Firm archer's fingers curled around the edge of the blanket as her girlfriend stirred beside her, unconscious and sleeping blissfully. Long after Johanna succumbed to slumber, forgive the one nightmare she'd awoken from, Katniss was still awake, body buzzing. The release - from the venom, from the tension in her body - was wonderful. But also, completely frightening. She didn't remember a lot of their night; it was a blur of arousal battling hijacking. It was hard to differentiate between the want to hurt Johanna and the want to pleasure her. The line blurred many times throughout the night and the following day. Her slumbering lover didn't seem to mind.

The luxurious, Capitol-provided covers were only draped over Johanna's legs, the rest of her milky, naked skin exposed to the heat of the hearth Katniss had tended to. It gave her prime access to view the various deep purple bruises along Johanna's skin, the scarlet marks from teeth, and the hot red trails of nails down her back and sides.

Mine, Katniss thought with a surge of possessiveness that felt eerily similar to the venom.

Gray eyes peered out the window, taking note of the low hanging moon outside. Jackson and the girls had not yet come home, but it was close to dinner. They'd be back soon. Gingerly, Katniss slipped from the blankets and dressed in olive pants and cream shirt, pulling her hair out of the collar. Her hair-tie was somewhere in the house, probably tossed into a corner and forgotten about in their whirlwind. Her eyes fell on the wall near the bed. There were several snaking cracks in the plaster where the headboard had smashed against it, over and over again, like waves on rocks.

The brunette slinked out the door, picking up the strewn clothes that led like the blood trail of a wounded animal to their bedroom. Arms full of clothes, she tiptoed down the stairs to pick up Johanna's shirt, and as she rose, got an eyeful of all the women pouring into the house. Gray eyes wide, she darted her gaze down to her arms, to the girls, then back again.

"Hey Katniss," Prim greeted as she helped the young girls get out of their boots and large winter coats. Once she'd removed Aurelia's hat and ruffled her blonde hair, she stood and canted her head to the side. "What are you doing?"

Jackson unwrapped her scarf and took a glance into the kitchen, then to Katniss. "You didn't clean your kills there, soldier," she said, trying to make sure her mouth was in a straight line and not upturned into the smirk she felt coming on.

"Right. I, um, I got my clothes a little bloody so I was going to wash them. Hence the...uh- the clothes in my arms." That felt like a legitimate excuse, except for the fact that there was certainly no blood on any of the clothes in her arms.

Jackson cocked an eyebrow. "Got on Johanna's clothes too, huh?" she inquired with exaggerated sympathy. Katniss's eyes darted guiltily down and nodded weakly. The older woman placed her tongue in her cheek. "Where is Jo?"

"Asleep in her room." At least Primrose had the good grace to grab the hamper and relieve Katniss of her clean clothes, scampering off to avoid the awkwardness in the room. Jackson stared back at the young hunter, trying to will her face to stay impassive.

"I'm surprised to hear that. Typically she's been awake until sunrise, then sleeping until noon. I'm not sure I've seen her sleep during the day." Her voice took on a deceptively indulgent tone. "She must have been quite exhausted."

The flare of Katniss's cheeks was almost enough to break Jackson, but she simply pursed her lips. "I guess so," came Katniss's noncommittal reply.

"Huh." Jackson shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "I'll prepare your hunt for dinner. Though you don't have to do that anymore, Everdeen. District Ten sends their product all over Panem now."

Katniss bit her lip. "I like to be in the woods. It helps me concentrate. Feel more myself. And I won't hunt for sport."

"Fair enough. I'll take care of dinner. Just make sure Johanna's awake in about an hour." Katniss nodded her head, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. As she turned around to head back up the stairs, a hand fell on her shoulder, a hoarse voice in her ear. "Maybe pick up your bra off the top of the bannister first, okay?"

Katniss's cheeks burned brightly as the older woman let out a throaty chuckle and entered the kitchen. The brunette took off up the stairs, snatching the traitorous bra and indignantly scampering back into her bedroom. Johanna was still fast asleep when she returned, in spite of the noisy chatter of her sisters in the bedroom down the hall.

The bra was quickly discarded on the desk, that still had no chair from when Johanna smashed it against the wall. Katniss closed her eyes and recalled that untouched memory in full, utilizing one of her therapist's more helpful suggestions. Her heart broke as she remembered John storming into the room, his normally placid face a mask of concern. She missed him, too. They'd spent so much time together in the woods, hunting and teaching each other. He'd add in little things Johanna had passed down from their father, in the rare moments he spoke at all. Katniss found herself missing the calm, steadfast boy who had always been a touch too serious. The confidence of adulthood bottled inside a well-groomed teenaged boy.

Johanna began stirring in the bed, grumbling and pushing the sheets off of her to expose her legs to the warm room. Katniss sat on the bed and criss-crossed her legs beneath her. The older girl was so defenseless in her sleep; naked and exposed and looking every bit eighteen years old.

Katniss's fingernails dug into her own palms, concentrating her pain there. The trust Johanna held in her was implicit, and Katniss wasn't sure she deserved it. Johanna made a fountain of uncontrollable emotions erupt inside her and though the memories they'd implanted Katniss could tell now were false, the emotion behind them remained. It peered at her ominously like two yellow eyes in the deep of the dark woods; a rogue ember flitting far too close to kindling. A danger Katniss knew firsthand could overpower her. Sex seemed to multiply those emotions.

It wasn't long before Johanna began trembling in her sleep, calling out for her brother in tiny, heartbreaking whimpers. The troubling thoughts vanished as she looked down at Johanna's pained expression. How could she ever think of hurting her? When she watched Johanna get shot in District 2 it was like she'd been shot herself. The impulse had been confusing at the time, but now Katniss understood it. Protect Johanna at all costs.

Katniss shifted around so she was propped on her elbow next to Johanna, and began slowly rubbing her arm. The touch jerked Johanna from her sleep, and her hand came down and clamped over Katniss's. The dark-haired girl squinted in confusion, brushing her hair from her face. "Katniss?"

"Who else would it be, brainless?" she teased lightly.

"Sometimes Jacks is here when I wake up," Johanna explained mid-yawn. Katniss narrowed her eyes and Johanna took a few moments before rolling her eyes. "Not like, in bed with me. Gross, Katniss. She's like twice my age."

"I didn't say that," Katniss objected with a smile. She ran her fingers through Johanna's mussied locks as the girl shifted closer to her. "But you can't blame me. Half of the county wants to sleep with you."

"Only half?" Johanna smirked, peering up at Katniss with sleepy eyes. "Even Snow would've sold me for more than that." Her joke fell flat between them. "That's not funny, is it? That was a real nightmare for Finnick. It would've been my nightmare, if not for Gale and the rebellion."

For the briefest of moments, Katniss entertained that thought. No Gale, no rebellion. Johanna being whisked away to the Capitol, institutionally raped at President Snow's whims. Spending the night with other people, men and women who'd lust for her. Johanna wouldn't refuse them, not with her siblings alive. Her body, her lips, her breathless grunts and whimpers, the softness of her insides. It would all belong to everyone. The buzzing began inside her brain, the indicator of an oncoming spell from the hijacking.

A small hand fell on her arm and jerked her attention down. "That's not my life," Johanna interrupted softly, as if reading the clouds in Katniss's eyes. "I'm here, with you." She leaned upward to kiss her, pulling Katniss down with her toward the bed. The former victor let out a sigh at the feeling of Katniss's weight atop her body, her lips sluggishly moving against her own.

As usual, the languid kissing rapidly became hungrier. Soft tongues probed anxious mouths; Katniss's fingers reached up to grip a fistful of Johanna's hair. At once Katniss let out a small growl of arousal and Johanna moaned loudly, just under the happy squeal of one of her sisters down the hall. Katniss pulled away. "Your sisters are home. And Jackson." And Prim, she added mentally. "Dinner is in a little less than an hour. Jackson wanted you to be awake."

"This how you planned to wake me up?" Johanna asked, wiggling her eyebrows. Katniss bit her lower lip, releasing Johanna's hair in favor of tracing her fingers down the column of her throat. "Jackson has this thing about me 'eating meals' and 'being present.' Like I need someone to take care of me; I've been taking care of myself since I was twelve." Cedar eyes fell to the covers. "The girls will really miss her, though, when she leaves."

"Why does she have to leave?" Johanna looked up. "I mean really, she would do a lot more good staying here. Where else is she going to go? She can't go back to Thirteen. They'll never forgive her after she defended me against the treason charges."

Wide set brown eyes went heavy with thought. "We need to mend fences with them."

"With who?"

"District Thirteen. We can't have lingering resentments like this." Johanna rubbed her eyes. "They're good people. John would've made a home there, or at least a career. They took our district in for no other reason than my existence. We owe them a debt, too. Them and everyone else."

Katniss scrutinized Johanna's face intently. It was nice to be able to understand emotions again, and recognize them on her lover's face. "You want to film with Cressida," she gathered.

Johanna didn't look over, she merely stared at the ceiling. She'd been able to put off talking to Cressida for a few days, but the more she considered it, the less it felt like there was a choice. "I want to make sure I fix all the damage I did. Or try. I won't ever stop being the Mockingjay, not to them. I can deny it all I want, everyone who loves me will stop calling me that, but Coin was right. That's who I am, whether I like it or not."

"People chose rebellion. They chose to see your bravery in the arena as an act of defiance. They knew the cost. You aren't at fault for everything."

"Aren't I though? Look around. It's my fault District 12 was destroyed because it was my home. You were targeted because I love you. My own family was either taken or killed because of the accident of being born with my last name. The soldiers I killed on my stupid mission to kill Snow." Katniss frowned as she recalled Soldier Black, the one person who seemed to be on her side when it felt like everyone wasn't. Her selfless sacrifice. "I have to take responsibility for that."

"And you have. You have suffered already. Don't punish yourself for deaths that could not have prevented."

"My brother is dead, Katniss," Johanna hissed as she abruptly stood from the bed. "If it were Prim, you'd never stop blaming yourself." The irascible victor yanked on one of her shirts and rummaged through a drawer for pants. Once she was dressed she turned and glared at the brunette before walking out the door and slamming it behind her.

She ventured down the hall, past the giggling room her sisters shared, to the door she'd kept closed since coming back. Except it was ajar now, with noise coming from inside. Johanna placed her fingertips on the door and pushed it open, the light from the hallway spilling into her brother's bedroom.

Everything was as he left it the day they dropped the bombs. His bed neatly made, his comb perfectly placed on his dresser. Johanna knew in the closet would hang his school uniform, pressed and ready to be worn. His nicer shoes at the foot of his bed in a pair, waiting for feet that would never step into them again. But on his bed sat Prim, hugging a pillow to her chest and weeping quietly, her little frame jerking with each sob.

Johanna stood in the doorway, torn between anger at the intrusion on the mausoleum she'd kept in the room, and her heart's aching to commiserate over their mutual loss. Her jaw clenched and unclenched a few times. "I understand why you don't want me here."

The victor shook her head and stepped into the room, closing the door part way behind her. "I..."

"I know you're angry with me. Angry with him, for saving me. I'm angry with him, too." Prim turned to her, two wide blue eyes shimmering with tears. "I don't know what to do. I'm just so mad. And then I feel guilty for being mad, because I'm alive and he isn't." Johanna bit the inside of her cheek. "My mom keeps saying that the only thing I can do is live my life, because that's what he would want."

"That's why he did what he did," Johanna added, walking around the bed and sitting next to the young blonde. Her eyes focused on the neat row of items on his dresser, still unable to look over at Primrose.

"I don't think so," Prim said thoughtfully. Once Johanna turned her attention to her, Prim continued. "You volunteered for me, but not to save my life. To save Katniss. To prevent her from volunteering, or from losing me." Effie's shrill voice still haunted Johanna's nightmares, calling out Prim's name on that hot summer day. "I think John saved me for the same reasons. Because it would hurt Katniss, and that would hurt you. Saving me, saved you."

The lump in Johanna's throat grew exponentially. Her fingers automatically went to her chest, where John's dog tags often sat. They had been discarded at some point with Katniss, so Johanna ran her fingers over the phantom sensation of the metal. "I wish I knew how to stop being so mad at him."

"Me too," Primrose agreed softly. "I know this is hard for you, my being here."

"It is." Johanna placed her fidgeting hands in her lap. "I didn't want you to die. It's not like I wish the situations were reversed." Brown eyes flicked up to meet bright blues. "Not just because of what it would do to Katniss. You've always felt like one of my sisters to me. If John had his way, you would have been." They shared a small smile between them, a bittersweet acknowledgement of a future that would never happen. "You know, he was the first one to figure out about Katniss."

"About you and Katniss?" She smiled. "Even I knew that." Johanna's lips puckered sourly. "It's not like it wasn't obvious. The second you volunteered for me, she kept saying she couldn't believe it. Over and over again. But I could. I knew why."

Johanna's lips twitched in an attempt to smile. "I remember John looking up at me in the Hob one time - back when I was taller than him - and saying, in his little serious voice, 'If you and Katniss get married, does that mean me and Prim would be brother and sister?'" Prim's chuckles escalated into full-blown laughs, her hand clamping over her mouth. Johanna grinned. "I didn't even have to say anything. He just knew, by the way I looked at Katniss. Of course, he was mostly concerned about whether or not that hurt his chances with a certain blonde with a ribbon in her hair and the back of her shirt hanging out."

"It didn't," Prim said, shaking her head.

"I think he knew that." Johanna looked ahead at the wall. "I want to believe he knew he was loved."

"He did. And he loved you," Prim added, placing her hand gently on Johanna's thigh. "He was proud of you." Her light voice became even tighter. "I miss him so much."

A calloused hand wrapped over a small, smooth one. "Me too, kid." Johanna sniffled and rubbed her nose with her free hand. "So what do we do?"

The young blonde expelled a long sigh, her face returning to its former state of melancholy. "We survive. We learn to live again. We keep whatever pieces of him we have and hold tightly to them." Sky blue eyes rose to meet deep brown ones. "We do our best, because he always did."

Prim rested her head on Johanna's shoulder, the pair of them keeping a silent vigil for the boy they both loved. For a death they both bore on their conscience. For a grief they were unsure they'd ever shake.

"Where are you going?" Johanna whined sleepily, pouting as Katniss slipped nude from within their sheets. She allowed herself a moment to drink in the post-sex glow of Katniss's body. There was such an arousing reserve of strength beneath her frame that Johanna could still feel the effects of between her legs. It never failed to stoke the flames of desire in her belly.

As Katniss grabbed a new pair of underwear, Johanna observed the flex of still tense muscles in her legs and back, causing a rather painful throb inside her. Smiling gray eyes took in her recalcitrant lover with a grin. It wavered only slightly when her gaze landed on a fresh cut on Johanna's shoulder from their latest tryst, one she couldn't recall having made. The last few days found them rarely outside their bedroom, save for time with their sisters or when Jackson chastised them.

"My mother is coming tomorrow," Katniss replied neutrally, pulling up her pants and weaving her belt back through her loops. "Prim wants to go get some food from the what they've started building of the Hob. Maybe ask Peeta if he can put something in the oven for me," she thought aloud.

"He'd love to do you a favor," Johanna remarked as she tossed Katniss her bra. "He'd love to put something inside your oven." Johanna leered at her lover as she hooked her bra behind her and hid the lovely breasts Johanna wanted to touch again. The leer only dissipated as she glanced up into Katniss's bemused eyes and allowed the jealousy to seep into her own.

The brunette grinned as she buckled her belt, and then kneeled on the bed. With predatory intent, she crawled across the mattress and swung her hair to one side, looming over her prone lover. Johanna's hands immediately traced over her exposed flanks, hungry for more contact. Katniss mouth poised over Johanna's tantalizingly swollen lips. "Too bad for him the only person I want inside me is you," she purred, eyes burning.

Johanna let out a small gasp and lifted her head to kiss Katniss, but she backed away and slid off the bed. "Unfair."

Katniss smirked. "You'll live." After dressing in her sweater and father's old jacket, she sat on the edge of the bed and took Johanna's hand, brushing a small kiss on the knuckles. "I'll be back soon. Eat some breakfast. I'm taking the girls with me too."

"Fine, fine. Don't let Bread Boy frost your cookies," Johanna grumbled with a poorly hidden smirk. Katniss rolled her eyes and bent down to tie her boots. A lithe body sidled up behind her, fingers sweeping away her hair to plunk her lips on the salty skin of her neck. Katniss shuddered with unspent sexual energy. "Don't stay away too long," she murmured against Katniss's pulse.

Katniss turned and placed her hand on Johanna's jaw, pulling her in for a chaste kiss. "I never could."

Once the girls were all bundled and out the door, Johanna dressed lazily and ventured down to the kitchen with Jackson. The older woman silently put a bowl of oatmeal in front of the sleepy teen, then sat down across from her to dig into her own.

The table stretched between Johanna and Jackson, their bowls of oatmeal half-eaten before them, still in complete silence. When young brown eyes flicked up to older ones, she saw them scrutinizing her. Her spoon plopped into her bowl and she glowered at Jackson. "What are you staring at?"

"The rather disturbing amount of bruising on your body, for one," Jackson began flatly. Johanna blinked but did not respond. The former Lieutenant rolled her eyes. "Johanna. I know you haven't been hunting. You sure as hell haven't been training for anything. You've barely left the house. So that leaves me with one answer. Katniss."

"What do you want me to say?" The young victor stared hard across the table. "You want me to tell you the down and dirty details of my fucking?"

The grimace on Jackson's face spoke for her and Johanna chuckled. The older woman remained humorless. "I'm glad you can find such humor in domestic abuse. I don't find this funny, Mason. You're getting hurt. She's hurting you."

"Oh please. So we get a little rough when we fuck. Big deal. I'm sure you remember what it was like to have passionate sex, Jacks. Unless the fucking in Thirteen was as boring as everything else." Devious eyes narrowed into slits. "You get that printed on your arm, too?" Johanna lowered her voice to a monotone bass. "20:00 hours, get rammed by assigned mate. Missionary position only, male on top, for sole purpose of reproduction."

Jackson tossed her spoon down on the table with such force Johanna's acerbic laughter ceased. "She is not well, is she? What the hell is going on?"

Flames rose in cedar eyes. "None of your business, is what's going on. I'm no longer the Mockingjay, right? Who I fuck and how I fuck is nobody's goddamn business but mine."

"If she isn't better, she's not just a danger to you. She's a danger to anyone who comes near you. Your sisters, for example," Jackson elaborated with raised eyebrows.

"Katniss wouldn't hurt them," Johanna protested hotly.

"No? I bet she wouldn't kill Boggs either." Johanna's hostile expression faltered and pain tightened her features. Jackson's face softened a touch in response. "Please, just tell me what's going on."

With a sigh, Johanna let her back fall against the chair. "I don't know," Johanna answered. "Everything is fine, usually. But when we have sex, it's like something in her is unleashed. Her eyes, they-" The teenager gulped. "They go wild. And it's intense and passionate, like it was before, but... I don't know." Her eyes flicked up to Jackson's and her voice wavered. "It's like she still wants to kill me, somewhere deep inside."

"Then you have to stop," Jackson stated resolutely. Johanna's mouth opened but Jackson pressed on. "Johanna, Katniss is not herself. You have to stop ...engaging in coitus until she gets a handle on this."

The younger woman shrugged. "Maybe I should just let her take it out on me."

Jackson's head tilted to the side. "What?"

"It's not like I don't deserve it."

"Johanna."

The chair scraped the floor as Johanna stood. "Look, you don't fucking know me at all. You don't know what it's been like for me, for her. We haven't had a moment to catch our breath and just be together." Johanna plunked a hand on her hip. "One time I woke from a dream holding her down so hard I nearly snapped her wrists." Johanna cackled. "And you think I'm worried about some love bites?"

"This behavior isn't acceptable." Jackson's voice lowered. "If you're not concerned about your own health, think about your sisters. Even if Katniss never hurt them, Celadine is old enough to put two and two together about your peculiar arrangement. Primrose certainly is. What a great lesson to teach them, that you can just let your partner beat you up because you think you deserve it. Tell that to Celadine if she comes home with a bruise from her first boyfriend." Jackson's strong, thin arms crossed over her chest, watching the anger at the imaginary scenario play across Johanna's face. "Get it together, soldier, because I won't allow this to go on this house."

Shrill laughter echoed in the kitchen as Johanna's eyes darkened. "Under what authority, Lieutenant?" Her voice dropped to a throaty growl. "This isn't your house. This is my house. The house I earned by slaughtering innocent kids while you were busy shooting at fake Peacekeepers in your fucking rabbit warren. You are not going to tell me how to live just so you can live out some delusional fantasy of being a mother again since your own daughter bit the big one."

The slap whipped across Johanna's face so fast she saw stars behind her eyes even before the pain accumulated in her cheek. When she opened them Jackson was directly in her face, angry words on the tip of her tongue. Anguish was plain in her dark eyes, and Johanna shamefully blinked away from her intense gaze.

Wordlessly Jackson walked around Johanna and toward the entryway, shoving on her coat and slamming the door behind her. Deflated, Johanna sank back into the kitchen chair and stared at the empty table. It wasn't only the girls who would miss Jackson when she left. Despite their host of differences, Johanna couldn't deny the simple truth that having Jackson around was the support she'd been missing since the day her father died in the mines.

Not that she'd ever admit it.

Primrose narrowly beat out Johanna's sisters to the knock on the door, causing a pile-up of eager young girls. She swung the door wide open, inviting in the cold air of winter as well as the smiling face of her mother. "Hi Mom."

The two blonde Everdeens hugged tightly as Jackson shut the door behind them, relieving the other woman of her bag and coat. Both little Masons bobbed up and down on the balls of their feet in excitement. Mrs. Everdeen peered down at them with a wide smile. "Look at you girls! It's like you've grown ten inches since the last time I saw you."

"I've grown one inch," Celadine announced proudly. "Aurey hasn't grown at all."

"I has too!"

"Have," Celadine corrected. "And no, you haven't. We marked it on the wall, brainless."

Jackson hazarded a disapproving glance at a sniggering Johanna before leaning down to admonish the younger Mason. "What have I said about calling your sister names?"

"Why not? Jo calls Kat brainless all the time!"

Mrs. Everdeen looked over at Johanna. "Is that true, Miss Mason? Have you been defaming my daughter?" she inquired with a playful grin.

"No ma'am," Johanna replied, snaking her arm around Katniss's waist before gently urging her toward Mrs. Everdeen.

Katniss stepped into a hug with her mother, then pulled away and turned toward Jackson. "Mom, this is -"

"Lieutenant Jackson," she finished. Off her daughter's quizzical stare she smiled. "I assisted in the physical examinations for many of the soldiers in District 13. But I got to know her better while we waited for you two to convalesce in the hospital in the Capitol."

Aurelia squinted up at her eldest sister. "You was in the hospital?"

"Were," Celadine corrected with a haughty sneer.

"I'm really glad you've spent so much time with Effie, Cela. These lessons in grammar are a delight," Johanna remarked as she scooped up her youngest sister into her arms. "Yep. Katniss and I were in the hospital for a little bit. Then the doctors patched us up and now we're all better."

Jackson scoffed, gaining the attention of Mrs. Everdeen, who then turned her eyes back to Johanna. "How's your arm?"

"Stronger. Katniss has been helping me with my strength exercises," she informed.

"So that's what we're calling it," Jackson muttered under her breath. Johanna shot her a glare but softened her eyes as she glanced back to Katniss's mother. "It's very good to see you again," Jackson said, raising her voice to its normal volume. "We've got dinner ready in the dining room."

Johanna set Aurelia on the ground and the bubbly little girl and her sister walked into the dining room, followed by all three Everdeens. Johanna snatched Jackson's wrist before she could enter behind them. The District 13 native glared at the younger girl peevishly. "Don't start shit, Jackson."

A look of feigned innocence crossed Jackson's face. "What ever do you mean? Oh, you mean about the thing you think isn't an issue and totally is?"

"Mrs. Everdeen doesn't need to know. I shouldn't have even told you," she sneered.

"You didn't need to tell me, Jo. I already knew. I just wanted to know what you were planning on doing about it. Since the answer to that is clearly 'nothing,' I'm going over your head and addressing her directly."

Johanna cocked an eyebrow. "At dinner," she gathered flatly. "In front of my little sisters and Prim. Good call, Jackson."

Black eyes rolled high up in their sockets. "I'd say it in front of President Paylor if I had to, but no. I intend to relieve Katniss's mother of the delusion that her darling spawn is 'all better.' I won't say anything in front of the children. The other children," she added with a glower. "If you rather I did it in private, that's fine."

"I'd rather you not do it at all, brainless," Johanna shot back. "It's none of your business."

"It's entirely my business." With swift movement the veteran soldier deftly wrenched Johanna's hand away from her. Jackson eyed Johanna's tense body language and read the calculating look in her eyes. Johanna could spout off all she wanted about her 'delusional mother fantasy,' but she knew Johanna as well as any mother knows their young. The crafty girl was going to try and figure a way to interrupt her confrontation. Feigning resignation, the older woman sighed. "Fine, I will leave the issue alone. For now. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable." She plastered on a fake smile. "Let's just eat, yeah?"

Johanna sat down uneasily on the left side of the table with Katniss, narrowing her eyes across the table at Jackson, who immediately engaged Mrs. Everdeen in light conversation. Katniss glanced over at Johanna and squinted at her. Everything about Johanna was anxious, from the nervous way her knee bounced under the table, to the alertness of her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

The victor snuck a glance at Jackson before nodding and pouring herself one of Ripper's better, stronger concoctions. "We'll find out."

"Imagine my surprise when I step out onto Finnick Odair's boat and not five minutes in I'm heaving overboard. No way for a District Twelve woman like me to know she gets seasickness." Mrs. Everdeen placed her fork on her plate and looked up at the other women. Celadine and Aurelia had long gone to bed, and Prim was upstairs studying one of her smuggled out medical textbooks. "This was a lovely dinner, Lieutenant. Thank you for the invitation."

"My pleasure. I thought it would be nice for Katniss and Primrose to check in with their mother." Jackson smiled kindly over the top of her glass. "It's hard to tell how they're doing over the phone. Teenagers are quite withholding."

Mrs. Everdeen nodded. "Katniss was always very taciturn." Her gaze ducked to her plate. "I'm afraid I left her without someone to confide in."

"Well she has plenty of people to talk to now," Jackson remarked. "Johanna, Prim, you, that odd Undersee girl, myself. She shouldn't have to worry about finding an audience any longer, should she have something to get off her chest."

Katniss cocked her eyebrow at Jackson. "I'm fine."

"Yeah? How's it going with Dr. Aurelius?" Jackson mimicked her raised eyebrow. "He and I are old friends. Living in the rabbit warren, as Johanna has so eloquently described it, many of us spent time with him to sort out issues." Her penetrative black eyes moved to Katniss's mother. "I lost my daughter and my husband within the same month. These things take a toll on your mind, there's no way around it. In Thirteen, we hold the creed that one needs a sound mind and sound body at all times. Sometimes, it isn't possible to do these things alone." She tapped her knife on the table gently. "You know I called him the other day, and he said he hasn't heard from you in quite a while."

Johanna visibly tensed at the table, her hand wrenching the napkin in her fist. "We've been getting into a rhythm."

Intense eyes focused on the shorter teenager. "Is that so? Tell me, Johanna, does that rhythm include any vigorous training activities?"

"Training for what?" Mrs. Everdeen inquired.

"Training for what indeed, Mrs. Everdeen." Jackson returned her attention to the girls.

"No it has not," Johanna replied through a clenched jaw. "You know that."

"Do I?" Jackson's voice lowered in timbre. "'I don't know you at all.'" After allowing that to settle in Johanna, Jackson pressed on. "But despite what you think about my eyesight, I can see with startling clarity the bruising on your arms and legs. And shoulders. If they're not from training, then what could possibly be happening in your life to cause you such bodily harm?"

As Jackson's eyes flicked to Katniss, her mother glanced between them all. "What's going on? Katniss?"

The loud buzzing in Katniss's brain was louder than her own mother's concerned voice. Her mind became a dark tunnel focused entirely on Jackson. The impulse to leap across the table and throttle Jackson became rapidly overwhelming. Her muscles twitched nervously.

"What's wrong, Soldier Everdeen?" Jackson asked in her exaggerated, overly concerned voice. Her head tilted to the side. "You want to hurt me, don't you? You're perceiving me as a threat to Johanna."

"Quit being such an asshole, Jackson," Johanna spat as she put a comforting arm around Katniss's back. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh no? Tell me, Katniss, how did Johanna get the bruises around the bottom of her throat? That long cut on her shoulder?" She looked to Katniss's mother. "Don't those look like finger marks to you?"

The blonde woman cleared her throat and leveled sky blue eyes at Jackson. "What are you implying, Lieutenant Jackson?"

"I'm not implying anything," Jackson scoffed acerbically. "I'm telling you your daughter is unwell and a direct danger to Johanna. And possibly to her sisters."

"Katniss would never harm anyone if she didn't think her life was being threatened." Mrs. Everdeen pursed her lips. "If I recall correctly, Johanna also suffers from some debilitating night terrors."

"And?" Jackson balked.

"It's entirely possible that, if Katniss is hurting Johanna, it may be because she's being attacked in her sleep," Mrs. Everdeen explained calmly. "In which case I recommend they sleep in separate beds, until Johanna gets a handle on them."

"You recommend?" Jackson smirked. "In your infinite wisdom as an apothecarist?"

"I'm not sleeping in a different bed than my girlfriend," Johanna interjected hotly. "My nightmares have nothing to do with it. You're both way out of line."

"Mrs. Undersee was similarly affected by her sister's death years ago," Mrs. Everdeen stated. "She was violent and inconsolable after Maysilee died. Her method of self-medicating with morphling, especially after she started getting the headaches, is not the route you should take. Johanna, perhaps you should consider seeing a therapist. It may help you work through the anger and -"

"Johanna is not the problem," Jackson insisted in short tones. "Her grieving process is coming along just fine. You of all people should know how slow that process can be. Johanna led a rebellion and is now piecing back together her family in the wake of the staggering losses she's endured."

"I am fully aware of that."

"Are you?" Jackson retorted, crossing her arms. "Then you should be aware that it's your daughter, not Johanna, who is the root of this problem. When they ...copulate, Katniss cannot control the effects of the hijacking and she turns violent. Johanna, for a multitude of deeply troubling reasons, cannot stop her."

Mrs. Everdeen raised her eyebrow. "You have not always been Johanna's guardian. Though you seem to have taken on that role quite well, I was there when Johanna was growing up. I remember a broken young girl with two deceased parents, trying to provide for three young siblings. A brave young woman that I was very happy to see my daughter befriend, and thrilled to see her love." Her eyes moved to the other girls. "Johanna has always been strong-willed, and I have no doubt that if something were truly awry, she'd find a way to resolve it."

"It's that exact bull-headedness that's the problem," Jackson replied. "Johanna is strong-willed, but she has a blind spot a mile wide where Katniss is concerned."

"I'm sitting right here," Johanna grumbled.

"I would suggest staying away from whatever-" A light blush scattered atop the healer's pale cheeks. "Whatever activities bring on these strong emotions."

"That's what I said," Jackson groused. "Guess how well Jo listened?"

"Still right the fuck here," Johanna interjected.

"Watch your mouth," Jackson warned.

"Not very well, if she's anything like the mulish young woman who came to my home with a black eye one day when someone dared to tease my eldest daughter." Johanna shared a small smile with the blonde woman. "But your mistake was attempting to reason with Miss Mason. As evidenced by the rebellion we just won, she is not easily dissuaded from a task. Katniss, however, can be slightly more flexible."

Johanna snorted. "In more ways than one," she mumbled under her breath. Katniss nudged her in the ribs.

Mrs. Everdeen made a faint expression of surprise before continuing. "There's only one person who is more stubborn than my daughter, and that's Johanna. I know how to pick my battles." Tired blue eyes fell on stormy gray ones. "Please consider adjusting your sleeping arrangements. Perhaps if Johanna takes Cressida up on the offer to film, you should stay behind and work on your therapy a little more. While it's wonderful that you two have reconnected, and have the time to be with one another, your happiness is something you can now consider. It isn't just until the next reaping or victory tour. This is your life now. You may think in the long-term."

Katniss blinked a few times. This was one of the few occasions where Katniss saw so clearly the gentle nature in her mother that she saw in Primrose. The healer. Jackson cleared her throat. "I apologize for my comments, Mrs. Everdeen, and springing this issue on you. I was running out of options and I needed to get through to her."

"Yeah, and this wasn't embarrassing at all, Jacks, thanks," Johanna groused, toeing the hardwood beneath her feet with her boot.

"It's the right of a mother to embarrass her children," Mrs. Everdeen declared. "Lieutenant Jackson has certainly earned that right with you, Johanna." The healer returned her attention to Jackson. "And apology accepted, Lieutenant."

Katniss tugged on her bottom lip, fidgeting with the hem of her sweater between her forefinger and thumb. "I'm going to go for a walk," she announced, giving Johanna's hand a squeeze before breaking away to retrieve her jacket.

"I'll come with you." Katniss blinked and nodded once at Jackson before pulling her coat closed, walking softly out the door.

Mrs. Everdeen smiled. "I suppose that means you and I are on dishes duty, Miss Mason."

Johanna eyed the retreating forms of Katniss and Jackson warily before returning her eyes to Mrs. Everdeen and offering a tight-lipped smile. "I'll wash, you dry?"

It was far too cold for the walk Katniss had envisioned, but she didn't mind the biting cold against her face. The sting helped calm her down, focusing her energy into creating warmth. Silently Jackson walked beside her, the only sound her boots crunching against the thin layer of fresh snowfall. They strolled through the Victor's Village and down into the town, which was nearly deserted at the late hour. The only people awake were some of the construction workers still banging away at a new building.

They curled around the edge of the Seam, near the now defunct electrical fence. The metal clinked beneath Katniss's fingers as she traced them along the chainlink. There was a quiet stir of nocturnal animals, the occasional hoot of an owl, but otherwise the woods were eerily silent.

"Johanna talks about this part of the district a lot," Jackson said suddenly. Katniss peered up at her. "When you were in Four, and she had her nightmares, I'd often have to jog through pleasant memories to help ground her. Most of them were about being here with her father, or with you. Hunting, or just listening to the forest. Calm things I can barely imagine that firebrand having the patience to do."

The hunter smiled. "This is where most of my memories are, too. The good ones." Katniss rubbed the end of her cold nose. "I would've gone crazy living in Thirteen, without access to the outside."

"Like anything, you get used to it when it's all you know. Your people lived in poverty, worked in frightening mines. You were the head of your household at eleven." Jackson shrugged her shoulders. "I learned to enjoy machine silence. The quiet whir of mechanical gears. For the first few nights I was here I could barely sleep. The animal noises at night, the eerie silence in their absence? There was just no noise at all. And my god, the moon is bright."

A chuckle expelled from the younger girl, turning into white breath in front of her. "My mother mentioned having to get used to the constant crash of waves. Yet Finnick talked about having trouble sleeping without them. People are weird."

"That we are." The young hunter led Jackson through a section of the fence that had long been torn down. The snow was a little harder to trudge through, but neither of the women complained. They happened upon a fallen tree and came to the decision to sit and rest on the large trunk, staring off into the meadow. "I was trained as a soldier from pretty early on. Once we got done with our compulsory schooling, I quickly rose through our ranks."

"You're a sharpshooter, that's no surprise," Katniss mused.

"That, and my ability to disregard people's feelings, and my own, to complete an objective." Jackson turned up the collar on her coat. "It's ideal for a soldier, but the lack of tact can be irksome to others."

"I don't really have any tact either," Katniss said. "Neither does Johanna."

"We're all pretty frank," Jackson agreed with a smirk. "But my training also imbued me with a strong sense of connection to my squad-mates. When they tasked me with protecting Johanna, I treated it like I would any other protection mission. Until, of course, I got to know her. Then I hated her."

Katniss laughed, hearing the echo of her laughter bounce around the empty forest and out into the meadow's vast nothingness. "She's abrasive."

"That's being generous. Of course, for all of Johanna's faults, she more than makes up for it in many ways. I'm sure it's why you love her." Katniss nodded without looking over at Jackson. "We have that in common, though it's two vastly different types of love."

"I know."

"And your need to protect Jo, I understand that, too. That's how I feel. I see the marks on her, the resigned look on her face, and it breaks my heart and makes me angry." The raven-haired woman brushed snow from her hair and sighed. "I'm not trying to come between you. I just want her to be happy, and safe. I think you can help her achieve that, but not like this."

"I don't mean to hurt her," Katniss explained softly. "I don't remember a-after." Two embarrassed gray eyes fell to the ground.

"You're selfish. You both are," Jackson stated coolly. "You're still teenagers, how else are you supposed to act? This is probably the first time in your lives you're able to be selfish. But I think it's important for you both to resolve this. Imagine if Johanna were Prim, and she came home to you with bruises from a supposedly loving boyfriend. A boy who said he didn't remember hurting her, that he didn't mean it. That he would kill anyone, even her family, to protect her."

Katniss blinked a few times as she processed that. That boy would meet the business end of her arrow rather quickly, Katniss realized. John probably would've tied himself to a post rather than lay a hand on Primrose. She suddenly felt foolish, like she and Johanna were no smarter than two horny rabbits. "I'll talk to Johanna. We won't, um, we won't until I figure this out."

"And you'll call Dr. Aurelius regularly," Jackson added knowingly.

"And I'll call the head doctor regularly," Katniss grumbled. Jackson smiled and patted Katniss's hand with her own gloved one. "I want to go with her when she travels with Cressida."

"As long as you both can control yourselves -" Jackson smirked at the ducked head of the younger woman "-then I don't see why not. Johanna would enjoy the company, certainly. Plus it will give me the time to get Aurelia and Celadine into a normal schedule without Johanna interrupting it to have 'family nap time' or telling them school is for losers."

"She's a bad influence," Katniss noted sagely, barely hiding her smirk.

Jackson bumped Katniss's shoulder. "She really is, though."

Tip-toeing on socked feet, Katniss entered the bedroom she shared with Johanna. Quickly she shucked off her clothes, redressing in her pajamas before crawling into bed with her girlfriend. Johanna stirred and immediately latched on to the warm body in the bed, curling her limbs around Katniss like a vine does a fence. Katniss bit back a gasp as she came into contact with Johanna's bare skin. Of course Johanna would continue to sleep in the nude, even in the dead of winter.

The older girl hummed in satisfaction, blinking open sleepy eyes to peer up at Katniss. "You two were gone a while. Your mother went to sleep in Prim's room."

"It's a nice night."

Johanna's bleary eyes turned doubtful. "It's freezing."

"I don't mind the cold, not now that I've got a warm home to return to." Johanna tugged her in closer. The tiny tips of Johanna's nipples poked into Katniss's ribs, reminding her again of the nudeness of her lover. Katniss timidly wrapped her arms around Johanna, trailing fingertips up and down her spine.

"Your fingers are cold," Johanna murmured into her collarbone, adding a little shiver for effect. "I know a place you could warm them up."

The sultry tone of Johanna's voice, coupled with her innuendo, sent Katniss's mind reeling. How badly she wanted to take Johanna up on that offer. Submerge her cold fingers into the warm depth of Johanna's most intimate part, make her gasp and shake with want. "I can't," Katniss managed to say, just above a whisper.

"You can't? Have you forgotten? Do you need me to demonstrate on you first?" Deft little fingers made their way to the drawstring of Katniss's pants, but the hunter gently coaxed them away. Johanna pulled back to stare into Katniss's face, miffed. "What's wrong?" Annoyance flashed on her features. "What did Jackson say to you?"

"Nothing I didn't already know, or didn't want to acknowledge," Katniss admitted with a sigh. "I need to get better. I need to be able to touch you and not hurt you."

"I don't care if you hurt me," Johanna dismissed. "I told you before, back in the Capitol. Love is pain."

"I care," Katniss insisted. "I've been selfish. I just wanted to force things back to normal, but not at the expense of your health. Not when I'm clearly still somewhat of a danger. To you, to your family."

Johanna shifted to prop herself up on her elbow, allowing the sheet to drape over her arm and expose her breasts. Katniss gulped and forced her eyes up to Johanna's imploring brown eyes. "I wouldn't let you hurt anyone. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Katniss assuaged. "I don't trust me." She placed a conciliatory hand on Johanna's shoulder. "I want to be able to make love to you, the way we used to. Not this fast, crazy thing we've been doing that I barely remember in the morning. I want to be able to touch you every day for the rest of my life, and not have to worry about turning to violence." Gray eyes dipped down the blanket between them. "I know I'll never be cured, but I can get better."

Johanna scrunched her nose. "So, what you're saying is, we're not gonna fuck?"

A smile crawled on Katniss's lips at Johanna's bracing frankness. "We are not going to take things any further than kissing until I get back into my therapy. Then maybe we just... take things slowly?"

With a flair of her famous impatience, Johanna rolled onto her back and pouted. After steaming for a few solid minutes, her expression softened as she looked over at Katniss. "Rest of your life, eh?"

Katniss blushed and shimmied closer to Johanna, resting her head on Johanna's bicep. She reached down and pulled the blanket over them both, snuggling in closer to her lover. "You caught that." Johanna smirked and Katniss shrugged. "I don't know. Who else could I possibly want to be with? You are mine, and I am yours. Anything else is unthinkable."

Anxiousness bubbled inside Katniss's stomach as Johanna had yet to return the gesture, or even say that's what she wanted. Instead they laid together in the darkness, only the howl of wind to break the silence. Finally, Johanna said, in a small voice, "It's nice that you've finally caught up to me. I've known this since I was nine." Glistening, playful brown eyes met gray ones as Johanna turned her head to place a kiss on the crown of Katniss's head. "But I've always said you're brainless."

Johannas-Motivational-Insults, a big thank you for beta-ing this chapter.