Author's Note: Yes, I finally got around to updating this one! Fear me!
Yes, I knew Elmyra was Aeris's mom, not Cloud's. I just had Claire play her, because it's twisted and insane. Sorry if that confused people.
Disclamer: I don't own LoD or FF7. The former belongs to Sony, the latter to Squaresoft. Happy?
Chapter 4
*The LoD gang is running amok, as usual, and Striker is contemplating Dart's pyromania tactics when the doorbell rings.*
Albert: Since when have movie studios had doorbells?
Striker: That's enough out of you. *smacks Albert upside the head* They're here.
Dart: Who?
Striker: *opens door*
All: *gasp*
Lavitz: It's the real FF7 cast!
Rose: Does this mean I can take off this damn outfit and we can leave this accursed studio?
Striker: Pfft. Fat chance. These guys are here to make a movie for me.
Dart: But didn't they have contracts with Disney?
Striker: Yeah, but they got fired after Sephiroth totalled the place.
Sephiroth: *eye twitch* Unholy happiness... kill... KILL!
Lloyd: Ah! EVIL! *hides from Sephiroth* I am not a clone. I am not a clone. *repeats like a mantra*
Sephiroth: Bah, you have this weakling playing me? There can be only one Sephiroth! *strikes pose*
Cloud: Aw, zip it, you. *smacks Sephiroth upside the head*
Sephiroth: *starts to cry* Mooooooommmy! They made fun of me! *runs of to find Jenova*
Cloud: Wuss.
Striker: Seriously. Everyone in the game went on about how incredibly strong he is, but then you fight him and he's extremely easy! But I thought the same thing about the Grand Jewel, and Lloyd, and *lists basically every boss in LoD*
Cloud: It's a crying shame. Games just don't have decent bosses these days.
Striker: Tell me about it. I mean, Dart, Rose, and Albert didn't even need to complete half their Additions for me to beat him! *points at the cowering Lloyd* He's a total pansy!
Lloyd: I am not! *sucking thumb*
Albert: *gets back on topic* What kind of movie are they making?
Striker: A Legend of Dragoon movie.
All: *stare at the deranged author/director*
Striker: What?
Lloyd: You idiot! Why not just put us in our own movies?
Striker: *smacks Lloyd just for the hell of it* Duh! Because we've already started filming the FF7 one! People would notice if the actors suddenly changed in the middle of the movie!
All: *pause*
Rose: ...he actually made sense... we're stuck making this damn movie!
Striker: Besides, if the real cast were in their respective places, this fic would be nothing more than a collection of bloopers, and those are outlawed by ff.net.
Lloyd: I forgot. We're in one of his accursed humor fics. Anyway, getting his username disabled is just too good to be true.
Striker: Lloyd?
Lloyd: Yes?
Striker: *holds up a picture of Sephiroth*
Lloyd: *eyes go wide* *averts his face* I hate you.
Striker: I know. *pushes him off a conveniently placed cliff* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him*
Albert: There'll be plenty of time to do that during shooting. Besides, then you can make it look like an accident.
Striker: *grumbles* Fine, *waves absently to FF7 cast* Your costumes are over there.
Cloud: *picks up Dart's armor* Hmm... not bad... at least it's better than what I had to wear back in that hellhole... *remembers the outfit Disney made him wear and shudders* I was actually glad Sephiroth blasted that place to pieces...
Striker: Why are you talking to yourself?
Cloud: Because I'm used to being around morons. Even I make better conversation than they do. *picks up Dart's sword and grimaces* Am I supposed to fight with this? It's tiny.
Striker: Live with it.
Cloud: *does his famous shrug*
(Seriously, does anyone besides me think that Cloud talks to himself more than anyone else in the game? What's up with that?)
Barret: *straps on Kongol's loincloth* Oh yeah, you know I'm a sexy beast!
Haschel: Fools! I am the sexy one! ME!
Striker: Maybe fifty years ago, Haschel.
All: *trying not to laugh while the bearded man in the skimpy loincloth and the wrinkled old geezer argue over their sex appeal*
Cid: %&^$! *trying to get Lavitz's armor on* How the ^$%&ing &*$% do you *&^%ing get this $%^#ing %^&$ on?
Tifa: *putting Rose's armor on* Do I have to dye my hair for this?
Striker: *nods* At least you don't have to cut yours...
Sephiroth: Cut my HAIR? I will bloodily disembowel each and every one of you before I let you touch my beautiful hair!
Striker: *hands him the Dragon Buster*
Sephiroth: *stares at giant flaming sword* Well, maybe I shall grace the lives of you pathetic mortals for a little while.
Striker: I had a feeling you'd say that.
Vincent: Green is SO not my color.
Striker: Yes, well, you don't see Albert dressed in red and black toting pistols.
Aeris: *takes out Shana's costume* You mean I have to play that wimp?
Striker: Only until about half way through, and then you get to switch to the sarcastic bitch instead.
Aeris: -_- Lucky me.
Yuffie: A princess doesn't dress like this. *holds up Meru's dancer outfit*
Striker: Does it look like I care? Now put it on or I may decide I don't like you. *pulls out his mutant fish*
Yuffie: O_O
Red XIII: Is this a human suit?
Striker: You wore that Shinra uniform, didn't you? You'll manage. Besides, it's a lot like you are now, only not orange and a little less fuzzy.
Haschel: .- I heard that!
Striker: Duh.
Cait Sith: What about me?
Striker: You're useless. Go away.
Cait Sith: *sniff*
Author's Note: That's right, kiddies, two parodies for the price of one! I just couldn't resist the thought of Barret as Kongol or Cid as Lavitz... So now chapters will be made up partly of the LoD movie, and partly of the FF7 movie. I know it took me a month to update, but gimme a break. I've been busy. Okey dokey, enjoy!
Yes, I knew Elmyra was Aeris's mom, not Cloud's. I just had Claire play her, because it's twisted and insane. Sorry if that confused people.
Disclamer: I don't own LoD or FF7. The former belongs to Sony, the latter to Squaresoft. Happy?
Chapter 4
*The LoD gang is running amok, as usual, and Striker is contemplating Dart's pyromania tactics when the doorbell rings.*
Albert: Since when have movie studios had doorbells?
Striker: That's enough out of you. *smacks Albert upside the head* They're here.
Dart: Who?
Striker: *opens door*
All: *gasp*
Lavitz: It's the real FF7 cast!
Rose: Does this mean I can take off this damn outfit and we can leave this accursed studio?
Striker: Pfft. Fat chance. These guys are here to make a movie for me.
Dart: But didn't they have contracts with Disney?
Striker: Yeah, but they got fired after Sephiroth totalled the place.
Sephiroth: *eye twitch* Unholy happiness... kill... KILL!
Lloyd: Ah! EVIL! *hides from Sephiroth* I am not a clone. I am not a clone. *repeats like a mantra*
Sephiroth: Bah, you have this weakling playing me? There can be only one Sephiroth! *strikes pose*
Cloud: Aw, zip it, you. *smacks Sephiroth upside the head*
Sephiroth: *starts to cry* Mooooooommmy! They made fun of me! *runs of to find Jenova*
Cloud: Wuss.
Striker: Seriously. Everyone in the game went on about how incredibly strong he is, but then you fight him and he's extremely easy! But I thought the same thing about the Grand Jewel, and Lloyd, and *lists basically every boss in LoD*
Cloud: It's a crying shame. Games just don't have decent bosses these days.
Striker: Tell me about it. I mean, Dart, Rose, and Albert didn't even need to complete half their Additions for me to beat him! *points at the cowering Lloyd* He's a total pansy!
Lloyd: I am not! *sucking thumb*
Albert: *gets back on topic* What kind of movie are they making?
Striker: A Legend of Dragoon movie.
All: *stare at the deranged author/director*
Striker: What?
Lloyd: You idiot! Why not just put us in our own movies?
Striker: *smacks Lloyd just for the hell of it* Duh! Because we've already started filming the FF7 one! People would notice if the actors suddenly changed in the middle of the movie!
All: *pause*
Rose: ...he actually made sense... we're stuck making this damn movie!
Striker: Besides, if the real cast were in their respective places, this fic would be nothing more than a collection of bloopers, and those are outlawed by ff.net.
Lloyd: I forgot. We're in one of his accursed humor fics. Anyway, getting his username disabled is just too good to be true.
Striker: Lloyd?
Lloyd: Yes?
Striker: *holds up a picture of Sephiroth*
Lloyd: *eyes go wide* *averts his face* I hate you.
Striker: I know. *pushes him off a conveniently placed cliff* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him* *does it again* *revives him*
Albert: There'll be plenty of time to do that during shooting. Besides, then you can make it look like an accident.
Striker: *grumbles* Fine, *waves absently to FF7 cast* Your costumes are over there.
Cloud: *picks up Dart's armor* Hmm... not bad... at least it's better than what I had to wear back in that hellhole... *remembers the outfit Disney made him wear and shudders* I was actually glad Sephiroth blasted that place to pieces...
Striker: Why are you talking to yourself?
Cloud: Because I'm used to being around morons. Even I make better conversation than they do. *picks up Dart's sword and grimaces* Am I supposed to fight with this? It's tiny.
Striker: Live with it.
Cloud: *does his famous shrug*
(Seriously, does anyone besides me think that Cloud talks to himself more than anyone else in the game? What's up with that?)
Barret: *straps on Kongol's loincloth* Oh yeah, you know I'm a sexy beast!
Haschel: Fools! I am the sexy one! ME!
Striker: Maybe fifty years ago, Haschel.
All: *trying not to laugh while the bearded man in the skimpy loincloth and the wrinkled old geezer argue over their sex appeal*
Cid: %&^$! *trying to get Lavitz's armor on* How the ^$%&ing &*$% do you *&^%ing get this $%^#ing %^&$ on?
Tifa: *putting Rose's armor on* Do I have to dye my hair for this?
Striker: *nods* At least you don't have to cut yours...
Sephiroth: Cut my HAIR? I will bloodily disembowel each and every one of you before I let you touch my beautiful hair!
Striker: *hands him the Dragon Buster*
Sephiroth: *stares at giant flaming sword* Well, maybe I shall grace the lives of you pathetic mortals for a little while.
Striker: I had a feeling you'd say that.
Vincent: Green is SO not my color.
Striker: Yes, well, you don't see Albert dressed in red and black toting pistols.
Aeris: *takes out Shana's costume* You mean I have to play that wimp?
Striker: Only until about half way through, and then you get to switch to the sarcastic bitch instead.
Aeris: -_- Lucky me.
Yuffie: A princess doesn't dress like this. *holds up Meru's dancer outfit*
Striker: Does it look like I care? Now put it on or I may decide I don't like you. *pulls out his mutant fish*
Yuffie: O_O
Red XIII: Is this a human suit?
Striker: You wore that Shinra uniform, didn't you? You'll manage. Besides, it's a lot like you are now, only not orange and a little less fuzzy.
Haschel: .- I heard that!
Striker: Duh.
Cait Sith: What about me?
Striker: You're useless. Go away.
Cait Sith: *sniff*
Author's Note: That's right, kiddies, two parodies for the price of one! I just couldn't resist the thought of Barret as Kongol or Cid as Lavitz... So now chapters will be made up partly of the LoD movie, and partly of the FF7 movie. I know it took me a month to update, but gimme a break. I've been busy. Okey dokey, enjoy!