"Happy birthday to you."

"Shit!"

"Lydia Marie!"

"Sorry, Mom. We forgot Wicks. One sec."

Diana Bennet frowned at her younger daughter as she skipped out of the dining room. She looked at her middle daughter, sitting patiently in front of a cake with thirty blazing candles. "Sorry dear." Ellie Bennet rolled her eyes and shrugged noncommittally. She would prefer that Wicks, her sister's sometime boyfriend, stayed asleep in her sister's bedroom. He had a nasty habit of drinking too early in the day, passing out and rallying late at night just as she was falling asleep in the next room.

A crash sounded down the hall and she heard her sister yelling obscenities at her boyfriend. Ellie's mother looked panicked and rose out of her chair, moving towards the door. "Diana," Ellie's father spoke up. "Leave them."

Diana sat down again. "But, the cake. It's going to melt."

Ellie watched as rivulets of pink and blue wax dripped onto the daisies her mother had crafted from homemade icing. The cake wouldn't melt for a while but the cheap grocery store candles were toast. She idly wondered if birthday candle wax was poisonous. I suppose not, she thought, bored already and craving the solitude of her room. Another crash sounded. Diana looked at her husband with widened eyes. Doug Bennet rose from his chair and left the dining room, his wife on his heels. Ellie watched the flames dance from thirty candles, her eyes relaxing and going out of focus. Thirty. I can't believe I am thirty. One of the candles extinguished as it reached the end of the wick. Does this mean I get to be twenty nine again? Ellie arched her eyebrows and smiled at herself. Alone at last!

"Elizabeth Mae! What did you do?" The lights were flipped back on as Ellie's mother stomped back into the dining room.

"I blew out the candles, Mom."

"What!"

Ellie's head was down on the table. She had been savoring the dark, quiet dining room and thought about drifting off to sleep at the table. This is how I want to celebrate my birthday. In peace. Ellie brought her head up and looked at her mother. Diana's eyes were rimmed red and Ellie felt bad for the pain that Diana felt on behalf of her younger daughter. She knew her mother didn't like Wicks but didn't know how to communicate with her daughters. Ellie hadn't had a heart-to-heart conversation with her mother, well, perhaps ever. "I blew out the candles," Ellie repeated.

"Why?" Diana pouted.

Ellie contemplated her mother incredulously. "The candles had enough," Ellie said grumpily, waving her hand towards the cake. She had let them go as long as she could bear, which wasn't long after her parents had exited the room, and the cake had a layer of wax sealing the sugary icing.

Diana sniffed. "I'll get the matches. We'll re-light them and start over."

Ellie shook her head in disgust. "Really, Mom. It is okay. Let's just cut the cake and call it a night."

Her father and sister re-entered the room. "Wicks is coming," her sister said gloomily. A moment later a mess of black leather and spiky, bleached hair entered the dining room.

"Happy Birthday Ellie," Wicks said in his lilting British accent, tinged with sleep and beer.

Ellie grimaced. "Thanks for showing up Wicks." Wicks scowled and stalked over to the sideboard, lifting himself up to take a seat.

"Wicks, honey, there are chairs over here," Diana said hesitantly. Wicks froze for a second, unsure whether to jump down and take a seat or wanting to ignore propriety and keep his seat.

"Wicks," Lydia growled. "Fine, fine." He slumped into a seat near Ellie's father.

"We going to sing, or what?" Ellie sighed in frustration as her mother jumped up to retrieve the matches from the kitchen. This beast; this is who her sister was interested in? He was not a good human being. Her sister met Wicks at a club and was immediately attracted to his I-don't-give-a-shit attitude and his accent. Lydia had an uncanny ability to attract and be attracted to crappy men with absolutely adorable accents. It gave them extra points in her book and erased any number of sins; for Wicks drunkenness, joblessness, and currently homelessness. And Wicks wasn't exactly the polite British gent that Ellie had imagined falling in love with. He was downright nasty when he was drunk and barely tolerable when he wasn't. Ellie hoped that Lydia would dump him soon but each day that she got home from work and Wicks was still here she became more worried. If only Jane were here, she thought miserably. Her older sister, questionably happily married to her own louse, was five states and one time zone away.

The candles lit once more, the family launched into another round of happy birthday. Ellie closed her eyes, made a wish for everything to be more than this, and blew out the candles again. "Let's go," Lydia shouted happily, causing Ellie's eyes to shoot open. She sighed miserably. She remembered.

Lydia had brought up the idea of going out for her sister's thirtieth birthday weeks ago. "I want to take you out for your birthday. I mean, really out."

Ellie's eyes had widened considerably with alarm. "Why?"

Lydia snorted. "Why? Because it would be fun." Ellie snorted in return. "And because it is your birthday. Your thirtieth birthday."

"Don't remind me," Ellie said darkly.

"What's all this doom and gloom about thirty? It's the new 25, or something like that, you know."

"You're twenty five," Ellie said, pointing at her sister. "We're twins now?"

Lydia rolled her eyes. "Hardly. Just don't get too down on thirty. It isn't that old." Ellie winced. No, it wasn't that old. It just spawned so many questions from so many people. When are you getting married? Um, need a boyfriend for that. When are you having a baby? See the answer to first question. When are you moving out of your parent's house? No comment.

"So, let's go out," Lydia persisted. "We can get all dressed up and just go dance the night away."

Ellie scowled at her sister. "I don't dance."

"Yes, you do. You just don't like to dance in front of others. The point," Lydia hurriedly continued, seeing the frown deepen on her sister's face, "is to have fun. Come on, please?" She frowned prettily, batting her eyelashes at her sister.

"Can't you just buy me a good book?" Ellie whined.

"Nope," Lydia squealed happily, knowing she had prevailed.

"Ok, fine. One small, quiet night out. No dancing. Just drinks at a wine bar. Maybe some live music."

Lydia pursed her lips thoughtfully, determining whether to press her luck with her social hermit sister. "Ok, deal. Let's go."

"What?! Why did you get me up if you're going out?" Wicks whined groggily.

"I'm dropping you off at Cats, remember? Ellie and I are going to Vine and Dine."

Ellie and Wicks rolled their eyes simultaneously. Ok, I like him a little bit. Ellie heaved herself out of the chair. "I'll be ready in ten."

Lydia skipped down the hallway after her. "I laid out some clothes for you."

"For my first day of school, Mommy? Thanks!"

"Shut up. Get dressed and let's go!" Lydia had laid out a black leather skirt, a wine colored sleeveless blouse, black tights and shiny patent leather stripper heels.

"Are you kidding me?" she screamed.

"Nope," came her sister's distant voice.

"It's my birthday," Ellie hissed grumpily. She removed her flannel pants and grey Kualoa Ranch sweatshirt. "I didn't even shave my legs. My hairs will be poking through these tights." She sat on her bed, contemplating the clothes. Lydia would be upset if she didn't wear them but it was her birthday and she wasn't exactly groomed to face a skirt, even with tights. She opened her closet, grabbed some black pants she wore to parent-teacher conferences, and grabbed the red shirt. "This will have to do."

"I still don't know why you couldn't suck it up and shave your damn legs." Lydia poked her sister's kneecap as she weaved through traffic.

"Watch it!" came the grumpy voice from the backseat, reminding them all that Wicks was there. "I don't want to know about your fucking sister shaving her fucking lady bits-"

Ellie blushed. "Just legs, Wicks. Geez. She didn't shave her legs. We didn't discuss her lady bits. Why don't you ask her?"

Ellie blushed again, embarrassed that this was being discussed between the couple. "Shut up, you guys."

"In all seriousness Elizabeth Mae I wouldn't have minded seeing you in that black leather skirt. You'd look hot in it. Your sister does." Wicks pulled Lydia's hair from the back seat.

"Thanks Baby," Lydia purred looking in the rearview mirror.

"Gross. Stop it now. It's my birthday and I call birthday prerogative to have you stop discussing me, my legs, my lady bits, and how my sister looks hot in leather NOW!"

Wicks smirked at her. "Testy. I wasn't this burnt up when I turned thirty."

Ellie spun around, eyes narrowed. "How old are you, Wicks?"

Wicks grinned. "I'll never tell, love."

"How old is he, Lydia?" Ellie turned on her sister as soon as Wicks exited for Cats, a dingy, loud club that made Ellie cringe.

Lydia flushed. "A little older than me."

Ellie frowned. "No. I'm now hoping he is only a little older than me. My dear, baby sister, how old is that stinking, sleazy British lout that is practically living with us?"

Lydia frowned at Ellie's insults but said in a quiet voice, "38."

"What?" Ellie screamed.

"Christ, Ellie, don't scream in the car. I could have swerved into oncoming traffic that was so loud."

Ellie's brain was working overtime. "He's 13 years older than you?"

Lydia shrugged. "Age is just a number. He doesn't act 38."

"No kidding," Ellie said, hiding a snort. She decided to let the subject drop. She didn't want to start a fight with her sister. Lydia was practically giddy to have convinced Ellie to go out, "on a school night" she boasted. The wine bar was quiet, with soft piano music playing from the speaker system. The girls grabbed a seat at the large oak bar and order a flight of different wines to taste.

"To you, my big sister." Ellie felt her eyes prick with tears. Sometimes Lydia could be so sweet, not at all like the immature brat she was as a child. "A very happy birthday. I wish you..." Lydia paused, searching for her ideal birthday wish. "I wish you find what makes you happy this year."

Ellie smiled awkwardly, thanking her sister and clinking her small taster glass with Lydia's. Find what makes me happy? Does she mean a man? I don't need a man to be happy. I have a career. Well, I had a career. It is on a semi-hold status right now but it will be back on-track soon. I have a job, at least. I have hobbies... right? Yes, I enjoy reading and... Ellie's inner monologue trailed off, desperately trying to think of hobbies she enjoyed.

Lydia hadn't noticed Ellie's silent introspection. She was busy reading the menu. "I'm thinking I'll try a full glass of this Pinot Grigio. It sure goes down easy. Excuse me," she motioned to the waitress. "A glass of the Pinot Grigio Firenze Blanc for me and what do you want," she asked Ellie.

"Nothing right now," she answered, looking at her nearly full set of miniature glasses. Lydia had downed hers. Ellie liked wine but was trying to follow the directions the waitress gave about chewing and swishing her wine. She had only just begun.

"Ok, nothing for her." Lydia set the menu back down. "So, how's your job going?"

Ellie shrugged. "So-so." Up until a year ago Ellie had been a 5th grade elementary school teacher. When the second round of cuts came to the state of California she found herself without a job. Teachers with more experience were retained while newer teachers were given two weeks' pay and a half-hearted apology. She had been preparing herself for the inevitable unemployment but was still embarrassed to be let go. Unable to face the idea of working at the mall she coasted for a few months on savings until she couldn't make rent and had to move back home. Lydia had just moved back after college and so her parents went from empty nesters to one big, dysfunctional family in a few weeks' time. Shortly after Ellie moved in she found part time work as a reading specialist. She traveled around to different schools, working with students who needed extra help reading. It was rewarding but it didn't really pay the bills. So at thirty years of age she was back home.

Her mother was thrilled to have two daughters home. Ellie's father didn't talk, or listen, much and the girls were new blood, new ears for Mama Bennet. All they needed was Jane to move back home to make Diana Bennet break down in raptures but that move was unlikely. Ellie had long suspected trouble in paradise but her elder sister was staying resolutely in Iowa.

"Are you planning to go back to teaching?" Lydia ask, her eyes shifting around the bar.

"Whenever they take me back," Ellie said, sniffing a cabernet sauvignon.

"Really?" Lydia asked. "Aren't you bitter?"

Ellie thought about it. "Not really. It wasn't the school's decision. It was out of their hands."

"Yah," Lydia agreed, "but they decided who stayed and who went, right? I'd be bitter."

It was more complicated than Lydia knew. There were tenure and union issues but Ellie wasn't up to explaining it all. She may not be bitter, per se, but it was still painful to think about. Lydia's pinot grigio had arrived and she took a large swig. She must be drinking with Wicks, Ellie observed with disgust.

"Didn't you want to be a writer?" Lydia asked suddenly. She was twirling a curl around her finger and her eyes looked wet and bright.

Ellie started. "I... I never wanted to be a writer for my job. I just love reading, literature really."

Lydia gulped some more white wine. "Can you do that for a job? Read?"

Oh, little sister. "I guess I could be a literary agent or work in publishing in some other capacity."

"So, do that," Lydia said loudly. She excitedly poked Ellie in the chest.

"Ow," Ellie said, aware her sister was becoming too boisterous for this low-key wine bar.

"You should be a professional reader." she went on. "People could pay to read their books. How cool would that be?"

Ellie chuckled, "Pretty cool. I just can't imagine anyone paying me to read for a living."

Lydia pouted. "Too bad. I was hoping I discovered something to make you happy."

Ellie frowned. "Do you think I'm unhappy?" She took a sip of her wine as her sister nodded vigorously.

"Um, yah. You mope around," she began ticking the items off her fingers. "You hide away in your room. Your only hobby is reading. You're miserable."

"Wait, I am not miserable," Ellie interrupted.

"And you have not dated anyone in, like, forever. Or slept with anyone," Lydia added loudly her eyes wide and her mouth puckered into a mock sympathetic frown. A few heads turned in her direction.

"Shhh!" Ellie said angrily. "Don't play the boyfriendless card. I don't need that tonight. Not from you of all people." She was trying to keep her emotions in check but it pissed her off to be continually reminded that she was alone. At 30. Her mom had asked hopefully if there was someone special she wanted to invite to her birthday dinner. As if. It was mortifying enough to have an all-family (plus Wicks) 30th birthday party. If she had anyone she wouldn't have invited him. But there was no one. She had not dated anyone since Denny. No one. And her relationship with Denny ended 5 years ago.

Ellie and Denny met during her last semester of college. She was in the academic advising office, going over a final degree check, when Denny had popped in to let her advisor know the next student had arrived. Ellie noticed the way he looked properly embarrassed to interrupt their appointment and liked how he mouthed "Sorry" to her as he left. She stopped by the reception desk as she left to ask a few more questions about graduation. Ellie had just wanted to talk to him and wasn't entirely sure how to engage a man in conversation. She wasn't painfully shy but it was pretty close. She hadn't had a boyfriend since high school because she had wanted to prove what a serious student she was. Or that's what she told herself when she avoided invitations to parties and didn't seek out any extracurricular college events.

As she began running out of questions to ask, Denny's replacement came in and relieved Denny of his post. "Want to go to the dining hall with me?" he asked. Relieved that she didn't have to think of something else to extend their conversation she nodded yes and followed him to get a sandwich and french fries. They dated for nearly three years. On the eve of her 25th birthday she realized that she didn't love him. She had suspected it for some time but it was just so lovely to say "I love you" back to someone. Ellie drove over to house to break things off, rehearsing the "stay friends" speech in her head. His roommate had answered the door, informed her that Denny was out on a date with another woman and said that she was better off without him. Ellie was stunned and indignant but remembering that she was there to break up with Denny, told herself that she should go on back home and not make a fuss. Later that night she wished she had listened to herself as she received a string of angry messages from Denny about his broken gaming console and threats of pending litigation.

"What do you mean 'me of all people'?" Lydia asked icily.

"Huh?" Ellie asked. She had been remembering how she bashed the bookcase that held Denny's video games with a frying pan she found in the kitchen. The frying pan still had egg crust in it.

"I said that you don't date and you said that you don't need that from me, of all people." Lydia's face was flushed and her eyes slanted dangerously at her sister.

Ellie blushed uncomfortably. She, of course, meant because of Wicks. "Because you're my sister, Lydie."

Lydia's eyes narrowed. "It's not because of who my boyfriend is?"

Hammer, meet nail. Whack away. Ellie looked down at her glasses of wine. "Of course not, she said softly."

"It is," Lydia said, her voice dangerously quiet. "I knew it. I knew you didn't understand us." Lydia's voice rose with each word. "I mean, Mom and Dad and Jane are one thing. They wouldn't approve of me dating the Patron Saint of Virginity and Holiness but I didn't expect it from you."

Really? You should have. Ellie rolled her eyes at her sister's dramatic turn.

Lydia flared. "What, Miss Perfect? I am dying to hear what eye rolling, reaffirmation of life comment you have to make right now."

Ellie was concerned that her sister was saying what she did not mean due to the fact she was treating wine tasting like a kegger. "Lydia," she said calmly. "I am not Miss Perfect. And I'm sorry I am always rolling my eyes. You're right. I don't approve of Wicks. He isn't good enough for you. He's dirty and crass and the 'cute British accent' isn't enough to redeem him for the shit he puts you through." Lydia's scowl deepened as Ellie's list continued. "I thought you knew that I didn't like him," Ellie said defensively.

Lydia closed her eyes and her body stilled. Ellie watched her apprehensively. "Lydie," she said tentatively.

Lydia's eyes opened slowly. "You're jealous," she said, her voice tinged with wonder.

"Jealous?" Ellie repeated, confused by her sister's change in demeanor.

"Yes, jealous. I have Wicks and you have," Lydia shrugged her shoulders and threw up her hands, "nothing. You. Have. Nothing."

Ellie was stung. "I have plenty, thank you very much. A boyfriend isn't everything."

Lydia narrowed her eyes, emptied her glass into her mouth and whispered, "You. Have. Nothing."