The Language of Love

John cannot speak French. Sherlock takes full advantage of this by saying the things he can't in English.

(Based on the prompt: Sherlock discovers that John cannot speak French, so Sherlock starts to converse with John in said language telling him things he couldn't in English.)

…

Notes:

This is all I have after two-years of high school French.

I Google Translated all of this.

I am so sorry to anyone who speaks French.

In fact, I apologize to the entire French language.

Actually, I apologize to France, the country.

Woops.

Please enjoy!

…

John comes up the stairs one morning to find Sherlock and Mycroft arguing very loudly in a language he doesn't understand.

Sherlock yells, "Vous etes un trou du cul gras!" You're such a fat asshole.

Mycroft retorts, "Je ne peux pas croire que tu recourir a de tekkes repliques enfantines vous de crevettes!" I cannot believe you'd be so childish you shrimp.

They both go silent as John enters the room.

"Ah, John." Mycroft straightens his suit, obviously embarrassed. "Didn't know you'd be dropping by."

Don't be a liar Mycroft you totally knew he'd be. "Ne soyez pas un menteur Mycroft, vous totalement savait qu'il venait," Sherlock mutters.

John stays silent while the two brothers argue.

Mycroft speaks calmly, albeit, a little disheveled sounding. "Si vous ne lui dites pas que je vais." Either you tell him, or I will.

French? Is that French? John only knows one word in French, and it hasn't been said yet.

Sherlock walks from the fireplace to the couch, scratching his head. "Get out." He points at the door, but Mycroft doesn't move. "Get the hell out of my flat."

This is why I'm the smart one. "C'est pourquoi je suis le seul a puce." Mycroft doesn't move until Sherlock drags him out the door, slamming the door behind his brother.

John has no idea. "Was that French," he asks.

"Oui." Yes.

John rolls his eyes. "Didn't know you spoke French." John turns around, only to find Sherlock is gone, probably off to sulk in his room.

He sets the shopping bags down in the kitchen and cautiously wonders what the hell they could've been talking about.

…

You are cute."Vous etes mignon," Sherlock says randomly one day while they're standing over a dead body.

"Pardon?" John draws his eyes up from the corpse to look at his flatmate, who looks utterly bored.

"Nothing." Sherlock turns around and walks away, leaving John standing over the freshly mutilated corpse with a bemused grin on his face.

…

Sherlock is barbecuing a human finger. John is watching with a charmed look on his face. Everything is as usual in Baker Street, except Sherlock is staring at John and not his experiment.

"Je suis attire par toi." I am attracted to you.

"What?" John suddenly looks at the finger, which is on fire. Sherlock doesn't notice. He's too busy staring at John. "Your finger's on fire."

"Oh!" Sherlock drops the finger in his tea.

John chuckles. "I'm make you a new cuppa, shall I?"

Sherlock just stares at him with an oddly tranquil look.

…

John comes home to find Sherlock and Mycroft arguing again, only this time, Mycroft is on the phone and Sherlock is pacing frantically around the living room.

"Vous ne pouvez pas faire ce que vous ne pouvez pas de facon hima." You cannot take him away from me!

There's a pause where Mycroft is obviously saying something infuriating.

Sherlock starts yelling again, "No, no, no, no, no! Je l'aime!" Sherlock snaps the phone shut, looking exasperated. No, no, no, no, no! I love him!

"Everything okay," John asks, optimistic but not hopeful.

"Fine." Sherlock starts to walk away, but John stops him just before he walks out the door.

"Oh, Sherlock."

"Yes?"

John smiles. "Je t'aime de aussi." I love you too.