A/N: And the thrilling conclusion. Or more likely, gross/fluffy conclusion. Because I'm weird.

Disclaimer: That particular "gross" phrase that appears later was actually from a fanfiction I read. So, if you wrote it, so sorry that I borrowed it as an example of fanfiction for Steve.

"I have a plan," Tony said as everyone gathered for dinner that night.

Natasha rolled her eyes as she took her seat. "Oh, I can't wait to hear it."

"Your lack of confidence is astounding," Tony said. "It's my idea and all my ideas are good."

"Oh really? Whose idea was it to sneak up on me in the middle of a training exercise?"

Tony winced, remembering how it felt to be kicked in the face. "All my ideas involving Steve are good," he amended. He nudged Steve's foot under the table. "Right, Stevie? Dating you was the best idea I've ever had."

Steve smiled fondly and Clint made a gagging sound.

"You said you had a plan," Natasha said pointedly. "A plan for what to do with Steve?"

"I always have a plan for what to do with him. Don't I, baby?"

Steve groaned.

"Well, let's hear it. I'm sure it can't be any dumber than what you've done already."

Tony snorted. "If you recall, getting Steve laid was your idea. And it worked out so well, didn't it? But I have a better plan. We let Cap keep reading those terrible stories."

"How is that possibly going to help?"

She still had so little faith in him. Tony was hurt, deeply hurt. Well, annoyed really. Because this seemed to be the usual state of affairs. Just because he was a little immature, it didn't mean he couldn't have good ideas.

"We are going to get his brain good and saturated with sexy goodness so it'll stop being such a big deal. Cap's only acting like Mr. Giggles because his poor innocent mind is having its first taste of adult life. But if he sees even a fraction of the naked pictures I've seen, he'll start acting-"

"Just like you," she finished flatly. "Is that really what we want?"

Tony snorted. "All we want is for Cap to stop seeing everything as a secret sex symbol. Once he's gotten enough exposure to sexual things, it'll all become normal enough that he won't be giggling all the time." If it made Steve instead start fantasizing about all the ways he could jump Tony's bones, even better. But Tony would be happy enough if Steve could go back to shopping in the produce aisle without collapsing into giggles. Having to take his place as the Avengers' personal shopper was a pain in the ass.

"It sounds so stupid that it just might work."

Tony pretended she hadn't spoken. "Too bad we didn't let Loki tell his story. Seven sexy ladies rolling in the mud. Think of all the possibilities."

"I'd rather we didn't," Steve said. He looked a little pale.

"See, even Cap is overwhelmed by the prospect. Seven is a lot for two men to handle, even such fine Asgardian men." He beamed at Thor. "And it warms my heart to hear that you two had brotherly bonding time with sex."

"Tony, stop," Steve said. The table creaked ominously as his hands tightened around it.

"Sure, okay," Tony said. Nothing about real people. Steve had a very thick boundary line and Tony knew better than to cross it. Yet.

Steve sighed heavily and dropped his head into his hands. "So, I have more reading to do. If you think it'll help."

"Of course it will, sweetheart." Tony presented Steve with his tablet. "I've taken the liberty of loading some more explicit stories on this baby. It'll make everything else seem completely normal in comparison. A brilliant plan, isn't it?"

Steve wrinkled his nose as he took the tablet. But he scrolled through a few of the shorter stories as Bruce began setting the table.

Tony watched him intently. After all, how often was he going to get the chance to see Steve looking at porn? He was usually so secretive about it and it wasn't right to deny his wonderful boyfriend the opportunity to see his reactions. Tony was pretty sure Steve was going to be a blushing mess. He seemed like the full-body blushing type.

But Steve suddenly dropped the tablet and covered his eyes with his hands. "Sticky crotch meat," he said in a low whisper.

"Gross," Clint said. "How the fuck is that even a euphemism?"

"Men," Natasha said scornfully. "Something so stupid could only be written by a man."

"Hell no," Clint said. "I would be ashamed to call my dick a sticky crotch meat."

Steve whimpered. "Do you have to repeat that? Once was enough. Too much, actually."

"You men are always coming up with disgusting names for your genitals," Natasha continued on. "All the names I have heard over the years. Pork sword, pump action yogurt cannon-"

"Stop it!" Steve shouted. He looked positively nauseous.

Everyone else fell silent.

Tony leaned across the table and patted Steve's hand comfortingly. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to gross you out."

"It's okay," Steve said faintly. "But all this talk is making me lose my appetite."

Tony brightened. "That's right. Bruce, old buddy, what's for dinner?"

"Beef short ribs and sticky rice." Bruce shuddered, his face a little pale. "But take-out Chinese suddenly sounds a lot better."

Steve nodded and pushed his own plate into the center of the table.

Tony looked down at his own plate. Huh. "Take-out it is."

Steve smiled warmly at Tony and laced their fingers together. "I know you were trying to help, but no more silly plans, okay?"

"Okay," Tony said. He could do nothing more than stare at their intertwined fingers. How long had it been since someone held his hand?

"Thank you, Tony," Steve said. He brought Tony's hand up to his lips and kissed it.

"You know," Tony said shakily. "Why don't I find you some romance novels? That seems more your speed."

Steve shot him a look that was part fond, part exasperated and pressed another kiss to the back of Tony's hand.

Yep, it looked like Cap was cured.