Disclaimer: All characters belong to Fresh Tv. I'm only writing this for fun.

~A/N~ I was bored, and I love Max and Sugar (not as a couple... ew), so I said 'Why not?' and ended up with... this. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated.

Chapter 1: This Can't Be Too Bad, Right?

Max received the call late at night. As expected, the mastermind wasn't one for having his so called "nappies" interrupted. After all, a future world ruler such as Max couldn't plot the destruction of Venezuela on minimal sleep.

When his phone rang the first time, Max merely rolled over in his bed. After a moment of silence, the phone rang again. Apparently this caller was intent on getting an answer.

Max groaned. He turned himself over and waited for the infernal ringing to stop. When it ceased, the evil genius smiled in content and pulled his covers over his head. After taking a few deep breaths and drifting back into sleep, the phone rang for a third time.

Each painful ring drilled into Max's ears, forcing him to whip himself out of bed and snag the phone from the charger.

"What?!" he screamed into the device. "Evil needs its sleep!"

A women with a rather deep voice and a hint of a southern drawl answered back. "Uh, hello. I saw your add in the paper and wish to, uh, acquire your babysittin' services."

Max looked at his clock. "Oh yeah, at two in the morning?"

"Yeah, I'm really desperate."

"Oh, really? Well, in that case, don't call back!" Max slammed the phone back onto the dresser and sat on his bedside.

He pulled the covers over his stubby legs. "Stupid, stinky lady. That'll teach that blubbering imbecile not to disturb my slumber." Not a minute after Max had rested his head on his pillow, an evil pillow to be precise, the phone rang again, and Max had finally had enough.

He grabbed the phone and let the caller have a piece of his mind. "Look, evil needs its rest, and unless you have a million dollar check ready at your door, I want nothing to do with you! Got it?!"

"Oh!" the woman chuckled. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place? I have plenty of cash! All I want is your service!"

Max smiled and his eyes were glimmering with greed. "Really? How much are we talking here?"

"Enough to make it worth your while."

Max stroked his chin in a devious manner. "Alright, I'm in."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I firmly believe that this'll work out for both of us. You can bet on that!"

"Yes ma'am, my services have a one hundred percent satisfactory or a death ray to the face policy," Max explained.

"Uh, what was that last part, again?"

"Oh, nothing," Max chuckled. "Just a little measure of security for my business. So, what's the address?"

"Well, it's a little outta' your way, but I know it'll be worth it for the both of us."

"Yes, yes, I know. Just spit it out! I need my nappies if I'm going to take over the world!"

The woman stubbornly grunted. "Fine. I live on the Honey Southerly's farm near the border. I'm sure a quick internet search'll give ya' some good directions."

Max grabbed a pencil and jotted the name down on a slip of paper.

"Alright then, I'll see you at... wait?! You never made an appointment!"

"Oh," the woman said innocently. Not wanting to anger Max any further, she was very straightforward. "Today. Noon."

"Today? Noon?" Max said bitterly. "That's in like... ten hours! An handsome evil genius like myself needs his nappies! You don't want to see my without my nappies!"

"Well," said the woman happily. "I guess I could just give this money to, I don't know, another sitter."

Max bit his lip and groaned. "Fine. I'll see you there."

"Oh, goody!" she exclaimed. "Then I guess we got a deal, huh?"

Before Max could reply, the woman hung up on her end. Max set the phone on the charger and plopped down on his bed.

While he loved making money and saving up to buy the materials for his inventions, Max wasn't necessarily one for long drives. The booster seat he had to sit on in order to see the road was hard and uncomfortable on his rear and his feet could barely reach the gas pedal. Having ridden a bike everyday since he was only six years old, Max hadn't gotten used to long drives, or any drives for that matter.

"What to do?" he asked himself aloud. "I need that enriched uranium for my bomb of doom, but do I need to work this hard for it?"

He laid back in his sheets and sighed. "Don't worry. Don't rush. I'll just take it one step at a time. Get up, go, get back, and evil!

"Max, go to sleep!" shouted his mother from across the hall.

"Yes mother!" Max quickly covered up with his bed sheets and closed his eyes. This was going to be a long day.

Max shot up and out of bed when his alarm clock signaled the rise of the sun.

"Uranium, here I come." Max tripped over his fallen sheets and fell on his face. He grabbed the white cover in his hand. "Curse you, worthless fabric. Do you want me to fail?!

Max stood up and rubbed his sore cheeks vigorously before rushing down the hallway and starting the shower.

Quick, he thought. I have to be faster. My future as a ruler depends on it! Max opened the door of his cramped closet and shifted through his suits. Looking from one grey jacket to another, Max was having a hard time deciding because, "They're all so fashionably evil. How can I pick just one?"

"Meh." Max picked out a suit at random and rushed back down the hall to the bathroom.

After a thorough scrubbing and lathering with his "evil" branded shampoo, Max hopped out of the shower and wrapped a pink towel around his chubby frame. He looked into the bathroom mirror and admired his so-called "gorgeously sculpted" face.

"You've hit it big," he said to his reflection. "One job, and you're set for life!"

"And now..." The mad genius leaned in close to the mirror and flashed a devious smile. "It's time to evil!"

It was a long and annoying ride for Max, but he finally managed to find the county road where his client lived. Taking a sharp turn to the right, Max was nearly hit by a large pickup truck entering the highway.

Max fell out of his seat and slammed the brake. "Fool!" he shouted out the car window while shaking his fist in anger. "How dare you threaten the life of your future master!"

"Imbecile." Max slumped down in his high chair and mumbled curses under his breath before completing the turn and speeding down the road.

He looked from side to side for the large sign that marked the entrance of the farm as he had seen online. Max was agitated and ready to get the day over with. It was only 11:45 when he finally found the gate.

The large, worn out sign read, "Honey Southerly's Farm: As Seen On TV!"

"So that's how she has so much money," Max said to himself. "Figures."

Max drove down the bumpy, winding road until he was greeted by the sight of a massive silo and a large, red barn. Rows of corn ran parallel to the road and a herd of spotted cattle were grazing in a pasture in the distance.

"Interesting place," Max chuckled. "The prefect place to recruit an army of evil animal minions!" The genius let out a maniacal laugh. "Oh, now that's a keeper."

Max pulled up to the front of the farmhouse where a collection of old, rusted trucks were sitting on concrete blocks. The sun was intense, so he decided to pull out his pair of sunglasses. On each side of the frame were red horns that gave Max a devilish look.

"Sexy," he said, admiring his reflection.

Max unbuckled his seatbelt and slipped out of his booster seat. When his feet hit the ground, he looked over at the house and noticed the curtains behind one of the windows shift.

"Looks like I've been expected. Just as evil should!" Max strolled up to the door of the house and rang the bell. A sharp 'ding' echoed through the house and shook the ground around Max's feet.

Suddenly, the door flung open and Max began to introduce himself. "I'm Maximilian. You called..." Max looked up and gasped in horror.

"Hey there, honey bun!" the women at the door exclaimed. Her greasy blonde hair fell around her shoulders. The gap in her teeth had been brought out of hiding by her enormous grin. Her rolls of belly fat hung over her skimpy clothing.

Standing in the doorway was Sugar. A scantily clad Sugar, in fact.

~A/N~ I know what this looks like, but NO, it's NOT a lemon! I'm grossed out just thinking about that. It isn't a Sux (Max/Sugar) fic either. You'll see.