Chapter 16: More tears and comfort

Sam took a deep breath and exhales, and turns to face Hannah,

"Just for tonight, I am asking to please let me sleep without the craziness I've been put through the past week" Sam has his hands clasped in front of him, firm look on his face.

Hannah once again knows this is Sam's comfort, but it would be wrong of her to let Sam sleep without the protection of a pull-up seeing as Sam body now is most likely to leak while he sleeps as the bladder muscle has accustomed itself back to the relax state of an infant.

She nods to herself thinking the best way is to be honest with Sam and appeal to his intellect.

"I understand your request, but I…" before she could explain

Sam turns around, cuts her off with a curt "Thank you", and walked into his room closing the door behind him. Hannah was puzzled with the action and was about open the door to follow but paused.

This is one of those times Castiel told her of knocking before entering, but she does admit it's puzzling especially when the individuals know each other and there is important stuff to discuss. She feels through the door, sensing Sam's movement and emotion. Sam's emotions are actually all over the place, this gives her pause wanting to enter but hesitating, thinking this will cause the child more turmoil.

He seems to be sliding in his mind, since she mentioned the memory of him being back with Dean hunting together for the yellow-eyed demon. She thought it would help Sam see and understand, not send him into more distress. She gave a quick knock and called out through the door.

"Sam I will be joining the others, if there is anything else you need, please don't hesitate to call me"

Hannah steps away, goes back to the others and informs Dean of Sam's possible unsuspecting predicament while he sleeps.

Sam stands in his room or what used to be his room…and holds onto what he considers a part of who he is, in his hands, while he struggles with the memories of what Hannah had mentioned to him.

He looks again around his room, and looks at the colors of blues splashed with colors of sunset pinks around the walls and matching furniture. It was really a beautiful nursery, you can tell a lot of care, and planning went into it. He walks over to the rocking chair, sits down and leans back. It feels nice and he can actually relax a bit.

Sam starts to push back and feels it rock back and forth, remembering Dean rocking him the last time and it feeling nice. He stops rocking immediately and sighs that his first thought is of Dean holding him and rocking him and it should freak him out but all it does is make him crave that once more.

His hand starts clenching and unclenching while it rest on his thigh, this is so stupid he thinks, "What is this proving?" Sam has always been a man of research and intellect; he needs a reason as to what is the benefit for any plans he and Dean did. Even with hunting, he always weighs the pros and cons in the approach …of course some of his best plans don't always go according to plan. Aw whom is he kidding? All their perfect planning tends to go up in smoke. Dean's fly by the seat of his pants thinking had gotten them out of difficult situations. Sometimes though it was just pure dumb luck.

He shakes his head. What was he doing again? He looks down at his lap and sees his sleepwear. Oh right change and get some sleep.

Sam gets dressed in his black pants and Grey long sleeved shirt. After struggling to get the damn diaper off. He rolled it up and dump it in the bin next to the changing table.

He realized too late that he didn't ask for boxer briefs just his pant and shirt. Oh, well commando it is then, at least it's better than wearing a diaper!

He walks over to the crib and sees the rails up, Sam sighs. This is actually a comfortable mattress if it weren't for the damn rails. He would not have a problem sleeping on it….he walks to the middle and pushes in the button to release and struggles a bit, he always did hate these type of release lever on cribs, hospital beds, or safety gates they put on stairs for toddlers and pets.

He finally manages to get it all the way down; there much better, it looks more like a daybed now. He reaches up, put his hands on the mattress, and pulls himself up onto the mattress. He sits for a few minutes, testing it out, bouncing a bit and yeah, comfortable. He yawns and is about to lay down, when his right hand hits something soft.

He looks downs and sees a stuffed animal, now that he looks around the whole bed, there are several stuffed animals. He huffs and quickly grabs them all and toss them out. There much better now, he reaches to his pillow to fluff it out. He feels something underneath and pulls out another stuff animal…it's the dog one….the ones he found in one of those Goodwill stores when they were kids…well not the actual one, that one burned in the fire back in Stanford…but it is an exact duplicate….

"Uughh" Sam grunts and he's about to toss it too but stops and look down at it again. Why! Why, would Dean thinks he would needs this again? He's 31! It has been 9 years since he last seen it. Even then, it just sat on a shelf next to a picture of Jess and himself. Jess thought it was cute that he had kept a piece of his childhood with him. "Not many people do" she would tell him and share, "most would just pack up everything and store it, or send it off to a Goodwill, or at the worst dump it".

He remembers that he was close to doing that himself. He had showed up at Stanford he was 18 years old and while he unpacked, he saw it nestled in his duffle at the bottom. He'd felt sad and angry at the same time, because he knows he left it back in house they were renting then, and he hadn't bother to pack it up.

That was his way of saying 100% goodbye to his old life, to his family, because if John could cut him off like that, then so could he. He didn't need any reminders. It also hurt more when Dean just stood there as he walked out; of course, he caught up with Sam later walking out on the road. Still…

That must have been when Dean snuck in the Flops; Dean was always slight of hands. It was one of the reasons he was good at poker and (not a very proud feat) he could pickpocket anything without anyone noticing, or yeah even shoplift. Except for that one time, when he was caught.

However, he was 16 and trying to get back to a sick 12 year old little brother, and he was feeling a bit down because another gambler at a poker game tricked him. He lost all the money their dad left, not that a 100 bucks would get them far for 2 weeks. Dean was just trying to double it up.

Dean got too cocky and forgot the rule his dad taught them, to quit while ahead and keep your eyes open, because they weren't the only ones who hustle in games.

That was a cluster fuck- Dean ended up in a boy's home and Sam ended up with Bobby and then John.

Unpacking at Stanford, Sammy had held tight to the dog, remembering all his memories. How dare Dean sneak in Flops in his bag? This was hurtful but also it was a small token of Dean's love because his big brother could not, say the words aloud, so his action was telling Sammy he will keep in touch. To hell with that. He had gotten the dog out, walked over to the trash bin and proceeded to dump it in.

Then the damn dog had landed looking up, and it looked lost and forlorn. Sam hesitated and bit his lip. Memories of sick days and nightmares flashed through his head. Of Bedtimes, stories snuggled close next to Dean and holding Flops. Of tears and fears and holding on to the stupid dog waiting for Dean to come home safe from a hunt (after he learned about monsters).

Then, one clear memory out of all them came through clearly…the first time he saw the stuffed dog…

They'd been at another Goodwill and a 5 year old Sam saw a box with stuff just thrown in. He had toddled over from where he was standing next to John as he looked at what was sitting slight hanging out, the brown and white patched, missing one eye stuffed doggy.

"Hi Puppy" Sammy whispered in awed as he knelt next to the box, he reached out tentatively and pick up the stuffed dog and hugged it. He walked over to his dad with the doggy in his hands and remembered asking his dad for it, and John looking sad and reminded Sam that today was Dean's choice to pick out something, because he got A on his math test. Sam remembered agreeing, but wanting to cry. Dean had found 5 old used comic books and he had just enough with the 2 dollars dad had given him.

Sam's heart clenched when he remembered walking out with the stuff dog and Dean only had two comic books. This is what made him pick up the dog from the trashcan he just dump the dog in, and hugged it tight to his chest back in Stanford. Dean always sacrificing for Sammy….

This memory is what stays Sammy's hand now as he sits in the crib, hand pull back ready to kick out the stuff dog. He carefully puts his arm down and looks at the ball of fluff with the patches of brown and the black button eye Dean had sown when he got back to the motel…but this is just a replica right?

Sam turns the dog upside down and looks at the tag close to the tail and in faded ink it says "SW" and a heart symbol next to it…Dean had written his initials for him, when they got back to the motel. He hugs it tight to himself and inhales and it does have the hint of cotton candy smell. Sam got it covered in it once, and Dean had washed it as best as he could but the smell somehow lingered, faintly but still there.

He knows this is the stuffed dog from his childhood and not just a carbon copy. How did…? Never mind, he can guess at how Dean did it, after all they're life has been so crazy since the Angels became of part of their norm- So time traveling to get one childhood trinket would be easy.

Sam looks at the dog one more time and feels the overwhelming feelings of something wanting to come through. He finally just lays down slowly, his head on the pillow, and pulls the dog close to him as he looks out to his room and slowly closes his eyes.

Sam's eyes snap open the moment he turns to his other side in his sleep.

He feels it, the cold wet sensation all over his lower half. He wants to cry or even moan but he knows what will happen next if he does, so he pushes down the emotional cry that wants to come out..

He slowly sits up and winces at the stickiness of his pants on his legs, groin and bottom area. Fuck, he thinks, how did he not feel the need to wake up to go to the bathroom? He pulls the blue blanket off him, the stench of urine hits him, and he scrunches his nose.

He sees the baby crib bars are still down and he pulls himself over to the side, slides off, and continues to fall until he hits the ground on his bottom, but not too hard as the blanket he was holding onto helped slow his descent.

He sat on the floor for a few moments, trying to decide what to do. He felt disgusted and yeah "icky' was the best word.

He finally stood up and looked down at himself, his pants were completely soaked in the front and down between his legs. His gray shirt didn't survive either, the lower part got wet too. He looked at the crib bedding and could see the large wet spot. He sniffled a bit, it was just damn embarrassing. He was probably 9, the last time he wet the bed, and that was only because he started having nightmares after discovering monster were real.

Dean had been completely cool about it and didn't make a big deal about it, and didn't get angry having to be the one to clean Sam's bed up. Dean was fast and efficient, and he made Sammy feel all better after.

Sam looked at the bedding as he pulled it off and felt helpless as to what to do next. He looked over to the door and thought…maybe…but no he shook he shook his head.

He's not some little kid, or worse some baby. He is 31 and 6'4 he was no longer small. It was just so gross touching the blankets and sheets and walking in his wet pants. How did Dean do it? He got to the door and opened it quietly.

He looked down the hall, dragged the sheets, blankets behind him towards the bathroom, and dumped them on the floor. He looked at himself in the mirror and can see himself clearly now, oh yeah he got himself good. He needs to get out of these wet clothes and take a shower. He walks over to the shower stall, turns on the water and steps back, and then proceeds to take his clothes off.

The pants were easy, just pull and let them drop without touching. The shirt is a bit tricky. You would think after being splattered with Vampire's blood and Ghoul's guts, touching pee on his shirt would not gross him out. He got his arms out the sleeves, but it was hard getting his head out without letting any part of head/face touch the lower wet spot.

Unfortunately it does not work, he gets lost, confused, and frustrated. In doing this Sam forgets he left the sleeping sheets on the floor. His feet get tangled, and down he goes. He tries to catch himself but the shirt is still covering his face. He falls back and yup, the back of the head collides with the hard tiled floor…

It's instant…and really if Sam is honest with himself, an automatic reflex.

"DEEEEE!" he screams.

And the tears come without fail, but at this moment he doesn't care.

His head is throbbing, he is lying in tangled peed on sheets, and his vulnerable side is front and center.

Dean was at his side in an instant, he helped Sam sit up and pull the shirt off his head. Then he proceed to run his hand through his hair to feel for…

Sam hissed…Ah there it is, the bump on the back area, feeling like the size of a walnut.

Dean was trying to see what happened. He had went to check on Sam after Hannah told him what transpired earlier. He saw Sam's toys thrown out of the crib, but Sam hugging "Flops" to his chest. The rails were down and Sam was in his favorite sleepwear.

He did check and as Hannah said, Sammy had no diaper on. He debated whether to put one on Sam while he was sleeping, but chose to leave it be. He just made sure there was an absorbent pad under the sheet, and he was going to pull up the crib rails but stopped when he heard Sam sniff, and he noticed his baby had dried tears tracks on his face

Awww baby what got you all upset, Dean wondered, he also saw Sam had his thumb in his mouth. He gently stroked Sammy's hair and it helped him stop snuffling, relax and fall into a restful sleep. He had gotten up from sitting next to Sam, deciding to leave him as is. He was hoping it would be enough to get Sam to let his walls down a bit then talk in the morning the way Charlie told him and make some compromises with Sam.

It's not like he won't listen, Charlie assured him, and she also admitted she believes Sam really doesn't mind this…in fact deep, really deep down inside his little brother loves and craves his big brother's affection and doting…they just needed to set up some rules. She explained in all RP games there are general rules and parameters the key master must set up and the players adhered too.

Same thing in an age play community, Carlie had just gotten her tablet out to show Dean a community she had heard about through the grapevine. He could look into and have Sam read it and let him see that it's normal.

That's when they both heard the scream and dashed.

Seeing Sammy lying on some blue sheets, his shirt caught around his neck over his face and naked from the neck down. It made Charlie blush at first and look up and away. But the heart wrenching sob and wail that came next tore her eyes back to Sam, watching Dean jump toward the crying little brother who all in all resemble exactly what a toddler would be acting like when he has fallen and gotten hurt.

The wailing and the sobbing while in between trying to call out to their parent. She watched as Dean gently sat Sam up and removed the shirt off and the tears streaming down his face as he looked up at Dean.

Then Dean examined Sam's head and found the lump that was there, Sam wincing and then trying to move away from the probing. Dean holding him while comforting him.

"Hey it's okay Sammy, I just need to see how big it is."

Sam wailed for him to stop, because it hurt.

For now, Charlie forgot about the naked grown man and saw the small young vulnerable child. At that moment, she agreed with the fans of the "Supernatural" books how you just want to give Sam a hug and make it all better.

As Dean tried comforting Sam, he finally got his hand around Sammy waist. As he stood up he hoisted Sam into his arms, one arm under his bum and the other circling to hold his back and his hand cradling the back of Sam head.

As he rubbed up and down, trying to soothe him through the loud hiccupped cries, Charlie was just mesmerized by this brotherly bond between the boys. She felt like she was witnessing something personal. It's not like she hasn't seen something like this before, when Sam had gotten hurt by a banshee on a hunt, a while back.

She remembers after the hunt when she went to her car to get the first aid kit, she had come back to find Dean holding his baby brother like a mom would a hurt child, and offering soothing words to calm the hitching sobs she could hear from Sam.

She thought Sam was going to give Dean some snarky, sassy remark to Dean's baby talk to him- but instead he actually curled in more towards his brother, hand clinging tight to his shirt. She felt like an intruder, especially when Dean reassured Sam, once Charlie got back with the kit he would fix it and all would be better.

She had purposely walk 5 steps back quietly and then made noise walking back in. When she enter again, the scene had changed Sam's hand was still fisted in Dean's shirt but he was not curling towards his brother just laying flat on his back. He seem to be breathing in and out to control the pain. But she could still the tracks of some tears.

Then right before the trials, Sam had gotten the flu and she showed up unannounced. She walked into a quiet bunker, thinking the boys were out. She thought she would fix herself a snack and wait for them. As she got to the small alcove past the library to get to the kitchen, she saw the big reclining chair that was normally in the den, right in the library right before you enter the kitchen.

She could see Dean but he was holding something, she was curious, so She walked over and almost let out a gasp. When she saw Dean shoot her a warning glare, she had clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle any sound.

He just given her a quick nod and continued to rock gently. Sam was swaddle in his arm his body completely turn and curled towards his big brother. She had given Dean a tight smile with a thumbs up and walked to the kitchen.

When he had joined her 30 minutes later, he did not address what she saw, only told her that Sammy had been sick all week with the flu. So if she did not want to catch it, she should stay away from the bunker, until he is 100% better. His polite way of telling her to leave.

She remembers other similar incidents. But had learned never to mention them. There seem to be this unspoken rule among them.

But now, this seemed to be more than those times, this seemed to be what Hannah had mention in the infirmary to her and even more just a few moments ago during dinner when she came back. After leaving Sam, what Hannah said had clicked in Charlie's head- all those little incidents she had come across, where in fact normal behavior for Sam.

The story Castiel had shared of two souls not just being split like soul mates in the way humans understood, but both being created on purpose to balance out the other. The ever warrior guardian soul which was Dean's soul and the forever young innocent soul that was Sam to be his balance and focus.

So having this new information, it was not so weird, as she watched Dean attend to Sam. She wanted to help Dean at this moment, so she quickly offered to take the sheets, blankets and clothes, by what she could see where um yup…an accident.

But for Sam's sake, she will not worry about how or why…she grabbed everything and took it to the laundry room in the bunker. When she got back to the bathroom, she could see Dean giving Sam another bath. Sam was not crying so much except to give small-hiccupped cries, wanting to get out and Dean having to shush him as he cooed at him.

"S'alright Sammy, almost done," and, "I know baby, I know, you're tired."

Charlie watched as Dean finished and finally wrapped Sammy up in a big white fluffy towel. The towel actually had a hood and he placed it over Sam's head and turned towards Charlie.

"Thanks Charlie" Dean spoke in a low voice. "I'm getting ready to put Sam down, if you want we can continue to talk about what you mentioned later?"

Charlie understood, Dean needed her out right now. Because although right now she can see Sam is in a completely regressed form. Dean still needed to protect his little brother. She'd witnessed how Sam gets when new people watch him. In what really should be something nice for Sam to enjoy fully. Once Dean and Sam had set up some rules of course.

"No worries I was heading out anyways, but remember what I told you and I left the link saved on your laptop "

She gave the peace sign and was about to say her usual slogan "Peace out B"—but stopped herself before finishing that sentence.

"Oops," she smiles, "sorry."

Dean smiled at her, "No worries." He held Sam in one arm and held out his other so she could hug him. She gave Dean a side quick hug and Sam gave a small whine. Maybe in protest? Or maybe he was just really tired as Dean said and was just letting them know.

She walked out of the bathroom and gave pause at Sam's room. She walked in and looked around quickly, she knew she had less than 2 minutes to do what she had to do.

As much as she is starting to understand what Cas, Hannah and Dean have shared with her. She did promise Sam she would help him and she did agree with Sam about the Mark of Cain on Dean's arm.

She gave a quick look out toward the bathroom, and Dean still has not come out. She walked to the library and left Sam a message there as well.

If all goes according to plan, Sam will have found a way to contact her one more time, before he bust out of here with Crowley's help.

Here is keeping her fingers cross and hopes "Winchester Luck" does not affect her.