"I can't believe how selfish Hanna is", was repeating Emily over and over in her mind while she squeezed the car steering wheel between her hands and made a huge effort not to step on the accelerator.

She was on her way to Alison's house to try to stop her outlandish escape. How was possible that Hanna was helping her with that stupid plan? Well… if "burst out running one more time" could be called a plan.

Emily understood that Hanna wasn't comfortable with Ali this close, but the brunette had never expected that she would prompt her to disappear again. After all the dangers they had faced, all the efforts and sacrifices they had been forced to accomplish, after all the terror, pain, anxiety… after all that, when Alison finally wanted to stop running and come back to their lives, then, Hanna decided that she hated her and that she wouldn't stand her that close anymore.

When she arrived at the door of Alison's house, Emily turned off the engine and observed that there weren't any lights on inside of the building. Her heart started to beat a little faster. It made sense that the lights were off if she was trying to run away, but that thought didn't remove the horrible idea that filled every corner of her mind: "she was late".

She knew that her only chance to stop Alison resided by leaving her car and walking into that house fast enough.

"But, what can I say to her?", she was paralyzed in her seat without any clue about how to convince the blonde that, disappear again will be a terrible mistake. She had to admit that Alison wasn't precisely safe there but, at least she had the four of them to protect her (well, three), where could she be safer? And besides, Emily won't allow Alison to fade from her life one more time, if Hanna could be that selfish, she could as well. She loved her, it wasn't a secret, she was still madly in love with the blonde and she refused to lose her again.

With that last thought she got the strength that she needed to get out of the car and approach the house.

The front door was open, something that Emily expected, what she hadn't foreseen was the sound of breaking glass or the typical bangs of a struggle. She rushed to the saloon and the image that she found there froze her: Alison was lying on the floor, face down, completely still, and a silhouette dressed in black was leaving the room by the nearest window.

- Alison! – In seconds she was on the floor, holding the lifeless body of the blonde between her arms, cradling her, repeating her name over and over, so terrified that the tears didn't dare to roll down her cheeks.

She awoke suddenly, incorporated quickly, trying to stop the angst that squeezed her chest. It was the fourth night with the same nightmare, the fourth night without sleeping.

Since someone attempted to strangle Alison everything had been stress and concern for Emily. That night she got there just in time to save her, but whenever the brunette wasn't close to the blonde an indescribable sensation of unease assaulted and plunged her in a state of nerves that restrained her from eating, sleeping or thinking in any other thing instead of the danger that still was lurking all of them.

Emily took several deep breaths, with her eyes closed and her hands holding her head, trying to calm down the wild beats of her heart. Then, she heard a noise that set her in alert immediately.

At the window, trying to close silently the glass, she could recognize some blonde locks.

- Alison? – Emily asked in a whisper, and the window stopped halfway of the frame, a moment of hesitation. - Ali!

- Shh. – Alison replied, leaving her eyes visible.

The brunette jumped out of her bed and came closer to where she was.

- What are you doing there? You'll fall, come in…

- I can't.

- I'll help you…

- No Emily, I can't. – She stared at her, saying the next words on a monotonous way, as if it was a text she had rehearsed a lot and now was obligated to recite. – I'm leaving, I'm not safe here anymore. I'll disappear, forever, it's the best thing to do, for everyone.

- What? No! – The brunette opened the window completely and held out her hands. – Get in, right now.

- I can't. – And this time, she said it with sorrow.

Alison had counted on Emily waking up and she was very committed to what she would say to her, how she would discourage and convince her to accept the idea that leaving was the best option. But, she hadn't counted on that panic look or the severity on Emily's words. If only that damn window had remained silent, everything would have been infinitely easier.

The blonde was going to replicate one more time, to try to go back to her speech, when she lost her equilibrium and found herself suspended in the air, in that second floor, only fastened by Emily's hands.

- I got you. – Assured the brunette, pulling her hard, allowing the blonde to find the toehold that she needed to propel herself into the room. – Are you insane? How would you try to leave by the window? And, by the way, what were you doing in my bedroom? Why are you saying that you're leaving?

- Emily, Em… - Alison placed her hands over Emily's shoulders trying to calm her and herself. – I've got to go.

- No…

- Yes! Don't you see it? It's the best for everyone, the easiest. I'm not safe here anymore and you are all in danger, again!

- But…

- You cannot keep saving me from everything! It isn't fair. You don't deserve something like that… none of you deserve something like that. And I… I'm terrified. – She turned away from her slightly and looked around, as if she was waiting for someone to appear between the shadows to attack her.

- Alison, we are with you, we won't let anything happen to you.

- You can't stop it, nobody can. – Her blue eyes watered quickly and, without even realizing it, she started to shake.

- Ali… - Emily wrapped her in her arms and was surprised by the force with which Alison held on to her.

- I can't take it anymore Em, I really can't… - She was breaking down, something that she had been avoiding since she came back to Rosewood.

- We'll find a way to get through this, you'll see… I don't wanna lose you again.

It hurt. Having her so close, knowing how much she was suffering, not being able to help her, loving her so much… it hurt.

Alison took a couple of breaths and managed to stop shaking. She separated from Emily just enough to look her in the eyes and, with more sadness than she thought she would feel, she said:

- Goodbye, Emily.

It sounded so definitive. Terribly definitive. Those blue eyes fixed on her brown irises, her contracted eyebrows, her hands holding tightly onto her arms and, all of a sudden, a sigh of defeat, the fall of her eyelids and her lips over her lips.

She was being selfish, as always, and she knew it, she was completely aware of it. The simple fact of sneaking into Emily's room that night to see her one last time had been a risky whim. She knew that the brunette would wake up, that she would see her and would try to retain her and, deep down, even thought she would never admit it, that was what she wanted. Not one last look at that beautiful face, lost in some dream; not the chance to leave her the goodbye note that she had scribbled an hour before and that was resting now on her nightstand; no, what Alison wanted was Emily begging her not to go away, she was dying for that frightened look on her chocolate eyes at the thought of losing her forever, she wanted to listen "I'll take care of you" from her lips… she wanted to feel the warmth of an embrace that would whisper to her without words that Emily still loved her.

She wanted all that and, at the same time, while she was losing herself in the taste of her lips, Alison was waiting for Emily to get rid of her. She'll shout at her that she was right, the blonde will only be able to hurt her, after all, she was pure evil… surely the brunette would know how to live without her by now.

- Stay… - Emily asked her, surrounding her waist, approaching their bodies. – Please…

- Emily… - She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to reject her.

Alison slid her fingertips over those beautiful cheeks, feeling how the kiss had warmed her soft skin.

- Stay with me… - Emily insisted, and she kissed her again. Short and hasty kisses, completely desperate kisses that were taking Ali's breath away.

- I can't. – The brunette froze to the steadiness of those two words. Alison didn't even saw them coming.

That wasn't something that she wanted or something that she would have expected, it was something that she needed to do. The blonde undid their embrace and felt the cold air of the night hitting every centimeter of her body. She opened her eyes but didn't dare to look at her.

- I should have never come here tonight.

- And then, why did you do it?

Alison knew that the brunette was looking at her and that she was angry, she could feel it on the strength of that question.

- Why do you come here, tell me that you are leaving and then… you kiss me?

- I don't know. – And it's true, is the most truthful answer that she had given in some time.

- I hate that you can do this to me. I hate it.

The blonde felt that hate and the anger that came with that hate, and she asked herself how Emily had been capable of endure such emotions during all this time. She also asked herself if she would be able to survive the night, because it was beginning to be too much.

- You are so selfish, you care so little about the harm that you can do to other people… I'm done Alison! I can't take it anymore…

And, suddenly, she is kissing her, hard, making their tongues and teeth collide, holding her shoulders so she wouldn't dare to get away from her.

When she was running out of air, she pulled apart their lips and forced the blonde to meet her gaze, a gaze that Emily never thought that would throw, not to her, not to Alison.

- Tomorrow, you can go wherever you want but tonight you are staying with me.

She wasn't asking or suggesting it, she was demanding it, commanding it, and her eyes were screaming: "You owe me!".

In seconds her clothes were on the floor, Emily's hands roamed through her body and her starving mouth devoured her lips.

And Alison allowed that, she allowed Emily to love her. Because the brunette wasn't making love to her, neither was she having sex with her, she was loving her. Even if her hands held too tightly onto her naked waist, or if her teeth ended exceeding the limit of the lips and scratched her skin… she was loving her. And it was something ecstatic and, at the same time, something terribly foolish… it was years of restrained touches, hidden gazes, uncontrollable heartbeats, lost breaths. Years of a love that seemed so wrong but that had stayed oddly unwavering.

Alison could have stopped her in any moment, she knew it, as she also knew that, when Emily said "tonight you are staying with me", the blonde should have answered her with a resounding "no", that she should have even laughed at her face for thinking that she had the control of the situation, she should have told her that she was pathetic, that she could keep dreaming… she should have hurt her, more than she already had hurt her and, however… just before Emily kissed her Alison told to herself that another mistake wouldn't make a difference.

And now she is under Emily, feeling the weight of her body and her heart, beating like crazy against her own chest. She could sense how the brunette was trembling over her, she could hear her moaning whenever her hands rubbed her skin. She was touching her like if she was going to break down any moment and, when the situation was too overwhelming and she shank her fingers on her back, or her arm, or her thigh, leaving a red mark, she rectified with soft kisses.

It's really difficult to dose emotions after so much time hiding them, rejecting them, praying for them to disappear.

Alison replayed every stimulus that Emily offered to her, she had done it from the moment she had ripped off the brunette's clothes with the same desperation that she had showed to her. She followed every caress, every sigh that escaped her lips, every move that her body made… she didn't love her, not exactly, not in the same way that Emily was loving her, because the way Alison felt things was different, much more complicated, maybe less passionate. But, the fact that Emily was loving her, in that moment, during that night, was more than enough, for both of them.

AN: hi everyone! :) So, before anything else, I have to tell you that I don't own absolutely anything of the PLL universe. Also, English isn't my first language, that means you may find some grammatical mistakes (or a lot) and some vocabulary that doesn't make sense... sorry about that :S

At the beginning I wrote that story in Spanish, after all the Emison fights (I was pissed, like, really pissed about how things were happening), and then I though "why not to try and make it in English?", and here I'm! After an awful long time without publishing any story.

I hope you had enjoyed the reading as much as I enjoyed the writing (and the translating). The story is written as a "one-shot" but I have in mind how I would like to continue it, soooo if someone want me to keep publishing it I will :)

PS: the story is been published in Spanish at Wattpad (it's called: "contra todo el desencanto que pudiera haber"), in case someone is interested ;)