Magnus looked into Alec's eyes, and felt things that for years he was afraid he had lost the ability to feel. For years he had gone into a deep depression. He had felt himself losing the ability to feel. Catarina and Ragnor had told him to talk to someone, but it wasn't anything a mundane therapist could understand. They could understand people's feelings, but they couldn't understand the lack of any feeling or emotion that Magnus felt. Magnus had done stupid and dangerous things just to feel. Feel anything, even if it was just that his increasingly slow heartbeat had quickened. He could remember the time that feeling had taken complete control of him. Catarina walked into Magnus's apartment. She hadn't heard from him lately, and was lights were turned on in the apartment. She walked into the living room to see where he was. The moonlight outlined his lanky figure sitting on the windowsill. The cold night air blew in through his window, but he seemed unfazed. He was smoking out of a cigar that looked like it was from the time of Anna Lightwood and James Herondale. She knew she should be warning him that he could fall out of the window or hurt his lungs by smoking, but those weren't the most concerning things about him. His eyes were. The usual shine was gone from them, and the one that remained was caused by tears that he was to proud to let out. "No one will ever understand,"he spoke quietly. "No one understands why I do any of it. I just feel empty. Sometimes I wish I was a mundane. Their hearts flutter at the smallest things. They feel happiness so easily. They don't have to worry about falling in love and seeing the one that they love grow old while they remain the same age forever. Then they die, and leave you, while your emotions fade further away." He turned to look at Catarina, now with anger gleaming in his eyes. "I'm done with it. I'm done with all of it." She looked up to meet his eyes in surprise. What did this mean? She barely had time to think of what his words meant before he stood towards the open window. She knew what he meant to do. She took all of the force she had in her to pull him down. She wouldn't allow him to do this. He struggled in her arms. "Let go! Let me be free!" he yelled, then added softly," Let me fly."He gave up, and let her put her arms around him. He sobbed into her arms until the early morning. That night they had made an agreement. She wouldn't say anything about what he had tried to do, and he would let her stay with him and never try anything like that again. Catarina had monitored him, making sure he ate and slept, but most of all she kept him company. He later admitted loneliness was one of the reasons that he had gone into such a deep depression. Catarina had helped him to feel again, but nobody made him feel the same way that Alec could with one simple look of his cobalt eyes. Magnus had always thought that poets were pretentious, but in this case he had to agree with William Blake. When he was with Alec the possibilities of their future felt endless. When they were together he truly knew what it was like "To see the world in a grain of sand. And heaven in a wild flower. To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour."