Seeking Clarity

Epilogue

"He's late."

"He'll be here."

"Well he should've been here earlier." Immediately, she feels bad for snapping. It's not Lanie's fault she's on edge.

"Just relax, Kate, he'll be here."

Even her friend's assurances don't help quell her rising frustration, her rising edginess. Right now they're slowly warring with nervousness and abject terror for dominance, but they're both there. This was supposed to be perfect, but right now it's looking like it might end up a disaster instead. He needs to get here so he can smile and reassure her that everything will be great.

She wants to do this for him, for them, but instead it could very easily come crashing down around her. These last few months have been stressful, full of cancelled plans and delays, adjustments and illnesses, and of course fights and misunderstandings. Everything keeps happening at once and she just wants to show him that all of those things are no match for them, for this life of theirs. For their story, as he might say.

They've been engaged for over six months and living under the same roof for even longer; effectively since the night she held his face in her hands and declared him the most important thing in the world to her. When more of her work clothes ended up in his closet than her own, it was unofficially official. After that, she started bringing more of her things over, adding small touches to make it feel like a shared space instead of her taking over as an extended guest.

They're still negotiating some things – like her painting making a nice addition to the living room or dining room. She says it'll fit perfectly in that alcove between the stairs and the fireplace, but Castle's not so sure. Truthfully, she's just thankful he agreed (through no small gnashing of teeth) to move "Linus," so the silver lion can stop terrifying her when she wakes up in the morning. So she hasn't moved everything and for now she won't. She has what she needs there. Plus, they still use her apartment as a refuge from time to time, whenever the open floor plan and boisterous other residents (Martha, mostly, since Alexis is in the dorms now) in the loft get to be too much. But the loft is home.

To say he surprised her with the engagement ring is still the understatement of the year. A proposal at Christmas is something one might expect. Same thing for an anniversary proposal, a New Year's proposal, even a birthday proposal. She hadn't expected a Halloween proposal. Especially not all of ten months into their relationship. She'd expected to co-host his party and agree to one of his dorky couples costume suggestions, both of which she did. Thankfully last year's theme was tasteful, since her father was also invited to the party. She'd expected to clean up the loft and collapse into bed after a successful, slightly over the top Richard Castle Shindig (as he likes to call them). She hadn't expected him to be anxious all night long. She hadn't expected him to look like he barely had any fun. She absolutely hadn't expected him to drop to one knee, pull a jewelry box out of his toga robes, and ask her to marry him while she and her father shoveled discarded solo cups into a garbage bag. Instead of dropping into bed and falling asleep with half her makeup still on, she'd spent the rest of her night in a giddy haze, wrapped up in his arms in the middle of their living room, sipping the sparkling cider Martha insisted they had to have. Alexis was the one to make them cinnamon rolls at 4:30, only to have Rick call them "Celebration Rolls" as the two of them swayed to imaginary music. That was her engagement celebration.

It may be a silly romantic notion, but she's still not sure if it she's seen a sunrise more beautiful since then, and she sees a lot of sunrises.

Sometimes she's still not convinced it's actually real, that they're engaged to be married. She doesn't believe it at all until she slides the (huge) diamond onto her finger when she comes home each night before joining him in the kitchen. It's real when they sit down to think about planning the wedding. Although the majority of the time they end up putting most of it aside in favor of work or other activities. (Their method for convincing each other when they're on the fence is truly inspired.)

It's fun. Every day with him is fun. Every day that ends in settling beside him – in bed, on the couch, at one of their desks – is its own kind of perfection.

It's a kind of perfection she won't change.

Not for a job, not for dozens of books, not for anything in the world. Yes, the Feds have been trying to court her. Yes, Castle's in the middle of negotiating a new book contract. Yes, they haven't had much luck actually planning their wedding thanks to a world conspiring against them (not literally, although Castle has suggested that, too). But this is their life and it's her first priority. Agent Stack can leave all the snarky voicemails asking when she's going to follow up on his offer to put her in touch with someone in Washington he wants; this is where her focus is.

That doesn't mean it hasn't been difficult. She'd told Castle about the conversation she'd had with Stack during their post-case dinner, in between attempting to pick a venue (their third) and hearing what kind of terms Black Pawn was offering her fiancé for the next few books. Needless to say it wasn't the most popular topic of conversation. They'd argued over just about everything that night; from Stack and the possible job, to their respective messes in their bedroom, to the fact that he'd all-but agreed to a contract that would swamp him. Of course, in the thick of it all, he'd reminded her that if she took a job like Stack's, she wouldn't have to worry about him being away from home on book tours anyway.

They've made up since, of course. It didn't even take the entire night, but even still, she wants to show him once and for all where she stands.

Which is why she's here.

It's why she set all this up and called him over an hour and a half ago to ask him to meet her here. In one of their "spots." She's been arranging this for over a week after sleeplessness drove her out of bed and the idea hit. She talked to his mother and his daughter about it, flying Alexis home from her program in Costa Rica to make sure she won't miss anything. The boys, Lanie, even the captain all took the afternoon off for this. It's that big.

It's why her father's standing a few feet from her, talking to a friend of his, a judge, and Jenny Ryan's beaming out at all of them from her perch on a bench. Jenny's not too pregnant yet, but the baby's sapping most of her energy so she's been watching them pace while she rests. They're all here for this, the entire wacky family.

She, Kate Beckett, is going to marry her partner right here on this skyscraper rooftop. If he'll have her, that is.

Of course, she'll never know if he will or not, if he doesn't show up. They agreed on two o'clock, once he finished his final meeting at Black Pawn; it's almost 2:40 now. He's late. Or he's standing her up, which would be cruel for Castle and he's not the type. He promised he'd be here and he'll be here.

Hopefully soon; she's more than ready to make a few promises of her own.

"Beckett!"

She twists, feeling her heart slam against her ribs. He's here. He looks simultaneously confused and happy, but he's here, zipping around a couple of little old ladies with cameras around their necks to get to her.

"Hey, Castle… took ya long enough. Traffic?" She shakes off her nerves as quickly as she can.

"I… yeah, accident. What's going on?" He looks her over, taking in her attire quickly. "What are… the guys? Did someone die?" She sees his eyes darting around. "Is that Captain Gates? And your dad? What's going on?"

Laughing, she takes his hands. "Nobody died, Castle. It's not a crime scene. It's a surprise for you."

"For me?" His brow furrows in confusion and her hand lifts to smooth the wrinkles away. "Like my birthday?"

She bites her lip quickly, nodding. He still talks about the birthday party she'd thrown for him any chance he gets. "Something like that. No fake murders this time, though."

"Well… what is it?"

She takes a deep breath. "I called Stack like we talked about." It's not exactly an explanation, but she needs to get it out first.

Castle's hands slide over hers. It's a promise that whatever she's about to say, he'll hear. Even if he's not sure he's going to love it.

"You did?"

When they finally were able to talk about everything with clearer heads, she'd promised to give his new book deal a chance and he'd promised whatever she wanted to do about the job, he'd be along for the ride. But she doesn't want him to just come along for the ride. It's their life, they should be riding together and bickering over who's going to drive this leg.

She nods, keeping his eyes. "Yeah, I did. I told him the consideration was flattering, but going to a federal job isn't where I want to be. Not at this point in my life."

She kisses him softly, smiling a little bit at his dumbfounded expression. It's not what he was expecting to hear, she knows. No doubt he was expecting to hear they were going to be packing their things and splitting their time between New York and Washington.

"But what about the opportunity? You said it'd be –"

She shakes her head quickly, feeling her hair whip against her cheek with the motion. Thankfully the wind isn't too bad today. "I have plenty of fantastic opportunities here. I have everything I need here. I have more than I could ever want, and far, far more than what I deserve. I love where I am, Castle. My work, my family, my husband…" she trails off, lifting her eyes to his again.

That gets his attention. "Your husband, huh? Didn't know you already had one of those." He's tongue-in-cheek, which bolsters her confidence.

"Well, I don't… yet. He kind of showed up close to," she pauses to check the time on his watch, "forty minutes late for our wedding, but hopefully he's right here now." She jostles his hands, watching as understanding dawns.

"O-our wedding? This is our wedding?" He stutters, surveying the crowd growing around them. It's everyone they deemed most important when discussing their guest list. Alexis smirks over her grandmother's shoulder, waving daintily to her stunned father. "Alexis?"

"Hi, Dad. Listen to Kate," she calls easily, giving her permission to proceed.

Nodding carefully, she continues, "If you want it to be. If you want to just forget all the worry about venues falling through or being double booked, and screw the planning and the bitchy caterers and everything… I want to make that happen. I'm making that happen."

Castle's grin grows with every word that comes out of her mouth. "Kate."

"Yeah?" she breathes, pulling him closer. She hopes that's a yes. Giddy laughter comes from one of them, maybe both of them. Definitely both of them.

"Kate, Kate, Kate," he chants, kissing her hair, her ear, her cheek, before finally touching her lips. "I changed the deal," he murmurs.

That's… not exactly the response she's been expecting.

"You what?" She leans back just enough to see his face again. "You changed the deal?"

"Uh huh, I changed the deal. Same number of books just with a shorter deadline. Plus a smaller travel package and more appearances in the city. It's less money, at least up front, bu- mhmm."

She muffles the rest of his words with her lips, kissing him fiercely. He did that for her. He's taking on more for her, and getting less for it. His fingers flex against her hips, pulling her closer briefly before he lets her go, his lips releasing hers with a wet pop.

"So hope my wife doesn't mind," he adds playfully, his forehead touching hers. "But I'm going to be around more often than we were anticipating."

His wife. He means her. Her throat constricts.

"Is that's a yes?" she asks.

Castle laughs heartily. "Yes, of course, Kate. Of course. Let's do that. Let's get married today." Their lips find each other again. "Right now, let's get married right now."

Adrenaline-shaky fingers frame his face, drawing him into another slow, soul-shattering kiss. One of their last as an engaged couple.

"I love you," she whispers against his lips.

"I love you, too, Kate. Now come on, I'm getting married today."

Their hands touch, fingers knotting together tightly. When she turns, their friends and family look expectant, smiles on their faces as they wait for the final word. Her dad lifts an eyebrow; he and Martha are the only ones who know exactly how frustrating the last few weeks have been, and how badly she's wanted to give Castle this. Her father's been the one helping her get all of their paperwork in order without tipping off Castle. She honestly has no idea how many strings he had to pull to make it happen, but he made it happen.

She grins, nodding against Castle's shoulder to let her father and everyone else know everything's good to go. Her dad beams, clasping his friend on the shoulder.

"Well, it looks like it's settled. Make this one good, Al, it's special to me."

Chuckles make their way through the group. It's special to everyone here, that much is obvious. Castle's lips press into her hair and she just knows he's fighting to contain himself. She presses back, hoping she doesn't leave makeup marks on his sport coat. It's a stroke of luck that he chose this one today instead of the leather jacket. She supposes she has the meeting at his publisher to thank for that. Their wedding photos won't be formal, but with him in his jacket and the blue dress shirt she had requested he wear, and her in the ivory and blue dress she picked exactly for this occasion, they'll be perfect.

"So," she clears her throat, looking back at the judge. "How do we do this?"

Judge Collins, Al, directs them into position before beckoning their witnesses closer. Alexis appears at Castle's side and he rocks sideways to bear hug his daughter. He's missed the girl since she left for her summer trip; having her home for any reason is enough to bring him joy. She hears the low murmur of their conversation, but can't make out anything in particular.

It warms her time and again to see how fully Castle loves his daughter; he's going to love their kids the same way one day. It's a thrilling thought, the idea of their kids.

Her father moves to her side, his lips finding her cheek gently.

"I'm so proud of you, Katie."

She smiles, her eyes slipping shut at the contact. "Thanks, Dad."

"She's proud of you, too, your mom."

Fleeting though it is, melancholy stabs through her belly. She wishes her mom could be here. For her wedding, for her father, for the grandchildren she's never going to meet.

She's not here, but having Castle, having this moment, makes it bearable.

"Thanks, Dad," she whispers, taking a second to pull herself together. "I wish she could be here."

Her father kisses her forehead, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "She is. She's right here with us, sweetheart. Can't you feel her telling you she told you so about something? About Rick? How many times would she have told you to give in and marry him already?"

That earns him a watery laugh. God, her mom would've been dancing because the two of them are finally getting their act together.

"Too many. She'd be so thrilled about this. About Rick."

"What about me?" With Castle's attention once again on her, she feels her heart pick up speed. She's going to marry him in a few minutes.

"Nothing, babe. Ready?" Her father chuckles, stepping back already. She offers Castle her hands as Collins instructs.

"Ready, honeybu – wait, sorry, ready, Mrs. Castle."

She's not sure she'd be able to stop smiling if he paid her.

"Finally, a good name."

Castle beams, too, kissing her fingertips in response.

It is a good name. One she's already arranged to take personally, but not professionally. That'll be the next surprise, the one she gives Castle in about twenty minutes when they sign the paperwork. He'll be beside himself. He hasn't pushed about it. Other than a few silly suggestions for new matching monogrammed towels, he hasn't said a word about her changing her name. She knows he loves her no matter what her driver's license says.

The ceremony itself is short. Al speaks plainly, yet sweetly, about love and marriage; what it means to make a life together. It's more flowery than a civil service usually is, and she can only assume that's due to the favor Al owes her father. It's perfect, though. A reminder to take care of one another, to stand by one another, and to be partners with one another.

She thinks they've got that down pat.

Castle's hands lock tighter around hers as he says his vows. For once, he doesn't deviate from what he's told to repeat, like he doesn't dare tempt the fates by straying from the script. When his voice crackles with emotion, she lifts his hands to her lips, eyes locked on him. She gives him her love and her support the same way he gave her his strength on this rooftop almost two years ago.

She remembers how his eyes looked the first time they were here, how clouded and stormy, how cautious of her he was. They're so different now. So clear. Bright, full, happy. Just like the sky around them.

They shine when he says, "I do."

Judging by the look on his face as she says her last sentence as a single woman, a husky, succinct, wonderful, "I do," hers do, too.

After that, he kisses her and words aren't needed any longer.

A/N: And that, everyone, Seeking Clarity draws to a close. I've said it so many times, but thank you to each and every reader and reviewer. Thank you to everyone who put this story on their alerts list and kept coming back through the ups and the downs. I've been overwhelmed and humbled by the response to this story and I'm so glad to have been able to share it with everyone.

Thank you all so very much.