Warnings: T-rated, M/M, Hurt, Angst etc.

Pairing: Chris/Piers

A/N: Hey! Well, this is my first fic here and I'm kinda nervous to upload it...I recently played throught the Chris & Piers Campaign again and I just had to write this One-Shot. It's a little bit sad and depressiv at the end end, but it will have an happy end! I have no Beta, so you know what this means. xD

Piers didn't need to be jealous.

He was a 26-year-old man who had outwitted death. He was courageous and had almost sacrificed himself for the world. He had lost his arm and his right eye had a different eye color and they were scars who covered his whole body..

He saved the world.
He made a sacrifice.
He was mutilated.

And what did he do now?

He sat on the couch, his tenth beer in his hand, while he cried softly.

He was crying because he had lost his arm. He cried because his body was covered with scars.. He was crying because his whole body was mutilated. He was crying because he couldn't look in the mirror without collapsing. He cried because no one was there for him. He cried because he was jealous of Jill. He just cried.

When he was in the hospital and the doctors tried everything to save him, he didn't want to actually be saved. He had fulfilled his purpose. He saved his Captain and the World. He didn't want their help, but still, they did everything they could. They ambulated his mutated arm and supplied the wounds.

He should be happy that he was still alive, but he wasn't.

Every day he had to deal with strangers, staring at him. Of course they would stare at him. He was a cripple. But still, that bothered him and it hurts.

But does he show it to others? No

But how can someone help him, if doesn't show that anything is wrong?

But could you help him anway? No.

It was enough that Chris felt so guilty. Every day he would go to Piers and tell him how sorry he was and he would take care of him, wouldn't leave his side. Under normal circumstances he would be happy, because he always wanted to be so close to his Captain, he wanted that for years.

But Chris only did this out of his bad conscience. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't treat Piers so nicely. Why should he in the first place?

And Chris didn't even need to feel guilty; it was Piers fault in the first place. Piers had voluntarily suspended the virus, although it was to save his captain, Chris couldn't have done anything.

But to feel guilty, was only logical in this situation.

Unfortunately Chris couldn't help Piers.

Because mostly when Chris was with Piers, he talked about Jill. How they spend the day, how the work went. With each passing day the Sniper had the feeling that Jill and Chris came closer and Chris seemed to have no objection. After all, Jill and he had a lot of experience with each other, which apart of that, Chris felt very guilty towards Piers and he needed someone with whom he could talk to.

And Piers has understood that.

However, his brain or heart didn't want to leave his jealousy alone. Piers really didn't need to feel so jealous. Chris didn't belong to him. In addition, Piers is 15 years younger than Chris and his subordinate.

All these things made him crazy and he had no idea how he should handle it. His life was ruined. He could no longer work in the BSAA. You can't be a sniper with only one arm left.

He squeezed his eyes shut and let a few tears fall down. They dried on his cheek. He took a fortifying sip of his beer and noticed how warm the alcohol flowed down his lungs.

He couldn't see properly, everything was turning around and he noticed a slight nausea. Normally he didn't really drink, but since he came out of the hospital, the alcohol was his only consolation.

He was pathetic.

Haven't he found Chris precisely in such a situation, in a bar? Didn't Piers think it was terrible? Didn't he think it was pathetic?

And now he did the same thing.

It was really pathetic.

But unfortunately he couldn't help it. To be pathetic was probably the last thing he was good at.

He had forgotten all sense of time. He didn't even know how much beer he had and how long he sat here.

He did generally not much, except drowning in self-pity and drinking. Fortunately, his father sent him money every month; otherwise he would already be on the road.

He looked at the clock and was able to effortlessly recognize that it was 8pm. Weakly; he could hear that it started to rain and to thunder. The lightning lit up the black room. With each flash he looked to his right side, only to see that he no longer had his right arm.

He got smaller with each lightning strike. He hated thunderstorms. It made him uncanny fear. Today really wasn't his day.

He took a hefty swallow from the beer and noticed that it was empty. Unsteadily, he tried to stumble into the kitchen. He knew that he had alcohol; he only had to find some.

With difficulty, he ran to the fridge and opened the door a bit too hectic. His vision was blurry, so he didn't see much. He grasp for something and had luck, it was vodka. Well, he couldn't find anything else, after all, alcohol was the only thing in this refrigerator.

"When will Chris notice all the alcohol in my house?", he wondered.

Piers could easily fool his Captain. He faked smiled at him and swore that he was alright. But every day, when Chris went home, Piers began to cry. Most nights he ended up drunk in his bed. He never had a hangover though; his body was probably used to it.

His Captain wasn't coming over today anyway. Chris had called him, said that he couldn't make it today. It was an emergency at work. Just fine for Piers. He had no desire to hear even more about Jill.

And what pissed him off most about it was, that Jill was a real nice woman.

He shouldn't think about it, shouldn't be so jealous. God, why can't he just be dead?

Angrily, he slammed the refrigerator door, he lost his balance and fell unceremoniously on the floor. His head banged against the refrigerator door. With his hand, he drove to the back of his head, just to make sure he wasn't injured.

"Damit!", he grumbled and looked at the vodka bottle, luckily it wasn't damaged. He sighed once more, before he opens the bottle and took a big hit.

The difference between beer and vodka was very extreme. It burned much in his lungs. Nevertheless, he liked it. The alcohol made him forget for a while. That was the only way he could calm down.

He tried to stand up, but immediately fell back down. The alcohol had done too much damage, at the moment at least. He couldn't even stand properly. He was really a pathetic piece of shit.

God, since when did he had such depressive thoughts? He laughed bitterly at himself. A year ago, everything was so perfect in his life and now this. It was like a bad movie.

He felt again that the tears fell on his cheek, similar to the rain on the street. The storm got worse and there was every 10th second a flash. Piers began to tremble.

He couldn't take this any longer. Bitterly he began to cry. He held his hand before his face, trying to stop the tears, but it just did not help. The tears wouldn't stop. Why couldn't he just die? Why did he have to go through this hell?

Suddenly he heard heavy knocking at the door. But he didn't even try to get up and walk to the door; he wouldn't be able to do it anyway. "I can't anymore.", he whispered, looking into his wet hand. What should he do?

After a while the knocking stopped, but he couldn't concentrate any longer. He just looked confused at his hand. He hadn't felt that bad the other days.

He began to sob. Somehow he was sober again. Probably because he just had a seizure. He couldn't concentrate. He wanted to drink again, but he couldn't remember where he had put the vodka bottle. Actually, it would have to lie beside him. Only after a few seconds he found it.

"Piers!?", He suddenly heard.

He knew that voice
That was Chris.
That was his Captain! But why was he here?

He didn't want that Chris saw him like that. He tried to hide his face with his hand, but he noticed but that he still had the vodka bottle in his hand.

He looked at Chris but couldn't see his face, thanks to the darkness. Only when the lightning struck, he could look into his eyes that were so full of concern.

Piers tried to stop crying, but he couldn't. With every second he was crying worse. He had no idea how he can stop it.

"Piers ...", he heard his name again, but this time it was much more loving and full of concern. Chris quickly ran over to Piers and looked at him silently in his eyes, before he leaned forward and embraced Piers so gentle and full of love as he had never felt before.

Piers put the vodka bottle aside and threw his arm on the ground. The tears now flowed on Chris's shoulder.

What happened here? Why was Chris here? Why did he hugged him?

"Chris?" Piers voice sounded hoarse and broken.

Chris got out of the hug and sat in front of piers on the corridor, took Piers hand in his hands.

"I know that you can't stand thunder and I immediately drove to you ... Piers, what's wrong with you?", he asked carefully and pressed Piers hand.

Had he been worried about Piers? Of course he had! After all, he felt guilty for what happened.. Piers couldn't bear the thought. Chris wasn't here because he cared or wanted to, but because he had to.

"Nothing that you could change.", murmured Piers, trying to get up, he lost his balance again and almost fell on the floor, if Chris wouldn't have caught him.

He felt Chris warm and muscular body. He would like to touch that body, claim that body, but he couldn't. Chris wasn't his. Who would even want a monster like him?

"Piers listen to me! You're drunk, I can see that much. I'm worried about you!" Chris almost yelled at him. He turned Piers around, but still holds him in his embrace.

The warm hands of Chris on his body shouldn't feel so good. He was able to stop his tears briefly, but now it started again. He took his hand and tried to wipe away his tears, but that only made it worse.

Sure you do..." He took his hand from his face, but wasn't looking at Chris.. his answer was full of sarcasm and hatred.

"Damn Piers, talk to me.", his voice was full of concern but also anger. He took his hand and wiped the tears away.

Piers didn't want that. He didn't want that Chris touched him. Piers was a disgusting monster. He was missing an arm. He had two different eye colors because of this virus and he had scars all over his body, including his face. He didn't want to be touched by Chris. He just wanted to get away from here, away from Chris.

"Let me go!", he yelled at Chris and ran out of the apartment, ran down the stairs and ran straight on, until he couldn't hold his breath any longer. After all, he was still drunk.

The rain pattered on his face and his body. It mingled with his tears. It felt cool, but also redemptive. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the rain on his body. No one had been outside, no one could see him. It was only he and the rain And of course the thunder, but he was totally forgetting about that.

But ...

"You! No more running away from me!" He suddenly heard a voice behind him. It was Chris.

Chris slowly walked towards Piers. He grasp his left arm . "You stay here, with me.", his words were sweet and tender.

"I'm with you!" "I will not let you go now." "I'll stay with you, Piers!" "I know how you feel!"

Words, words without meaning.

Piers shoved Chris to the side. "Stop that, you know nothing about me." Piers yelled at Chris. He beat Chris, with his only hand left. But onnly very weakly, since he doesn't have the power anymore.

"You don't even know how it is to be mutilated, to look like this, to be looked at. Without stopping, without anyone. Without the right arm. I am a monster, Chris, a monster. I should have died then, but I'm not. I'm here, I'm right in front of you. I survived as a monster. I wanted to save you and I knew that it would be over for me, but you saved me, the doctors saved me…. That shouldn't be it. I drink every night, only to forget, but it just does not help ... and ... and ... you're feeling guilty for all that, even though it wasn't your fault. You try to comfort me, but you only talk about Jill. Do you know how I feel? You're only with me because you can't bear your guilt ... and ... damn, I love you so much ... and I don't think that I can ever be the same as I was before.", he continued to beat Chris.

With each beat, Piers got weaker and he slowly slid to the ground. Chris was holding onto Piers, so he slid to the ground too. Chris had heard every word of it and couldn't believe it. How could he be so blind? Piers had suffered so long and Chris haven't notice it. Piers was such a beautiful human being, how can he think like that?

Chris slowly bent down to Piers and kissed the tears of his face away. Piers looked at him in shock.

"You're not a monster, Piers ... You saved my life. You have done everything for me. I didn't know how you're doing and if I'd known, I would have never gone away. Since the moment I met you, I knew you were precious to me. And then you saved my life and yeah, I feel guilty, but that's not the reason why I'm with you every day ... God, Piers, I'm so sorry ... You're an awesome human being. You're fine just the way you are. I wouldn't want to change anything about you! "

Before Piers could respond, Chris leaned forward and kissed Piers so gently and with so much love as he could. He wanted that Piers can feel it. He wanted to let him feel how important Piers was.

After a few seconds Chris broke the kiss and looked at Piers with full of love. "And ... I love you too.", he breathed it more, than saying it.

Piers eyes widened. He couldn't believe what Chris had just said. He had told him that he loves him. Full of joy, Piers began to cry, and pressed himself against Chris chest

Chris smiled and kissed Piers gently on the forehead.

"But what about Jill?" Piers asked timidly.

Chris's laugh got brighter. "She's my best friend, Piers, nothing more. She knows what I feel about you."

Piers smiled. For the first time in months. He laughed because he wanted to, because he was happy.

"Chris?"

"Hmm?"

"I really do love you!"

Piers was not alone anymore. He never was!