This short is inspired by two things: Mainly, Season 2 and all the suffering Elsie Hughes went through. She was devastated when she had to testify against John Bates, she was devastated when Anna turned in her notice, she was shouldering the burden pretty much solely with Ethel and her problems which VISIBLY brought a lot of stress and heartache for her, she was worried about Charles and how hard he was working, she worried about him when he had the flu, she saw a young man under Charles' charge die from the wounds of war. This season was fraught with so so many opportunities for her and Charles to need one another. My heart broke so much for her through this whole season; the expressions of sadness, the exhaustion, the longing looks to him. It is also inspired by the GREAT song, "Whenever I Say Your Name by Sting and Mary J. Blige. GO READ LYRICS..it's them!

Elsie longed to be somewhere else. She stared quietly out the large train window, O'Brien sitting next to her. She wished she was alone so she could just let go and cry. Her throat ached each time she swallowed, trying to push down the lump of emotion there. She inconspicuously wiped a tear that started down her cheek.

She was grateful that O'Brien didn't talk much on the trip home. They had taken the first morning train as the trial had lasted too long for them to leave the night before. The staff was at luncheon when they arrived, everyone stood. "Oh sit sit…we're fine." Elsie waved them down.

"Did you eat?" Mr. Carson asked.

"We did…on the train." Elsie took her coat off and draped it over her arm.

"How is Anna?" Carson questions.

"How do you think she is?" Elsie speaks indignantly. "She's devastated!"

Carson's eyebrows go up in surprise and he turns his head slightly at her.

"Beg your pardon." She says quietly and turns to leave.

"What's got into her?" Thomas quipped.

"THOMAS! WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" Carson's jaw flexed in anger. His Lordship had given him an account of the trial and he knew what Elsie was put through. He couldn't imagine how she was feeling.

The day wore on; Elsie kept to her duties and retreated to her sitting room with the door shut when she wasn't expected to be somewhere. It was a busy day as usual and Charles had tried several times to get to her but someone always managed to step in front of him.

She sat quietly at her desk, mulling over the same sheet of paper for the last ½ hour. Her heart aching for Anna and Mr. Bates, wishing beyond hope that she would've lied, and hating beyond words how her testimony had been twisted. She got up to retrieve a book from the small book shelf across the room when a knock at the door made her jump. Before she could speak, Mr. Carson pushes the door open. "May I come in?" She nods without answering and turns back to the book shelf. She wanted to cry. He was the only one in this house that could bring out the true Elsie Hughes, the vulnerable and the one filled with anxiety and sadness at times.

She gasped when she felt his strong, warm hands on her shoulders. She didn't turn immediately. She closed her eyes and fought back tears but reveled in his touch. Did he know how much she needed him right now? She quickly turned to mush and broke down in sobs. He gently encouraged her to turn and when she did, he engulfed her in his arms, pulling her close. "It's alright…you just cry…let it out…." He kissed the crown of her head without even thinking. "It's going to be alright my dear…" The whispered rumble of his voice brought unspeakable peace to her. "I'm here as long as you need me…"

She was quickly trading one emotion for another but nonetheless emotion. Charles had always been somewhat sensitive to her but he was also unfortunately a proper Englishman and touching, much less, hugging was something he did not do. 'Does this mean what I hope it means?' She thought wearily. She and Charles had always been building to something she thought but propriety called for professionalism and abstinence from a romantic relationship and it always seemed to trump anything that arose between them. She loved him; there was no question in her heart about that. She also figured there was a measure of love for her in his heart; after all they had been the closest of friends for more years than she could even remember now. His hands were now caressing her back and her cheek was against his chest, her arms around his waist.

He pulled her away eventually and their eyes meet. His eyes were so kind and loving and he ran the back of his forefinger down her tear stained cheek, smiling slightly. Years of desire, want, and need all surface and they kiss hungrily; lips, tongues, caressing tenderly, hands and breath on skin. "Oh ...Cha… my Charles…"

"Elsie….love….oh…..my darling…" Charles' knees were weak and needed something to brace them both. He walked her backwards to the door and pushed her against it; his low guttural moans cause her to tingle with want for him. There were too many layers, too much fabric. They were both frustrated as they tried to touch one another. Charles pulled away, walked away and took in several deep breaths, walked around her sitting room, pulled his hand down his face. "Elsie…oh gods…I'm sorry…I…shouldn't…"

Elsie closed her eyes and sighed heavily, Tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear, rubbed her lips where he just was, his aftershave in his nostrils, the taste of his mouth, tea and mint. Tears streamed down her cheeks again. She walked to him and took his hand. "Please don't say you're sorry…" she whispered. "I needed that Mr. Carson. I needed someone to hold me….love me for a just a moment. It's been such a miserable time…and…"

He turned to her and his expression was filled with pain. "Oh Elsie. I….I want…" he took both of her hands in his and brought them up to his chest. "There is nothing I want more than to….comfort you. It causes me great distress when you are upset."

"But…" Elsie knew what he was going to say. She wished that just once he would give in to his feelings and what he wanted. He denied himself so much in order to live up to what his position called for..in his mind. She often wondered who really noticed anymore. Did it matter in these changing times?

He tipped her chin up with his finger and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "But nothing…" He rumbled then stepped to the door and turned the key to lock it. He returned to her and took her hands again and brought them to his lips this time. She smiled and cupped his face, they gazed at one another. "You know it's hard for me to convey how I feel…" he apologized with his expression.

"I know…" She kissed his fingers. "…It's alright Charles…"

"No..I want you to know how very much I care for you and how truly it pains me when you are hurting." He fumbled around a bit but she felt it, felt the love coming from him in his touch, his kind tone. "His Lordship told me about the trial, love and I'm just so sorry for what you've been through." Tears started to pool in her eyes again. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "If I could have taken your place I would have. If I could've spared you this grief, believe I would have." She covers his lips with hers, deepens it, and moans into his mouth. They kiss longingly and breathless until their lungs betray them, they part for only a moment. He pushed her against the back of her sitting room door again and ravished her neck with wet caresses, whispering his love and desire for her. She has found her way under his jacket, slipped her hands under his waist coat to feel him and not clothes.

"Oh Charles. I need you…" She cried.

He pulled away, his breath ragged and unsteady. He gazed at her. "Okay….." he took his pocket watch out and looked at it. "Meet me in the attics in 10 minutes..."

FIN~