chapter one - So there's this one time...

Disclaimer: me, icanhascamaro, no own them Transformers, them Nissan, them Starbucks, them Sharpie, them Lamborghini, them Chik-Fil-A, or them Starbucks. Names belong to them, others, not me, icanhascamaro.

A/N: Who wanted a crazy story? I think it was you, specifically you, reading this on your cellphone! Then, by all means, please to enjoy!

Actual A/N: On a serious note, this story is set for a Halloween release date, but I decided to post chapter one as a little preview since I didn't have anything ready for i hate snow (and trust me, I've been trying!). This story is my twisted little version on the "Transfan wakes up and finds out Transformers are real" idea. While the story itself is fairly tongue-in-cheek, I've aimed for an ultra realistic look to it. Jade, my OC, thinks it's all sunshine and roses, but is it?

Warnings: Jade has a scootch of a potty mouth at the beginning. That is all.

Do you see these symbols all over my bedroom walls? They're the same ones from Sam's dorm room in Return of the Fallen. I know this because they were in my head. They - as in the symbols - helped me to know exactly where to place them, in exact correlation to the walls in Sam's dorm. Isn't it cool? Seriously, the symbols each told me precisely where they wanted to be on the walls. The location, the color of sharpie that I used, even the thickness of each stroke of my pen. They hover, you see, in front of the wall and all I do is trace over them. Neat, right?

I know! I used a silver sharpie though because it reminds me sooooo much of metal and cybertronians are metal and s...s...stuff.

But this is my bedroom, not a dorm room.

This is real life, not a movie.

And I have the knowledge of the Allspark flowing through my mind.

It's almost m...m...more than I can process.

Process. I need a processor to figure these thoughts out. I cannot...my human mind is simply not up to speed. It cannot go with the flow.

I giggled at that because it was not funny and yet it was.

I made a wish.

I got it.

Pictures, words, symbols, all sped through my mind like warp speed on Star Trek. I couldn't keep up with it. My hands couldn't keep up with it. And my voice was no where near as f...fast as I needed it to be.

To put it simply, it was like a snail trying to keep pace with a Lamborghini. No. The snail was trying to be a Lamborghini. It simply wasn't happening.

Room, I needed room. My bedroom was too small. My mind was too small.

Ineededtoexpandnow.

But I couldn't. I couldn't upgrade myself to a bigger body, a bigger processor. Cybertronians were so fragging lucky. I could see it in my head how lucky they were because the Allspark was s...s...showing it to me.

I laughed again, full of hysteria. At this very moment, my parents were calling the doctors again, but I didn't care because they weren't my parents. I wasn't even from this dimension. I was from my dimension, the one where Cybertronians weren't real. In my dimension, my parents are divorced. I live with my dad. He's okay with buying me anything I want from the Transformers movies. Action figures, books, posters, bluray movies, soundtracks, and props. I have the Allspark in its cube form, and - get this - I have the Matrix of Leadership. I saw it on eBay one night and told my dad I would die without it. And my bff, Mandy, is also in on my obsession. She gave me a shard of the Allspark, and not the crappy plastic one sold at Universal Studios. This one was made by a fan, but it's totally custom made. It's actual engraved metal.

It wasn't until my birthday, which is ultra super special because it's on the summer solstice, when I made the wish that changed my life.

It wasn't on the birthday cake that I made THE wish. On my cake, I wished for a hard top Pontiac Solstice in silver, just like Jazz. I got that wish because I asked my dad for him (for Jazz, not for my dad) for my birthday present. I just turned sixteen and who doesn't get a car on their super special awesome sweet sixteen? It's like the twenty first century or something. It's just what happens.

So my wish i wish a life changing wish. I made the wish on a falling star that looked to me like it was a cometary entrance of a Cybertronian and oh how I wished it was real and it could be me with Optimus or Ironhide or Ratchet or Starscream or Megatron (just not Dark of the Moon Megatron because he's a fragging pussy) or...

POintless. I laughed again and collapsed on my bed. It gave me a view of my bedroom window and it was sooooooo funny because the layout of my bedroom in my dimension was exactly like this! Who knew?

Hee hee...

Oh, wait! The Allspark gave me another gift, didyouknow?

Not only do I have all of the wisdom of the ages (Cybertron's ages, not humanity's), I can scan for them.

Oh, yes, it's true! I can sense their sparks. I know when one is getting near me. It's almost like the heads up display from the War for Cybertron game I would play, like, every fragging day, where you could see incoming autobots or decepticons on a map in the corner of the screen. Only this is a knowing I can feel with my whole body. What's it feel like? It's a mix of awesome tingles (like when someone lightly runs their finger up your arm) and that warm fuzzy feeling you get from drinking a luscious cup of hot chocolate from Starbucks.

Also I know that I read as the Allspark because it told me so. It wants me to read as the Allspark because it wants to be found. I wants to be found so I can be found.

And do you know who really wants to find me? It's not Optimus i-love-giving-slagging-long-speeches Prime.

It's Megatron.

Megatron is getting closer and I can't wait. He's going to pick at my brain for all of the knowledge that I have.

Come on, Megatron. COme for me. giggle. come for me soon please

maybe i should go to the overlook instead of staying in my house. i don't want fake mom and dad to be pissed off if megatron wrecks the lawn. Or the house. maybe i sh...should at least go out to the backyard.

I roll off my bed and waltz to the window. It overlooks the backyard, just like Sam's bedroom looks over his backyard. Except the house of this dimension is a r...r...ranch style house. It makes it easy to slip out of the house, which is exactly what I do, but I would've preferred the house i have with my dad in my dimension. That house is almost exactly like Sam'shouse, only it's a mediterranean style that looks like something in Calabasas and it's a mansion. It's totally gorge!

So, anyway, it's dark out and even the moon is hiding but it has an excuse because it's cloudy out. The grass is slightly damp from the sprinklers but it's thick underfoot. Let's hear it for professional lawn people. The backyard isn't huge, but it's big enough to fit a nice sized above-ground pool. M...m...my house in my dimension has an inground pool and a waterfall leading to the pool. Way better. No hot tub or jacuzzi (which are like the same fragging thing, swear to Primus!) because they're gross mcnasty breeding grounds for all sorts of germs. Ick!

I walk around the pool, barely noting the transition from grass to concrete and back to grass as I walk beyond the pool.

No, we don't have a fence around the pool. No little kids h...h...here and the whole backyard is fenced in anyway. We don't have any pets either, which made me a little sad when I first woke up here. I had always wanted a dog, maybe a little chihuahua, but daddy always said no. No, Jade, I know you won't take care of it; No, Jade, end of story. It was the only thing I couldn't talk him into buying me.

Finally I reach the lone oak tree in the backyard and sit at its base. I'd climb it, but I'm no Katniss. I'd fall on my ass for sure, and that's no way to greet the Lord High Protector of Cybertron.

He has to be good once again. I'm gonna fix him. No more death, not under my watch.

Megatron. he's getting c...c...closer. I can almost hear the roar from his engines. He's flying here. My heart is fluttering with excitement. I don't think I need to utter this next wish, but I do.

please don't be dark of the moon Megatron...

Seven daaaaays (earlier)

Okay, so not only was it just the most gorge Friday ever, like sunny and nary a cloud in sight, it was also the final day of school. My last day as a junior. I mean, I cannot even begin to say how cool that is! Next year would finally be my turn to be a senior and have senioritis and ditch class on account that I, Jade Proctor, was a senior!

Not that I would ditch any class, because Daddy said that I needed a scholarship to get into UCLA Berkley (I'd briefly considered Princeton, because Sam went there, but ick! It gets snow in the winter there! Azzif!), but the idea of ditching class was there.

It was an option.

A giggle escaped me. I loved tossing in quotes from the Transfomers movies into my daily speech. It only slightly annoyed my bff, Mandy Cooper, but whatever, right? She was totally in love with shows like Big Brother and Keeping up with the Kardashians. At least having an interest in mechanical things (like an advanced sentient robotic species, hello!) was better than makeup and backstabbing. Okay, so maybe I liked watching those shows, just a little, but I'd never admit it! Not to anyone but Mandy, anyway. Oh my Primus! The Kardashians are people, too! It's so much fun to see how they live their lives. And I totally swear to Primus himself that my house looks a little like Kris Jenner's house! I know! Okay, so maybe it's more exact;u like the house they use for the jury house in Big Brother but bigger. Whatev!

Right, so, Mandy. People never really had a clue how we were bffs, but we'd been friends since fragging grade school. We swore then and there that we'd always have each other's backs. It was almost like that whole sandbox love thing in the movie Jennifer's Body, but without all that lesbian stuff. Gross!

A car horn sounded behind me and I spun around with a grin. Speak of the slagger! I ran down the stairs leading from the quad towards the parking lot. The Autobot and Decepticon logos I had attached to my Coach backpack jingled against each other with each step. They weren't actually just logos. They were metal necklaces I got off of eBay. I reused them as decorations. Neat! And since it was the last day of school, Mandy's mom let her borrow her red Nissan 350Z. The little sports car was no Jazz, but it was a similar size. It was Nissan Jazz with a sunburn, lol!

Opening the passenger's door, I slipped in and held my backpack on my lap. It was small, which was great, because Nissan Jazz was small, too. "Last day!" Nissan Jazz's door thunked cutely as I shut the door.

"I know!" Mandy chuckled. "Wanna stop at Chik-Fil-A to celebrate?"

"Chicken nuggets, waffle fries, and a chocolate milkshake?"

"A wrap for me." Mandy was all smiles as she threw the car in drive. "And then what?"

"Wanna eat at the Overlook?"

Mandy groaned but nodded. "Yeah."

"Sweet! Let's go!"

The Overlook, so named by me, even though it didn't overlook anything because it was barely a hill, and it was a hill that didn't even have the slightest bit of a cliff to it, and it even faced south, of all directions. Sadly it wasn't THE Overlook, like from the movies, because while I lived in California, it wasn't Tranquility. Even so, I was so glad my dad decided to live in a warm state like California and not someplace that wasn't warm. Thank Primus for that! I'd totally hate it if I lived in a city where it snowed. Yuck! I hate snow! Not that I've ever been in it, but I just know I'd hate it.

Mandy's mom's 350 Z's engine made the cutest sounds as we drove to the nearest "Eat Moor Chikn" location. On the way there, I was imagining if Bay had used Nissan along with GM for the alt modes of the Cybertronians. I mean, how cool, right? I bet if they brought Jazz back (I know, I know, dream on! waaaah!) sexy ass Jazz could use the Nissan 350Z as an alt (because the 370Z is just weird looking). Totally cute!

Mandy ordered for me because, like the world's greatest bff ever, she knows exactly what I want. If I had a car (hint hint hopefully soon!), I'd be the one ordering and I know exactly what she likes to eat here. She gets the turkey wrap, but asks for it to be made without lettuce. I know, it's so not healthy, but a girl has to eat. May as well be what you like. Still, the girl is thin as a rail, and she's my constant motivation for staying skinny. Thinspo, thy name is Mandy! And to boot, she's super nice! Everyone loves her.

Once our order was delivered (and this is a fast fast food place, let me tell you what!), Mandy obligingly steered Nissan Jazz towards the Overlook. While we didn't have an ocean or a fantastic ocean beach (we're too far inland for a Cali view like that), we did have a nice lake to look at. Kids would gather here to party, make-out, hook up, whatever. You know, we're kids, so we do whatever we can get away with. Ooh, fireworks. Sometimes kids light up fireworks here. It's about five minutes off the main road, and about ten minutes outside of town, located in a city owned park. It's nice, but a little bit country feeling. So totally not big city like Mission City is...and fyi, LA stands in for Mission City in the movie. It's true! Look at the Wikipedia page. They totally point out all the LA signs and buildings and stuff. And besides, LA neighborhoods don't look anything like neighborhoods in Nevada. Helllo, cowboy ghost town, much?

After stopping at one of the parking spots on the small hill that overlooked the lake, Mandy put Nissan Jazz into park and began doling out the food. The smell of waffle fries and chicken was insane. I rolled down my window and Mandy's (because Nissan Jazz has the window controls on the center console. Nissan Jazz is thoughtful like that) and a breeze drifted into the car. It's not that I didn't like the smell of chicken and fries, but it was getting a bit much. I hadn't eaten since lunch, and that was a teeny salad.

"And one order of fries for you," Mandy shoved a small container of fries my way, which I grabbed and put on a napkin I'd folded out over my lap. A small box and a foam cup followed it.

It was a bit of a shuffle, but I managed thanks to a nice cupholder that was close by. I balanced the fries and chicken on my napkin covered lap, and reached over to dig into the bag for the ketchup. "Don't you just love these containers?" I pulled back the lid on the ketchup container. Heinz was a clever, clever company to design these ketchup packets. You could tear one corner and squirt the ketchup out or pull back the entire lid and dip your food in the ketchup. Nifty!

"Yeah, they're really...super awesome." Mandy dunked a fry in her own container and ate it almost absentmindedly.

Being the super bff that I am, I picked up on her moods. "What's up?"

She looked over with eyes that were wide for a second, then normal. "Nothing, just thinking." And then she smiled at me. Her eyes, lined with expertly placed, utterly gorge, metallic teal blue liquid liner, almost looked sad. She was definitely hiding something. I mean, her hair, which normally was stick straight due to an awesome straightener, was almost frizzing in areas. Frizz was always a sign that something was wrong with one's bff.

"Is it finals?"

"No," she sighed. "I know I aced the tests, so I'm not really worried about if I go through to the next grade."

"Then what is it?" It dawned on me and my jaw almost fell to my knees. "Oh, slag, you're not worried about what to get me for my birthday, are you? You know, the party that happens to be tomorrow night."

As she had taken a bite of her wrap, I waited patiently for her to answer. When she did, I was not disappointed. "No, I already have your gift. It's...it's something else."

Ugh, the guessing was making my stomach hurt! I almost didn't want to eat anymore! "Is it dire?"

She scrunched up her face. "No, not really."

"Okay then!" Relief spread through me and the anxiety twisting my stomach into bitty bits vanished. "Let's eat!"

Isn't Jade just super nice? Okay, and maybe she's also a little annoying, but she's meant to be that way. I know she seems a bit cracked out, but trust me, it'll make sense in the end.

So, this is kind of a rough draft, I know. I posted it mainly to see what everyone thought of it. Anyone catch my nod to The Ring? It's got nothing to do with this story. I promise!

Please leave all thoughts and comments in a review! kthxbai!