Disclaimer: Characters belong to Fresh Tv. I own nothing.

~A/N~ Well, here we are. It's the finale and the battle lines have been drawn, so kick back and prepare your bodies!


Chapter 10: That Chapter Where Everything Gets Resolved In A Timely Manner Without Leaving Too Many Loose Ends


Scarlett reached down to her waist and pulled out a pair of binoculars. She zoomed in on the farmhouse ans noticed that a single light was on near the back of the house, casting an eerie glow on the backyard.

She turned her attention to the barn. One of the doors was slightly open, revealing a hint of golden light.

"Phase one is underway," Scarlett whispered to herself as she stepped out of the cornfield and into the cow pasture. Rows of hay bails stretched across the meadow, giving Scarlett a nice cover that was out of view from the house.

As Scarlett passed by the barn, she couldn't help but looks inside. She pushed the door open a bit more and peered around the other door. "Max?" she whispered. "Anybody?"

"Who's that?" replied a masculine voice. "Are you an officer?"

Scarlett, being curious, stepped inside the barn and frantically searched for the owner of the odd voice. She opened one of the pig pens and saw two muddy figures sitting on the ground with their limbs hog-tied together.

One figure raised it's head. "Please, you gotta help us! She trapped us here and made us roll in shit!"

Scarlett sighed. "Sorry, you're not who I'm here to find. But you can help me!" She reached down and wiped the mud from the face of the other figure. She gasped. "You!"

"Oh fuck," the figure trembled. "Scarlett?!"

"The one and only," Scarlett smirked. "I see that you remember me, Officer Tammy Wilson."

"How did... How you get out?!" Tammy stuttered. "You got a life sentence!"

"Tammy, who the hell is the bitch?" Officer Ray asked. "You know her?"

"She tried to kill seven people on television," Tammy told her partner. Scarlett smiled as if she was proud.

"She's a killer?" Ray gasped.

"Not entirely," Scarlett pointed out. "I've yet to intentionally kill a human, but I can't say the same for hamsters, cats, dogs, chickens, and the like. Well, not unless you include turning a child into an insect and having him get hit by a car, that is."

Ray began to cry. "We're not gonna tell anybody if ya' let us go! You can trust us! Please don't rip my guts out!"

"Oh, I'm not worried about you two. After tonight, you won't have to worry about your dull lives ever again. Sound familiar?" She looked at Tammy.

"I didn't mean it, Scarlett. I didn't!" Tammy was breathing heavily as she tried to keep calm.

Scarlett reached down and wiped the rest of the mud from her face. "Repeat what you said when you closed the door to my cramped prison cell. Go ahead. I want to hear it again."

Tammy looked away and let out a sorrowful sigh.

"Say it. Now!" Scarlett demanded, glaring at Tammy with her terrifying, cold eyes.

"Enjoy your miserable life in hell, stupid bitch!" The officer broke down and started weeping. "I was wrong! I didn't mean it! I swear on the bible!"

"Music to my ears," Scarlett said. "Now listen here, imbeciles. I'm after a rather short boy with a hideous face and purple hair. Tell me where he is."

"We don't know," Ray gasped. "Sugar knocked us out before we could find him!"

Scarlett nodded. "Completely believable, but not good enough." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small box wrapped in colorful wrapping paper. "Now tell me everything."

"We don't know!" Tammy blurted out. "We don't know a damn thing!"

Scarlett stood up and straightened her pose. "Well, then you're useless to me." She grabbed at the ribbon that tied the box together and pulled it off. "You know, it's actually ironic that it had to be you." She dropped the box and walked out of the barn without looking back.

When the box hit the ground, Ray smiled. "Hey, how'd she know it's my birthday?!"

He tapped the box with his foot as Tammy screamed. "Ray, noooooo!"

The officers gasped and covered their faces. Nothing happened.

"Ha!" Ray cheered, a smile on his face. "It didn't blow up!"

Suddenly, the box's top sprung open and a plastic Max head sprouted out like a Jack-in-the-box, startling the two cops.

"God, it's hideous!" Ray screamed.

"It's harmless, Ray," Tammy said. "It's just a gag; a joke!" She chuckled and tapped the box with her boot.

"Time to evil!" the Max head said in a squeaky voice.

Ray and Tammy laughed until their eyes were watering as the head began to laugh as well, producing one of Max's typical evil laughs.

All of the sudden and without warning, the eyes of the Max head were glowing red and the voice became deeper and more sinister. "Prepare to die, fools!" The mouth opened up and a laser beam shot out, zapping both cops at once and leaving them as piles of ash and clothes.

Outside, Scarlett turned back and smiled before continuing to move towards the house. "Good riddance."


"No!" Max screamed as Sugar coated his face in powder. "I'm not a clown... I'm an evil!"

"Shut up, Max!" Sugar hissed. "I ain't done with this fabulous work of art!"

"Evil will not... give in to... your heinous desires!"

"Hey!" a curious and enthusiastic voice chimed from behind the duo. "Why am I a sheep?!"

Sugar turned and saw Leonard and Ella awake and struggling to escape from their restraints. "Because ya' are. Now shut it and wait for your turn!"

"But I wanted to be a gryphon!" Leonard whined. "Sheep aren't magical at all unless their fleece is golden!"

"And I wanted to be a swan!" Ella whined in unison.

"It's what it is, so cut the chatter!" Sugar growled impatiently.

"Yeah, fools, cut the chatter!" Max said, trying to break free of his constraints. "And help me!"

"Stop fussin' or I'll get ornery!" Sugar grabbed Max's hands and leaned in close to his face.

"You were being nice before?!" Max gasped. "You're bluffing!"

"Sugar don't bluff!" She slapped Max across the cheek, smearing the white makeup. "Now let me make you beautiful!"

Max screamed, but his shriek was cut off by a rumbling noise outside the door of the room, which was, as Max had just noticed, was the same room where Sugar had played dress up with him nearly a week before.

"What in tarnation is that noise?" Sugar glared at the door and dropped her utensils.

The noise stopped and Sugar, along with her slaves, cautiously raised their eyebrows.

Suddenly, the door flew off it's hinges and smashed into Sugar straight on, knocking her to the floor. Standing in the cloud of smoke on the other side of the doorway was Scarlett, holding a small canister of lipstick which she immediately placed in her pocket.

"You came!" Max cheered. "You really do know how to be useful!"

Scarlett walked into the room smiling. She walked over to Max and cut his restraints with a pocket knife. His face was covered in white smudges and his cheeks were painted with a rosy pink. Scarlett chuckled.

"It's not funny! Do you know what I've been through?!" Max chastised Scarlett and waved his fist furiously.

Scarlett rolled her eyes. Max hadn't changed a bit. "You want to get out, right?"

Max sighed. "If we must." He stopped and looked at Scarlett's waist and the weapons that covered it. "Hey, those are my inventions!"

"I know. Your designs were adequate, but I improved upon them. And now, they're all fully functioning and-"

"Hey!" Leonard complained. "What about us?!"

"Meh," Scarlett said. "Do we really have to?" she asked Max.

"Screw their petty souls! Let's go!"

"Not so fast, little man!" Sugar screamed, pushing the heavy door off of her body and standing up, covered in dirt. "This little piggy goin' to the slaughter house!" She pulled a meat cleaver out of nowhere and grew a maniacal grin.

Max screamed, cowering behind Scarlett. "Do something, sidekick."

Scarlett cringed and pulled out a pink handgun. "Try this on for size!"

"My butterfly ray!" Max cheered. "Capable of turning anything into a butterfly!"

Scarlett took aim and fired, but Sugar reflected the pinkish beam with the metal cleaver. The beam rebounded and hit the gun, blinding the duo with a bright light. When the light cleared, Scarlett was holding a butterfly in her palms which she quickly crushed.

"Impressive," the psycho said to Sugar. "But how about a little gift?!" She pulled a wrapped box out of her array.

"The birthday bomb," Max commented. "Able to vaporize anything in the nicest way possible... with a gift!"

Scarlett tossed the box at the pageant queen, who quickly sliced it in two.

"Quick, sidekick, try the Sonic Deathboom ray!" Max said, tugging at Scarlett's belt of tricks.

"The what?" Scarlett asked cluelessly, unaware of what Max was referring to.

"This!" Max pulled out a dish-like item and pointed it at Sugar. "It can explode eardrums!"

The dish suddenly collapsed and fell off, leaving Max to chuckle nervously. "I guess it was, uh, just a prototype."

Sugar growled and threw her cleaver at the short teen, but missed and embedded it in the wall next to him.

Max screamed and ran out the door, leaving Scarlett alone to face her opponent.

"Well, what ya' got left?" Sugar taunted the quiet brainiac. "Nothin' at all, huh?"

Scarlett touched the remaining weapons and felt beads of sweat trickling down her face. She knew it was all or nothing. It was time.

"Oh, don't won't worry, Sugar. I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. Just like this!"

Scarlett reached behind her and tapped a button on the top of her backpack before immediately stretching her arms to her sides. A hiss filled the air as the backpack began to... transform.

Cords and metallic sheets shot out of the sides of the leathery pack and covered Scarlett's chest and arms. A spine-like cord shot up and connected itself to her neck. A pair of goggles emerged from the cord and covered Scarlett's eyes.

Sugar was stunned. "What..."

"Enjoy the presentation," Scarlett said, smiling, as the suit of armor coated her hands and face.

"You might a robot suit, but I have it where it counts," Sugar said pointing to her head.

"Your misconceptions of your brainpower are hilarious," Scarlett said through her mask with glowing eyes.

"Oh, really?" Sugar asked sarcastically. "Well, I'll have ya' know that I scored a five on my college entrance test. Beat that, sucker!"

"Understood," Scarlett said, raising her fist and aiming at Sugar. A small slot opened up above her fist and a small, sharp blade shot out at Sugar's face.

The pageant queen screamed in terror and ducked as the blade whizzed through her hair, cutting a chunk of it out.

"Ha," Leonard laughed.

Sugar turned and punched Leonard in the face, knocking him unconscious. Ella sat still and watched it all go down.

"No one touches my golden locks and gets away without gettin' Sugared!" The pageant queen lunged at Scarlett and grabbed her metal-clad arms.

Scarlett fought back and grabbed Sugar's hair, ripping out a huge clump and leaving her crying in pain and anger.

In retaliation, Sugar jammed her knee into Scarlett's stomach and the genius doubled, falling down with Sugar on top.

The pageant queen quickly gained the upper hand and began to beat Scarlett's face, striking the mask with a massive force and knocking it off.

"Well, look who's been Sugared," Sugar cackled, reaching up and grabbing her meat cleaver. She ran it along Scarlett's face as the brainiac tried to break free.

"Hold it right there, fiend!" a familiar voice rang out.

Sugar looked up and saw Max, still in his pig suit.

"It is I, the world's most evil genius, here to save the day!" Max puffed his chest and smiled like a maniac.

"Oh shut it, short stuff!" Sugar snarled as she brought the knife closer to Scarlett's face. "You ain't got nothin' on me."

"Or do I?" Max shouted bombastically.

"Do you?" Scarlett asked dryly. "If you pull some stunt, I swear-"

"Wrong, sidekick. For I have found the most evil, the most deadly, and the most heinous weapon of all time!" Max laughed and pulled out a piece of metal. "The fork!"

Sugar snickered. "The fork?! The fork?! That's the stupidest thing-"

Sugar was cut off when Max flung it at her face and missed... by a country mile. Given the chance, Scarlett shot a punch directly into her jaw, knocking her over and allowing herself to take the offensive.

"Yes, sidekick! Destroy her booty!" Max cheered as Scarlett pelted Sugar with a barrage of punches, kicks, and slaps. Sugar grabbed Scarlett's arm by the armor and accidentally clicked a button on the side, causing a sword to pop out the front. Scarlett smiled and swung, slashing at Sugar was rapid strikes, swipes, and lunges.

Then Sugar did the unthinkable. She grabbed the blade itself and ripped it off, cutting both hands to shreds and pouring blood over her pink top. Scarlett tried to fall back, but Sugar tackled her to the ground yet again. However, something was different.

When Sugar hit the ground with the redhead in her grasp, she felt a searing pain in her gut, followed by a warm trickle of heat. She gasped and fell off Scarlett, revealing a bloody wound in her belly with a piece of metal jutting out. It was a small blade from Scarlett's arm cannon, stained in red and dripping with blood.

Sugar gasped and began to shudder before she collapsed like a bag of bricks. She breathed a small groan and passed out.

"Great job, minion!" Max congratulated Scarlett. "We did it!"

"That we did," Scarlett grunted as she struggled to stand up. "Now let's get out of this hell hole!"

"But I wanted to draw genitalia on her face and steal her money," Max whined.

"No time," Scarlett said nonchalantly. "I set a bomb in the house to detonate in precisely eighty seconds. Unless you want to become a meal for the vultures, you'd better listen to me and get out!"

"But what about us!?" Ella shouted from her place on the table as she nodded in Leonard's direction. "You can't leave us here!"

"Screw you!" Max screamed as he ran outside.

Scarlett followed the mastermind outside and waved at Ella as she left. "Enjoy the fireworks, princess."

Max heaved his way into the driveway as Scarlett followed closely behind. He turned back and laughed. "See, Scarlett, I told you that I would save the day."

"Really?" Scarlett asked. "You never said that. If I remember correctly, you cried to me for help and got dressed up in that suit."

Max looked at his costume and groaned. "Maybe you're right about that. Well, partially right. I mean, there's no way I'd cry for help when-"

Suddenly, the farmhouse exploded in a flash of white, knocking Max to his feet. He looked back to see the building collapse and burst into flames.

"It's so beautiful," Max said, his eyes like saucers. "It's just so..."

"Evil?" Scarlett asked.

"Yeah... Evil."

Despite the victory at hand, something was off about the atmosphere, and Max could sense it. Suddenly, the rubble of the building was ripped apart and a dark figure stepped out, accompanied by a loud buzz.

Sugar stepped into the light cast by the fire, coated in blood. She lifted up a chainsaw and smiled wickedly at the evil duo. "Time to get Sugared!"

Max and Scarlett screamed simultaneously and ran away from the house with Sugar in hot pursuit, albeit with a limp.

"Quick, Max! Follow me!" Scarlett grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down the driveway.

"Ready to die, little pig!?" Sugar laughed from within the darkness. "Sugar's got a hankerin' for some pork tonight!"

"She's crazy," Scarlett said calmly. "But she's not on wheels. My car's parked about two hundred and fifty meters down the county road. If we can get to it without dying, we're safe."

"Good," Max panted. "Now how we kill her?"

"We won't!" Scarlett snarled. "I like my life, and I'm sure prison will have nice cell ready for her!"

"That's not fair," Max whined as he and Scarlett crossed the railroad tracks and jumped onto the roadway, mere feet from the car. "She tried to kill me!"

"Enough, now get in!" Scarlett yelled as she struggled to unlock her car doors.

The buzz of Sugar's chainsaw was growing closer as Max tapped Scarlett's wrist, telling her to go faster. She hissed back and managed to find the right key, unlocking the door.

"Go!" Max shouted, jumping into the passenger's seat and slamming the door. Scarlett jumped in and turned on the ignition, slammed the gas pedal, and sped away just as Sugar swiped at the car with her weapon.

"I'll get you little man!" she screamed, waving her chainsaw through the air. "You're both gonna die!"

As she watched the lights of Scarlett's vehicle disappear down the road, she smashed her chainsaw into the ground and grasped her wound. Suddenly, a loud honk erupted from behind her as the road became flooded in a bright light. Sugar turned in time to see a flash of light bathe her in terror, but couldn't move out of the way.

Sugar hit the pavement and apparently died as the bus sped down the road. Or, maybe it was a train. She probably couldn't even tell the difference anyway, so it doesn't matter.


Scarlett drove Max home after removing the pig suit and stopped in front of his house. She turned to him and sighed. "There. I hope you understand how much I went through to save your pathetic life."

"Oh, I do," Max said gratefully. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this, but my mind is too valuable to lose."

"You're pushing it, Max. Just go!"

Max looked down and back at Scarlett. "Scarlett?"

"What?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"No," she hastily responded.

"Alright, well I don't know how to word this, but..."

"I said no, Max. Now get out of my car."

"Scarlett... Will you be my sidekick?!"

Scarlett smiled and looked at Max again. She leaned in close to his ear and whispered. "No."

Suddenly, Max felt a sharp pain in his side before passing out. Scarlett watched him fall out of the car as she fiddled with the taser in her hands.

With Max off the road and out of her care, the redhead smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "Finally." She leaned over and closed the door of her car before reaching inside her glove box and pulling out a small switch.

"And..." Scarlett flipped the switch and the ground began to shake. The Dow's house erupted in fire before exploding across the yard, scattering wood and metal over the road and shattering the neighbor's windows.

"Now we're done..."

Scarlett drove off as Max slept on the front yard, smiling and dreaming about evil forks, pigs, and candy fairies. Yes, candy fairies.


Well, that's all she wrote... maybe. ;)

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. This whole idea was on a whim and I'm glad it got support, so thanks to all who reviewed! Sadly, this story has to end, and in a rather deathly fashion too, but it was a comedy, so take things lightly.

It's weird though. I wanted to write a story that would get Sugar more fans, but I think I did the opposite, and this ISN'T even a Sugar bashing fic. Oh well. At least there might be more Sugar related stories out there soon, and maybe even from me.