Rated for language, because apparently I can't write boys without a fair amount of swearing. This follows on from my fic 'Distraction Techniques', set a few years later, but works as a standalone.

It is Albus's birthday.

They have taken over the Leaky Cauldron.

Only a handful of people are pleased about this fact.

Fortunately, Scorpius happens to be one of them. Albus's birthday means plotting with James Potter (whom he actually kind of likes, now they're not in opposing houses, go figure), and having everything in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes available to him, even products that haven't quite made it onto the shelves. Freddie explains that his father likes these to be tested thoroughly before they're on the market, and his plethora of nieces and nephews provides a nice avenue.

He also says that his father knows a number of nasty hexes for anybody who involves Freddie's mother or his aunt Hermione.

Albus slings an arm around Scorpius's neck. "This," he says in a confidential tone, swaying on his feet already, "is going to be the birthday to end all birthdays."

"It had fucking better not be," Scorpius responds, slipping out from under Albus's grip and watching his best friend stumble. "It's mine next month."

"Uncle George wouldn't give me any products," Albus complains, leaning against the bar.

"Well, did you apologise to Roxanne for Vanishing her Quidditch gear?"

Albus frowns, and shakes his head. "I regret nothing."

Scorpius claps Albus on the shoulder, and freezes because he thinks he sees Rose, but it turns out to be just another Weasley clan member. This is probably going to happen a lot tonight - it's his fault for sort of dating his friend's cousin. Her fault for preferring books to boys, though. And the Weasley dynasty's fault for churning out redhead after redhead.

He's probably worrying for nothing; he hasn't seen her at Albus's last two birthdays. Something about studying. Not surprising, really.

An hour later, and things are in full swing. Albus has sort of sobered up - having expelled the contents of his stomach courtesy of Freddie's Puking Pastilles - but is determinedly making his way through a bottle of Firewhiskey. Scorpius turned the contents into coloured water some time ago, but Albus has yet to notice. He'll thank Scorpius in the morning (probably), but really, Scorpius is hoping for amusing results.

"I think turning 22 has made my tolerance go up," observes the boy who was being held up the bar an hour ago. "James, check this out. Three-quarters of a bottle, and I'm still standing. I don't feel a thing."

Clearly, James does not care about his brother's prowess with alcohol. He steals Scorpius's piece of birthday cake (okay, maybe it was his second slice, but even so), and ruffles Albus's hair. "Rose and Hugo just arrived. Look lively, kid."

"I'm twenty-two," Albus grumbles, futilely, because James will always view him as a kid in spite of the mere year's age difference between them. He tries to rearrange his hair and makes absolutely no impact as usual. "C'mon, Scor, let's go play nice."

Scorpius has no intention of making small talk, not with Rose, and ducks out of sight, selecting his favoured tankard of mead and a tucked-away table for company.

He's had better ideas than hiding away in a room full of Weasleys, of course.

Scorpius realises that he is not going to have the happy, pleasantly drunk evening he had intended when Dominique sits down opposite him. Dominique is probably objectively the most beautiful girl he's ever seen up close, but the sight of her makes his stomach squirm for a different reason. His premonition is less a result of a latent psychic ability and more because Albus has warned him that she has a habit of meddling. Judging from the way she is looking at Scorpius, she is going to get him caught up in a mess tonight. "You, dear boy," she pronounces, flipping her hair over her shoulder, "are going to help me win a bet."

"Am I?" he asks flatly, crossing his arms over his chest. He hopes if he doesn't play along, she will tire of him.

She beams back in response, apparently not at all deterred. "Yes. I rather like winning. James bet against you - he is such a foolish child."

Scorpius is not in the mood, though he is surprised to hear that James would bet against him. He leans across, and addresses Dominique in a low, fierce tone. "I am not a pawn."

She looks slightly taken aback, and then she smirks, and reaches across to cup his face. "No. You're a white knight, aren't you, darling?"

Whatever Dominique's plan, it has the effect of bringing Rose over. She doesn't even glance at Scorpius - which he knows, because he is staring up at her - but instead addresses her cousin. "Minnie, Louis wants you. I think he's run out of change for the bar."

Dominique's eyes widen as they fix on Scorpius's. She looks the picture of innocence, but Scorpius for one is unimpressed. "What a pity, dear cousin, that you were unable to give him any change yourself. Or that you could not find any family members at a loose end; you can see that I'm occupied, after all."

Rose shrugs, and stands at the end of the table, waiting for Dominique to vacate her seat. "Your brother, your problem."

Dominique winks at Scorpius as she rises. "So it would seem. I will remember that when little Hugo is running riot later. Do keep Scorpius company for me, won't you?"

Rose does not respond to her directly, but does slide into the vacant chair. "Scorpius," she says, pleasantly. "What are you up to these days?"

Well.

Her voice is softer than Dominique's, and he needs to lean closer to hear her under the racket of Albus's favourite band echoing around the room. He frowns at Rose for a moment, because this isn't really how he had pictured their reunion (and, okay, yes, he has pictured it). But, on the other hand, this is a party - and Albus's party, no less. He left his pride at the door some time ago, around the point Lily charmed his voice to squeak on every third word. Thank Merlin that has worn off now. "I'm a Hit Wizard," he says with a wink, flexing his biceps.

She bursts out laughing.

"An Obliviator?" Scorpius tries, grinning. It feels good to elicit this sort of reaction from her, and his annoyance departed with Dominique. Maybe they can ignore the few years of silence, and just be friends. Some Rose has to be better than no Rose at all. "I know things it isn't safe for you to know."

"Still working under Mum, then," she says with a smile.

He stops there, because either Rose has asked about him, or her mother has mentioned him. One of these possibilities is pretty damn good, but the other makes him wish he hadn't arrived late to work that morning. Hermione Weasley and her demand for accuracy terrify Scorpius. To think, his mother considered this a less dangerous career than Curse-Breaking. "How's life as a Healer, then, Miss Rose?" he asks, testing the waters to show that he has been thinking about her. "Saving lives, and breaking hearts?"

"I love it," she confesses, as though she is admitting something personal to him. Her face is animated, and he thinks Rose might even have persuaded his mother to let him take up Healing, if she always looks like this when talking about it. "Really, really love it. I'm still learning, of course, but, you know. It's going well. I like helping people. Some days are harder than others, but it's a good sort of hard. I think. I'm sorry," she says, rubbing the back of her neck. "I tend to get carried away. Most people just tell me to shut up."

He stares at her, and thinks, oh, shit. It's one thing to quite fancy your best friend's cousin, and one thing to quite fancy that girl you dated for a couple of months back in sixth year. Scorpius is pretty sure what he is feeling for Rose is something else, something more. And they are in a room filled with her nearest and dearest.

Scorpius has a lousy sense of timing.

"You know, I wasn't sure if you'd want to talk to me," Rose admits, her cheeks flushing. "You always seem a bit distant."

He shrugs. The Weasley-Potter clan is overwhelming, and he hasn't seen Rose outside of them since school. "We always got along, didn't we?" It's true. Even when they were breaking up, she was just so fucking nice about it.

"Well, yes. Look, I'm sorry about the graduation party. I didn't mean to kiss you. Well, I did, but I'm sorry that it was awkward."

Scorpius does a double-take. "What? Al told me I hooked up with Amber Wood that night."

"You did," Rose says after a pause.

Oh.

"I don't remember," he says, honestly. "If it helps, I'm pretty sure my hangover lasted a week."

"It helps a little," she answers. "Though I'm afraid that's also my fault. I tampered with Al's hangover potions. It's a trick my dad uses sometimes."

Sure, upset the girl whose father runs a joke shop, good job, Scorpius.

Scorpius manages to laugh, and he thinks inflicting a week-long hangover might just about be punishment enough for his behaviour, drunken though it might have been. He doesn't know if she'll agree, though, and so he opts to change the subject. "So, tell me about the life of Rose Weasley. What do you do when you're not saving lives?"

Her cheeks flush again, and Scorpius finds he likes making her blush. "I eat and sleep," she says, with the tone of one who is well aware that it isn't much of a life. She sets her hands down on the table, and his eyes catch on her long, steady fingers. "You know. When I can fit it in."

"That's a coincidence," Scorpius says carefully, keen not to frighten her. "I like eating, too. Maybe we could see if we could arrange to do this at the same time."

"Synchronised eating," Rose agrees, her voice serious but her lips twitching. "It might just catch on."

He grins. He won't push his advantage just yet, but there is a kind of promise in the way she's looking at him, an idea that she views him as more than a distraction from her studies. "I think we should start small," he declares, rising to his feet. "Let's see how we go on synchronised drinking. I'll fetch you a little something."

Scorpius is practically bouncing on his feet when he runs into Albus's sister by the bar. The look on her face makes him tempted to avoid her, but fuck it. He's got the girl; what's the worst they could do?

"Hey, Scor," Lily whispers, clutching a tankard, and darting a look over at James and Freddie. "I think you'd better be careful."

Scorpius frowns at her, because Lily views James and Freddie's pranks as a spectator sport, not usually caring who is involved. She has never saved him before. "Why?"

"I heard James planning to put something in your drink." She sips from hers, and looks up at him, eyes wide. "You and Rose are old enough - I don't think it's fair that they interfere like this. You should be able to make up your own minds." She considers him for a moment, and then hands him a tankard from the bar at her side. "Here. They haven't done anything to this one."

Scorpius shakes his head. "I don't trust you," he informs her. It's been a hard-won lesson, with his dignity thoroughly sacrificed, but he's finally learned it.

She sighs, and holds out the tankard in her hands. "Fine. Have mine. You've watched me drink from it."

That at least is true. Scorpius takes the tankard, and thanks her.

"Now I've helped you," Lily says with a grin, "you can return the favour. Make Albus eat these. He won't suspect anything if it comes from you."

"What is it?" Scorpius asks, squinting at the packet Lily has shoved into his free hand.

"Dunno. Uncle George said to try it out on boys who annoy me. I need a guinea pig. Albus will do."

"Your drink, my lady," Scorpius says gallantly, sliding back into his seat. "Sorry, it's mead. Didn't have much of a choice. Your cousins have infiltrated the bar. I should have brought a hip flask."

She takes the tankard from him, and shakes her head. "I'm afraid this is what happens when Uncle George gets involved. Make sure you don't eat anything else."

"So, your father doesn't get involved?" Scorpius asks, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Rose looks at him, then a slow grin spreads over her face. "Of course not. If he happened to leave a few things out last time I visited, and if I happened to take them so I could defend myself, that's hardly his fault."

Scorpius nods. "Your mother couldn't exactly argue with that logic."

"You don't know my mother very well, then," she says, her eyes twinkling. Scorpius is having a hard time not kissing her right there, but he knows it wouldn't be the smartest move in front of her prankster family. "All right, Malfoy. Let's see how this synchronised drinking goes."

They clink tankards, lock eyes, and take a sip in unison.

"There," Scorpius declares, "that wasn't so-"

Rose pulls a face.

"Bad," he finishes, as she turns into a frog. "Shit."

"Lily Potter!" Scorpius all but snarls, cradling Rose in his hands. This is not how he pictured the night going. "What the fuck?"

Lily turns to him, and giggles as she sees his handful. "Who is that? You were supposed to- er. What's the problem?"

"The problem, Potter," Scorpius growls, wishing that he didn't need Lily to turn Rose back, "is that you turned your fucking cousin into a fucking frog." Weasleys are gathering around him at this point, but he doesn't care. "Now undo it."

"I don't know what you mean." He must look murderous, or at least as murderous as he feels, because then she yelps out, "But I did hear that a good way of curing somebody of being a frog is to kiss them."

Fuck. He holds his hands up to his face, and swallows. "If you're lying, Potter, you're going to regret it."

He squeezes his eyes shut, before realising that he probably needs them open for this. Ignoring Albus's pleas for him not to do this, he presses his lips to the frog's mouth.

Nothing.

Well, not nothing. Lily's peal of laughter tells him that this was not the right course of action. Until it bursts back into noise, he wasn't aware of how quiet the room had become.

"They kissed! Pay up, Potter!" Dominique yells, beaming at James.

"No way - she's a fucking frog! It doesn't count if one of them is a frog!" James returns, crossing his arms over his chest. "Anyway, he kissed her - all she's doing is sitting there being slimy."

Scorpius glances over to see the wolfish smile Dominique shoots James. "It's too late to place limits, James, my darling. You never said it mattered if they were amphibians or not."

"Hey!" Scorpius shouts, interrupting what he can see is going to be an ongoing debate. "Somebody fix her now." He looks at Lily, and speaks very deliberately. "Or I will take her to her mum."

"Go ahead. Aunt Hermione will blame you."

Scorpius shrugs. "Your mum won't." This seems to give Lily pause; Ginny does have a soft spot for Scorpius, and a keen eye for when her children are playing up.

"What is going on here?" a voice asks, in a threatening kind of manner. The group turns to face Victoire Weasley, who appears to be channelling Scorpius's mother. Rose does a funny hop on Scorpius's hand, and he tries to secure his grip on her. It's fucking hard to hold a frog, as it turns out, but he doesn't want her hopping off somewhere else.

Nobody answers her, unless you count the croaking noise Rose is making. It figures that she would be the one to speak up to the authority figure.

"Who is that?" Victoire demands. Backed by her boyfriend, Scorpius finds the diminutive girl kind of terrifying. Her eyes flick around the room, searching for the missing party. "Scorpius Malfoy, what have you done to my cousin?"

There is a thrill in hearing that Victoire Weasley knows his name - let's face it, she's really fucking cool - but also, there is no way Scorpius is getting landed with this whole mess. He stares at Lily, and when it is obvious that she is not going to confess, he says, "Nothing."

"Right," Victoire says calmly, and then she bellows, "Everybody. Sit down at the tables, and place your hands where I can see them. Wands away."

Miraculously, the din dies down, the music stops, and everybody proceeds to follow orders. Scorpius sits somewhat awkwardly, and places Rose on the table in front of him. He's flanked by the Potter siblings, and isn't sure how nervous to be about it. Hugo takes the seat opposite, clearly with the intention of staring Scorpius down, but Hugo is also one of the least intimidating people Scorpius has ever met, so Scorpius doesn't mind too much about this part.

"Somebody has turned Rose into a frog," Victoire says, and she ignores whichever cousin asks how she can tell the difference. "Either whoever did this pipes up with the cure, or we wait until she changes back. You know the rules - no lasting pranks, no animal pranks without consent."

"Vicky, this is totally-" Lily begins, and then she stops and turns into a canary.

"Amateur," Albus whispers in Scorpius's ear. The birthday boy smirks briefly, before affecting indignation at Hugo's accusation. Lily turns back after a minute, her face as red as her hair.

Canary pranks are something of a forte for Albus, so Scorpius doesn't even question it. Rose has been a frog for a good fifteen minutes, and he finds this much more concerning.

"Vicky! Vicky, you saw what he did! This isn't fair!" Lily calls out.

Victoire shrugs. "All I saw were his hands on the table," she replies, with a wink at Albus. "Have you got anything to say to Rose?"

"You should have seen Louis's eighteenth," Hugo announces. It is a few seconds before Scorpius realises he is the one being addressed, and makes an appropriate, non-committal noise. "Lily turned Dominique into a snake, and shut her in the cupboard. Lily's why we have rules."

Lily pulls an ugly face, and begins to argue, but Albus cuts across her with, "You know, I've heard about this great spell, whereby somebody turns into a canary every time they yawn. You can make it last all day." He smiles at her, but the smile is all sharp edges - Albus is clearly not impressed, and Scorpius is fucking relieved in this moment that they are on the same side. "I've been practising."

Hugo picks up on Albus's train of thought, and gives a huge, fake yawn, stretching his arms out in the air. He waggles his fingers at Victoire when she looks over. From the way Lily's jaw is clenching, Scorpius surmises that Hugo's attempt to trick Lily into yawning has borne fruit.

"This is the worst fucking birthday ever," Albus groans after another few minutes of staring at Rose has been unproductive. "Turn her the fuck back, Lily."

Lily squirms. "She should already have turned back. I put a double dose in the cup - but it was supposed to be for Scorpius! He's a lot bigger than her."

The question of whether or not Rose can understand them is resolved when the frog launches herself at Lily. Lily squeals, Scorpius leaps to his feet, and the room erupts.

Victoire isn't able to calm things this time, as Weasley cousin after Weasley cousin jumps on the last to make wild accusations about this incident or that theft. Scorpius is never going within one hundred yards of a Weasley again. In the midst of it all, Albus is repeatedly telling Lily that this officially makes her a Lily-pad... and Rose has disappeared.

"You," slurs Albus, "have a face like a slapped arse. More so than usual, even."

"Still look better than you," Scorpius returns, without his typical energy. Rose has still not turned up, despite a thorough search of the bar, and he has been forced to admit that she probably doesn't want to be found right now. At least they know from Lily that the spell is intended to wear off. He sits next to Albus, who is on the floor, leaning back against the bar. "You are a state."

"This is the birthday to end all birthdays," Albus says glumly. "Fucking family. Let's run away."

Scorpius snorts, and gives Albus a friendly shove. "I'm not eloping with you, Al."

Albus tilts his head on one side, considers Scorpius, and then pours the contents of his mug over the blond's head. Scorpius gasps and pushes Albus harder. "Please. We both know you'd be lucky to have me." He pauses, and adds, "You like her then?"

"Don't know what you mean."

Albus scoffs. "Come off it, Scor. I've known you for - fuck - eleven years now. I'm only pretending to be drunk so nobody else can make me think eating Puking Pastilles is a good idea - remind me that I owe Freddie several for that. I see the way you look at the Frog Princess."

Scorpius shrugs. "Don't make a big deal of it. It's an evening, after a few years of not speaking, and a short-lived couple of weeks back in sixth year."

"But then you'll be family. Hey, Lily's free. Or James. We could be brothers."

Something is dawning on Scorpius (and it isn't a new-found appreciation of the Potter siblings). "You fuck. You mean you weren't drunk when you poured that shit all over me?"

Albus grins apologetically. "Er. Shit. At least it smells better than your shampoo?"

"Fu-"

Scorpius breaks off as two very human legs come into his line of sight. He looks up, and whacks his head on the bar. "Shit."

Rose crouches, and he can see her grinning through the tears that have sprung to his eyes. "Sorry, birthday boy, mind if I steal your friend away? It looks like he could use some medical attention."

"Fucking say you want to kiss if you want to kiss," Albus snaps.

Rose laughs at him, and guides Scorpius to his feet, and out of the room. "Weasley birthdays get worse year on year," she says ruefully. "More grievances, more products, more alcohol."

"Very profound, Weasley," Scorpius replies, with a wink. She's led him to the lobby; it's far quieter here. Clearly the Weasleys have scared the usual patrons away. "I just know that Lily is going to get what's coming to her. Fucking Gryffindors. All battering rams. No finesse."

She raises her eyebrows at him, but he can tell she's still amused. "Oh? You don't think I have any finesse?"

His heart is hammering in his chest. He shakes his head, hoping it comes across as even vaguely cocky.

"I'm sorry I vanished," Rose says after it's apparent he isn't going to say anything. She seems to be standing very close to him all of a sudden. "I was embarrassed; figured it was best to wait for it to wear off by myself. Also to check all my clothes came back with me - I know how these test products can be."

Scorpius manages some sort of whimper, because now he is thinking of Rose naked.

"It wasn't really how I thought we'd end up kissing."

"Oh?" Scorpius asks, though his voice sounds rather strangled. "Er - maybe you could show-"

She kisses him before he can finish his sentence, urgency behind it. One hand hovers by his cheek, as though she knows where she wants to put it, but isn't confident of her reception.

"See?" he says, once the kiss is broken. He is breathing rather heavily, but she is too, so it balances out. "Battering ram."

"Is that right?" Rose puts her hands on her hips. "Show me how it's done, snake boy."

He smiles at her - he can't help himself - and threads one arm around her waist, tugging her closer. The Weasleys won't stay put in the main bar forever, so he has to act faster than he'd like. He uses his free hand to brush her hair out of her face. "Well, it goes something more like this."