AN: Okay, so one of my tumblr buddies kicked my ass back into writing this, so hear I am.

All Members of the Cult of Jackson – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him.

All Members of the Hungry Wolf Knights – You are not allowed to throw clams at people, regardless of what the Princess told you.

All Members of Undead Beings – God Serena has been brought back as a ghost by a certain seven-year-old, and is thus now a member of this guild. Please, for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, do not leave him and Siegrain alone in a room for more than thirty-seven seconds.

Acnologia – Tearing holes through people is generally seen as rude.

Ajeel Ramal – Where'd you get off to, exactly?

Anna Heartfilia – Do not encourage anyone ever again.

Araña Webb – Please stop painting eyes on your body. You look very peculiar.

Asuka Connell – You are not allowed to swap sides. I don't care that the Spriggan 12 has decided you're their new god. Stay put.

August – If you're going to show up to a fight, you should at least have the decency to take part in said fight.

Bacchus Groh – The fact that Alberona is sticking her hand in her bra does not justify you doing the same.

Beth Vanderwood – There is no such thing as "Snail Church".

Bradman – We already have one grim reaper running around; we don't need another one.

Brandish μ– Stop trying to convince Heartfilia to hire a samurai. She may be rich and important enough, but just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Cana Alberona – Reaching into your bra to scratch your breast is not exactly appropriate on the battlefield.

Carla – Please do not throw a literal hissy fit because Mirajane temporarily ran out of Darjeeling tea.

Dan Straight – Please do not sing "Giant Woman" while using Habaraki. EVER.

Dimaria Yesta – Please refrain from stripping your enemies.

Erigor – Bradman did not "steal" your "thing". There is no trademark on looking like a grim reaper, and he does it better than you anyway.

Erik – When Scarlet approaches you in the hopes of a threesome, please do not respond with "when and where?" as makes the conversation you were previously a part of very awkward.

Erza Knightwalker – Do not attempt to remove anyone's organs. You are not a doctor.

Erza Scarlet – Upon discovering that your boyfriend might be gay, the appropriate reaction is not to find the nearest attractive red-haired male and propose a threesome.

Flare Corona – The fact that μ took a bath with Lucy and subsequently got handcuffed should be a warning, not an inspiration.

Gajeel Redfox – Stop trying to arrest everyone.

Gildarts Clive – It is not a good idea to try and fit a church into a blender.

Gray Fullbuster – Please stop telling people about Vastia's new crush. We all know what you're trying to do.

God Serena – Stop mocking everyone else's ineffectualness. Go to Undead Beings and stay there.

Happy – Pizza is not "filled with lies and self-loathing".

Hisui E. Fiore – You are not allowed to order the Hungry Wolf Knights to throw clams at people, regardless of how funny you think it would be.

Invel – Please do not freeze people's socks. They are soaking by the time they are unfrozen, and wet socks are the worst.

Jacob Lessio – A teenage boy is, surprisingly enough, a teenage boy. "Boobs" are not as offsetting as you seem to think.

Jellal Faust – The fact that the entire universe seems intent on molesting your counterpart does not mean you should as well. I don't care what Knightwalker said.

Jellal Fernandes – Are you only just now realizing that your timing is awful? Good luck, by the way. You're going to need it.

Kageyama – Stop using your shadows to pants people.

Kagura Mikazuchi – "Potatoes" is not generally seen as an appropriate battle cry.

Levy McGarden – Stop trying to arrest everyone.

Lisanna Strauss – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him.

Loke – Flirting is not appropriate in the middle of a fight.

Lucy Ashley – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him.

Lucy Heartfilia – Stripping is not usually a good way to defeat the enemy, but I guess it worked this time, so I'll let it slide.

Lyon Vastia – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him. I also recommend that you start running.

Macbeth – Stop telling people that you are possessed by the Devil. Most of us figured that out already.

Makarov Dreyar – You are the grandfather of a blond man with a lightning-shaped scar on his eye. You are not the godfather of a raven-haired boy with a lightning-shaped scar on his forehead.

Merudy – Telling Fernandes that you were more interested in Vastia's abs than in Vastia himself probably didn't help the situation.

Millianna – While I know it can be difficult to tell them apart, knowing who is Lisanna and who is Yukino is probably beneficial for your health.

Minerva Orland – You do not have extendible nails. Stop trying to stab people.

Mirajane Strauss – Filling Millianna's room with dogs was a cruel and unnecessary response to her mistaking Lisanna for Yukino.

Natsu Dragneel – Don't speak Latin in front of the books.

Neinhart – If you don't intend to participate, why did you even come here?

Pantherlily – Stop trying to arrest everyone.

Richard Buchanan – If you see the Hungry Wolf Knights throwing clams at people, please find a way to get them to stop. Do not join in.

Rogue Cheney – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him.

Sawyer – Stop loudly talking about "people who make too much noise" and "people with a confusing addiction to redheads". We get it already.

Sherria Blendy – Stop pointing at God Serena and screaming "BLASPHEMER" at the top of your lungs every time you see him. And… I'm sorry about your magic, kid.

Siegrain – If you overhear Scarlet requesting Erik to join her and her boyfriend for a threesome, please do not ask if you can participate as well. If you absolutely must ask, take no for an answer. Do not stalk Sorano, help her tie up Fernandes, and then make lewd comments while waiting to see what will happen next. He had every right to kick you in the face.

Sorano Agria – If Scarlet proposes a threesome to one of your teammates without telling her boyfriend, do not offer to tie him up ahead of time. Please also refrain from tying him up without offering.

Sting Eucliffe – Stop trying to steal and pilot giant robots. You don't even know how to drive a car.

Ultear Milkovich – Stop issuing declarations of "Pun War".

Wahl Icht – Look, if you can't prove that you're not the only one of your kind, we don't have to mark you down as a species. You cannot be a species all by yourself.

Yukino Agria – The fact that both your boyfriend and your girlfriend are part of a cult/church does not mean you should be too. Please don't encourage their nonsense.

Zeref Dragneel – It's not actually possible to die of embarrassment (unless you're Fernandes). Stop doing stupid things.

AN: I did not have this chapter out by Monday. I apologize for this.