Be my Friend and Breathe Me

If I owned The Maze Runner I would write a #newtbook. Song credit to Sia. The notices stay the same. :)

Help, I have done it again.

I have been here many times before.

"Just shut up, you shuck traitor! Didn't you read my note? You can't do one last, lousy thing for me? Gotta be the hero, like always? I hate you! I always hated you!"

The boy's eyes were glazed with anger, spittle flying from his mouth as the words tumbled out.

"Newt..."

He pushed on, ignoring Tommy. It wasn't bugging fair. Living hasn't been so great either. Why couldn't he understand that? Hiding who he bloody was, worrying about his sister, life had been a pile of klunk.

It was better just to end it.

Hurt myself again today.

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame.

"It was all your fault! You could've stopped them when the first Creators died! But no! You had to keep on going, try to save the world, be the hero. And you came to the maze and never stopped. All you care about is yourself! Admit it! Gotta be the one people remember, the one people worship! We should've thrown you down the Box hole!"

An itching grew in the back of his mind, he knew well enough now to recognize as the Flare eating away at his brain.

Commotion rang, but it was muted and distant, Newt keeping his glare on Tommy.

Ouch I have lost myself again.

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found.

"I hate you, Tommy!" he spat, taking a step forward and fisting his hands. "I hate you I hate you I hate you!" The words were punctured with aggression, and he uttered each syllable with relief that he was finally able to say it all.

He was finally able to tell the shuck traitor how he felt.

"After all I did for you, after all the freaking klunk I went through in the bloody Maze, you can't do the one and the only thing I've ever asked you to do! I can't even look at your ugly shuck face!"

Yeah I think that I might break.

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe.

He lunged forward, pinning Tommy to the ground and wrenching his arms into the dirt. "I should rip your eyes out," Newt growled. His vision was tinted, another sign of the growing insanity that only made him angrier. "Teach you a lesson in stupidity. Why'd you come over here? You expected a bloody hug? Huh? A nice sit-down to talk about the good old times in the Glade?"

A note of bitterness entered his voice.

The boy felt his eyes sting as he continued.

"You wanna know why I have this limp Tommy! Did I ever tell you? No, I don't think I did."

"What happened?"

A sick sense of vindication gripped Newt's crazed senses, a feeling that now, finally, Tommy would understand the hell he'd gone through.

"I tried to kill myself in the Maze. Climbed halfway up one of those bloody walls and jumped right off." Newt blinked as a tear streaked down his face. What a failure. He couldn't even kill himself properly.

It was something he'd never forget.

Alby screaming at the medjackets to "fix him up," make him "back to normal."

As if he'd ever be normal again.

So he'd laid there, closing his eyes as tears streamed down his face, nodding as Albu asked him if it was an accident, and not answering when Minho asked him what the shuck he'd thought he was doing.

Killing myself.

Trying to.

"Alby found me and dragged me back to the Glade before the Doors closed. I hated the place, Tommy. I hated every second of every day. An it was all...your...fault!"

He twisted and grabbed Tommy by the hand holding the gun, forcing it and pressing the pistol against his own forehead, his hand shaking.

"Now make amends! Kill me before I become one of those cannibal monsters! Kill me! I trusted you with the note! No one else! Now do it!"

Be my friend.

Hold me wrap me up.

"I can't, Newt, I can't."

"Make amends! Repent for what you did!" He dropped his voice to a harsh whisper, tears streaking down his face.

"Kill me, you shuck coward. Prove you can do the right thing. Put me out of my misery."

"Newt, maybe we can-"

"Shut up! Just shut up! I trusted you! Now do it!" His voice shook. He had failed before, if Tommy didn't help him pull the trigger, he knew he'd only fail again.

"I can't!"

"Do it!"

"I can't!"

"Kill me or I'll kill you. Kill me! Do it!" His panic rose, and he felt himself twitch.

"Newt..."

"Do it before I become one of them!"

"I..."

"KILL ME!"

His tones softened, and he felt his vision clear. The Flare was gone, but it would come back stronger until it overcame him, turning him into a monster.

He stared at his friend-he supposed Tommy was his friend, in the end.

And now he needed his help.

"Please, Tommy. Please."

Newt closed his eyes as Tommy pulled the trigger, a small, sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Unfold me I am small and needy.

Warm me up.

And breathe me.