Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate, yadda, yadda, yadda. No copyright infringement intended, Please don't sue!

A/N: So a conversation on GW quickly escalated to hypothesising McKay's reaction to finding out about Sam and Jack. Which led to the following dialogue. This is the basis for my one-shot fic in Chapter 2, I hope you enjoy!:

$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$

McKay: "Do you enjoy wearing those tight tank tops all the time or is that just something you wear whenever you're in my lab?"

:jack: " [to Sam]Is he always like this?"

:sam:*rolls eyes*

:jack: "Oi, MacGyver, you do know she could seriously injure you in about 20 different ways with a pencil, right? [McKay deadpans him] Do you mind not hitting on my girlfriend?!"

:mckay: "uh, yeah...? Sure, in the unlikely event that I meet her... what?"

:jack: "Carter, I thought you said this guy was bright?"

:sam: "And *I* thought we discussed... Discussing this with other people]?"

:mckay: "Whoa! Hold the phone... [to Sam] you're dating this guy?!"

:jack: "By George, I think he's got it! And that's 'General' to you!"

:mckay: "But...but... Oh, come on! Seriously? Where's Ashton Kutcher? I feel like I'm getting punked." [Blank stares] "Him? For real? [Sam nods] But he's military!... Ok, technically so are you but he's... got an IQ of, what? 130? You gotta be at least a 160!"

:jack: "Trust me, geek boy, I know."

:mckay: "Well, you're old so it can't be your looks-"

:jack:"Hey!"

:sam: "Rodney, unless you wanna find your next box of MRE's injected with lemon juice, I suggest you can it. [to Jack] Sir, do you mind?"

:mckay: "She calls you 'Sir'?!"

:jack: "We're at work, McFly, what else is she going to call me? Snookums?"

:sam: [Carter covers her eyes with her hand] "AHEM! Do you both mind? General, please, just... go to the commissary for cake or something. I'll handle this."

:jack: "Sure thing, Carter. Just do me a favour and leave his head on his shoulders, will ya? If you kill him I'll be stuck doing the paperwork for days!" [McKay looks frightened and Jack saunters out]

:mckay: "I think I preferred it when he was here."

:sam: "Rodney, would you shut up for a second, please? Firstly, I don't have to justify [I]anything[/I] to you. Secondly, stop hitting on me, it's unprofessional and rude and, quite frankly, as a person I find you quite annoying most of the time. Thirdly, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this between us."

:mckay: "What? You're not going to order me?"

:sam: "No, Rodney, that would be extremely unprofessional. I'm asking you as a human being, I know it's a concept you find difficult to grasp-"

:mckayanime01: "Hey, you're asking me a favour here!"

:sam: "You're right, I'm sorry. He shouldn't have said anything."

:mckay: "I bet you're gonna kick his ass for that, right? [to himself] I wouldn't mind you kicking my ass sometime-"

:sam: "Rodney! seriously, give it up. Even if I were single I wouldn't date you, you're not my type."

:mckay: "Too 'out there', huh?"

:sam: "Actually, not crazy enough. But that's not the point. Just... keep your mouth shut for once, ok?"

:mckay: "Fine, ok! Jeez... Can I just ask you one thing though?"

:sam: "That depends" [motions for him to continue]

:mckay: "If you ever did date me, would you call *me* 'Sir'? Coz I gotta say, that's kinda hot!"

:sam: "Rodney, you've got ten seconds-"

:mckay: "Ok, ok, I'm sorry! I just... man, he's a lucky son-of-a-... I mean, does he even know how brilliant you are? I mean, obviously second to me but..."

:sam: "was that a compliment?"

:mckay: "No, an observation maybe. It would never work between us anyway, I'm too amazing."

:sam: "Right, well, I think that's my cue to leave! I want your report on this on my desk by tomorrow. And by this I mean the instrument."

:mckay: "Sure thing... Carter."

:sam: "Oh, and one more thing... Don't ever call me Carter again!"

:mckay: "Why, too alluring?"

:sam: "Nah... Just weird."