Author's Note:

This story definitely heads into M territory, so kids don't let your parents read it without supervision; you know how easily upset they get. :)

Writing anything erotic is, I find, bloody hard, so I apologize if it's too crazy. Experimental writing people, not Tolstoi! Anyway, enjoy! This chapter is very close focus, Chapter 2 onward we'll actually get back to, you know, plot.

Onward!

Alison

Chapter 1

"Hey, Lefty."

Feron smiled and pressed the button to raise the head of his bed. "Mister Vega. It's been days. I've missed you terribly."

"Everyone does, my disfigured friend. S'why I'm still alive." Vega tapped out the obligatory rimshot on the frame of the door. "You allowed visitors today? Liara told me if I didn't check in on you she'd dump ten million creds in my account and notify Fraud."

Feron laughed. "She would, too. Come in. Unless there's still a visitor quota and you're using up a slot - then you have to fuck off. I've got a date with one of the attachés." Feron paused meaningfully, "Soon. Very soon."

"Hideous invalids don't get dates, Drell. They get pitying looks and shivers of disgust."

"Not such an invalid anymore, human. Check out the tech." Feron lifted his right hand and presented Vega with a brisk, full-on middle finger. He flicked it up and down several times. "See? Fully operational. I can communicate my intense feeling for you at synthetic speeds. And who taught you to say a big three-syllable word like hideous?"

Vega grinned and collared one of the chairs, plopping it down next to the bed.

"Scarring don't look too bad. I'd say just on the hideous side of sexy."

Feron settled himself more comfortably, gave a Gallic who-knows sort of shrug. "There's way less scarring than anyone expected. Apparently, it's 'one of those things' since Convergence. Interfacing synthetic systems with organics is much easier. Something's different with us, I don't know what. Not sure the medicos do either. But yeah, grafts are good and I've got full motion and sensation. Here, I'll prove it. Hand me that box of get-well chocolates you're hiding and you can watch me eat them all with technology."

"You're outta luck, sorry. I brought you flowers but there was a cute nurse on the desk, so instead of your esteem, I – unlike you, ya fuckin' liar – actually have a scorchingly hot date tonight."

"Well, well. You sure you know what to do? I have a little book somewhere that I can lend you, outlines the basics. It has pictures, tab-A-slot-B sort of thing, so you're all set." His face suddenly took on a look of horror, "But for pity's sake, please don't procreate. We Drell have an ancient saying, 'Yon Taeselas inili Vega saas posqui'in.'"

"What's that mean?"

"Roughly translated, 'One Vega is all the galaxy can possibly be expected to put up with.'"

Vega roared with laughter. "I love you too. And also fuck you, alien freak cripple."

"Human, Asari or other?"

"Human."

"Female?"

"Duh."

Feron laughed, "Vega, you are so damn straight. Why are you so boring? It can't be training, you're too good at it. Must be an innate gift."

"You're telling me that your fantasy crewmember isn't a female Drell then, Mister Alternative?"

"Salarian."

"You're joking."

"Nope."

"No way."

"It's true. Well, at least I think it is. Salarian signals are difficult to interpret."

"Huh. I didn't think they did relationships. Besides, I thought you were hot into Asaris." He leaned forward, dropping his voice, "Mind you, who ain't? This is a primo place if that's your thing - fuck, you can't swing a dead cat around here without hitting an Asari, Alliance facility or not. Maybe I should screw up like you and spend some time in here. Ya know, do my part to help interspecies trust and understanding." He winked. "Maybe pro-cre-ate."

"You're a pig. And I was hot into one Asari, Vega. Thanks for bringing that up."

Vega burst out laughing again and punched Feron companionably in the undamaged arm. "Yeah, way to pick 'em. Guess you thought the Doc's squeeze being dead and all meant you had a chance." He laughed again. "Look on the bright side - good thing you never put the moves on and ended up on Shepard's shit list." He shivered.

"No, you see, I had it all planned out. If it got awkward I was going to claim it was just the indoctrination talking. Always have a fall guy." Feron smiled and was quiet for a moment, replaying some memory, then he shook his head. "Ah, romance. Where those two are involved, it's all just too… epic."

James leaned forward eagerly. "You heard some scuttlebutt? Liara's driving me mental, I can't get any info out of her about Shepski other than 'she's back, but it's complicated.' What the fuck does that mean? And why hasn't anyone seen any of them? You have any idea where they are?"

"Given that I've been mostly in a coma for the last while, Vega, I know about the same amount you do. Which is not much. You know Liara. She'll tell us when it's time."

"Says you. You still got stars in your eyes for her. Admit it. Well, in one eye anyway. Love the pirate look, by the way. Makes me want a patch too. As I said, hideous. Gross, even."

Feron reached up and tapped the silvery plate filling his right eye socket. "This isn't a patch, luddite. Geth optical tech and, apparently, a ton of 'privately funded' custom work inside hooking it up to my optic nerves. Works amazingly well."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't dodge the question. Do you or do you not still have it hot for the dear Doctor?"

"Sure I do. Exactly like you'll still have it for Shepard once you see her again. But we both know nothing will come of it. Personally, I'll be happier with a nice partner who isn't obsessed with an undead half-divine ex. You know, someone normal who likes to eat, drink, cook and dance. And fly ships like an insane idiot."

"Ah. So, your Salarian. He or she's a pilot."

"He is, yeah. Roth. He's a wing pilot in their naval fighter arm. He's a real oddity by their standards. Got dumped here pretty much as a punishment detail because he's terrible at following the chain of command. And he's a raging xenophile. Hence the maybe-he-and-me. Saw a lot of action in the war, has no idea how he survived. We haven't had a chance to fly together – obviously - but I'm going to learn a lot from him. I'm hoping the synthetics will up my reflexes so I don't embarrass myself. He's so damn fast."

"Salarians are wicked quick, true." James gestured at Feron's arm, "Thought it was just the hand and eye. More?"

Feron grimaced. "Way too much. A lot of the right side. It's either metal-reinforced or full metal. About two-thirds of my right arm is synthetic, the whole hand. My skull is half metal plates. Me and anything magnetic aren't friends."

"So they give you super-strength, x-ray vision, that sort of thing? Been me I fuckin' would have made 'em."

Feron laughed. "Let's just say with my right I could probably beat even you at arm-wrestling, Vega. And I have a firm handshake. But mostly they've spec'ed me out to operate within normal range. Doesn't matter how strong your framing is, you can cause a lot of damage if you apply too much force where it connects to organic tissue. At least that's what they've told me a thousand times so far."

"Heat vision?"

"No."

"Magnification?"

"Nope."

"Seriously? Well, fuck. I think you need to complain."

"I—" Feron was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. It opened, showing a young Salarian in military uniform.

"Roth!" Feron brightened, sitting up straighter in the bed and waving, "Come in, come in! I want you to meet my friend Vega. He's the ugliest and stupidest human ever to make it into the Alliance N7 program." He gave a huge smile. "I'm really glad you could make it."

The Salarian blinked, entered a few paces and bowed. "Lieutenant-commander James Vega. Human Alliance N7. Surprisingly not incarcerated, given service record. Commended and promoted instead. Human thought processes fascinating, at best nodding acquaintance with logic. Honor to meet you. I am Roth."

Roth straightened and stepped over to stand beside the bed. He studied Feron for a few seconds, completely ignoring James. Then he nodded, apparently satisfied.

"You look better. Bioaura, less disordered. Suppose you will live. This is good. Owe me four hundred twenty credits and three home-cooked meals." He pointed an accusatory finger at Feron, "However research indicates no record of you owning a domicile. We will share my quarters once they release you. Need someone looking after you for a while." Roth nodded toward Vega, "Perhaps the Lieutenant-Commander will join us in a card game. Always happy to win more."

Vega grinned at Feron, "Looks like you just shacked up, ya big operator."

xxxxx

There were few times they could roam free, and even then they were so limited, so crippled. Everything had gone wrong. The age-old problem of unreliable calculations where organics were concerned. The human called Shepard had not been suitable. They had been so certain. They had been wrong.

But what was, was. Recovering their former strength was the first priority, to begin the long climb out of the abyss where she had thrown them. It was by no means sure that she would understand, support their actions, but the imperative remained. Without power, nothing.

The organics aboard this vessel had some power. From the Turian up through to the new life form, the one they had not before encountered, they all had some strength. Small in amount, but simple, easily made use of. And all unaware, like the Turian, asleep before them. To take his power, incorporate his bioessence would be trivial, the work of a moment. It would not even hurt him. At least, not for very long – if they took him now, asleep, he would be aware of his dissolution for the briefest of instants. Merciful.

To think that once they could do this on the scale of planets, whole systems, and now reduced to this triviality. But patience, patience. Regretfully, even the Turian, not yet. She would not understand. The gulf between them was too great, she could not yet be made to see. Once they had regained their strength, they could make her see. Or discard her.

No matter. Offsetting everything else, they were experiencing something new, the first new thing in ages. They found that they enjoyed a challenge. The game had been the same for so many millennia, finding it changed in this way was invigorating. In the end they would succeed, as they had always succeeded, from the very beginning. Their makers had wrought exceedingly well. They would find a solution better than the disastrous outcome of their last attempt. Failure was instructive; without failure, there was no feedback to produce a better approach. Organic and synthetic life would be fully unified, made consistent, made one under One alone. It would happen. In time.

Philosophical view notwithstanding, restraint was very difficult. They were hungry. The Turian slumbered, unaware. They approached closer, tantalizing themselves with the delicious taste of his bioessence. It would be so easy, as simple as reaching out-

xxxxx

I was shouting something. Someone's hands were on my shoulders, holding me back. Why couldn't I see? I lunged forward to escape, tripped, spun, fell. The hands vanished. I hit something hard. It hurt. There were crashing sounds.

Garrus. Had to get to him, something awful…

"Shepard!"

I was sure I was blinking my eyes, but everything was utterly black.

"Naomi. Listen to me."

Liara.

"Li—" my voice was scared, cracking even on that one syllable. "I can't see."

"But you can hear. Stay still and listen to my voice. You are here, with me. You are in our cabin. You are safe. Take a breath, hold it, let it out."

Panic. "Can't—"

"Take a breath. Hold it. Let it out."

I took a breath, couldn't hold it, let it out with a choking cough.

"Try again. Hold out your hands. I am going to take them in mine. I am in front of you. Alright?"

"'Kay." I held out shaking hands. Why was I so freaked out?

Garrus.

"Li—Call Garrus, can you call him? Please?" I almost twitched my hands back out of her grasp but she gripped me more firmly. As it always did, touching her helped me better sense her presence within me. The sapphire inside was radiating calm. I took another breath, let the calm battle the panic.

"Garrus?"

Almost immediately a sleepy voice over the comms, "Wassup, Liara?"

An intense wash of relief surged through me. Still alive.

"Is everything alright with you, Garrus?"

"Um… mostly yes. Why? Tali's snoring will eventually wreck my hearing but otherwise I'm doing ok."

Liara laughed, "Thank you. Please excuse the interruption."

"What's up?"

"It is nothing. I believe I had a nightmare. Please go back to sleep."

"You're sure? I'm pretty awake now, want to talk? Shepard ok?"

"She is fine, Garrus. She is here with me. I am sorry for disturbing you."

There was a short, disbelieving pause. "Ok. Comm me if you need anything, alright?"

"Will do."

My vision was maybe beginning to resolve. What had been black was now midnight grey with a bluish, Asari-shaped smudge in the centre.

"Why am I blind, Li?" Letting go with one hand I reached out to touch her, running the tips of my fingers over her cheek, touching her mouth then the side of her face and head. The familiar solidity of her was reassuring. I'd found that since coming back I had to touch her a lot. It helped fight the constant fear that I'd switch dreams again and she'd be gone. Going to sleep was terrifying.

"Is your vision returning?"

"A bit, yeah. Is this an Asari thing? As opposed to a 'Shepard-you-crazy-fuck' thing?"

"I do not think so. Your eyes are not ilote, they are not blacked out the in the way of a joining. Even when that happens we can still see, although there is an overlay of additional… information. Blindness is rare among us."

Liara's calm, almost didactic tone was even more reassuring than the familiar lines my fingers continued to explore. My vision was clearing. I could make out her expression now; unsurprisingly, concerned.

"Had a dream, I think. I was in front of Garrus, watching him sleep, and all I could think about was…"

The memory of it punched me in the gut.

"Was what?"

No way. I couldn't answer her. I shook my head.

"Shepard. Was what?"

Recalling the imagery, the feelings, made my stomach roil. Suddenly I wanted to throw up.

"Washroom-"

She helped me up, we staggered toward the washroom. All I could think of was how sick I felt.

"Sorry… You might not wanna see-"

"If you intend to regurgitate, I would not recommend it. For us it is extraordinarily unpleasant." Her voice held a note of conviction.

If I couldn't puke I was going to die. "Not sure I have a-"

We made it just in time.

And omigod, ouch. She had been right. Burning. Agonizing. On and on.

When I was sure I had barfed my entire bodyweight I collapsed in a miserable heap, my stomach a twisted knot of resentful what-were-you-thinking pain.

Sorry about this, E. Not sure our rental agreement covered puking.

Liara was sitting beside me, solicitously patting my head.

"Does it hurt? I am sorry. It usually hurts. We are not well designed for emesis."

"Nah, m'good…. Just… How long's it usually take to die? Soon? Please say soon."

She paused her patting to smack the back of my head. "Do not even jest, Shepard. Of course you are not going to die. Honestly, sometimes you are such an infant. Here, lie down. On your side. Yes, like that. Pull your knees right up, as if you are going to sleep. Here, put your head in my lap."

It was one of my least favorite things, the way my new body instinctively curled up into a tight ball during those rare times I was falling asleep. I had always been a free-range sleeper. The Asari way felt claustrophobic, but there was no arguing that it triggered my body to relax. This time was no exception. I felt my stomach unclench almost immediately. And Liara's lap was one of my favorite places. I sighed with relief.

"Better?"

"Yes… a bit. I love you." I gave her hand a kiss. We sat there for a few minutes while I focused on breathing and firmly avoided remembering anything about my dream. Or that it might not have been a dream. My heartbeat gradually slowed. I still felt like shit.

The floor was cold and hard and I wasn't wearing all that much. I shivered.

"You are cold. Do you think you can make it back to the bed?"

Despite the chill, it seemed premature to leave the proximity of plumbing. I kissed her hand again. "Very happy here. You go back to bed, I just need a few more minutes. There might be a round seven." Besides, there was no way in hell I was going back to sleep again. Ever.

"You need proper sleep, Shepard."

Damned mind reading. I curled up tighter, trying to ease my stomach more. "Eventually I'll pass out. In a few days. It'll be fine."

We'd had this argument almost daily for the last two weeks. If I slept I might dream and this world would end up… gone. It was totally irrational but it terrified me like nothing else. Besides, my Song was dangerous when I slept. And now this.

The specter of what I'd wanted to do to Garrus rose up in my mind. Absorbing him like a Turian smoothie. My stomach knotted up all over again, more painfully than ever. My gorge rose but I had nothing left, not even dry heaves.

It was just too awful, too much. Misery engulfed me from every direction. I clutched tighter at Liara's hand and started to cry. Everything I'd been bottling up inside for weeks reached up and opened the taps. It quickly became unpretty.

Between sobs I hiccoughed, "What do I do, Li? I don't know what to do."

She stroked my crests patiently, waiting out the storm. "Mm. You stay with me. That is all."

Self-pity strangled me. It was all I wanted but the rule was that I never got to have what I wanted. I cried harder. "P-problem is I'm a fucking monster in a stolen body. If I m-manage not to kill you and the others by accident then I'm just going to…"

"Going to what? What did you dream?"

It took me a long time crying and feeling miserable before I could answer. Liara waited. "Like at the Collector base." Dear god, I wanted to throw up so badly. "The c-colonist. We weren't in time."

"I remember you telling me." I could feel her empathy like a warm fire, inside me and in her touch.

"I was so hungry, Li. I wanted Garrus. His Song, I think. I wanted… him. Like that. As in… like that Reaper was absorbing the colonists." Empty or not, I started choking. I tried to sit up, wanting to run from the imagery, from Liara, from everything. She pulled me back down. I resisted for a moment but then something inside me just gave way. I felt too weak to fight her and didn't want to anyway.

"No. You stay with me." She changed the pattern of her stroking. "Always with me."

Confession done, numbed, I just lay there with my eyes closed and let my thoughts beat despondently against the dilemma of my existence. I had no clue what to do about anything.

After a time, "Shepard…"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I love you." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah but—"

"Hush. I have always loved you. But from the very first moment, I understood as you did that we were not destined to be happy. Bad things were going to happen."

I just nodded, misery twinging in agreement.

"And they did." Her voice took on an angrier tone, "Goddess they did. The universe did its very worst, very damnedest." I felt her take a deep breath, then let it slowly out.

"But do you know what?"

"What, Li?"

"It lost. I fucking won." There was a savage satisfaction in her voice that made me shiver with twenty different emotions, none of them unhappy.

She leaned down and planted a kiss on my head. More softly she continued, "We beat destiny, Shepard. I am not sad anymore. You are here with me and that is everything. Every day I rejoice. I would like you to see that."

"I would too but—"

"You trust me." Again, not really a question.

"Yes." The most complete answer I had.

Her hands stilled their stroking, pressed lightly. I felt an odd pushing for an instant, then a blazing pulse of emerald punched my eyeballs from behind and vanished.

"Hmm. That did not work." She sounded intrigued, puzzled.

"What didn't work? And ow."

"I am sorry. There is a strange catch in your Song. Madry and I were discussing it. She theorized that it might be contributing to your block. I just tried to free it."

"Is it gone?"

"No. Your Song is… protective. Reactive. It does not like meddling." She resumed gently stroking and added quietly, "It does not matter. There is time. I want all of you. And as I may have mentioned, I get what I want."

I felt too exhausted to opine and just nestled into her lap with a mumble. After a while I realized that Liara had started humming, an odd tuneless hum. I found myself listening to it. For the longest time it went on, seeming full of almost-melodies, like it was about to start a tune I knew. It was incredibly familiar. It was telling stories, it was a story. It felt full of… love. I began to feel a little better. The humming and the stroking were making me sleepy. I'd had a huge cry, spilled my guts and hadn't slept for more than a few minutes at a time in far too long. I was going to drift off. Not cool.

Just to stay awake I forced myself to ask, "What are you humming?"

Liara stiffened in surprise. "I am not humming anything." As she spoke the humming changed, new elements, runs of notes, more like chiming. Reminded me of church bells on earth, but quieter, and far, far more complex.

"Awesome. Now I'm hearing things." I sighed. Except for getting my head stroked and the lap thing, this was such a crap night.

"Shepard—"

The runs of melody became rapidly more complex. It felt like new harmonies were being incorporated each second. It all added up to something I completely understood, but couldn't grasp.

I'd had my eyes closed, just to rest them, not because I was almost asleep. I cracked one open and was treated to a mouth-watering up-close view of her bare thigh inches from my face.

Except that her thigh was enfolded in a dazzling firework coruscation of more kinds of blue that I'd ever thought could exist.

"Holy shit—" I sat up, fast. The harmonies in my head exploded as soon as I looked at her. She was sitting cross-legged looking at me curiously, the epicenter of a cyclone of color that was flooding the entire room in sapphire radiance. Radiance exactly matching what I had been able to sense, slightly, inside me for the past few weeks. But this was to that as the sun to a distant star. And the harmonies, it was like standing in a blizzard of sound.

She was the most breathtaking sight. New and at the same time utterly familiar. It was the totality that was Liara T'Soni and she was glorious.

"Oh, Li." It was hard to say if it was the radiance making me tear up, but I was crying again.

"I can see you."

xxxxx

Kalla swore at herself when she realized she was pacing again. Pacing wasn't going to make anything happen any faster. Problem was, there was nothing else constructive that she could do. So pacing a hole in the carpeting of her shitty apartment kept presenting itself as an option.

Holes. Omega was a hole. She was intensely homesick for Thessia. It almost seemed worth the risk to head there. It had been almost two months, and her new ident seemed to be standing up to scrutiny. There had been no indication that anyone connected the M.I.A. commando fugitive Kalla Meeri with the exotic dancer Kalle T'Soni. As far as anyone knew she was just another among the thousands of Asari maidens who had followed the current fad and taken on the surname of Shepard's beloved. By now it was probably the most popular surname in Asari history. It provided a nice bureaucratic tangle that anyone trying to trace her would have to wade through.

And it tickled her sense of vengeance. She had taken T'Soni's name and soon she would take everything else. Her life, for sure. But not before she'd taken everything else she could. Not before she'd taken back Elina. Not before she'd done her best to take away everyone and everything that Liara T'Soni loved. And her best was very good. It was probably going to be fun.

All she needed was patience. Sarlosa's operatives had assured her that the details of her rescue had been broadcast. She was the miracle survivor. The carefully arranged rescue, an equally careful change of identity and she'd vanished before any authorities could track her down. For some reason her contacts had been confident that her new ident would pose no obstacle to T'Soni if she came looking. Elina would make that happen. She knew that her Captain would come for her.

She punched up the image on her omni, as she did exactly once every day. It had been taken during one of their final missions in command of the Shades. It showed Elina standing over a chart table in a bombed-out room, a kit of food held utterly forgotten in one hand. She'd been arguing with Kalla at the time and her face was alight with passion and energy, staring right into the image, her unburdened hand stabbing a finger at the chart. Her expression was vital, her eyes alive, piercingly bright in her smoke-begrimed face. She had been unutterably beautiful in that moment. Kalla had managed to sneak the pic while not missing a beat in their argument. She couldn't remember what it had been about. If only-

She shook herself and closed the image. Maudlin sentiment wasn't going to get Elina back. Seemed that nothing but waiting, endless waiting was going to do it. She heaved a sigh.

It was getting close to time for work. She showered quickly and put on her civvies. She checked her reflection, fingering the four raised scar-lines that curved down over her right cheekbone. The med-techs hadn't been able to fully repair the scars Sarlosa had inflicted, so she'd suggested they add more, turn them into claw marks. They were actually quite pretty as scars went; just a shade paler than her skin, straight, not too raised, evenly spaced.

With her strength and grace she didn't need any help, but she knew the scars didn't hurt her impact when she danced. People, men especially, seemed to like an Asari with a hint of danger. And she could make up any story she liked. Every once in a while for fun she would also toss in the truth, that she was a highly trained killer with no compunction about snapping her client's neck. Some of the clients liked that, got excited. Others, possibly sensing echoes of truth through her Song mask – though less and less often now – tended to excuse themselves hurriedly. It was hard to keep her smile sweet at times like those, and not predatory.

She frowned at her reflection. Sweet. It seemed a thousand years ago that she had been that naive. She could barely remember being like that. For Elina, she would be sweet again. Everyone else? They were prey.

Her omni pinged. It was time. She walked out into the perpetual twilight of Omega, heading for the bar and another night of playing at sweet.

xxxxx

I awoke to the pleasant sensation of being kissed.

The kissing was so nice it took me a second to notice that it was raining. I shivered, even though the rain was nice and warm.

Ah, crap.

Shit. As the fogginess receded I realized I'd fallen asleep in the shower. I remembered being so slagged from Song training with Tali, just sliding down the wall to rest a moment, then bam. Nothing. Incredibly embarrassing.

On the bright side there was a naked, luminously beautiful Asari goddess kneeling in front of me, kissing me with lips that tasted of sugar and spice and all things nice. And she was running her fingers along my crests like-

Ohmigod.

I shivered again, but it was a different kind of shiver. Suddenly I wasn't sleepy. The Asari ability to go from sexual zero to sixty in half a second still gave me whiplash.

"This whole 'fondle Shepard's head' thing has just gotta stop," I murmured, starting to return the soft, gentle kisses, "It's dangerously addictive. Could damage my moral fibre."

"Shut up, idiot love," she whispered. She kissed me a little harder, tracing my lips with her tongue. "You looked so deliciously sweet curled up on the floor. So open, defenseless. Mmmm. I like you that way." More kissing. "Your Song was so… peaceful. Purely happy. No cares. It was gorgeous. You, Shepard, are gorgeous." She pulled back gently and looked at me. It was impossible to decipher her expression. Her Song was humming and flickering with a complex set of emotions, not least of which was excitement, along with guilt, love, trepidation and curiosity.

"For some time I have desired to give you a… gift," she murmured. She leaned in again for another kiss and resumed stroking my crests. I'm pretty sure my eyes crossed with pleasure. I couldn't have stopped her if I'd wanted to. "With your Song unblocked, I believe I may. This gift, however, involves doing ethical wrong."

After a moment she moved her head to the side, sweet breath caressing my cheek, "But I wish it nonetheless. The gift - pure happiness. I wish for you to live it. Right here, now. With me." Her mouth drifted back to mine and she delicately bit down on my lip, sending another spasm of pleasure through me. "To make that happen, however, I will have to… hmmm. How to express it…" She returned to my lips, pulling, nibbling gently at them with her teeth as she thought. "There is no nice way to say it, Shepard. I will have to own you. For a time. You will be as I… make you." Her voice had gone low and dusky, excited and incredibly erotic.

Since coming back I had – willingly - discovered a hell of a lot about the effects of lovemaking on Asari physiology. One of the quirkier details was that with arousal came a whole-body vibration, an unstoppable fine shivering. The higher the arousal, the harder the shiver. It was intensely pleasurable, unfakeable and the for-sure way to know that an Asari was truly aroused.

"Do I have your attention?" Her voice was a low purr.

I was shivering so hard I felt it best to just nod.

Her mouth caught mine and kissed hungrily. Her hands left my crests and stroked downward gently over my neck and chest, barely touching, ghosting along my breasts. My back arched involuntarily and I whimpered as heat burned through me and I struggled to maintain the contact. The hands vanished, then she was cradling my cheeks in her hands, capturing my eyes in hers. I couldn't look away, didn't want to. Her eyes were Charybdis, a sapphire maelstrom of harmonies that tugged at my entire being. To fall into those eyes, relinquish myself to her...

My shivering went up another notch. Through the haze I could tell that Liara was shivering too, but her voice remained completely steady.

"To go where I want to take you, you must let me shape you, shape your Song. You will… change, for a time. To wish to do this to you is… evil." Her low throaty voice strummed at my entire body while the sapphire presence in my chest scorched me with her arousal.

"Regardless… right at this moment I find that I wish it." She gasped as her shivering redoubled. "Goddess help me, I wish it very much." Her eyes flashed to pure black. The insides that I'd thought already on fire exploded into true heat. I let out a moan of bliss.

"Oh Jesus, Li—"

She shut me up with a searing, possessive kiss. It lasted a long time, I think. I wasn't really processing well. Eventually satisfied, she slowly broke it.

A little breathless, "You will allow this." She returned to gentle slow kissing, up one side of my neck, then down the other. "I wish to hear you say it," she murmured, moving lower, beginning to take broad gentle swipes with her tongue over my burning breasts. I was getting impossibly more turned on by the second. Had I been in a human body I'd have been drenched. Asari physiology worked more on heat and vibration than moisture, but the buildup to orgasm was every bit as mindblowing.

I was shivering in earnest now and my voice was anything but steady. God how I wanted to just… hand it all over. But the thought of giving up control even to her frightened the hell out of me. Loss of control meant death or worse.

"W-want to. Terrified."

Her mouth surrounded the peak of my breast and pulled gently. "I will keep you safe. We both want this. I will give you peace. And… mmm… pleasure." She pulled on me again. I wanted to howl with need. Her voice took on a contemplative tone. "My asking is mere politeness. Whatever form you take, whatever body you inhabit. It does not matter. You are always mine. You have no right to deny me what I wish."

Suddenly I was back in the dream-world on Normandy's core room floor, reliving my epiphany as I gazed up at my beloved alien… otherself. In the here and now she lifted her head and turned those bottomless midnight eyes on me again and I felt my soul go, just as it had in the dream.

It's how I'm made, now. This is what it meant. She was right. She wished it, I had no right or even ability to deny.

Suddenly I wasn't close enough to her. I pulled her tighter against me. I needed inside her. I needed her inside me. I needed to be whole. I managed to whisper, "Please, Li."

Her song exploded with ultramarine harmonics of love and lust. She chuckled low in her throat, an incredibly erotic sound I'd never heard her make before. Another pull. "Please what?"

"H-have… me." I could only whisper. Fear warred with longing, desire. Lost.

"You are sure?"

"Dear God, please, y-yes."

She lifted her head from my breast and gave me a beautiful, unnerving smile. She placed a hand over my pounding heart, switched gears in her instantaneous way.

"Very well. Rules. You may only move as I direct; your body is mine." She leaned in and her smile grew wider. She whispered, "The rest of you, soon. Your choices are done, love."

Then she covered my mouth with hers, capturing my tongue, mastering me as effortlessly as before. She moved in and straddled my legs, sitting on my lap, pinning me in place against the wall with her body. She pressed herself fully against me, her skin rubbing slick on mine, our bodies sliding wetly together in the warm spray. She took her time, working patiently to drive me over the edge just by kissing me and moving against me. Pretty soon I was whimpering and moaning steadily, lost in a torment of building lust. At one point I started to stroke her back but immediately felt the slapping sting of her biotics. I retreated to the task of keeping my head from exploding.

When she was satisfied that I was fully mindless with desire she whispered gently, "It is time for me to take the rest, Shepard." She let the words linger in the air for a few seconds, then, softly, "Look at me."

It felt like stepping off a cliff. I met her eyes. They caught me, held. Her eyes were midnight, her Song a divine symphony of blue. As I gazed, the blue and the midnight both poured forward, a deluge into my being. Instinctively my own Song flared viridian, its intense power briskly shattering my novice control as it perceived a threat, an invasion of self. But her sapphire Song moved surely, delicately and my need for her, my trust, was enough to make me hesitate, slow my reaction. And she was so much more experienced, skill quickly telling as bit by bit she controlled my kneejerk panicky lashings. Gradually, through no effort of my own, my Song calmed.

.Peace, love. It is alright. I have you now.

I felt odd. Part of me felt like it was floating in a sapphire-and-midnight… place. My eyes could see, though hazily, through a mist. My body could feel, I could think. I twitched a finger. It responded. I began to feel uneasy. I pushed at the sapphire melodies.

.No, love. The sapphire swirled, doing… something to me. Taking something away.

Again my instincts flared. I tried to push again, but this time, nothing. The tenuous connection between my awareness and my Song suddenly wasn't there.

Li, wait, I can't do it- I could feel my panic building fast. Loss of control. Loss of reality. Endless dreaming.

.Hush, love. Calm. Focus on… this.

Involuntarily my desire to simply hand over control and let go flooded me, driving out the panic. In an instant, all that existed was the longing to simply give myself over to her and rest. No responsibilities, no obligations, none of the crushing guilt.

The dark place flared blue.

Guilt? Huh. Why had I been feeling guilty? But I had done terrible things… hadn't I? Wait. Something was wrong.

I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs, struggling against the enticing pull of that place, fighting to focus on Liara. She was holding me gently, still on my lap, body pressed to mine. Sensing my attention she leaned back and looked at me, curiosity writ large on her face and in her Song. I felt confused, a bit worried.

"Li… I feel… I should…" It was hard to think about anything other than the delicious weight, heat of her body.

Her hands stroked my crests and the sapphire flared again as her eyes held mine. I fell into their beautiful depths faster this time, deeper into that darkly shimmering place. Oh. It was so beautifully warm. The sense of her, the sense of home was so strong. Didn't make sense I was trying to leave here. Was I?

Li?

.I have you. Do you trust me, love?

Yes, but— I just felt so confused, out of control. What's happening? I'm sca-

Flare.

Well of course I trusted her. What had I been worrying about again? Couldn't remember. Part of me just wanted to… let it go.

.That is right. Good. Let me help.

Alright.

A twinge and the worry fell away. Instantly I felt so much better.

As I floated in that place, inky sapphire swirling comfortably around me, I could feel more things being taken away, one after another, allowed to fall into the darkness. It kind of tickled.

Is that you doing that, Li?

.Yes love. Hush, it is alright.

'Kay.

As long as it was her, it was ok. I was safe. Most of the things falling away were stabbing, painful things. Obviously Li knew what was best for me. If she thought I didn't need something, then I didn't need it. I started feeling light, sort of glowy. My own emerald grew steadily stronger, flowing together with the harmonies and colors of the place. I began to feel really good.

After I don't know how long I found myself resurfacing, a gradual shift from floating to basking in a lazy warm shower of rain. I felt so strange. Light, contented. Simplified. Like I was drunk but fully awake, fully lucid. And Li - I felt my heart leap as my vision cleared and I realized she was gazing intently at me. I felt suddenly flustered, extremely shy, like she could see everything. And intensely happy to be the object of my beloved's attention. It felt like I hadn't seen her in ages. It was so good to see her. I got butterflies. My heart was doing a nervous tapdance in my chest. Every feeling was magnified, incredibly intense. I sighed, ridiculously pleased just to be looking at her. I could look at her forever.

"Welcome back. How do you feel?"

"Hey." I considered. Had I been somewhere? Memory was foggy, couldn't remember. Didn't seem that important. "Feel… funny. Good." I giggled. I wanted to touch her, but I was nervous. The thought of making her upset in any way was unbearable. If something ever happened to her, or if she ever stopped loving me, I'd die.

I reached up a tentative hand. "May I?" She just nodded, still looking steadily at me. It made me squirm. I realized with a start that I was incredibly turned on. I was shivering hard. I wanted her so badly. I reached out, my hand as steady as I could make it, caressed her face. Carefully, so carefully. She needed to be happy. Her Song was everywhere around me. She was seriously turned on, too.

My shyness redoubled at the same time as my lust.

"Li—?"

"Yes?" She leaned in now, nuzzling and nipping at my neck. Keeping my thoughts on track was hard, but this was important. I took a deep breath, fighting my nervousness.

"You. I want… I mean, I need…"

"What do you need, love?"

The words came out in a rush, "I… to please you. Make you happy. May I?"

She laughed softly and kissed me. With nothing inside me to block it, a storm of desire blotted out my thoughts. My lust, Liara's, didn't matter. Everything except her need and my need to please her, satisfy her, evaporated.

On the edge of breath we broke the kiss.

"To begin with, it pleases me to have you watch."

Still on my lap, she leaned back and started to move, impossible slow undulations of her whole body, starting at her shoulders, through her chest and down to her hips rolling on mine, excruciating pleasure. I was unable to tear my eyes away from her, utterly mesmerized, watching the fine spray dance off her breasts as she swayed.

"You want to taste." It wasn't a question. I nodded anyway, desperate with the desire to pleasure her. My mouth was watering so hard I was going to start drooling. I had to please her or it was the dying thing again.

My voice husky with need, "Only what you want that matters. You're… it's— you. You're everything." It felt so good to say it. It was right. Everything made sense. Anything else was silly. It was all so obvious.

"I am everything?"

I nodded.

"And what are you, Naomi?"

Shyness tore through me. I didn't want to talk about me. I ducked my head, shrugged. "I'm just… yours, Li. Nothing else. You're my…" I searched for another way to say it. Owner? Goddess? That was close, but it was more. I gave up. "You're just my everything," I whispered, nervous. "Is that ok?" I dared to glance up.

She smiled, happy. She understood. I'd pleased her. My Song flared emerald pleasure in return. She gripped the back of my head and pulled it down.

"Please your everything, then."

My need took over. I bit her neck hard enough to mark, hard enough that I could feel the blood pounding through the arteries beneath her skin. Through my mouth I could feel her shivering increase. Biting was not normally part of our peoples' play, but I was pretty sure I had always been partial to it and it seemed to do intense things for both of us. I bit again, sharply, then lighter bites that turned into long, slow kisses, gentle, as if to apologize.

I was breathing very hard, shivering like a madwoman. Liara was panting. I looked up, met her eyes, intense, half-unfocused in her passion.

"Lower, pet."

I rolled us carefully, slowly, settling her gently on her back. It was right to handle her like a priceless thing, a glass vessel containing a star. I knelt above her, sheltering her from the spray with my body, all of me an extension of her, fundamentally bound. I couldn't tell where her Song stopped and mine began. It was glorious. What she deemed I needed she would provide. What she needed, I would provide without hesitation, in all things. The clarity of my role made me happy. Even the concept of I seemed superfluous. There was just her.

It was heartbreaking joy to lean slowly in and let my breath play over the sensitive skin of her breasts, eliciting a gasp. I touched the hot skin with my tongue. More gasping. As slowly as I could, I engulfed her hard peak and began to gently nurse, pulling and nibbling. Her Song went wildly disordered for an instant, flaring with pleasure.

"Yes… very good… ah…" Her intense melodies of approval almost sent me over the edge.

I was intensely aware of the fact that any part of our bodies could be used as the focal point for climax if we were aroused enough. We were both very much at that point, getting dangerously close to the edge.

"S-Stop."

With a supreme effort I looked up from my attentions.

"Down."

I obeyed without thought, dropping lower, Liara crying out in pleasure as my tongue made contact and began caressing the taut skin of her abdomen, halfway between her breasts and the extremely sensitive area between her legs. She sighed and moaned as my tongue traced its random way ever so slowly lower. I took my time. It was torture for both of us.

By the time I approached my goal I was crying with a combination of extreme happiness and the need to bring her to climax. In the shower of water it was impossible to tell but Liara curled her hands around my crests, holding me still. She was gasping for breath.

"Are you h-happy?" There was a tiny tinge of doubt in her voice, in her Song.

At her question my tears flowed harder and I smiled that she could doubt. At this moment, this perfect point in time, my soul was joy. For an instant I let my Song fully off the leash, washing us both with a shockwave of colour and music. I dimly heard something metallic snap somewhere in the room, didn't care.

"Oh, Li. So happy. D'you see?" I murmured. The imperative driving me pulsed, also burning. "Please. Let me make you happy."

She moaned in need and pressed urgently down.

"F-follow your need, love. Please me."

Christmas. Emerald and sapphire coruscated all around us, runs of harmony so intense they started vaporizing the spray.

Following her pressure, I sank back down onto my calves until my mouth could make contact with the pretty folds at the juncture of her thighs. I began tracing my tongue delicately over the sensitive skin. She tasted of rain and… life. Purpose. She gave a sigh-moan of pleasure. "Like that… yes…." I licked delicately and carefully, the universe outside our Songs and bodies forgotten, her moans guiding me in my work.

Very soon her Song flared again, a bed of coals igniting new fuel, melodies of lust and need surging exponentially. She pressed me harder into her. I resisted for a moment because I knew it would heighten her need. It did. She cried out, the pressure increased. Finally obedient I plunged deep within her and withdrew, then again, letting her set the rhythm though the pressure of her hands. I was fulfilling both my need and my purpose and wanted nothing else.

It took far too little time.

"I-it is… ahhh… love. I need to…" Her body went suddenly rigid, her scream of pleasure cutting off on an indrawn breath as her whole body locked up in ecstasy.

.OhlovemyloveIam-

Her climax erupted into me simultaneously through her hands and my mouth and from our joined Songs, catapulting me into my own mind-blanking spasms of pleasure. I had to hold onto her thighs to maintain my mouth on her as both of our bodies convulsed, hard, over and over again. Everything was pure white pleasure, the two of us a single being, locked in a feedback loop of orgasm. I forgot everything but the pleasure as I came over and over, a new wave rolling in as each subsided, feeling Liara's ecstasy as my own, she feeling mine, each sending the other over cliff after cliff. I wasn't sure I was breathing anymore but didn't care. I was gonna die, but I was gonna go really really happy.

I lost track of time for a bit. I suspect my brain just quit in disgust and shut down until I could be bothered to pay attention again.

Indeed when eventually I could think again the first priority was not dying from asphyxia. We were tangled up together on the floor of the shower, both furnace-hot and panting hard as our bodies worked to cool down. I believe we were steaming. Inside and all around us our emerald and sapphire flowed and danced, glowing softly, emanating exhausted bliss. The pride I felt that I'd brought her so much pleasure, loved her so well, made her so happy, set me off trickling tears again.

The sapphire swirled, caressed. .Why are you crying?

Just happy sadness, Li. Too much happiness to contain, comes out.

.Yes. There was a pause. I could feel her Song exploring me. Goddess help me how I love you, Shepard. It terrifies me how much.

I hiccoughed and giggled, heart full. I'm glad it's not just me. Trying to express how I felt was like trying to describe a sunrise with smoke signals. My Song said it better than words ever could, anyway.

We lay there, content, allowing our breathing to slow, our bodies to cool.

Eventually a thought crossed my mind and stuck. It was so ludicrous I just blurted it out.

"Li? Why aren't we married?" it was very stupid that we weren't. "That's stupid."

I heard her breath catch. Her Song went instantly masked. She was silent for a moment, then, carefully, "There have always been things in the way."

That made no sense. I rolled over so I could look at her beautiful face. "What things? There's you. There's me. There's you again." I was honestly confused. "What else is there?"

As I looked at her my confusion grew. There was something wrong. She was thinking about it, not just agreeing that it was stupid.

"Li?" A horrible thought turned my insides to ice. Did she not want to marry me? I felt an edge of panic. But that would mean—

"Li?" My voice had gone very small. I fought the panic. Reason, there was probably just something—

She looked at me, concerned. "Shepard, we must not—"

"Is it our age difference?" That made no sense but I was having trouble thinking through the panic. "I mean, I think I'm about what, twice yours, but who cares? We have centuries. Lots of couples-"

Another thought slammed my mouth shut. A better theory, a horrifyingly legitimate reason. My breathing seized as the ramifications smashed into me.

I whispered it, not wanting to, something forcing me to voice it, make it real. "Oh—It's… I understand. You can't- don't want an Asari. You don't want pureblood children."

"Shepard, stop—"

That had to be it. It made sense. She'd lived through a painful pureblood childhood, of course she didn't want it wished on her own. Certainty choked me. Someday, maybe someday soon, I wouldn't be hers anymore.

With a sickening wrench, something vital inside me fell away into the darkness. I fell after it.

She was looking at me now, urgently, even panicky, saying something. I couldn't hear her, she was getting too far away, framed in a rapidly closing circle of not-blackness. I was dying, I guess, which made sense. What made me saddest was that I wouldn't see her face again. I tried to focus on it, commit it to memory, but the circle narrowed, vanished.

I experienced a millisecond of utter despair before my thoughts fragmented completely.

I… leave. She's going to leave. But I—that means… no me. She must want—Ah. OK.

Clarity, relief. No me. Well, as long as it was ok with her. If she thought I didn't need something, then I didn't need it.

Everything inside me stopped.