A/N: This one-shot has been in my system for a while now… Please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the PJO characters, setting or events. All greek yogurt goes to Octavian.

Greek Yogurt

For Octavian, this was the last straw. Yes, the Greek and Roman demigods had united to defeat Gaia. Yes, the two camps were now joined. Yes, centuries of tension between the two groups was finally beginning to settle. But serving greek yogurt in the dining pavilion? Not under his watch.

The morning had started off well enough. Dressed in his glorious robes of white pristine bedsheets, he had made his way to the temple of Jupiter with a bag filled of stuffed animals. The sun seemed to shine on his back as he journeyed across the camp, a clear sign that Apollo favored him more than the other legacies of the god of music and medicine. After all, he was pretty fabulous if he said so himself.

About halfway to the temple, he came across one of the girls from First Cohort, Livia. Octavian puffed out his chest and strutted by her, feeling rather pleased as she giggled and muttered under her breath. Something about... delusional? No... delicious! Yes, he was quite delicious!

He finally arrived at the Temple, feeling the power that flowed through his veins as he walked up the steps of the gold building. The domed ceiling that soared sixty feet into the sky seemed to bend to Jupiter, the optimus and maximus. He walked to the altar and brought out the sacrifices, lining them up on the floor.

Basking in the light provided by the windows, he slowly unsheathed his knife.

"Who goes first?" he asked the fluff-filled menaces, an insane grin overtaking his features. Just as he had selected the little green Minotaur in his little green diaper, Dakota (that unimportant drunk Fifth Cohort leader) came bursting through the doors, kool-aid flask in hand.

"Reyna w..wants to see ya," he slurred, before passing out. Octavian made a disgusted face; another mess someone needed to clean up.

Meh, he thought, I'll let one of the newbies deal with it.

Knowing that an angry Reyna was a scary Reyna, he quickly decapitated the Minotaur and read the entrails. He gasped in horror.

The two unite, and destiny is at peace, it read. But... where was the angst? The bloodshed? The betrayals? This was going to be a very long day.

Once he finally reached Reyna, she wasn't very happy. Chewing decisively on those jellybeans on her desk, she glared at him as her horrendous dogs growled.

"Hello Octavian," she said. "I want a report on the entrails of the past week."

Ooh! A chance to create conflict!

"Well," he began dramatically, flinging his arms around for effect. "I have news."

Reyna motioned for him to continue, seizing him up through slitted eyes.

"Those traitorous greeks," he spat, "want to kill everyone, take over the world and-"

"Octavian, you said that last week. And the week before that."

"Yes but..."

"No buts. Get me a valid report. Better sooner than later."

With that, she casually took out her sword and picked out dirt from under her fingernails.

"Yes Mam," he huffed, and walked away.

Octavian walked to the dining pavilion, musing over possible ways to destroy the greek camp. After all, this relationship between the two groups was new and fragile. It should be simple to create unease and mistrust. But how?

He grabbed a bagel from an aura, oblivious to the stares and remarks he received from the others in the Legion. He finally decided that murdering that annoying Leo child would be the most strategic move when...

He screamed. Sitting on many of the tables in the hall were containers of yogurt. Low-fat, gluten-free yogurt. But most importantly, greek yogurt!

"WHAT IS THAT?" he screeched, pointing to the hazardous food. "HOW FAR HAVE THE GREEKS INFILTRATED OUR LEGION? IS THIS WHAT WE'VE COME TO?

By now, the room was silent, amusedly watching Octavian rant. Some demigods, presumably offsprings of Mercury, had whipped out video cameras.

"WHEN WILL THIS END? THIS COULD VERY WELL BE THE END OF ROME, OH COMRADES! YOU DARE DISHONOR OUR ANCIENT GODS WITH THIS... THIS DAIRY PRODUCT?

In a display of his hatred for the breakfast dish, he took his sword and slashed the container, flinging the substance all over the hall (and therefore, the demigods). Reyna ran in, to see the legion reduced to squabbling, yogurt covered kids as the fought over who's turn it was to punch Octavian.

Meh, she thought, I'll let one of the newbies deal with it.

Please review! Or Octavian shall be forced to consume the dairy product!