Symptoms of Patient X: Inexplicable loyalty to a specific Leaf kunoichi, mental stability has taken a complete one-eighty, no longer seeks revenge against Leaf

Diagnosis: Shatter Mask

Treatment: none

The doctor sighed. This was tenth shinobi taken off the battlefield who had encountered the Uzumaki brat and come out of it with a bizarre loyalty to her alone, completely abandoning their previous revenge towards the Leaf or to her personally. It was getting ridiculous.

"Next!"

He didn't know who trained Uzumaki to use that ability to shatter the mask all shinobi had to maintain their public faces when among civilians. All he knew was that somehow, someway that girl broke through all the barriers the shinobi built around themselves, and then managed to get them on her side without damaging them permanently. After which they were completely useless if the opponent was an Uzumaki.

It was baffling, and more important incredibly frustrating. Those who were diagnosed with the now infamous "Shattered Mask" effect were compromised in a way that made it nearly impossible for them to be active shinobi every again. Not without questioning their loyalty anyway.

But the worst part wasn't the effect Uzumaki had on other shinobi. It was their reaction to what happened to her after the war.

When she successfully stopped the Uchiha plot to bring everything crashing down, everyone thought she would finally become Hokage like she always wanted.

What she didn't count on was the revenge of the Third's advisers and several idiot nobles in the Fire Daimyo's court.

Naruko was a well known name and with the revelation she was the Fourth's only child, they decided that the moment the war was over, she would have to marry one of the other Leaf shinobi to produce more children of her bloodline if she wanted to become Hokage.

What they didn't count on was her opinion of the matter. Once the war was over, Naruko had become disillusioned with the office and the title. And when she heard of their attempts to turn her into little more than a puppet, she made plans of her own. Plans that would remove the Bijuu out of the hands of the Elemental Countries until things cooled off.

And so she left, taking only the things she would miss with her. As well as the others who carried her burden.

The outcry when her former teammate found the note explaining why she had left and that she would eventually return once she had found a reason to live again was so strong that they had to do a complete examination of all the shinobi who might have even remotely come into contact with the Uzumaki girl.

Which was the source of the doctor's current headache. The number of people who had come into contact with her at least once was so big that they were having to call in more shifts to handle it!

If he ever saw that girl, he would strangle her for making so much work for him!

Loki immediately knew someone was trying to top him as the undisputed prank king of Asgard when he woke up one morning and the entire palace was orange. Not just any orange either, but an eyeball searing orange that most sane people would not dare use for fear of having their eyes burnt out.

To top it all off, the entire outside of the palace was covered in the paint. Every. Single. Inch.

Normally Loki wouldn't be amused by such a feat. Though the fact they did it without any of the guards stopping them was impressive, not to mention doing it in a single night. That all changed the moment he saw his brother.

Thor apparently had yet to notice his sudden wardrobe change. Loki took one look at it and had to duck into another room just so Thor wouldn't realize something was up from his laughter.

Thor's hair was pink. Pink! His cape seemed to have been hit with more of that orange color, and his armor was now a green color.

If Sif hadn't taken pity on him (or maybe it was because she wanted to be rid of the clashing colors) he would still look ridiculous!

The pink hair, however, stayed for a month to Loki's delight.

"Hey Red! Another tankard of mead!" shouted the drunk.

'Red' as she was so affectionately called by the drunken patrons, rolled her eyes. She juggled the tankards with ease, to the amusement of the other bar maids. Dancing around the drunken idiots who made up the customers was just irritating.

'How the hell did I go from being one of the strongest Kunoichi since Tsunade to a bar maid in some crappy tavern that has to dance around these drunken idiots?' wondered Naruko.

Still, if she had to chose between a forced marriage to someone she couldn't stand and having to dodge these idiots, she would rather deal with the drunks.

Plus she got her need to prank people out on her first night. The look on that musclebound moron's face when he realized he had pink hair was hilarious.

Though it was the smaller man that had her attention. She could spot a fellow prankster from a mile away, and he had all the same earmarks of one.

Naruko nearly stumbled when that same idiot she had given pink hair to walked into the tavern with his groupies. The one with green eyes broke off from the main group, determined not to be near the one with a massive beard. She figured out why pretty quick...he had appalling table manners.

Even she wasn't that bad before Ayame-nee-chan drilled a few basic ones in her head.

Her annoyance with the group only grew as the night wore on. Aside from the one who had clearly grown up in a barbarian house, there was the flirty idiot who kept trying to grab her ass, the loudmouth with the hammer she had pranked before, and the condescending looks from lone female of the group.

Finally she was able to escape that section of the tavern.

"Hey, can someone else handle that group? I'm getting tired of having to dodge the idiot's hands while I'm delivering the mead," asked Naruko. She heard a snort from the green-eyed man who had opted to sit at the bar rather than with the group.

"Not a fan of my brother's friends?" he asked.

"That's your brother?! Man, do I feel sorry for you!" she said honestly.

He damn near choked on his wine. Apparently he wasn't used to anyone feeling sorry for him because blondie was his brother.

The barkeep roared with laughter.

"Red here is one of our most blunt bar wenches, yet everyone loves 'er!" he said, slapping her on the back. The green eyed man noted she didn't even flinch at what was clearly a powerful blow to the back.

"So you're not impressed with my brother or his friends?"

Naruko gave him a deadpan look as she stated what she thought of them on first glance.

"You have to deal with a man whore who can't keep his hands to himself, a hill barbarian who will never be allowed near a fancy dinner party, the loud mouth who relies solely on his hammer and the condescending she-witch. Excuse me if I happen to feel openly sorry for someone who clearly prefers the peace and quiet and has to deal with them daily."

The man openly grinned.

"I like you. I think I'll have to visit this tavern more often, if only to hear such a refreshingly blunt opinion on other people of importance," said the man grinning.

It was a trickster's grin, and one that would have sent shivers of terror down the spine of anyone else. Naruko gave her most winning fox smile in return.

It wasn't until later that she finally learned his name.

Loki.

Thor clapped his brother on the back.

"I hear from Fandral that you've been visiting a young woman of late!" he beamed. Frigga had been equally amused by this news.

"She's a refreshing change of pace," said Loki evenly.

Red, as she was affectionately called, was blunt and entirely unapologetic about what she said. She also wasn't impressed by Thor and his friends in the least.

She didn't care how famous or strong they were. They had an attitude problem, according to her.

And if Loki happened to tip extra well every time she made him snort in his wine from some of the well placed barbs she used, well, she said nothing.

"Does this young woman have a name?"

"They simply call her 'Red', most likely due to the fact her hair is the color of spilled blood. If she has a name, no one at the tavern knows it. And I have asked, but for some reason people just get even louder when she says it."

Loki suspected she had a hand in that, because she just seemed amused whenever he couldn't hear her.

"Perhaps I should meet with her discreetly. Where does she live?" asked Frigga openly amused.

"No idea. The only thing I've heard about her residence is that it's in a rather wooded area," admitted Loki.

Frigga was intrigued. Anyone who could evade Loki like that had to be interesting indeed.

Naruko was amused. Loki was trying to discreetly follow her to her house again. There was just one problem...Naruko didn't have a house. She lived in the trees and got her food from the town.

Thanks to her tenure as an orphan of Konoha, she was well versed in how to live without having four walls, and frankly she preferred to look at the stars while she drifted off the sleep anyway.

Finally, after giving Loki the slip with a clone, she grinned after switching into her casual outfit.

"Looking for me?" she asked, dropping down from above behind him.

Seeing his startled look totally made dodging the knife worth it.

"How did you sneak up on me like that? No one's ever pulled that off!" said Loki startled. Then he noticed her casual outfit.

Naruko was in a black outfit that left the stomach exposed, and covered her chest (while at the same time emphasizing the impressive bust that gave Tsunade a run for her money). Her pants were loose, but built for running and were taped at the bottom so they didn't flap in the wind. Naruko had kept the traditional shinobi sandals, mostly because she was so used to wearing them. Her hair was kept in a loose pony tail, and for once Loki got an unobstructed view of her teal colored eyes.

This was the last thing he expected her to wear when he finally caught up to her, and when did she have time to change when he was following her the entire time?

"How... when did you have time to change?"

"Trade secret. So why did you follow me?"

"Because I can never hear your name at the tavern, and I'm tired of just calling you 'Red'," said Loki. That and it would get his mother off his case about not knowing a thing about her.

"Oh. I thought this was about the orange palace incident," said Naruko, putting her hands behind her head while she leaned against a tree.

"Orange... wait you're the one who painted the entire palace orange over night?"

"And dyed the loudmouth's hair a bright pink," confirmed Naruko.

Loki's grin was predatory.

"You have got to do that one again. It was hilarious watching Thor try to explain to the dignitaries how his hair got turned pink without any explanation."

Naruko's grin was evil.

"Any other requests?"

"Can you take the Warrior Three down a peg?"

"What's in it for me, outside of seeing them getting their egos handed to them?" said Naruko immediately.

"The more amusing you make their lessons, the more gold I'll give you in return. If you can make me laugh outright I'll owe you one," said Loki immediately.

"Deal."

The first one to be hit by Naruko was Sif. Though to be fair Sif was asking for it with the comment she made about the fact Naruko's bust was clearly visible.

"What did you say about me?" hissed Naruko.

"I said I can't believe that someone like you has gained Loki's attentions. I don't know what he sees in a common bar wench," said Sif smoothly.

"Oh that does it. I've had it with that condescending attitude of yours. How about we see who would win in a contest of strength? This 'common bar wench' or the mighty Sif?" glared Naruko.

Loki grinned and immediately ordered more wine. Somehow he knew this was going to be hilarious.

"Challenge accepted. Name your contest," said Sif.

"Arm wrestling," said Naruko. No one had ever beaten her at that. No one.

The table was cleared and Naruko allowed Sif to use her dominate hand. Like most shinobi, Naruko had been trained to be ambidextrous.

Sif's smirk lasted all of thirty seconds...that is before she realized her opponent's arm wasn't even budging.

"What's the matter? Surely the 'great Sif' can beat a simple bar maid at such an easy game," asked Naruko smiling evilly.

Sif put more strength into her right arm. Nothing. Naruko openly yawned.

"Oi Red! Volstagg's about to get into that soup concoction you made in the kitchen!" shouted the barkeep.

Naruko's eye twitched rampantly. She slammed Sif's hand onto the table without hesitation before she went into the kitchen and literally kicked Volstagg out of it.

"Keep your hands off my ramen you damn hill barbarian!" she shouted.

Sif was staring at her like she had grown a second head. A bar maid had beaten her in a contest of strength. A common bar maid.