Author's Note: More or less a novelization of a certain event in Tales of Xillia 2, with my own feelings added in. Spoiler Alert, sort of. Ludger Perspective.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, that would be Namco.

"We made a promise to go to the Land of Canaan together, we pinky sweared on it, so don't you forget it Ludger!"

Why, why now? This was all wrong!

"You'll regret leaving this place for the rest of your life."

Shut up!

There were voices, I heard them but I couldn't bring myself to care. I didn't want to listen to what they were saying. What they said had to be done. I held onto Julius' arm tighter, wrenching the blade free from his hand, and throwing it on the ground watching it slide into the harbor. My hands were shaking, a thin trace of blood trailed on my palm, I clenched my fist to try and control myself, wishing to wake from this nightmare. I can't, anything but that!

"Come find me when you've steeled yourself, when you know what you must do."

That was bullshit! There just had to be another way. You said it yourself Jude, we've been through worse. Don't you dare turn your back on me now. Julius had a defeated look about him, a man ready to accept his fate. The air froze in the back of my throat when he revealed his blackened hand. Julius was stronger than this; he wouldn't lose himself to his own power. I refused to give in.

"There has to be another way, something we haven't thought of," the words were mine, although I didn't recognize my own voice. It was a plea, childlike, pathetic...weak. Julius shook his head before falling to his knee clutching his arm in pain. I held him close wishing I could will his pain away, this whole situation, and destroy this damn Kresnik curse. I can't let Julius die, I won't allow it. Elize felt my pain, she tried to ask the older members for help, but they offered nothing, fake sympathy with empty words. I'll save him myself.

"Listen to your big brother, Ludger. It's what he wants," the world's greatest salesman spoke. He didn't hold any conviction; Leia was quick to reprimand him, his bravado falling with each word. What about what I want?

"No...I can't," I murmured clutching tighter.

"Now you lose your nerve? Have you forgotten all the dimensions you destroyed to get here," His Highness declared. That struck a chord. I never could forget, I destroyed countless lives, friends, and foes alike. It didn't matter since we had to get to Canaan; we had to save our world no matter the cost. So now you say what's one more life?

"Damn it! I said no," I hollered back regaining my resolve. I killed Elle's Milla...I killed her father...I couldn't save either of them. And then...I lost Elle... I wasn't going to fail again!

"Ludger..." Jude, that timid voice that started me on this crazy journey, tried to find reason with me, stop my trembling... But I had already made up my mind, I swatted his hand away.

"Will that...be your final decision here," Maxwell voiced the question on everyone's mind. I couldn't breathe; the words were locking up in the back of my throat. I barely nodded. A tired sigh, a mirthless chuckle, Julius regained his composure taking in labored breaths.

"Go home, Ludger, you just don't have the stomach for this. Though I have to admit that's what I love about you," a ghost of that familiar smile twitched at the corners of his lips, before his face bunched up in agony as the last words came out as a cry. "Looks like I'll be troubling you after all," he wheezed as my efforts proved fruitless with holding him up.

"Allow me," Gaius spoke again in that same dead tone.

"Please, don't," I hate how I sounded pleading to him…Begging him...

"For the sake of this world, we must reach the Land of Canaan."

Fuck the world.

It was my turn to protect you, Julius. The power of the Chromatus comes from our own desires, and the strength of our will to achieve those desires, no matter the price. I pulled Julius to his feet, steadying him for but a moment as I took his pocket watch. Please, let me do this one thing right.

"You...you threw away everything for me?"