I Didn't Mean to Love You

Chapter 20

All the way home Jethro thought about what he would say to Kate. He played and replayed the conversation-at least his side of it-in his head, but nothing sounded right to him. Talking wasn't really his strong suit with women or with anyone for that matter. He preferred to let his actions speak for him but he knew he and Kate had some things that needed to be said and heard by the other person. He promised himself he would tell her what she needed to hear and listen to what she needed to say.

But the closer he got to home the less he wanted to talk to Kate. He wanted to see her; very much in fact, but talking was not what he wanted. He missed her. He knew exactly how he felt about their situation; he wanted her, he loved her and he wasn't nearly man enough to let her go. And, he told himself, he could live with that. He didn't think he could live without Kate however. So, with that reality recognized and accepted and his father's advice echoing in his head, Jethro was more than eager to get home.

When Jethro got home he pulled in his driveway and called his dad to let him know he was there safe and sound.

"Have you talked to Kate yet?"

Jethro laughed; his dad was almost as anxious as he was.

"Not yet. Just got to the house."

"Why aren't you at her house? Don't let any grass grow under your feet, Leroy. Go see her and get this thing straightened out. I want some grandkids while I'm young enough to enjoy them!"

"Whoa dad, let's not get carried away!"

"You're not getting any younger Leroy. Go on now, drive over there and see Kate. Goodbye."

Jethro looked at the dead phone in his hand. He shook his head and put the car in reverse and headed to Kate's house. He thought about calling ahead but decided to surprise her and, as his father said, get things straightened out.

When Kate answered the door, Jethro was about the last person she expected to find standing on her front porch. She hadn't heard from him since he left town and she had no reason to think he would turn up on a Saturday afternoon. She barely had time to say hello before he stepped into her and kissed her. Surprised as she was, she didn't hesitate to hold on and kiss him back. She took a tentative step backward and Jethro followed, kicking the door closed behind him and never breaking their kiss. As soon as they were inside he turned her around and pressed her back against the door. He hadn't meant to greet her in exactly this way but once he saw her he couldn't stop himself. All his doubts were gone the moment he saw her and he had to have her sooner rather than later.

Kate was surprised at this turn of events but certainly not unhappy with Jethro's greeting. She might have appreciated a little warning that he was coming over because she was in the middle of cleaning house and didn't look very good. She was wearing cutoff sweat pants and an old tee shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail and she had on not one bit of makeup. At the moment though, Jethro didn't seem to notice and she couldn't bring herself to care.

Jethro's mouth had left hers and was now making a trail down her throat while his hands were snaking up under her shirt to discover she was not wearing a bra. His hands came to rest on her breasts and his mouth returned to hers in a greedy, demanding kiss. He was pressing her against the door and she welcomed the feel of him, the urgency of his kiss and the way it felt to have his hands on her again. She pushed back against him and ran her hands up under his shirt to hold him in place.

Eventually they had to breathe and Jethro very reluctantly pulled back and relaxed his hold on her.

"Hello, Jethro." Kate could barely talk but someone had to say something so she decided to start.

"Hey, Katie."

They stood there against the door, foreheads touching and hands exploring while they gained back their collective breath.

"When did you get home?"

"Just now."

Jethro was looking her in the eyes when he said that and his voice was soft and full of emotion. Kate felt tears well in her eyes and the next thing she knew Jethro was kissing them away.

"I came to talk to you but when I saw you all I could think about was how much I've missed you. How much I want you."

Kate laced her fingers with his and started down the hall, "Then I think talking can wait."

Jethro followed with a smile on his face and a lightness in his heart that had been missing for a very long time.

Kate had never had the smallest complaint about Jethro as a lover. He was always attentive to her, generous with his affection and never demanded anything more than what she had to give him. But this time something was different; more intense maybe but that wasn't totally it either. She sensed he was more open to her. More at ease with them together. She couldn't really put her finger on it and as she lay all tangled in the sheet with her very satisfied lover, she decided she didn't need to figure out the difference. She was just going to enjoy it.

Jethro also knew something was different between them now. He was always happy with Kate in bed and making love to her had always been more than he thought he deserved. But this time he felt like a new person with her. A place inside him that had been locked up for so long was open now. That place where he kept his memories of Shannon was no longer blocking his emotions. He had finally allowed himself to have what he wanted and he wanted only Kate. Those small places in his mind that told him he wasn't worthy of her love, wasn't ever going to be able to keep her; those places didn't exist anymore. Whatever his failures in the past had meant to him, it didn't matter now. He was finally with a woman he truly loved and who truly loved him in return. Of course he didn't intellectually know all that and never in a million years would he be able to figure it out. All he knew today was that when he made love to Kate he felt free and loved and whole for the first time in a very, very long time. Whatever had been broken in him was fixed.

As much as she hated to break the spell, Kate had to say something. She shifted around to be able to look at Jethro when she spoke to him. Her hand was drawing lazy circles on his chest and at that moment she felt like she never wanted to let him out of her sight. She propped her head on her free hand and kissed him softly on the mouth.

"Jethro, did you think something was different with us this time?"

Jethro was barely able to form a coherent thought much less put that thought into words he was so pleasantly exhausted.

"Uh-huh."

"Is that all you can say?"

"Pretty much. Give me a minute."

Kate began letting her hand drift lower and her mouth was now on his chest. This wasn't going to make it any easier for him to converse with her. Finally he stopped her wandering hand and moved it back up to his chest.

"Yes, something was different. Can't explain it though. Can you?"

"No. I think we still need to talk."

Jethro shifted his position and Kate sat up. He sat up against the headboard and pulled her onto his lap. His hands skimmed down her arms, back up and then into her hair as he pulled her into a long, slow kiss. When he let her go, Kate slipped off the bed and headed for the bathroom

"Be right back. Don't go anywhere."

Hardly anything could have moved Jethro from that bed at that moment. He did reach down and retrieve his boxers and put them on. Kate emerged from the bathroom wearing her tee shirt and panties.

"I can't have a serious conversation with you while I'm sitting naked on your lap."

Jethro laughed. As if those two skimpy garments would really deter him.

Kate climbed back on the bed and into his lap.

"Now, where shall we start?"

"I really only have one question. Why didn't you ever call when you came home after Christmas?"

Kate had asked herself that same thing many times and she still didn't have a good answer.

"I'm not sure. I listened to my mother talk about how you didn't seem to want to commit to us and how I wanted kids and maybe you didn't and I guess I sort of started to believe it. I really, honestly don't know, Jethro. Then after a while it just got to be so long and I thought since you didn't try to contact me you were okay with us being apart. I know it doesn't really make sense. I'm very sorry, Jethro. I missed you terribly and I never stopped loving you. I just screwed up. Can you forgive me?"

In truth, the reasons for Kate not calling didn't matter anymore. Jethro just wanted to know if there was a specific reason she hadn't called.

"Nothing to forgive. We both screwed up. I have something to say and you know I'm not always good at saying what I mean so bear with me."

Jethro closed his eyes for a few moments and took a deep breath. He'd given a lot of thought to what he wanted to say; thought about it most of the way home that day in fact. Now he had Kate right in front of him and he needed a minute to get his thoughts in order.

"When I saw you in the bar that night with Ducky it scared me how much I enjoyed seeing you again. Then when we started seeing each other I really liked it and I thought we'd do that for a while and then you'd go on to someone else. I thought I was okay with that. Turns out I'm not. I didn't mean to love you Katie, but god help me I do. So much. Even though a part of me says I should let you go so you could be with someone better I can't do it. I don't ever want to let you go. I love you."

Kate was speechless. She had wanted so desperately for Jethro to love her and now he did. She reached out and touched his face with her fingertips.

"You know I love you Jethro. Even if you tried to make me go I wouldn't. I won't ever leave you. You are the best man I know and you are more than I deserve but I don't care, I'm keeping you."

They spent the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday in bed together. There were occasional breaks to shower together or eat something but for the most part they spent the weekend making love, talking, holding each other and generally enjoying being in love. When Sunday night came, Jethro suggested he needed to go home so he could get ready for work in the morning.

"Don't you have a go bag in the car? For that matter, you said you never went in the house when you got home so don't you have clothes you took to your dad's?

"They're all dirty but yes, I have a go bag in the car. Problem solved. Now, what about tomorrow night and all the nights after that? I don't want to sleep alone anymore, Katie."

"Me either. I guess we can just go back to what we were doing before, you know spending the nights at each other's houses."

"Don't want to do that."

They were on the couch together having finally spent several hours out of the bed. Jethro had his head in her lap and Kate was running one hand all over his chest and the other one through his hair and occasionally leaning down to kiss him.

"What do you want to do then?"

"Will you move in with me?"

Her hands stilled and she closed her eyes. Jethro looked up at her wondering if he had said the wrong thing.

"You don't. . ."

Kate silenced him with her hand on his mouth.

"Yes."

"You will?"

"You sure you want to do this so soon?"

"Doesn't feel soon to me. Feels like I've waited years for you Katie. Yes, I'm sure. I'm not letting you go and I'm not going anywhere."

Jethro sat up and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of Kate. He studied her face for a few moments then gave her a quick, light kiss.

"Stay right there I'll be back."

He was out the door in a flash then Kate heard the truck door slam and he was back. He dropped his go bag on the floor, returned to sitting in front of her and took her hands in his. Jethro didn't stop to think he simply acted. He followed his father's advice and listened to his heart and his gut. Those things never let him down.

"Katie, will you marry me?"

Kate was astonished to say the least. She had only dreamed of this happening; she certainly never thought it would happen so soon. She didn't need to think about it.

"Yes, I will marry you."

Jethro reached into his bag and withdrew a cigar his dad had sent with him. He pulled off the ring and slipped it on Kate's finger.

"Until we go shopping for the real thing."

"It's perfect. I love you Jethro, more than I will ever be able to tell you."

"I love you more."

Kate pulled Jethro on the couch with her and kissed him for all she was worth. When they had to take a breath, Jethro brushed his thumbs over her swollen lips.

"I have one more question."

"What?"

"You know those kids you didn't think I wanted, when do you think we can we get started on them?"

Kate laughed until tears ran down her face. Jethro just looked at her with his famous smirk in place.

"We started on those yesterday afternoon, lover."

The End

A/N: Yes, that is the end. No epilogue or sequel is coming. You can imagine what happens-they get married and have kids and live happily ever after! Thanks for reading and sending reviews and comments.