwarts. It was a decision that had severely cut into the time Neville could spent out partying, but Harry was happy that his friend had finally found his calling. Harry also figured that Neville's girlfriend Hannah was happy he was no longer spending all hours of the night gadding about. Not that Hannah had anything to be worried about; Neville was one of the most loyal individuals Harry had ever known.

"Poor Nev, he really will do whatever it takes to prove he deserves the job when Sprout packs it in," Harry said in mock disapproval.

"As if he has anything to worry about," Seamus chimed in. "Nev's brilliant at Herbology; they'd be fools not to have him as Sprout's replacement."

"But don't tell Nev that," Dean said over his tea cup. "You know how he gets." Being the only child of two successful Aurors, and having talents that flowed in a completely different direction, meant that growing up Neville had always lacked confidence in his abilities. It was a feeling Harry, the son of two very successful parents himself, was familiar with.

"Is the bird from last night still around?" Seamus asked Harry.

"As a matter of fact she is, why?" Harry said. He filched a rasher of bacon from the plate they were cooling on and popped it into his mouth.

"I just wanted to warn you that before you go back up there to spend the morning doing things I don't want to know about, that you promised your parents you'd be over at their house for the big announcement."

Harry, about to eat another slice of purloined bacon, froze. "Announcement?" He asked.

"Merlin, you were properly shagged last night," Dean said with a laugh. "They're announcing the roster for England in the European Cup today."

"That's today?" Harry asked.

"Yep, so you'd better get cleaned up and head over to your parents' house. You know how much James enjoys crowing about your exploits to Remus and Sirius."

Harry pulled a face, then picked up two plates of toast, eggs and bacon. "Well then a day with my parents. That's not so bad."

"Will you be inviting your guest from last night as your plus one?" Seamus asked.

"I think we all know the answer to that," Harry said.

"So who was it this time?" Dean asked. "I know you're not a kiss and tell bloke, but we can at least get a name."

Shame welled up quickly in Harry. "Uh, Lavender Brown," he said in a mutter. "Seamus I…" he started to say when he saw an expression of anger and disappointment flash across his mate's face.

"Harry we've been over this. Lavender is free to shag whoever she wants, and if she wanted a go at you that's fine by me." Ever since Hogwarts the relationship between Seamus and Lavender had been the definition of complicated. A brief tryst after they finished school was followed by a period of active hostilities that had now settled into a long standing cold war. Harry thought the whole thing was mental on many levels.

"Still Seamus I want you to know I…"

"Put a sock in it Harry, and go take those bacon and eggs to Lavender. Just be sure to tell her I cooked them up special just for her, yeah?"

"I'll be sure to do that," Harry said to Seamus as he placed the two plates and a pot of tea on a serving tray. He was not quite sure if Seamus meant that in a threatening or hopeful way. He could see Dean chuckling into his cup of tea, evidently he found the whole affair hilarious. Making a mental note to remind Dean that laughing at another friend's misfortune was poor form, Harry picked up the tray and left the kitchen.

When Harry opened the door to his bedroom he found that Lavender had woken up and was sitting in bed surveying the mostly bare walls of the airy room. "You really could do for an interior decorator Harry," Lavender said as she stretched languidly. This allowed the sheet covering her to slip down and remind Harry what got him into this mess in the first place. Lavender wasn't really his type; all things being equal Harry like a more athletic woman, but fit was fit, and Lavender was indeed fit.

"And she knows it," Harry said to himself as he approached the bed. "Never really saw the need for art on the walls when the best looking pieces are on the bed," he told Lavender.

"Is that another of the famous Potter lines?" Lavender asked with a laugh. "What was it you asked me last night? Tell me your hopes, your dreams?"

"You'd be surprised how often that works," Harry said. He conjured a table to set the tray on and handed Lavender a plate of eggs, toast and bacon.

"What's this, breakfast in bed served by Mr. Potter himself? What a charmer you are, and here the gossip pages had me believing you gave all your female companions the boot as soon as the sun rose."

Annoyance flared in Harry. "You of all people should know that's not how I behave."

Lavender carefully set her plate down on the bed. She leaned over and pulled Harry down onto the bed. "I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean anything by it." She planted a soft kiss on his lips.

Harry caught Lavender by the arms and pushed her back. "Lavender, did you come back here last night because you wanted to shag me, or was it another part of you and Seamus's quite frankly insane competition?"

"Can't it be both?" Lavender asked as she flashed Harry a coquettish smile.

"Lavender," Harry said in a voice that reminded Lavender that despite all of his celebrity trappings, Harry Potter was still the boy who was the most powerful duelist in their year, and the best at Defense Against the Dark Arts, even better than that swot Granger.

"Getting back at Seamus by shagging his famous mate? Ok yes, that had something to do with it," Lavender said. "But I also was curious, I'd seen all the girls who came through these doors in the short time Seamus and I dated. I wanted to see the Harry Potter experience first hand." She flounced back on the bed and angrily took a bite of toast. "Besides, you didn't seem all that concerned about his feelings last night."

"That's because he told me a long time ago that he didn't care who you shagged. The two of you weren't together and he wasn't about to dictate who you could or could not sleep with." He laughed to himself when he saw a look of despair and regret, similar to the one on Seamus's face, flit across Lavender's. "But between you and me he seemed pretty cut up about it when I mentioned to him that you were up here."

Lavender's face brightened. "He did?"

"Oh yes, and I will deny telling you this, but I reckon he regrets the two of you breaking up in the first place."

"He does?" Lavender asked. Harry again chuckled to himself at the hopeful tone in Lavender's voice. "But I thought he was dating that German model?"

"Ulrike? No she ditched him weeks ago. Apparently Irish boyfriend is not in this spring."

"Well it's nothing less than he deserves," she said primly and set about eating the rest of her breakfast.

"I am going to ask you to get cleaned up soon though," Harry said as he sat back down on the bed, a cup of tea in hand.

"So I am getting broomed then?"

"No, nothing like that, I just forgot I had agreed to spend the day with my parents, so I need to be going soon myself."

Lavender set her plate back down. "In that case I can just leave now. Is that fireplace hooked up to the Floo Network? I'd rather not parade myself in front of Seamus." Harry nodded in response. Lavender salvaged her clothes from the night before and walked over to the fireplace. "It was a lovely night last night Harry, and you do indeed live up to your reputation. By the way is the gift basket rumour true?" One of the many urban legends that swirled around Harry's love life was that he always sent the women he went out with a gift basket the next day filled with Honeydukes chocolate and Fortescue ice cream.

Harry gave a short laugh. "That one actually is."

"And did I 'earn' a gift basket?"

Harry languorously stretched out on his bed. "You 'earned' it the moment you agreed to come back here with me. It's not payment, it's a thank-you. Lavender, you do realise this can't happen again, right?"

Lavender slipped her dress back on. "Is that because of Seamus, or because you don't do repeats?"

"Both," Harry said.

"In that case Harry, thanks for the memories, and the gift basket." Lavender tossed a pinch of Floo Powder into the fireplace and vanished in a puff of green flame. Harry shrugged, then dumped the remaining food from Lavender's plate onto his.

Author's notes: And we're off! What you are reading here is twenty-three chapters (plus an epilogue) in an alternate universe where Voldemort never existed. The idea came from my previous story, Life is Like T-Rex and the song "When You Wasn't Famous" by The Streets. The idea seemed novel enough to me so I ran with it. To keep my life simple, not all that much has changed from the canon, beyond the obvious of course. Differences that matter to the story will be explained in due time. The first draft was actually finished very late last year and I've just left it sitting on the shelf, until I was "encouraged" by some people to get off my rear and publish. As before expect a chapter a week, and I hope everyone enjoys.

-sam