"Oh, Alex, I'm sorry, I…" Piper tried to apologize for the clear intrusion of privacy. She backs away from the desk with her hands up. Her eyes were wide and she moved slow, trying not to look so guilty.

"Sorry for snooping? Or sorry you got caught?" Alex's smile was off, she wasn't angry but she was hurt and did not find it funny. Her smile was full of pain and frustration.

"Alex, I had no idea.. " Piper points to the open pages of Alex's heart. "I shouldn't of made you get into this with me, it's too much for you, I'm so sorry. I should go…" Piper started backing away.

Alex's eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"Piper, you didn't force me to do anything, I just didn't think you would be able to be so detached and be in so denial to what's really happening." Alex's octave increased in an accusing tone.

Piper's face flashed with anger. "You think this is easy? Trying to pretend not to love you like I used to?" She admits aloud to Alex's surprise. " I can't Alex. I can't go through that again. So If being in denial is what I have to do to keep this from going to shit, then that's what I have to do. I enjoy your company more than I probably should but if that's too much for you…"

"Well, that's not the most self involved thing I've ever heard you say." Alex shrugged in fake amusement, looking away from the blonde.

"Alex, what do you expect? Me to leave my life I've created after you and just free fall through life with you?"

Alex got in her face "I expect you to treat me like a fucking human being Piper, not just a fuck toy that you play with until you get bored!" She growls loudly

"Oh classy Alex, you know that's not what I think of you as." Piper scoffed, holding a hand to Alex and shaking her head, causing her blonde hair to dance around her shoulders.

"Really? Because you find my journal and start backing away, just when shit gets hard, typical of you Piper, always ready to run from the messy shit." Alex crosses her arms "Can't ever take responsibility for your own actions. I'm fucking drowning and all you can say is that you shouldn't have let me get so attached? Fuck you Piper, fuck you." She points a lengthy finger into Piper's face.

"Alex, are you fucking kidding me? We made a deal, a fucking agreement and I had no idea how much it was affecting you to not be able to be more than just an affair." Her voice softens as she thinks about her next choice of words. The anger melts " I love you Alex but we both know I don't have the balls to be unpredictable with you"

"That's the whole point of being with me Piper, I don't know what's going to fucking happen but I know I want you to be there to experience it with me. Yeah we made a fucking deal, to start fucking again but you can't tell me you love him more than you love me" Alex hinges her jaw in anger, She pauses for a moment and continues.

"But you know what?" She grabs the journal off the desk and chucks it onto the floor of the bedroom. "I get angry, I get scared. I fall, I break, I mess up and I make mistakes… But If you can't take me at my worst…" She points to the discarded journal. "….you don't deserve me at my best." She walks out of the room before Piper can respond.

Alex mindlessly picks up a few dishes and random items to tidy her apartment. She tries to find an outlet other than drinking or smoking. She doesn't want to face the blonde, she's exhausted. Mentally and physically. She just wants it to be easier. She smashes a plate against the floor hoping it will make her feel better but it doesn't. It startles her and makes her feel guilty for all the anger she's releasing. Alex prides herself on being a calm and collected person but Piper never fails to bring out all of her emotions.

Piper takes a few moments to collect herself. She debates leaving and never looking back but she took that route once and it left her in shambles. She knows it wouldn't be fair; for Alex or herself. She loves Alex. Truly. She only stays with Larry for a backup plan. A Safety net.

She decides to try and be brave. She sighs heavily, the blonde knows her decision and she wants to stick to it, no matter what the consequences. She decides to get her hands messy so to speak.

Alex's back is to the bright, blue eyed woman. She taps her fingers anxiously on the granite countertop with her eyelids closed over her sore green eyes. She hears footsteps and prays that Piper doesn't leave. She's angry but it doesn't change the way she feels. She needs comfort but won't admit it.

Piper steps closer and closer until she is pressed against the raven-haired woman's slender back.

"I'm looking for the right words to say…" She whispers softly into Alex's ear. A few moments pass, neither of them move. Alex enjoys the warmth of Piper behind her. Piper's arms snake around to Alex's front and hold on tight. Alex sighs in relief of her touch.

"I don't want you to feel like you're drowning anymore." She adds with hints of sadness. She takes another moment, breathes deep and speaks clearly.

"I'm in Alex. All in. I'm going to leave him, sell our apartment and even if you don't want to jump in with both feet, fine. But , I won't lie to him anymore and I won't put you through this pain. I know you still have a girlfriend and it's up to you what you want to do but I'm all in with you Alex. It's not going to be easy but… you are always so inevitable to me." Piper's words start to pick up pace as her thoughts tumble out of her lips.

" and I want to try. Really fucking try. I want the big house and white picket fence. I want the fights, I want the arguments. I want the love and the hate. I want the sex and the cuddles. I want the laughs and all of the crying. I want it all with you Alex. You are my person, you always have been and you always will be. You make me happy and I want to start doing the same for you." She takes a deep breath, kisses her clothed shoulder and waits for Alex's response.