Chapter 16

Leaning on the rail of the balcony, I stared out at the city below me. I want you to come home, Vince's words replayed in my mind over and over until I wasn't sure if they were even real anymore. I wasn't sure what scared me more the thought of having to leave behind the life I had made here or that Vince might actually not be disappointed in me anymore. I want you to come home. Somewhere deep inside of me I had been waiting to hear those words for longer than I cared to admit but now that he said them, could I believe it? Sean had been surprisingly supportive which pissed me off. He was leaving the decision up to me and while I suppose it was the right thing to do it would have been easier if he had just told me to stay. I want you to come home.

I felt someone step out onto the balcony with me and while I had told them all I needed time to think, to clear my head without everyone treating me like some child, I couldn't exactly snap at the one man who had done nothing but be generous towards me.

"Your brother visited here once," Han came and stood next to me but kept his gaze on the lights below us. "Said there was an energy here, one that never slept, but that could never compare to home."

I want you to come home.

"He never told me that."

Han smiled a bit, "He talked about LA so much while he was here I almost got homesick to a place I didn't even live. He was so proud to be a big brother to not one but two sisters."

"Yeah, Mia the Saint, and me his screw up little sister that never listened," the words came out before I could stop them. It was easy to talk to Han. Too easy. The truth always came out though I knew it would stay between the two of us. He was quiet, knowing that I couldn't stand the silence for too long and would break it soon enough. "What do I do, Han?" I want you to come home. "I don't know if I can go home knowing I'll never see my dad again. How am I supposed to go live in my old house without being able to run down the hall and annoy Dom? Vince and Mia will be on me twenty four, seven worrying. They don't need that. They have their own lives. But I guess I can't stay here forever either."

"Wish I could tell you what to do. This is one you have to figure out for yourself, Ellie, but I will tell you this. You'll always have a place to stay here."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh, "Life is hard."

"Sunshine, you have no idea."

*Fast and Furious*

I stood in the hallway, staring at the white door as if it would give me some courage to actually walk through it. I don't know what I would do if Vince or Mia came out and found me just standing here but I couldn't get myself to move. It felt like I had been there for hours when Sean came up next to me, our pinkies brushing against one another, as if he were silently assuring me he was on my side.

Without taking my eyes from the door, I whispered, "No matter what I do someone is going to get hurt."

He moved from beside me until he was blocking my view of the door, "Do you remember when I picked you up at the airport?" He waited until I nodded before he continued, "You hated it here. You were angry, and broken, and I'm pretty sure you called me an asshole."

"You were," I smirked, trying to lighten the mood a little and Sean rolled his eyes.

"Maybe. But look, now you don't want to leave." He paused and took a deep breath, "Or maybe you do but you are the strongest person I know, Ellie." I stared at him in disbelief because I'm sure I could have used a padded room a time or two. "You have to do what your heart tells you to do. Not what you think we want you to choose."

He kissed my forehead and left me staring at the door once again but this time even more confused as what to do. It was now or never and I walked through the door hoping for the best.

"Hey, Kid," Vince said, looking up as I entered the room.

Both he and Mia were sitting on the couch talking quietly together, no doubt making plans for going home. They both watched me patiently, but I could tell they were dying to know my answer.

"I'm torn," I admitted, surprised that I had just come out with the truth but neither seemed like I had said the wrong thing so maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be.

Mia moved over and patted the space between her and Vince. I went over and sat down, feeling surprisingly okay with the close proximity. Mia put her arm around my shoulders gently, slow enough that I could pull away if I wanted to it, but I didn't. "Is there any way we can help?"

"I don't know," I said, mentally telling myself to keep breathing. "I'm only just realising some things, and I feel like going back to LA might not help. Plus, right now I have just as much here as I do back there."

"We understand that," Mia assured, looking over my head at Vince for a moment. "And like we've said before, you can come home whenever you like."

Maybe this wasn't so bad, "When are you guys going?"

Silence.

I looked between them both.

"Tomorrow morning," Vince finally answered. "We were just discussing it, we were going to tell you later."

"We wanted you to have as much time as possible to make a decision," Mia added as if she thought I was going to be mad with the answer.

It hits me like a ton of bricks. I wasn't prepared for them showing up, but the thought of them leaving again almost seemed unbearable. I felt a bit betrayed, but I knew in my gut I couldn't go home, not yet.

"You'll have to go without me," I said softly, looking down at my lap.

Mia kissed my temple, "That's okay."

She gently ran her fingers through my hair and I leaned into her, letting her hug me. It's the closest I'd been to her in a while. It was overwhelming, but somewhere in there it felt good. Like maybe, just maybe, some time in the future things could get back to normal.

"You'll wake me before you go?"

"You kidding?" Vince said. "I'll drag you out of bed kicking and screaming if I have to."

I smiled, wiping away tears that had already started to form. I quickly stood, making up some excuse to leave, but offering up a smile so they'd know I was okay. As I left I noticed Mia's smile falter. It took me a minute to realise she was sad that I wasn't going home.

Had I been wrong the whole time?

*Fast and Furious*

The next morning I woke up to leaflets on my bedside table. They were all for universities in LA or the surrounding areas. I picked them up and thumbed through them as I headed for the kitchen.

Everyone was in there. Mia and Vince were already dressed and seemingly packed. I held up the leaflets for everyone to see.

"What's this?" I asked.

"I'm not trying to force you into coming back," Mia said as she stood up. "I did bring them as some kind of way to convince you, but when you said you weren't sure if you could face coming home I figured they could serve another purpose."

I frowned, looking at the leaflets. "What are you talking about?"

"Well I figured if you wanted to you could enrol, it would keep you busy, and if you really couldn't handle being at home then maybe you could live on campus. I mean we'd have to work out finances, but you're a smart girl, I'm sure we could get lots of help."

I felt sad suddenly. It was an amazing idea, and I felt so much love for my sister bubbling up at the fact that she's trying to make home feel like such again. But I knew it wasn't going to be enough.

"I still don't think I'm ready," I said, but I smiled as I looked at her. "I love the idea, but I think I'm going to stay here in Tokyo, just for a bit. I've been stuck in this hole. I haven't had time to really come to terms with everything that's happened, and no matter where it is in LA, I still can't be there, but when I am ready maybe this will help me to transition back?"

I could tell Mia was a little saddened by my decision but she smiled and nodded. At that Vince stood up and closed the space between us quickly. He pulled me into a giant hug and I willed myself not to cry.

If it was a perfect world they would move to Tokyo and we could all live happily ever after but this wasn't a fairytale. My dad was dead, my brother in jail, and I fell in love with a man halfway around the world. My life was far from a fairytale.