A/N: This little story popped up and distracted me from my longer Zaeed fic (have no fear, I will be continuing that anon) when I saw a photo online of Kate Upton in a swimming pool wearing a white top. I make no apologies for the pure pornographic nature of this little one-shot. I cannot help myself - I love Joker too much :))

The party had been in full swing for several hours and Joker was starting to feel a bit woozy. He'd even agreed to take up a rifle on the range with Garrus and Wrex, which was the point he began to wonder if he needed to take a break. It had been good to let loose for a while, though – it seemed like an eternity since any of them had spent a single waking minute doing something other than worrying about the Reapers. And where better to party than this awesome apartment? Shepard was damn lucky to have this fall in her lap, he thought, though God knew she deserved it.

The woman herself was in the kitchen, pulling together a tray of snacks. Joker thought eating was probably a good idea, so he headed her way.

"Hey, Commander. Great party," he said, leaning over her to steal a handful of nachos.

Shepard smiled at him. "Glad you're enjoying yourself," she said, patting his shoulder. "Not sure I've seen you relaxing since we stopped off at Purgatory last."

Joker's hand stilled, nachos half way to his mouth. As if he could forget that evening. He hadn't been at all relaxed then, no matter what Shepard said. In fact, he'd been wound up tight as a bowstring by the end of the night, replaying the conversation he and the commander had had while he was propping up the bar considering a relationship with EDI.

"Other options," she had said, with a look which had left him in absolutely no doubt what exactly she meant.

Joker remembered well how his mind had stuttered to a complete halt as images of Shepard and him… together… had assailed him. He'd worked with his commanding officer for the best and worst years of his career, watched her die for Christsake, lived with the fucking all-consuming guilt of her death for what had felt like a lifetime. He'd never once even imagined she would think of him in that way. She was…

She wasn't the sort of woman he normally went for. As a commanding officer, she was second to none… tough, confident, brave and absolutely deadly. As a human being, she scared the shit out of him.

Georgia Shepard was a soldier at heart, all lean muscle and sculpted form. For all that, she was still a woman, with a figure that would make a fortune in the clubs if she were an asari and inclined to strip off rather than shoot to kill. And she had the looks to go with it, too: long golden brown hair, smooth olive skin, huge green eyes. He didn't think he had ever seen another woman who could hold a candle to Shepard. She had the sort of beauty he had thought only existed in art - or on the extranet, heavily edited.

Basically, the sort of woman who wouldn't ever look twice at a guy like him. The sort of woman who would normally have him stumbling over his words like a fool, stuttering and trembling. Luckily, she was his commanding officer and that professional distance had allowed them to grow close. He was proud to call her his friend. But that evening, she had thrown him completely out of his comfort zone.

He had panicked and changed the subject as quickly as he could, citing the chain of command. He'd actually turned her down. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and even now he could picture the disappointment on her face. She'd made a sarcastic comment about EDI and told him not to be so stupid, that the AI was just a robot, before stalking off to get drunk at the upstairs bar with Cortez. God, she'd been hammered that night, too – by all accounts, Aria had found her passed out on a sofa and called on Liara to take her back to the Normandy. Joker wasn't sure just how much of their conversation Shepard remembered. She certainly hadn't mentioned it again.

It looked like she wasn't drinking much tonight, though. Seemed like she was the only sober one in the apartment, too busy mixing up drinks and making food for everyone else.

"Seems to me that you need to be relaxing a bit too, Commander," Joker said. "You're running around after all of us, when it's you who needs to chill out the most."

"Are you suggesting I'm a stresshead, Joker?" Shepard grinned at him and put down the tray of nachos.

"Ah – no, didn't mean it like that," he said hurriedly. "Just that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you need some decent down time."

"That's what I have the hot tub for," she said. "Pretty good for when I'm feeling all tense and rotten."

Joker raised his eyebrows. "You have a hot tub? Here?"

"Oh yeah," she said. "And it's fantastic."

"This whole place is pretty amazing. Anything else you have hidden away?"

Shepard laughed, her voice musical. "Nothing that I've found myself yet. Anyway, the hot tub is hardly a secret. You fancy a dip, then?"

Joker flushed, thinking that he would both kill to share a hot tub with his commander, and would simultaneously kill to avoid the embarrassment.

Somehow his voice made the sounds for him. "Yeah, sure, why not?" Must be the alcohol.

Shepard led the way upstairs, bounding up them two at a time as he gingerly followed her. He was shocked when she disappeared into a bedroom. Tub must be in her room, he thought, oh my fucking God. I'm in Commander Shepard's bedroom.

It wasn't until they were both standing in front of the tub that he realised he didn't have anything to wear in the water. He would have to strip down to his standard issue Alliance briefs, the thought of which made his cheeks glow redder than a Reaper beam. He wasn't out of shape but he knew he wasn't a hard body like the guys Shepard usually hung around with, and the thought of being so exposed in front of her made him want to run away and hide – if he could run. Damn, he wished he could run.

"Don't worry, I won't watch you undressing," she said, as if she had read his mind. "I'm gonna go change into something lighter for the tub. Be back in a few minutes."

She pulled the door closed behind her as he began to unbuckle his leg braces.

Joker was submerged in the water when she returned, thoroughly enjoying the jets of spray which were digging in to his muscles and undoing the tension he hadn't been aware he was carrying. The water was wonderful – warm and frothy, and scented with something that smelled of marjoram. His head had lolled back on to the side of the tub and he had closed his eyes. This was indeed worth stripping off for, he thought.

The door hissed back and Shepard lowered herself to the edge of the tub, her long tan legs sliding into the water. She had changed into dark cotton shorts and a plain white T-shirt and had tied her long hair into a loose ponytail.

"How's the water?"

Joker opened his eyes slowly and smiled up at her. "Perfect. Come on in."

There was a soft splash as Shepard dropped into the tub, sinking up to her shoulders in the rippling water with a sigh. Joker noticed that she had brought a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"Now that's what I call a party," she said, "a hot tub, a glass of wine and good company. Would you do the honours with the bottle?"

He leaned over and snagged the wine, a good dry white by the look of the label. He wondered where Shepard had managed to find such a decent bottle; most of the alcohol sold on the Citadel was of the "hold your breath and drink it quick" variety. He'd sworn that he had drunk enough, but this was a rare treat so one glass couldn't hurt.

They sipped their wine and chatted, covering every topic from gossip about their crewmates (apparently Vega and Ashley were getting it on) to whether anyone had ever seen a female Vorcha and, if so, whether they would be more or less attractive than Diana Allers.

Joker had just about decided that this hot tub was possibly the greatest thing ever, and this evening was turning out to be the best party he'd been to in a long time. It had been so long since he had chatted like this with Shepard, and with the scented water foaming around him he felt so relaxed he could have sworn he was made of marshmallow. Right up until Shepard drained her first glass of wine and went for a refill.

Joker blinked as she stood up in the water, striding over to the side of the tub where the bottle sat. His mouth went dry as he realised he had a perfect view of Shepard's white T-shirt, which was now soaking wet, almost transparent and clinging to her curves. She wasn't, he noted incredulously, wearing a bra. He could clearly see the outline of her dark nipples and the paler skin of her breasts pushing against the sodden fabric.

He thought this was the most glorious sight he had ever seen. He knew that he really ought not to be looking, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

"Want a top up, Joker?"

"Uh, what?" His tongue felt as if it was four times its normal size, and he had no idea what Shepard had just said to him.

She waved the bottle impatiently. "I said, would you like some more wine? Before I drink it all."

He swallowed hard, cleared his throat. "Oh. No, no thanks. Sorry, I was elsewhere just then."

"I noticed. Seems like a good place though, wherever it was, going by the daft smile on your face. Penny for them?"

Fuck. "Um, you really don't want to know."

Shepard raised her eyebrows and laughed. "Well, now I do!"

"Oh, well, shit," Joker said, unable to meet her eyes. "Guess I got caught staring."

"What do you -" Shepard began, then broke off as she realised just what had happened to her top when it had met the water. Joker heard a loud splash as she dropped back down into the tub.

"Jeez, Joker, you could have said."

"Oh yeah, right, 'Hey, Shepard, by the way, just so you know I can totally see your tits right now'. I can imagine how that would've gone down."

"Damn it. Well there's only one thing for it," she said, "you'll have to bring me a towel. There's one in the cupboard out on the far side of the bedroom, by the door."

"Me? Why do I have to go?" Joker felt a surge of panic at the thought of having to leave the water.

"It's not like I can go wandering around like this, is it," Shepard said. "There are people all over the place out there, and the bedroom door is wide open. Can you imagine if Vega, or Traynor, or Massani or, God forbid, Grunt got an eyeful of me right now? I'd never hear the end of it."

"To be fair, Shepard, you still aren't gonna hear the end of it," Joker chuckled.

"Bastard!" she said, lightly. "Seriously, though, would you please just go and get me a towel? You can get back in afterwards."

"Uh, well, okay. I'll get one in a bit."

"You – hang on," Shepard said, a small sly smile creeping across her face. "Why can't you go now?"

Joker felt himself blush all over, the skin on his chest turning as pink as his face. "No rush, is there? There's still half a bottle of wine left. You wanna get out now?"

"What if I do?"

"Then you'll just have to wait," Joker said, hoping that she would just let it drop.

"Jokeeeerrrr," she drawled, her voice teasing. "Tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"Damn it, Shepard, you know full well what the problem is," he said between gritted teeth.

Joker hissed as he felt her brush against him in the water, her body suddenly uncomfortably close as she leaned over to speak into his ear.

"I think I do," she said quietly. "You know, there's a way to take care of that. Just let me know if you're interested."

He gaped at her, shock and a sudden need warring in his mind as he pictured his hands sliding over the wet cotton of her T-shirt, sliding it up and off her body. Imagining skin against skin in the warmth of the water, how she might feel pressed against him.

"Fuck, yeah," he whispered, his voice breaking. Chain of command be damned.

Her body was sinuous in the water, almost flowing around him with the rippling jets. Then she was kissing him, her lips surprisingly soft. She tasted of wine and peppers, and her skin smelled like cinnamon. His mind blanked into whiteness as her tongue began to explore his mouth, her arms wrapping around his back. The sensations were incredible – the feel of her breasts pressing into his chest, her thigh against his groin. If there was ever any doubt why he couldn't leave the water, it was gone now.

"Touch me, Jeff," she murmured against his lips. Her voice was husky and thick with arousal, and he felt that any moment now he would wake up. This had to be a dream.

It didn't feel like a dream, he thought as he obeyed her request. She felt real enough under his hands, her skin smooth and slippery in the water. The saturated top peeled off easily enough, discarded at the side of the tub as he feasted his eyes upon her breasts, rounded and full. He ran his thumb experimentally over her nipple and felt his chest tighten as she arched her back and gasped.

He groaned and pulled her close for another kiss, feeling more aroused than he could ever remember. Every movement she made, every small sound that passed her lips, all served to turn him on even more. He hoped that he could hold it together and not make a fool of himself.

His resolve was tested moments later when her hand slipped into his briefs, curling around his cock and sliding down to the base. The water acted as a natural lubricant, and he cried out as she began to move her hand rhythmically.

"Oh, shit, Shepard… oh God," he gasped breathlessly, clenching his teeth and struggling for control. He didn't want this to end yet, wanted more than anything to be inside her. Eventually he had to grab her wrist and pull her hand away.

"Want you too much for this to end now," he said, his voice sounding far-away and dazed. He felt her smile against his lips as she kissed him again.

Joker watched speechlessly as Shepard suddenly stood up and shucked off her shorts and panties, standing confidently in front of him as he raked his eyes up and down her naked body. She was a vision, he thought, fit and athletic yet soft and curvy at the same time. He knew this moment would be burned into his memory forever.

She sank back into the water, straddling him on her knees. His breath caught as she took his hand and guided it between her thighs.

"This is all for you, Jeff," she said, her voice low and hoarse. "This is what you do to me."

He shook his head in disbelief as his fingers parted her folds and he found her soaking wet. It was as if he had forgotten how to breathe – there was a weird tightness in his throat and his stomach was in knots. Forcing himself to relax, he began to stroke her gently.

Shepard's response was immediate and mindblowing. She threw her head back, whimpering and sighing as he slid his fingers over her sex. When he slipped two fingers inside her, she called out his name and he almost came right there in the water.

"Oh God, Shepard," he said again, feeling faint with his almost unbearable need for her. "I just… I just want…"

"Shh," she said softly. "I know."

Joker blinked furiously as she reached down and slid his briefs down his legs, stroking her fingernails along his submerged skin as she did so. He let out a desperate whine as she positioned herself over him, her teeth pulling at her lower lip.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this, Jeff," she said as she lowered her body on to him. Joker bit back a curse as he felt himself slide agonisingly slowly inside her. His eyes rolled back in his head at the first sight of his shaft disappearing into her body, the first thrill of her soft heat enveloping him.

It was everything and too much all at once, far better than anything he could ever have imagined. She felt like velvet wrapped tight around him, her muscles rippling and sending shocks of sensation along his cock. His belly tautened as she began to move over him, and he knew that there was no way he could last long.

Not before her, though, he thought anxiously. Shepard was in a world of her own, it seemed, her breaths coming in short gasps as she rode him. Her green eyes met his, her expression both intense and dreamy. He wanted to make her feel as good as he did right now, wanted to see her face as she tipped into orgasm. Needed to know that he could, that he was good enough to make the great Commander Shepard come.

Joker slid his hands between them and pressed his finger against her clitoris, rubbing in gentle circles. He could feel himself sliding into her as he touched her, felt the throb of his own body against hers. Suddenly she gasped and stiffened, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as he felt the unmistakable sensation of her clamping down on him. The sight of her, lost in the passion of her climax, swiftly pulled him into his own orgasm and he stared into her eyes as he spilled himself deeply inside her.

As he held her against him in the bubbling water, breathless and stunned, Joker felt overwhelmed by the sheer intimacy in these moments. He'd never felt this way before, hadn't known it was possible – not with anyone, but especially not with a woman like Georgia Shepard. He wondered what all this meant for him, for her, for them.

One thing was for sure. He was glad that he hadn't attempted to satisfy his curiosity about EDI. He wouldn't have wanted to miss this experience for the world.

"Mmm," Shepard murmured, pressing light kisses against his chest and neck. "That was wonderful."

Joker tightened his arms around her, his mouth working without words. He didn't quite know what to say, the emotions in his throat choking his voice from him. Honestly, he thought, he wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

He wasn't sure how long they lay there in the water, his arms around her and her head on his chest, her fingers dragging slow patterns across his skin. Long enough for him to finally clear his throat and speak.

"Wow."

"You can say that again," she smirked up at him.

He grinned back at her. "Wow."

Shepard sat back on her heels, cupping his face in the palm of her hand and meeting his gaze. "I don't know about you, Jeff, but I don't want this to be a one-time thing."

Joker saw the same trepidation in her expression as that night in Purgatory, which now seemed like a very long time ago. He mentally kicked himself, wondering how he could ever have turned her down, what he might have given up had they not had this second chance.

"My track record's pretty shitty, Georgie, but I think you're amazing. I say we give this a chance and see where it takes us," he said with a small smile.

The beam that lit up her beautiful face right then was the sort of thing that made everything worth fighting for, he thought.

"Guess I'd best get that towel for you after all," he said, "'cause everyone's going to be wondering where the hell we have got to. People are gonna talk."

"Let them," she said, and kissed him again.