I finally got round to writing the next bit! I'd love to say uni has been hectic but I'm just lazy haha! Mixing depression and a little bit of happiness here but things should be looking up from here on in! Thank you once again for your lovely, lovely comments! Please enjoy and leave a review! x

After ordering in a takeaway the pair sat on the sofa together, Colette curled into her boyfriend's arms. They needed few words between them but the comfort they gave each other was paramount that evening. Fletch had fallen into bed around midnight feeling both mentally and physically drained. It had taken less than twenty minutes for him to fall asleep, something Colette was finding much more difficult. She lay in his arms for a few hours, tired but completely wired. Her mind was in overdrive and she felt powerless to switch off without Fletch. The brunette carefully peeled back the covers and tiptoed out of bed around 2am. Finding a pen and the back of a bank statement she began to write.

Fletch,

You of all people know how hard it is for me to express and articulate my feelings, which is why I often choose not to. However if the events of today made me realise anything, it helped me to fully acknowledge that I never grieved properly for our baby girl. I don't know whether it is ever possible to 'get over' situations like that but I know I have not even come to terms with it even though it has been so long. At the time I found it much easier to throw myself back into work, suppressing every emotion whilst you dealt with your feelings and subsequently came through the other side. When you were ready to return to work and were 'done' grieving I was only beginning to realise that I had done nothing to accept or acknowledge my own feelings. By this point though it was too late. You were ready to move on so by default, I had to be ready too.

When we broke up it seemed even easier to try and forget the whole thing ever happened as you were not there as a constant reminder. Now however I realise I need to deal with these feelings. I cannot deal with the constant aching in my chest any longer. I need to let her go. I feel like I have failed her by not grieving for her but above all I feel like I've failed her for trying to forget her. Sometimes though I feel like she had a lucky escape as opposed to having to live with a mother like me. When given a chance to hold my lifeless daughter I was barely even able to look at her tiny yet beautiful face. I even failed to name my darling girl refusing her a personality and a means to be remembered. I never attended her funeral or said a proper goodbye. I have never visited her grave and have no idea which words you carefully chose to place on her gravestone. I do not even know whether you gave her a name. I know we had our heart's set on calling her Elly and I'd like to think you went through with that. One day I hope I am strong enough to be able to hear all these details without feeling like my heart is being trampled in my chest. I understand that I am broken but recognise that it's time to start the healing process, no matter how long overdue.

I am so sorry I couldn't admit all this to you in person. I hope you understand. I don't trust myself to be able to talk about her yet but I am ready to start grieving for her. I am ready to seek help, support and guidance from our friends, family and professionals. I understand if this is too much for you and would not blame you at all if you had to leave me. I hope we can work through this together but I would not be bitter if we could not.

I am so sorry I failed our baby girl but I am ready to remember her and ready to love her. I love you Fletch,

Col x

Colette busied herself in the kitchen laying the table and preparing their breakfast. It was a Saturday morning and for the first time in months the pair found themselves sharing a day off. The female nurse was trying to make home-made pancakes look a bit more edible when Fletch walked into the room, still looking slightly dishevelled from a long lie in. She didn't hear or see him enter the room so when he smiled "morning!" she almost jumped two feet in the air! "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" Fletch added through his laughter. Colette whipped round in mock anger subsequently making her fiancée laugh even more. Within seconds she was laughing too. Despite their recent troubles it all felt oddly normal. Pacing towards her Fletch leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"What's all this then?" He asked, gesturing to the table as he casually leant back onto the kitchen counter.

"Breakfast" Colette replied smartly. The male nurse rolled his eyes before beginning to eye up the pancakes in the frying pan.

"Seriously though Col, this looks so good!" The brunette didn't reply but smiled warmly towards him before busying herself dishing up breakfast and putting the pans into the sink. Fletch took a seat at the table watching as she bought his breakfast to him. He smiled gratefully and thanked her as she sat down opposite him. "You didn't to go to all this trouble though" Fletch told her softly.

"I wanted to" Colette replied honestly. "I haven't…" She hesitated. "Been myself recently and I just wanted to show you that I appreciate your endless patience"

Fletch grinned.

"I love you" She added timidly.

"I love you too Col" Fletch replied softly. "And" He added with a laugh "You make damn good pancakes!" The pair laughed and chatted meaninglessly for a while, just enjoying being in each other's company. Even when they lapsed into silence it felt okay, whereas recently it had all been a bit awkward.

After a while Colette tentatively asked "Do you think we're finally getting back to normal?" Fletch leaned across the table to take her hand, a solemn look gracing his lips. Colette's heart began to pace as she awaited his hesitant response.

"Collywobble dear…" The male nurse spoke seriously. "We've never been normal!" He added with a laugh and a boyish grin. Colette couldn't help the laugh that pinched at the corner of her lips before leaning over the table and placing a gentle kiss upon his lips.