June 2nd 2014

My knee bounces uncontrollably as my nervous energy pours out of my body. I feel Ana's hand come to rest on my leg, calmly reassuring me and I glance up to see a small smile on her face.

"There's nothing to be worried about, sweetheart." She tells me, her eyes aglow with happiness. It's the first time I've seen that look on her face in days. Ever since we found out about Ray…

"I know that. I'm just anxious to see our daughter." I tell her, placing a hand over hers as it still rests on my thigh.

"Or son." She retorts.

"We're having a girl." I say surely.

"We'll see." She says with a giggle and I see the hospital come into view.

I take a deep breath and try to prepare myself for what comes next. I'm so worried about Anastasia and what all of these straining events have done to her during this pregnancy, and I think of the world our child will be coming into. A world where revengeful lunatics and psychotic college friends are coming after us, and I keep secrets from my wife. Giant, life-altering secrets that have no place in our marriage. Yet, I've decided to keep them secrets instead of being honest with her.

I'm making this mess for myself. And I'll have to live with the consequences.

"Are you ready?" Ana asks me with an encouraging smile.

"More than ready." I raise her hand to my lips and place a delicate kiss.

"Are Mommy and Daddy ready to finally find out the gender of Baby Grey number 2?" Dr. Greene asks and she comes into the examining room.

"More than you know." I mutter. Life events have caused us to miss appointments and those we have been to, our little one has refused to cooperate so we've been unable to find out the sex.

"Just a few questions before we get started. Ana, I see in the notes that when the nurse took your blood pressure, it was too high. Have you been under any stress lately." I hold back a snort. There's not a word descriptive enough to define what my wife has been through.

"You could say that." Ana sighs. "It's been quite an eventful last few months. I know that I've been getting too stressed out and over the last few days, I've been getting some stomach cramps, so I knew that I should come be checked out."

"What?" I ask. This is news to me. She never told me she's been feeling cramps, and that was the real reason she wanted to come here today. "I thought we were just here as a precaution."

"I didn't want to worry you, Christian."

"Baby, you need to tell me these things." I say, like the biggest hypocrite on the planet. I'm lecturing her not to keep secrets, but I'm not practicing as I preach.

"I know, I'm sorry." She whispers.

"This is an important thing to check in on, Mrs. Grey. Cramps at this stage in the pregnancy are uncommon and can lead to more complications. We'll need to work on keeping your stress to a minimum."

Ana scoots back onto the examination table and takes a deep breath as she lays down. As Dr. Greene sets up the ultrasound, I take Ana's hand in my own. Vowing to myself to make things as easy on her as possible.

And there is where I make the decision that I absolutely cannot tell her about Ray and José. Not yet.

"Okay, if you could pull up your blouse for me, Mrs. Grey." Ana does as she says and I smile as I look at her beautiful pregnant stomach. "Good, now you know the drill, this will be a little cold."

She squirts a healthy amount of goo onto my wife's stomach and spreads it around with the ultrasound probe, and soon the room is filled with the perfect sound of our baby's heartbeat.

"Oh, Ana." My voice is low, and she turns her head to look at me. Tears glistening in her crystal blue eyes. "Our baby."

"And are you ready to hear just what you'll be expecting in a couple of months."

"Yes." We answer simultaneously and my cheeks ache from smile that's glued to my face.

"It looks like around August 1st, you'll be having a bouncing baby girl."

"I knew it!" I actually whoop and give a loud clap of my hands.

Ana's laughing at me and I even see Dr. Greene trying to hide a chuckle.

"I've got to give it to you, Mr. Grey. You were spot on." Ana's voice is teasing and can't help but lean in and steal a kiss.

"I'm not going to brag about my father's intuition, but I have to take pride in my abilities."

She giggles even more and I smile at the screen with my daughter's movements. She's moving around in Ana's stomach and it's such a mesmerizing sight to behold. It's hard to believe that we made this baby from our love. As cheesy as it sounds, I just can't help thinking that way.

"She's a good size for 32 weeks and growing well. She looks to be 16 inches and weighs around 4 and half pounds."

"4 and a half? She's that small?" My eyes are bulging and I'm fascinated as Dr. Greene continues to speak.

"Yes, Mr. Grey. But these last 2 months she'll grow quite a bit."

"Wow." Is all I can mutter.

I take a tissue and wipe off the goo that remains on Ana's stomach, once I am finished and dispose of it, I place a delicate kiss where my daughter is and I pull down her shirt.

"I do recommend that you take things easy for the remainder of your pregnancy, Mrs. Grey. I'd like to see you again next week so we can keep your blood pressure control. Try to keep yourself calm and relaxed as much as possible. For your sake as well as your baby."

My eyes can't stay focused on the book in front of me. I can't stop glancing over to where my wife lies in bed beside me. She's fast asleep, with one arm raised above her head and the other resting lower, so that her hand is sat protectively where our baby grows inside of her.

Dr. Greene told us today that the baby is 9 weeks… the size of a grape. It's fascinating to know that one day that grape will be running around… a living breathing representation of Ana and me.

Every day I fall more and more in love with my child, and grow more and more ashamed of my initial reaction. I regret every single action I took that night with Ana. The hurtful, disgusting things I said, the resentment I felt towards her and our unborn child… and the idiotic decision I made to walk out on her. On them.

As I do every night while Ana sleeps, I lower my body down so that my head rests by her side, and I place my hand beside hers where it rests on her stomach.

"Hello, little one." I whisper and glance up to make sure Ana is undisturbed by my movements. "It's me again. Your… dad."

As alien as that feels to say, I can't help the smile that spreads across my face.

"I got to see you today. Your mother and I went to make sure you were doing okay in there, and I'm glad to report that everything is just fine. Although, we certainly need to have a discussion about how often you're making your mom sick in the mornings. It's becoming quite an issue."

Ana moves slightly in her sleep and I look up to see that her eyes are still closed.

"I love you. And I can't wait to meet you." I place a kiss on Ana's belly, letting my lips linger there, convincing myself that the baby can somehow feel my love already.

"Christian?" Ana murmurs in her sleep and I grin.

I lean over to turn off the light and soon have my wife in my arms. Slowly turning our bodies, so not to disturb her, so that I am spooned behind her and both of our hands rest protectively over her stomach. I drift to sleep with nothing but gratitude and love for Ana, as she's given me everything I didn't know I wanted in this world.

June 6th 2014

My nose feeds on the smell of her orange and ginger scented body lotion. I close my eyes and try harder to breathe more of her in. Her needy gasps of pleasure fill my ears and the tensed muscles of her creamy thighs tighten around my gyrating hips. Her pussy is clenching me like a vice and it's taking all of my willpower not to allow myself to orgasm before my exquisite wife does. I know it won't be long until she succumbs to the pleasurable abyss and I open my eyes so I don't miss the delicious expression on her face of when she reaches her climax.

And then… it's almost as if everything happens in slow motion.

I watch as a bead of sweat drips from her brow line into her beautiful mahogany curls that are fanned out over the pillow resting under her head. Her eyes clench shut and a cry of satisfaction pierces the air. I feel her pussy pulsating and it drives me right into my own orgasm. Her name falls from my lips and it takes a herculean effort not to collapse on top of her petite body.

My dick still hard inside of her, but slowly softening as I steady my breathing. My lips pepper kisses from her forehead to her cheeks, to her enchantingly pouty lips.

I feel her arms wrap around me and she pulls me closer to her naked body, slick with sweat from our lovemaking. Her pregnant belly keeping us from completely melding as one.

"I love you." She whispers into my ear, and just like that, the guilt rests even heavier in my heart and on my mind.

"I love you so much, Anastasia. Everything I do, I do because I love you and want to protect you. You know that, right?"

She loosens her grip on my and looks deeply into my eyes. Searching for answers that I have buried inside. I keep my face passive in the hopes that she doesn't see what's hidden underneath.

"I know that." She assures me, but the skeptical look in her eye lets me know that she's onto me.

"Good." I tell her as I place one last kiss in between her brows and then pull out of her so that I may come to rest beside her.

Ana immediately turns her body towards me and wraps herself around me. The comfort of her embrace does nothing to qualm my fears of the wrath I'm sure to receive ones all is revealed to my sweet wife.

I reach behind me for the switch to turn off my bedside table. The only light left in the room is that of the moon as it bathes our marital bed in a soft, ambient glow. Anastasia's face is restful as she slips into a deep slumber, while I on the other hand know that sleep will evade me. My thoughts are of Ray and this entire scheme that involves me lying to my wife every second of everyday. Each moment that I watch her emotionally break down and then pull herself together, vowing to be strong for herself and for her family, only serves to tear me apart inside and shatter my heart more and more.

Ana won't forgive me for this. And even if she does, I don't feel as though we'll ever be the same again. How could we? I made a vow to her to always be faithful, forsaking all others. That meant more than just fidelity. It was a promise of trust… and I've broken that vow. My wife is without doubt the most caring and understanding person I've ever known. Her forgiving and gracious heart is one of her most endearing qualities. But how will that kind heart react to the betrayal I've inflicted?

"I know you're still awake." I hear her sleep riddled voice speak out, muffled against my chest, her breath humming against my skin.

"I was just thinking about some things."

"Like what?" she inquires as she raises herself up to rest on one of her elbows. Her protruding belly tickles my side as she moves.

"Nothing too interesting." I lie once more.

She looks at me. Her eyes penetrating my soul as she searches deeply for the answers I have hidden.

"You've been acting very odd. I ignored it thinking that it had something to do with Daddy's death." Oh, baby. You have no idea. "But now I know that there's something more. Something you're not telling me."

I feel myself gulp. I involuntarily gasp in a breath of air and her brows furrow in response.

"Is it because of something you've remembered? Was it something unpleasant?" She asks. Her face solemn and begging for response.

I struggle to find words. The guilt festering inside me; building like a flame that threatens to engulf me and burn me from the inside out. What do I say? Do I continue to lie to her? Or finally come clean to the secrets of our life?

"Christian please." Tears build up in her eyes. She knows me well enough to know that it's something big. Something that's painful to keep inside. If only she knew that I was doing this to protect her and our unborn child. There's only so much more she can take.

"Baby. I need you to trust me right now."

"You know I trust you. Blindly, it feels like. But how am I supposed to continue when I know you're keeping things from me?"

I hate it when she's reasonable.

"Let's talk about things tomorrow. After your follow-up appointment with Dr. Greene." I suggest. Begging her with my eyes. Constantly reminding myself of the warnings of Dr. Greene, I've done my very best to keep her calm and relaxed, but she's still been having cramps and dizziness. My fears for her health and for the baby's intensify every day.

"No. I can't continue on like this, knowing that there's something you're keeping from me. I won't do it, Christian." Her voice cracks. Her eyes fill with tears, understandably so. I'm breaking her heart by lying to her.

"There are things going on. Things that I'm trying to protect you from. I'm worried that bringing these things to light will only cause you more grief. I'm only thinking of you and the baby."

"Bullshit!" She startles me with her raised voice. She's now fully sitting in an upright position and leans over to turn on her bedside lamp. "You had better start talking, Grey. I mean it."

I know she does. Her voice threatening and her eyes like daggers.

I take a deep breath, trying to choose my words carefully. But every scenario running through my mind has the same result.

"Okay." I steady myself and look down, not knowing if I can look at her when I say this. I feel like a coward, but it's going to be easier to get all of this out without looking at the pain across her face. "Your father… the night that he died… things weren't what they seemed."

"What do you mean?" She inquires and I struggle with my wording. For a man who can command a boardroom with a single look, I'm flailing at the moment trying to be honest with my wife.

"We know who shot him." I blurt out. My eyes widening as I realize practicing my speech in my head did absolutely nothing. Those words just tumbled out like word vomit.

"What?! Who? How long have you known?!" She screeches and my breathing increases.

"Taylor informed me…" I start but she interrupts me before I can finish a thought.

"When?" Her voice harsh and I can feel my heart rate increase.

"Last week. On the 1st." I'm still. Completely void of movement and breath as I wait for a response.

"Why? Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I've told you, baby. I was trying to protect you. This pregnancy has been so hard on you. With my accident, all the bullshit with the Lincoln's and with your father. I was only trying to protect you."

"How is this protecting me?" She asks and then realization creeps up on her. "It's because I know who it is. Why else would it be so hard on me to accept the news?"

I sometimes believe she's entirely too smart for her own good.

"Yes." My answer short and beseeching of her. Begging for her to let me wait to tell her this.

"Who?" Her voice is practically begging. "Please, Christian. I need to know."

"It was José Rodriguez." I barely whisper the words out, but I might as well have screamed them. Her response would have been the same.

"No." She's gasping for air and tears spilling from her eyes. "That can't be right."

I immediately grab her and pull her into my lap. Running a hand over her hair and clinging tightly to her; trying my best, and failing, to calm her.

She sobs. Her small body shaking and her eyes clenching shut as if she's trying to keep the world out. One of my hands drifts to her pregnant stomach, comforting myself, Ana, and our daughter.

Eventually she controls her breathing and her crying lessens. She pulls herself away from me, her hands still cling to me as she looks into my eyes.

"I understand why you didn't tell me. Truly, I do. But you have to know that keeping this from me would only have made it worse in the long run. You know that don't you?"

"I do." I confirm. "This has been so conflicting, Anastasia. You have to see things from my perspective too. These last few months have been clouded with tragedy and I've grown more and more fearful for you and our baby with each passing day."

"I know. But continuing to think of José as a friend only makes me feel like betraying the memory of my father." Her eyes widen for a moment as an idea runs across her mind. "That's how he knew about Daddy's funeral. He knew what had happened… because he's the one who put him there. He showed up, pretending to want to comfort me… how could he do that?"

"I know, baby. Trust me, I know. When you told me that he'd lied about how he knew what had happened to Ray, I suggested Taylor start looking into him. Turns out, Taylor already had been and the funeral was their chance to lure him out and follow him."

"How?" She asks, her face muddled with confusion.

"How what?"

"How did Jason already know to look into him?" Fuck. Here comes the biggest bomb I've dropped on her to date.

"He knew…" I sigh deeply, my mouth becoming dry and my palms starting to sweat. "He knew because Ray told him."

"I don't understand." Her voice just barely reaching my ears.

"Ana. You have to believe me, baby. This has been the hardest thing in my life to do, but I was sure it was the right thing to do, keeping this from you…"

"Tell me. Now." Her voice harsh. Not yelling, low and controlled. But every bit filled with venom.

"Baby, your father is alive." I slowly get the words out. Watching her face go from confusion, to hurt, to absolutely livid.

"That's not funny." She says as she scrambles off of me and gets off the bed. She begins pacing and muttering under her breath.

"I'm being completely honest. I didn't know. Not until last week when I learned about José. And then I saw him."

"Saw him?" She stops her movements and demands my attention as she stands next to the bed.

I get out of bed and come to stand in front of her. My hands placed on her shoulders as I look directly into her eyes.

"Yes. He knew the threat of José. He was desperate to keep you safe and he knew that if somehow Taylor could help him, they could get José out into the open and our security team could be more prepared to keep track of him. And it worked, he was right."

Her body is still. One hand resting over her mouth and the other cups her pregnant belly.

"This isn't possible."

"It's true, Ana. He's alive."

"No, no." She mutters. "It's impossible that my husband of almost 3 years would lie and deceive me in such a way. No, this can't be real."

She pulls herself out of my grasp giant tears fall from her eyes. She's panting and I see the pain written all over her face. And it's all my fault.

"How could you?!" She screams at me as she looks me right in the eyes. Her hatred for me is radiating off her body and I can feel the panic welling up inside of me.

"I'm sorry." I say lamely and it makes her laugh. Not in a small way, but a big laugh of disbelief, like she can't believe I'd even say it at all.

"Oh, you're sorry. Well that makes everything better." She spits bitterly at me. "You let me believe that my father is dead and that José is my friend, all so you could what? Control the situation without my interference? Without burdening yourself by keeping me informed about my own goddamn life?!"

"Ana, no! That's not what this was at all. I was…"

"Trying to protect me. Right." I walk towards her put she holds her arm up. "Don't you dare come near me."

"Ana…" I whisper her name, praying that she'll let me console her.

"No. You do not get to do this to me. You cannot keep something like this from me and then think that I want you to touch me. That is not how this works."

My heart is shattering. All of my worst fears have manifested in front of me. Her feelings for me at this moment are all justifiable, but it doesn't make them any less painful.

"Where is he? Where's my dad?"

"He's here." I tell her, my voice hoarse with unshed tears built up in my throat.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She yells. "He's been in my own fucking house this entire time?"

"Yes."

"Where? Tell me right now."

"In the downstairs of the Taylor's add-on…" I don't even finish my sentence before Ana is rushing into the closet, desperately trying to find clothes.

I watch as she furiously moves about the room as I stand dumbly, not knowing what to do. I can feel the loss of all control and my whole body is twitching. I have a build-up of tension that I haven't felt in years and I have no way of controlling it. I'm useless in this situation, and the realization both pains and angers me.

"Put pants on. You're taking me over there right now." She informs me and tosses me a pair of jeans.

I do as she says and slip them on quickly.

"Ana. I'm so, so sorry, baby." I tell once we both stand there, clothes on and prepared to face this situation.

"I can't stand you right now." The love of my life informs me and I can physically feel my heart shattering in my chest. My eyes are stinging and my soul is burning. I knew this would happen, but the reality of seeing it play out in front of my eyes is so much harder than what I imagined.

"I know." I tell her. She walks out of the closet and towards the door, me trailing behind her.

We walk down the hallway that leads to the grand staircase, and just as I think Ana is about to descend upon them, she stops suddenly.

"Ana?" I question. I watch as her hand tightens on the railing and her breath starts coming in short, quick spurts. "Baby, what's wrong?"

Panic is seizing my body, and I'm wracking my brain to figure out what's going on.

"Christian." Her voice is quiet and I move closer to hear her speak. "It's too soon."

"What? What's too soon?" The confusion evident in my tone.

"The baby."

"What?"

"The baby, Christian. She's coming. My water just broke."