It hurts me to say

I don't own the Teen Titans

It brings me such shame

Things... hadn't really changed. Granted, it had only been a day, but Beast Boy had expected at least something to happen.

After his last kiss with Raven, he hadn't really had the chance to talk to her. Their moment was ruined by the alarm going off, signalling that there was trouble. And then they had to fight Plasmus, a disgusting prospect all on its own, but made even worse when coupled with the fact that the last time they had faced him was when Starfire was healed improperly.

Raven had put on a brave face, but Beast Boy could see the pain in her eyes, and he was only mildly surprised when she opted to be alone after the battle. And then he was only mildly concerned when she neglected to leave her room for the rest of the day.

Despite him bearing his soul to her merely hours before, the changeling wasn't yet comfortable with going to her without being summoned. So, he had elected to stay in the common room all day, dividing his time between video games and napping.

But as his eyes fluttered open from what had to have been his fourth nap, he was shocked to see the twinkling city lights across the bay, shining in the night.

She had gone to bed without him?

Rising from the couch, Beast Boy pulled his communicator out from under him, ignoring the dent it had made in his back. It was half past nine - not necessarily late enough to hit the hay, but worrisome none the less.

Was Raven avoiding him? She hadn't admitted to feeling the same way, though the way she had kissed him was proof enough. At least, it had been at the time. But now doubt was filling his mind, and Beast Boy was feeling an all-too-familiar pain in his chest.

What did this mean?

Deciding that dwelling on it in the common room wouldn't do him any good, Beast Boy leaped from the couch and raced towards the door, almost knocking Jinx over in the process.

"Whoa, there! Where's the fire?" she smirked, giving Beast Boy an amused look. Thankfully, the couple hadn't been home earlier to witness the changeling's little breakdown in the hallway.

"Uh, I have to... pee?" he supplied lamely, hoping to end the conversation.

Instead, Jinx eyed him suspiciously. "Okay, but the bathroom is that way," she mused, pointing in the opposite direction from where Beast Boy was heading.

The green titan smiled sheepishly. "Uh, yeah, but... I prefer my litter box."

Feeling rather proud of the disgusted look the pink-haired heroine gave him, Beast Boy continued on down the hallway that led towards his and Raven's rooms. His heart rate quickened as he neared her door, the organ painfully thumping in his chest. Had his confession been for nothing? No - he was just being paranoid. If she didn't feel the same, she would have made it clear... right?

Her door loomed before him, and his determination faltered. He could wait a bit. He didn't need an answer at this very moment. Rotating on his heel, he began to head back towards the common room, but the sound of her door hissing open stopped him in his tracks.

"Beast Boy?"

Her voice was quiet, with only a hint of curiosity seeping through her monotone.

And as his heart all but stopped, the changeling let out a shaky breath, before turning back to face her.

"Uh, heya, Raven," he laughed, though it came out rather forced. Awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, he found it hard to look her in the eyes.

She was still in her uniform - cloak and all - but she had kept her hood down. That was a good sign, right?

"...Hi," she replied after a short pause. "Are you on your way to the common room?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "Eh, kinda? I just came from there, but I guess I'm going back?" He chanced a quick peek at her face. "I was actually coming to see you," he admitted shyly.

Her eyes were mildly bloodshot - a sight that was very uncommon on the empath. She had maybe cried twice since they had met. But the rest of her appearance was normal, save for the way she was hugging herself.

"Oh." Again, another pause. "Have you eaten dinner yet?"

As if on cue, Beast Boy's stomach began to growl, filling the silence that settled between them.

"I may have skipped it," he answered sheepishly.

Raven nodded, a small smirk playing at her lips as her arms fell to her sides. "I see."

He returned her smile, though it didn't reach his eyes. Too many things were on his mind.

"So, I - "

"Did you maybe - "

They both stopped, matching blushes creeping up their necks.

"Uh, you first?" Beast Boy offered with a shrug.

"Did you maybe want to join me?" Raven deadpanned, wincing at her tone. "For dinner, that is."

Beast Boy felt his heart start again. "Sure."

Again, silence fell between them, though this one was more comfortable than the last. They made their way down the hall, Beast Boy careful to give her plenty of space.

Passing Jinx as they entered the common room, the reformed villain made an offhand remark about going out with Kid Flash.

"We should be back by midnight!" she had called over her shoulder, though neither titan responded. Beast Boy was just glad they were leaving - he didn't want an audience.

He followed Raven towards the kitchen, allowing himself a small smile as she scoped out their temporary teammates' leftovers.

"Have they gone out for every meal?" she mused, mostly to herself, it seemed, as she used her powers to open the box of Chinese takeout.

Beast Boy leaned forward, giving the noodles a tentative sniff. "Pork."

Raven nodded, before opening the other container for him.

Sniff. "Hmm, just veggies?" he remarked, somewhat surprised, before wrinkling his nose. "Smells pretty spicy, though. I'm gonna need about a gallon of water."

His teammate responded with a small smile as she poured their noodles into separate dishes, before ushering them into the microwave with her powers.

The hum of the appliance was the only noise that filled the room, though Beast Boy's ears could hear the faint beating of the empath's heart. She was calm, it seemed.

He wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

The microwave beeping prevented him from thinking too much on it, and he hurriedly snatched his dish from Raven. Too impatient for chopsticks, Beast Boy swiped a fork from the silverware drawer, before digging in. He hadn't realized how hungry he was, and despite the spiciness, his stolen meal was very much welcomed.

Raven stood beside him for a moment, before summoning a fork of her own and making her way towards the dining table. Beast Boy quickly scooped up his bowl and followed her sheepishly.

He sat himself across from her, still wary of getting too close. She hadn't yet mentioned what had happened earlier, and Beast Boy wasn't all that eager to be the one to bring it up.

"What were you saying?" Raven asked suddenly, idly twirling her fork into her noodles.

Beast Boy blinked at her. "Huh?"

His teammate rolled her eyes as she brought a forkful to her mouth. "Back in the hallway. You were saying something," she continued, blowing on her noodles.

Beast Boy racked his brain. What was he saying?

"I... don't remember," he admitted with a laugh.

Raven's shoulders slumped ever so slightly at his confession. Was she... disappointed?

"Oh. Figures," she replied flatly, before taking a bite.

Frowning at the sudden shift in atmosphere, Beast Boy attempted to lighten the mood.

"Jinx thinks that I pee in a litter box," he mused randomly, causing his teammate to choke on her dinner.

Raven quickly cleared her throat, her eyes wide. "Um. Why would she think that?"

The changeling grinned. "Well, she was being all snoopy and wondering where I was going, so I told her I needed to pee. In my litter box."

Raven almost smiled. "Well, that's one way to get her to back off."

"Yep."

They fell into silence, again, which began to irritate Beast Boy. Why was it so awkward between them?

Tapping his fork against his bowl, he swallowed. It was time to buck-up and talk about the elephant in the room.

"So, uh, about what happened earlier..."

He watched as Raven froze, before she delicately lowered her fork. Taking a nearby napkin, she began dabbing around her mouth, wiping off any excess food that may have remained.

Beast Boy watched the action, his eyes fixated on her lips.

"Yes, we should probably discuss that."

Ripping his gaze away from her mouth, he redirected it towards her eyes. Which were just as distracting.

But Beast Boy needed to focus.

"I mean, I think I said all I needed to say," he started, his voice higher-pitched than usual. "So I've been just, kinda, waiting for you to... say something."

Raven nodded, her eyes looking past him. "That makes sense."

He waited a minute, but when she made no move to continue, the changeling let out a frustrated groan.

"Come on, now's your chance," he pressed, waving his arms dramatically.

The empath blushed. "Sorry. I'm just trying to... sort everything out," she drawled, fleetingly making eye contact.

"Okay..." Beast Boy relented, though he could feel himself growing impatient. He glanced around the room, thankful that nothing seemed to be encased in Raven's energy. It seemed her mind and emotions were working together for once.

"Okay," Raven repeated, before giving the changeling a curt nod. "I think I've finished."

Beast Boy blinked at her.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Raven looked at him pointedly. "You may ask your questions, now."

His eyes widening in realization, the green titan felt his face flush. "Oh, a-alright... Uh..." But he was at a loss for words. What questions did he have?

"So, I take it, you, um, like me?" he mumbled, his face growing hotter.

Raven's face remained blank. "I've always liked you, Beast Boy. We established that in my mind years ago."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Not what I meant, Rae."

Again, she almost smiled, but it seemed she favored her neutral expression. "Yes, I believe I do like you," she confessed, her eyes darting towards her half-eaten dinner. "But I'm still coming to terms with it."

Beast Boy's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?"

Raven let out another sigh, before resting her chin in her hand. "I mean," she began, "that I haven't really allowed myself to actually feel anything yet."

Now his heart was breaking. "What?"

He watched as his teammate pinched the bridge of her nose. "Remember when this all started? When I laid out all the ground rules?"

Beast Boy nodded slowly - that had felt like a lifetime ago.

"Okay," the empath continued. "Remember how I said I needed to experience my emotions, but not necessarily feel them?"

Beast Boy gulped nervously. "Um, yeah?"

"Well, I never really left that mindset. I was able to release my emotions safely; at least, at first. But after Starfire fell ill, and we started to talk more, I suddenly found myself releasing more than I had planned."

He was still confused, though he didn't voice it out loud. Instead, Beast Boy stared at his teammate, his eyes searching her face.

"As we grew closer, it was no longer just some pent up hormones and neglected affection that needed release. It was... genuine," she breathed, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "I should have stopped it then - our arrangement - but I couldn't. I was selfish, and this new emotion was so persuasive. As if it were egging me on. I liked releasing it."

Beast Boy's stomach churned, though he wasn't sure if it was from the food or from Raven's words. "Starfire got sick weeks ago, Rae," he mused, his mind quickly doing the math. "Are you saying... you've felt like this for - "

"I haven't felt anything, yet," Raven corrected. "As I said, I was only allowing myself to experience everything. But the feelings are there!" she added, obviously noticing as the changeling deflated. "They're there, I can promise you that. But, I'm just now coming to terms with them."

Beast Boy nodded again, feeling rather dizzy from repeating the action so much. "Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean - not really, but it's better than nothing," he confessed, before another important question popped into his head. "But wait, if you hadn't yet taken the time to sort everything out, why did you kiss me back?"

Now it was Raven's turn to look sheepish. "Like I said, this emotion likes to egg me on," she replied quietly. Beast Boy's usual grin began to spread across his face, but not before Raven made the final blow.

"But now, with all of this out on the table, I think it's best if we... maybe start over?" she suggested, giving her teammate a guilty look. "I don't know how I feel about kissing you at the moment; if it'll feel like we're moving too quickly."

He knew it made sense, but the thought of backing off physically wasn't very pleasant. Beast Boy had grown so accustomed to sleeping beside her and holding her and just being with her - he was scared of what the change in routine would do to them.

"Are you shitting me?" he blurted, before slapping his hands to his mouth.

Raven shot him a glare. "I need the space - the time to get my feelings in check."

Beast Boy returned her glare. "Well, what about what I need, Rae?" he spat back. "So far, everything has been about you: what you need, how you feel. What about me?"

She seemed taken aback by his words, and the harshness of his tone. Again, it took her a moment to sort her thoughts, though Beast Boy was pleasantly surprised by her answer.

"You're right; I haven't been considering your feelings in this," she admitted, casting her eyes down. "I'm being selfish, again."

Beast Boy would be lying if he said he didn't feel triumphant. "Yeah, you are," he agreed, ignoring the way she fought back another glare. "But I think we can come to a compromise of sorts, right?"

Raven seemed to perk up at his suggestion. "What do you have in mind?"

The changeling smirked. "Well, I seem to remember you enjoying a certain movie with me - how about we watch the sequel?" he began, his smirk growing into a full-blown grin. "You know, spend some quality time together, maybe cuddle a bit - it's not exactly starting over, but it's slowing down some, right?"

Raven regarded him warily. "That... could work?" she questioned, her voice unsure. "Though, I'm not too keen on outing us right off the bat."

Beast Boy wiggled his brows suggestively. "Hey, you heard Jinx - we're alone till midnight!"

Still, Raven looked unconvinced. "I just don't... I guess what I'm saying is..." She paused, taking a shaky breath before letting out a subdued chuckle. "Wow, I can't even complete my sentence. I've spent too much time with you."

The changeling's smile was blinding.

Raven smiled back, though he could still see a sadness in her eyes. "I'm just a little perplexed, is all," she confided. "I haven't really been very... nice to you. Yet, you're still wanting me." Her eyes met his for a moment, before closing. "Why?"

Beast Boy sat back in his chair, his brow furrowing in thought. What she was saying was true - she had been incredibly difficult. Sure, there were moments of kindness and friendship thrown in, but for the most part, he had felt pretty used the whole time. And sure, he definitely enjoyed how she used him, but her dismissing of his feelings whenever he tried to bring it up was a pretty big red flag.

Hell, anyone with half a brain would know to hightail it out of there.

But everyone knew Beast Boy didn't have a brain. Or, at least, he didn't use it much.

"You've always been a bit of a..."

"A 'bitch'?" she finished for him, reopening her eyes and quirking her brow.

Beast Boy ruffled his hair sheepishly. "Heh, uh, sorry about that - " he began, but she dismissed him with a wave.

"You were speaking the truth, Beast Boy," she admitted with a shrug. "I can be pretty cold, and I wasn't being fair to you or your feelings. And I am genuinely sorry. But I can't have you just forgive me like this."

Beast Boy cocked his head to the side, confused. "Why not?" He was an incredibly forgiving person; he always saw the best in people. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that he was willing to forgive her so quickly - hell, especially considering the way he felt about her.

"It's just... wrong?" she supplied, her monotone slipping for a moment, though her face remained passive.

Fighting back a frown, Beast Boy absently studied his half-eaten dinner, his mind elsewhere.

It wasn't necessarily wrong to forgive her, though he knew he was being stupid. She had been toying with him - knowingly, albeit in denial - for weeks now. She had basically admitted that she had been aware of his lo- er, feelings, for her, but made no move to stop it.

And that was kinda messed up.

But as his eyes wandered back towards hers, he remembered why he could forgive her so easily.

He loved her. But not in the romantic sense.

She was his teammate; his friend. One of the only people he could trust with his life. And maybe even his heart, if she stopped being such a selfish bitch for longer than five minutes.

But he was still angry and confused. If she had developed feelings for him, while also being aware of what he felt for her, why had he been the one confessing? Wouldn't it have made more sense for her to blurt out her undying love for him? He wouldn't have disappeared on her. He would have been an adult about it.

She was regarding him blankly, and he had to resist the urge to growl. Why was it so hard for her to feel? Couldn't she at least put forth an effort? Everything about her was always so stoic; so reserved. Hell, it was no wonder he spent most of his time bugging the crap out of her. He'd do anything to see even a hint of emotion cross her stupid, beautiful face.

Biting back another growl, he slammed his hands on the table before him, pushing himself up from his chair.

Raven jumped at the action, and he reveled in the way her brows knitted together in confusion. Sensing her guard was momentarily down, he took the opportunity to lean across the table and capture her lips with his.

Sure, she had just said she didn't know how she felt about kissing, but Beast Boy didn't care. He was going to be the selfish one for once.

He wasn't surprised when Raven immediately leaned away, his eyes opening as the space between them grew. Her expression was crossed between surprise and annoyance, and he was about to muster up the courage to apologize. But, she only paused for a moment, before the distance between them vanished and he suddenly felt her lips pressing against his. He deepened the kiss, shoving his dinner out of the way as he practically crawled over the table. She seemed to be doing the same thing, her hands greedily tugging at his uniform as she pulled him closer, the sound of dishes shattering in the background.

He wasn't sure if it was from her powers, or from the way they cleared the table, but Beast Boy couldn't find it in himself to care. Because finally, for just a second, he felt as if everything was coming together; that maybe they could figure this out in a way that they both agreed on. That maybe everything would be okay.

But the sound of Kid Flash awkwardly clearing his throat said otherwise.

So my last author's note was rather lacking, and I feel like I should apologize for the, uh, slight delay. I won't go into details, but sometimes life kind of gets in the way, you know? I used to use my writing as an escape, but I had fallen head over heels in love with so many things in the real world, that I didn't need to escape reality anymore. And I was just living and being happy and then writing was put on the back burner.

But then my stupid boyfriend got me all the seasons of Teen Titans for Christmas and I found myself falling back into the black hole that is BBRae and, well, here I am!

I have a few more chapters in the works for this story, though it is coming to close. I will also be updating Dealing With It sporadically, so if you follow that story as well, keep your eyes peeled.

But I am truly sorry for disappearing. I love all of you guys so so sooo much.