Seeing as this is the first chapter and the premise is a teensy bit risque, I ask you to bear with me. There's going to be a lot of fluff coming up soon.

Read at least the first two chapters? Pretty please?

It was a remarkably sunny Monday morning, so sunny that the pavement outside the window Matt Smith was sitting near was practically sparkling. But he didn't have much time or patience to spare for sparkly pavement, because he was sitting up in bed with the sheets around his waist and trying not to completely blow his top while talking to this ridiculously arrogant young woman he had never met in his life.

"What, so you're telling me you've never had a one-night stand before?" she was asking now, examining her nail polish. "One's chipped. And here I was being so careful."

"Never," said Matt stubbornly. "This was a mistake."

The woman looked up from her nails and rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly. I came into the pub looking for a one-night stand, and you practically threw yourself at me."

"I was drunk!" protested Matt. "Completely drunk!"

"Can you remember everything?" asked the woman with a smug grin.

"With great detail and clarity," muttered Matt reluctantly, a blush starting at the bridge of his nose as he recalled some of the events of the previous night. "Okay, so I only had a glass. It was Rose who was drunk."

"Rose?" asked the woman with amusement.

"My friend. Completely drunk. She was trying to be 'free and uninhibited'. Long story. And that is so not the point, um, um, what's your name?"

"Why should I tell you?" the woman replied, arching an eyebrow.

"Because we just-just, um, uh-"

"Shagged," said the woman bluntly, looking up from her nails. "If that makes you blush, try fornicated. Or copulated. Ooo, you have a delightful blush." She leaned forward to kiss him. He backed away and fell off of the bed. "What, never shagged a lady before?"

Matt stood up indignantly, realized he no longer had the covering of the sheet, and ducked behind the bed again. "No!" he told the side of the bed, avoiding the woman's gaze. "I do not do one-night stands. I do not-um-"

"Shag?"

"Yes, that. I don't do that with anyone who doesn't matter to me."

"Tough," replied the woman. "You just did it with me."

"Yeah? Well, then I'm going to have to get to know you."

"You are completely ridiculous," the woman told him, scooting over to the side of the bed. He stared at her bare ankles so that he wouldn't have to look at certain other uncovered parts. She was pretty, yes, but he was not going to look straight into the eyes of someone he didn't know who was completely and utterly naked without any modesty. He found it both slightly unnerving and rather attractive.

"We," Matt told the woman's ankles, "are going out for dinner this Thursday."

"And why would I do that?" the woman replied coolly. "For all I know you could be a homicidal maniac."

"And yet you-ah, er-"

"Shagged you," finished the woman. "Honestly, how old are you?"

"Yeah! You did it with a homicidal maniac!"

"So you're saying that you are a homicidal maniac?"

"No! What is your name?"

"Why should I tell you? We barely know each other."

"Aaaargh!"

"Sho wod your bashiclly shaying 's thad the reashon your lade 's thad y' had a one-night shtand wth rand'm w'man 'n a pub?" said Rose Tyler through a mouthful of chips.

"Sorry, Rose, I couldn't hear you over the disgusting sound of the chewed food moving around in your mouth," said Matt, holding his menu in front of his face.

Rose rolled her eyes, swallowed, took a swig from her soda can, and repeated, "So what you're basically saying is that the reason you're late is that you had a one-night stand with a random woman in a pub?"

"Pretty much," Matt replied sheepishly. "I wasn't intending to be late for our chip date, but it took me a bit to get a cab back home and pull myself together. How'd your night go?"

"Well, considering I was left alone at the pub…" muttered Rose sourly.

"You weren't alone, Rose, you had John and Jack and Amy and Rory! And Donna. Can't forget Donna, or she'll slap me. It was a group outing, remem-"

"Amy and Rory were snogging each other in a corner," Rose interrupted. "Jack was flirting with someone-he calls it 'chatting' but you know Jack. Donna was yelling at some guy who'd tried to flirt with her. Honestly, I think she should get a more noticeable engagement ring. So that left John to take me home, and for all I know I could have snogged him and he's just too embarrassed to mention it. You know what John's like."

"If he wasn't the way he was, Rose, you wouldn't fancy him. 'S why Mickey and you broke up, you know," Matt commented sagely.

"You have vinegar on your nose," Rose informed him, dabbing at his nose with her napkin. "And if you're such an expert, then why aren't you still with Idris?"

"That was a highly dangerous and extremely unstable relationship!" Matt said indignantly. "You can't possibly expect me to go back to her!"

"I thought you liked her?"

"Idris bites!"

Rose laughed, then groaned. "Damn, I have a hangover. You should've taken me home, Matt. I bet I snogged John."

"Want me to call and ask?" Matt asked casually.

"Go ahead. He'll tell you. He likes you."

"Course he likes me. He's my best mate! Mind you, I still find it a bit creepy that you fancy my best mate and talk to me about it, but I'm getting over it. Slowly. Slo-o-o-owly." Matt pulled out his phone and then added, "Can I go outside?"

"Sure, Matt, why the hell are you asking my permission? Go ahead." Rose took another chip.

Matt left the shop and watched Rose through the window. She really was adorable when she was eating chips. Mind, she was strictly off limits seeing as she was his childhood best mate. They'd tried a few dates, but when they'd kissed Rose had immediately apologized and explained that she was head over heels in love with Mickey.

Of course, this was before she'd started traveling with John Noble.

They'd met at Matt's birthday party, and Matt had introduced all of his new friends to Rose, who he had known since they were kids. She'd met Jack and Rory there, and really hit it off with Donna, but when she had looked at John, Matt had seen something new in her eyes that he had never seen before.

And then they were going all over the world. He'd show up at Rose's door and take her off to some crazy place. Venice, Paris, Manhattan, anywhere and everywhere. Matt, being a casual observer when it came to matters of romance, could literally feel the spark between them.

"John?" said Matt brightly into the phone.

John groaned.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No, you bugger, I just groan into phones for fun," yawned John. "Sod off. I'm going back to bed. I got to bed late last night."

"Did Rose snog you?" asked Matt curiously. "I know you took her home."

"No, Matt, she didn't snog me, because she was too drunk. Which, by the way, should have been your responsibility to take care of, but instead you go and snog River Song in the corner."

"River Song?" said Matt sharply. "Is that her name?"

"Why-oh-Matt, you didn't," John groaned. "River's completely unreachable. No way are you going to win her over."

"How d'you know that I'm going to try and win her over?" demanded Matt into the phone.

"Matt, you never shag someone without having a real romantic connection with them. Now you're going to try and rectify that by taking her out on a few dates, and that is so not going to work."

"And how do you know her name?" Matt asked sharply. "She didn't tell me."

"Likes her mystery, River," said John cheerfully. He suddenly sounded a bit more awake. "I went out with her once. Me, her, and Donna. Donna got lost in CAL Library and River helped me find her."

"That is so not a date," muttered Matt.

"It was! I asked her out at the end of it but all she said was 'Sorry, sweetie, I'm holding out for a good man.' And I was very insulted. You can't tell, but through the phone I have an angry face on. And now she's Donna's best mate, but she never goes out with anyone on more than one date. Except when Donna drags her to double-date."

"Right, thanks for nothing," said Matt. "See you whenever."

"Same, Matt. Bye."

Matt slipped his phone into his pocket and headed back into the chip shop, where Rose was finishing off the last few chips.

"Sho wod he shay?" Rose asked.

"Sorry?"

Rose swallowed again. "So what'd he say?"

"You didn't snog him."

Rose looked relieved for a second before gasping, "But what if he's lying? Oh my god, Matt, I bet I snogged him and he hates me now! I bet I snogged him and he's too embarrassed to even look at me! I bet I-"

"Breathe, Rose," said Matt patiently.

Rose took a few great gulps of air. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I'm a bit of a mess."

" 'S my fault," Matt mumbled.

"No-" Rose began, but then thought better of it and replied with a little laugh, "Yes. Matt, I bet that whole 'free and uninhibited' thing probably didn't impress John at all."

"Getting drunk isn't likely to impress anyone. I bet you vomited on him."

"Oh my god! Matt, you have to call and as-"

"No."

"A one-night stand?" said Amelia Pond incredulously on Tuesday, her feet on a coffee table littered with pamphlets about weddings and real estate. "You?" She shifted a bit on the sofa so that she was snuggled into the arm. The telly was on. Neither of them were watching it.

"Yes, yes, shut up, I've already heard that from Rose, please just shut up," Matt muttered. "And I have a date with her day after tomorrow."

"A date? You?" gasped Amy with a bit of a mischievous grin.

"Now I know you're messing with me, Pond. You know that I am perfectly capable of going out with any woman-"

"Pfft. You avoid us 'gentler sex' like we have the plague." Amy picked up a pamphlet about wedding dresses and threw it at the wall of her flat. "Mind, you'd be saving some poor woman from having to pick out a stupid wedding dress. Did you know that all Rory has to do is choose a tux? And half of the things I try on make me look like a candle."

Matt laughed. "Weddings are easy! If I had to get married, my bride could wear whatever she wanted, 'cause she'd look lovely in whatever she chose."

"You are a hopeless romantic," snorted Amy. "Love isn't like that."

"I am so not a hopeless romantic!"

"You serenaded every single girl you fancied at one in the morning, and every single girl thought you were an idiot. You're behind the times, Matt."

"Nope, I am not," Matt replied stubbornly.

"You kiss people on both cheeks when you're saying hello! No sane person does that!"

"I already clarified, Amy, I'm not quite sane," said Matt as if Amy was an idiot for having not realized it sooner. "I'm Rory's best man at the wedding, right?"

"I know you're at least one of the groomsmen."

"I should be the best man! I'm so perfect it's not even human!"

"Oh, you aren't human, all right," Amy muttered, picking up another pamphlet and scanning it. " 'S bloody annoying how not-human you are."

Matt rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous."

"You wish."

"Is she hot?" asked Jack Harkness on Wednesday, leaning across the dining room table in Ianto's flat. Matt, who had just taken a bite of his tomato-and-vanilla-icing sandwich (he had always had rather strange tastes), choked, and it took him a few minutes to recover.

"Jack, what sort of a question is that?" he sputtered. "Is she hot-you can't just ask me that when I'm taking a bite of sandwich! I nearly died!"

"Suuure," Jack replied with a bit of an eye roll. "You nearly died. I can really tell, Matt. You really look like you nearly died. Anyway, you didn't answer my question. Try swallowing that first." Matt obliged, his eyes slightly narrowed with annoyance. "Is she hot?" Jack repeated.

Matt's ears went a bit red. "I'm not-I don't-yes," he conceded ungracefully. "She is. I'm not entirely sure how I ended up doing it with her-"

"We aren't in middle school anymore-oh, wait, different countries-we aren't in secondary school anymore. Just say shagged."

Matt groaned. "That is really a rather unattractive word."

"Shagged," said Jack in annoyance. "Shagged shagged shagged shagged. HEY IANTO!" he yelled in the direction of his boyfriend's bedroom. "SHAGGED! Get over it!"

Matt's face had gone the reddish-white color of his tomato-and-vanilla-icing-sandwich.

Reviews? Thoughts?

Next chapter: Rose gets driven to the airport in her jim jams

-The Eclectic Bookworm